Chapter 4
Angels
"And it's one foot then the other as you step out on the road. Then it's how long and how far and how many times before it's too late…
Calling all angels. Calling all angels. Walk me through this one, don't leave me alone."
Jane Siberry and K.D. Lang, Calling All Angels.
"I keep thinking maybe she wouldn't have gone to work if we hadn't had a fight."
"You can't do that to yourself." She said as she picked up another dirty dish. "Besides, she loved her job and she never didn't go just for the sake of it, did she?" He nodded in concession and felt a little better (But not much).
The funeral was two weeks ago and he still hadn't cleaned up from the remembrance ceremony/ wake that they had at his house afterwards. He was so intent on doing it even though he was in no fit state to hear how lovely his wife was because he had convinced himself it was true.
"She deserved better than me." He said forlornly. Stella lost her cool, she was sick of all this 'Saint Claire' crap.
"Mac just shove it! You were getting a divorce! No one deserved to die like that but she didn't deserve you. She should have treated you well and not cheated on you, then I'd buy all this talk about how great she was. Aside from that you have to stop belittling yourself, you're both just human and that's why you fell in love in the first place." Mac looked at his partner and thought about what she had said. She was right (as usual). They weren't happy.
"Do you think I tried hard enough?" He asked in a voice so tiny she almost didn't recognise it.
"I think you tried as hard as anyone humanly could." She put the plates she was carrying and wrapped him in her arms. They sunk to the floor and leaned against the front of the couch and for the first time he really cried.
"It's okay." She whispered and kissed his head softly. "I'm here."
They both knew that in a long time nothing truer had been said. She would be there for him at all costs and he loved her even more for that.
She was his angel, the only person willing to walk his dark paths with him.