Author Notes: Ok, this is one of my randomness-est fan fiction in the history of my random fan fictions. And if you see any grammar mistakes I'm so sorry but I wrote this in school on a peice of paper then typed it up a 11 PM. Other than that, ENJOY!
---Also: Newsies is not owned by me. DISNEY owns Newsies. They own all the character's names except for 'myself' in the story. I own myself.
Cow Shopping Tragedy
by Christy
So me, Blink, Jack, Skitts, Spot, Mush and Race were ALL sitting on my sofa watching Days of our Lives reruns. Sadly, the guys were REALLY into it (strange...) but I'm just thinkin' that I gotta get these bums off their bums! So, I got a completely random but totally COOL idea. "Hey guys!" I said enthusiastically, "Lets go COW SHOPPING!" Of corse, no one had paid any attention whatsoever because they were completely absorbed in the show. "Ok then," I thought, "So what if I can't get their tushies off my couch, I can always move the couch off their tushies!" Which sounds totally weird but you as my audience will have to learn to deal with that. Anyways, I slipped the couch out from under them. Well actually I didn't do it but I went into Jack's future somehow when he is Batman and really buff. So I got him to slip the couch from under them. Then, sadly, he disappeared. No more extreme buffness for Jack, oh well. Well, that's beside the point SO back to the story.
The newsies FINALLY snapped out of Days of our Lives mode into Reality mode. I could have just clicked the mode change button but I kinda forgot about it at that time. So, I loaded the guys on the truck, not using future Jack, but using my mighty muscles. I enhanced them using the muscle enhancer I had just purchased the previous day. After loading all of them into my totally hot red truck, I reduced the size of my muscles because my arms looked beefy and hyper-masculine.
So, we finally drove off to Kloppmann Farms (what a peculiar yet familiar name...) where I was going to buy a cow for my farm I just bought two weeks ago... Yes, I bought a farm. No comments please.
"Ok guys," I said to the six-sum. "I need your help picking out a nice, decent cow for my farm.
Here's an updated list of what happened:
Blink saw a cow make cow shit and it suddenly reminded him of shitting himself to death from Ex Lax, so that memory made him go into an emotion breakdown and made him wonder why the heck he is still... umm... living...
Mush's cow had Mad Cow disease, and was running around crazily. Spot was offended by the rudeness of the cow in his presence.
Spot saw a cow he liked because it didn't run around like Mush's. Actually, its was lying down... Spot thought he was doing so so that Spot could be higher than him in means of respect. And Spot also thought that because the cow was not exactly... breathing... that he had taken the cow's breathe away by his 'stunning' good looks, as Spot would say it. I decided not to tell Spot that the cow was not 'with us' anymore.
Jack couldn't figure out if the farm owner, the barn, or the cows themselves were the actual cow. Later, he tried to buy the farm owner... poor guy.
Skittery gave the cows pink long johns because he thought they were cold... because it was 32 degrees outside. What is REALLY was was 32 degrees CELSIUS so the cows were probably suffering from heat exhaustion.
Racetrack tried playing poker with the cows but they would not cooperate so he soaked 'em.
So, after all these trials, I ended up buying the cow that made cow pies because he was the only semi-normal one. I mean, a cows gotta do what a cows gotta do as I always say.
THE END