Yusuke and the Chocolate Factory

A/N: (This is the 3rd Chapter to the Holy Quail series! Don't worry, no previous knowledge is needed to read this, so have at it! Please read and review!)

CAST:

Mike TV: Hiei

Violet Beauregard: Kayko

Augustus Gloop: Kuwabara

Veruca Salt: Botan

Charlie: Yusuke

Willy Wonka: Johnny Depp

Disclaimer: I own nothing of the above mentioned characters, stories, or phrases. I only own what I make of it! Enjoy, mes amis.

SCENE 1: GETTING THE GOLDEN TICKET

(Yusuke skips--yes, skips--to the store counter, eager to buy the next and last affordable scrumptious chocolate bar. Once it is in his hands, the world melts away. The only thing that matters--besides kicking major butt in the Spirit World-- is CHOCOLATE...and the Golden Ticket.)

Yusuke: (unwraps chocolate bar...pause) ...IT'S NOT IN HERE!

Random Director: WHAT!

Yusuke: The Golden Ticket is NOT in here! But--but--I'm supposed to go see Johnny Depp! And have more chocolate! And live happily ever after!

Kayko: (waves two golden tickets in front of Yusuke's face) Loooookee here...is this what you're searching for?

Yusuke: GIVE ME THAT, YOU LITTLE-- (lunges at Kayko)

Kayko: (runs away)

Yusuke: (tackles Kayko, wrestles a ticket out of her hands) You wimp. I thought you took karate lessons!

Kayko: Only in the movie, you lardbag. It's all choreographed, remember?

Yusuke: ...Oh, right. Anyway. Off to the Chocolate Factory!

SCENE 2: MEETING JOHNNY DEPP

(At the factory, the five companions meet and wait for Johnny Depp to allow them to enter.)

Kuwabara: I laff shocolate!

Botan: (prods Kuwabara and whispers) Excuse me, "Augustus"... that is the most horrible German accent I have ever heard!

Kuwabara: (loudly) Ayyy laaaafffff shock-ohh-lahhht! (Mumbles) Better, Miss PERFECT?

Botan: Yes, quite!

Hiei: (looks up from his PSP) Excuse me, would you idiots mind keeping it down? I'm almost to the end of this game, and we all know it's much more important than all of you combined.

Botan: How dare you! (looks at father) Daddy, make him stop!

Daddy: Hiei--er, Mike, stop that.

Hiei: (glares, but turns off the game) This means I will have to kill you later, I hope you know.

(Suddenly the kids turn in the direction of Johnny Depp, who appears and opens the doors to the factory)

Johnny: Good morning, starshine! The earth says--

(SCHLAPP!)

(Johnny looks down, befuddled, as suddenly everything below his neck is no longer visible due to Kayko, Botan, and Kuwabara's magnetized bear hugs)

Johnny: Wha--uh--ew, little children, stop that! Girls! BOY! Enough!

(The three of them walk back to their peers with heavy hearts, and Johnny straightens his jacket)

Johnny: As I was saying...um...what was I saying? LINE!

Random Director: Oh, don't bother with it! Just take them in the factory!

(Johnny walks through the door with Kayko, Botan, and Kuwabara following him close behind, staring at him lovingly)

SCENE 3: THE DEMISE

(Johnny leads them to the unbelievably large room of candy)

Johnny: Here you are, kids! Anything in this room you may have and enjoy to your heart's content!

(Kayko, Botan, and Kuwabara advance on poor Johnny, knocking him down, and then proceed to tear off his clothes)

Johnny: GACK! What in the world! Gerroff me! I didn't say you could have ME, just the candy!

Kuwabara: (gives an attempt at a "come hither" look) But Johnny...you ARE candy!

(The trio begin to smother Johnny in kisses...meanwhile, Yusuke and Hiei call and invite the entire Spirit World to the factory for a pool party in the Chocolate River)

Johnny: Mmmph-- (bats away a lovesick Botan) NO! My Chocolate River must never be touched by human hands!

(Suddenly the residents of Spirit World appear and all plop into the River)

Johnny: GAAAAAHHHH! Where are my Oompa Loompas when I need them?

(The camera suddenly pans to a small round door at the corner of the room, where thousands of tiny fists are heard smashing from the unseen side, followed by curses, screams, and death threats to the five "children.")

Yusuke: (Breaks wind in the river and watches in awe as the bubbles float up around him) Yay, bubbles! Everyone fart so we can have a giant hot tub!

(Everyone stops and stares at Yusuke and his stupidity)

Yusuke: ...Er, just a suggestion, gosh.

Random Director: CUT! ...CUT! I said CUT! This is NOT how the movie goes! ...I SAID CUT!

(No one listens. The Director tosses the script into the air and storms off dramatically, leaving them to their mischief)

Hiei: (watches something float by in the river) ...is some of the chocolate hardening or something?

Yusuke: (turns deep red) Oh...sorry...I uh, guess I did more than just pass gas.

(The party continues as the Spirit World indulges themselves in the chocolate pool, and Johnny gives up resisting the love-starved trio)

THE END!

A/N: (If only we could be as lucky as they are! I hope you enjoyed it. Please review!)