Heart's Filthy Lesson
Chapter One
Suffer Well
Disclaimer: I don't own Inuyasha...have mercy!
a/n aaaaaaaa's indicate a line break. Sorry for the aaaa's...no one is screaming I promise...well not yet anyway.
She had never run before. It had never occurred to her that escape was even possible, but in that little, cold cell she had been forgotten. Forgotten and left to die.
She peeled herself off of the stone floor that had been slicked with her blood and stumbled to the door. With shaking fingers, she gave it a push. It swung open on rusty hinges, whining in protest. Had it ever been locked?
It was night when she entered the garden. The heady scent of jasmine and wet earth was a slap to her deadened senses. Panic, like ice water, ran in rivulets down her back raising the tiny hairs on her neck. She would be caught...but did that matter? How long had she wished for death?
She shook her head, her filthy hair a curtain over her face, hiding her ugliness from the beautiful world. No...she wouldn't die at his hand. If she was to die this night, it would be her own doing.
She began to run, a limping faltering gate at first, but then fear and adrenaline gave her speed. Her bare feet flew over the earth.
The cool spring air was damp against her ravaged skin and she inhaled deeply. She smelled water. Breaking through the trees, she nearly fell over the ledge that gave way to the roiling river below. The churning waters looked so cold.
A small half smile played on her chapped lips. She took in another deep breath and looked up at the stars. The sight of them brought memories that were best forgotten. She jumped.
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Rin thought the sunlight on the water looked pretty. It shimmered and was gold like his eyes. Her cheerful expression darkened. Sesshomaru-sama had been gone for a long time now. Her little face screwed up into an intractable pout. She wished he'd come back...what if he didn't this time? What if Jaken was right...that she was a burden...a weakness? What if he had just decided that he would leave her there...alone.
Rin shook her head, banishing her black thoughts. He would never do that! She told herself. She wiggled her toes in the river, giggling. It was so cold. She wished summer would hurry along and then that water would feel so nice.
She stood up, dusting off her backside and peered around her. Where had that toad demon gotten off to anyway? Sesshomaru-sama didn't like it when Jaken left her alone. She took in a deep breath and prepared to holler out his name.
But Rin stopped. She heard something. Something moving in the water.
Rin scanned the shore which was dense with grass and weeds. Something pale and wet flashed in the sunlight. She pulled the weeds away, her little hands making short work of the tangle of foliage. Rin gasped and then bit back a scream. There was a person in the water. With a pudgy finger, she reached out tentatively and gave the pale shoulder of the person a nudge. Nothing. Her heart sank all the way down to her toes. They were probably dead.
"Can't leave them in the water..." Rin said to herself.
She pushed up her sleeves and fished around in the weeds and the muck until she found an arm. Grabbing it with both hands, Rin pulled and pulled. The body didn't budge. Rin pulled again, but her hands were slippery from the water and she lost her grip, stumbling back and landing on her bottom with a "plop".
She hated giving up and knew that Jaken wouldn't be bothered so she went back to the body. A mass of tangled hair, dirty with sticks and leaves and mud, hung over the person's face. Gingerly, Rin reached down to brush it away. She let out a little sigh.
"A lady..." She breathed.
Rin stared at her very hard. She looked bad. Dark circles marred the delicate skin under her eyes. Livid splotches of purple marred her cheek, and other bruises were all over her face but had faded to sickly greens and yellow browns. Her lips were cracked and caked with dried blood. Rin winced when she looked at the woman's neck. It was covered in scratches and bites, dark crimson crescents, punctured with teeth marks all over the pale flesh.
Pity tugged at the little girl's heart and she mopped at her eyes with the back of her sleeve. She kept staring, hoping that the woman would move or make a noise, but she didn't. Rin reached down and felt for a pulse at the woman's throat, careful not to touch the ugly bite marks. At first, she felt nothing, but then, life twitched under her fingertips.
Rin beamed with joy. If she was alive, she could make her well. She had helped Sesshomaru-sama, so she could help this lady too. She gave the woman's shoulder a gentle shake. Rin was pleased when the woman's lashes fluttered on her cheeks. She shook her again. This time, the woman moaned. It was an awful sound, wet and raspy.
Suddenly, the woman's eyes flew open. They were wide and the gaze was unfocused. It startled Rin and she backed away with a panicked "eep!" The woman moaned again, face twisting in obvious pain. Pity and worry banished Rin's fear and she once again leaned over the woman.
Her eyes wobbled and it was clear she was fighting to stay awake. Her gaze finally settled on Rin and she flinched, her arms pulling up to her chest.
"I won't hurt you." Rin said.
The woman narrowed her eyes. Her eyes are pretty, Rin thought with a bright smile. They were very blue, blue like the sky was in summer time, but unlike a summer sky, they were cold. Rin rubbed her arms, the sun would be setting soon.
The woman's gaze softened a bit and her cracked lips twitched in a small smile.
"I'm Rin." She said cheerfully.
The woman opened her mouth to speak, but then coughed violently, her whole body shuddering. She threw her head back and gasped for air. Blood tinged her lips.
"That water is cold. Can you get out of it? You are too heavy for Rin."
With a pained expression, the woman rolled onto her stomach and then pulled herself half out of the water by her forearms. She had to stop several times, face nearly in the mud, to pant, but finally she flopped down onto the bank and rolled onto her back. She closed her eyes and her lashes fluttered against her cheeks. Rin saw the whites of her eyes as they rolled back into her head.
Rin felt a little disappointed. She had wanted to talk to the lady, but she guessed that the woman was too sick to talk. Sick people need sleep, she chided herself. Turning to look behind her, she saw smoke from a campfire. Jaken must be waiting for me, she thought with a heavy sigh. She would go and get a blanket for the lady. The ground was cold and wet and it wouldn't do for her not to have a soft blanket.
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"You pesky brat!" Jaken shrieked, pumping his tiny fist in the air. "Where have you been all day?"
She smiled. "Rin was playing by the river."
"Stupid child! The river is cold and swift. You should not play by the river. Sesshomaru-sama must truly hate poor Jaken to have stuck me with such a stupid, ugly child."
She had stopped listening a long time ago. Jaken was being mean, but she knew he had just been worried about her. So, she ignored his harsh words and gathered her blanket and prepared to trudge back to the river.
"And now where are you going now, you half wit?" He shook his two headed cane at her.
Rin just shrugged in response and headed back to the woman. She knew Jaken didn't care enough to follow her, at least she hoped not.
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Rin held the blanket in numb fingers. The woman was shaking, convulsing. Blood trickled out from the corners of her mouth and her skin was as pale as the moon under all the filth. She is going to die, she thought her little hands beginning to tremble.
Quickly, she covered the woman with the blanket, trying her best to very gentle. A ragged moan bubbled out of the woman's mouth and her eyes opened again. She looked up at Rin and tried to smile a little, but her face twisted in agony instead.
The woman whispered something, but Rin couldn't hear so she knelt and put her ear to the woman's mouth.
"Please..." There was a long pause. "Let me die."
Rin rose hastily. She didn't know what to do. Suddenly, she heard a rustling in the tall grass behind her. She whirled around and saw Jaken.
"What are you up to?" He narrowed his yellow, lamp like eyes.
"Oh, Jaken! You have to help Rin!" She cried, tears brimming in her brown eyes.
He sighed and shook his head. "What sort of trouble have you gotten yourself into this time?"
She pulled on his sleeve and pointed at the woman who had fallen eerily silent.
He peered and then gasped. "Where did you get that?"
"I found her in the river. The lady is sick."
He puffed out his little chest. "Right. Best to just put her back in the river then."
Rin's jaw went slack with shock for a moment. "No, Jaken! You have to help me make her better! If we put her in the river, she'll die!"
He held up a clawed finger. "Of course! We don't want her here when Sesshomaru-sama returns." He shivered when he said the youkai lord's name. "He would be very cross."
Rin balled her hands and put them on her hips. "Then we will make her well before he gets back."
Jaken shook his head. "I will do no such thing! Of all the disgraces you heap upon This Jaken's person, this is the worst! You assume I would help some disgusting, dirty human?"
Rin's bottom lip jutted out and began to quiver.
"Don't start that." He begged.
She snuffled and the tears threatened to spill.
Jaken threw up his hands, his ugly face twisted in disgust. "Fine! But do stop that blubbering."
Rin knelt and threw her arms around the little toad demon and planted a kiss on his bald head. "Oh, thank you, Jaken!" Rin was pleased to note that he didn't struggle all that much.
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So much pain. Her body wasn't healing like it had always done before. She wasn't certain if it was the poison, the fluid in her lungs that choked her every breath, or the wound on her leg that was going rancid.
But in that pain came realization and in that realization came peace. At last, she would die. No one could torment her ever again. She would no longer be a slave, a toy, a thing to abuse...she would be free.
Or so she had thought.
The river had been swift and had dragged her body under. Water had filled her lungs with searing agony and then darkness...
When she woke, the setting sun had been in her eyes and then the face of a child. At first she had thought it an angel come to lead her to her rest, but then the pain returned.
Now the child tended her with gentle, trembling hands. She begged the child to let her go, let her die, but her voice was so weak...perhaps the little girl had not heard her.
It was a balmy night touched with the promise of summer when she woke, really woke. Something green stared down at her with two yellow lamps for eyes. She was not surprised to see the toad demon. She was never surprised to see any sort of youkai at all.
The woman regarded him with a cold, level gaze. "Are you my master, then?" She rasped, voice rusty with disuse.
The youkai balked. "Of course not! What would I want with a stupid, sick human?"
Then she saw the child. "Rin thinks you are feeling better! You can talk!"
The woman gave her a brief smile. "Yes. Thank you."
The girl, Rin, kneeled over her and put a tiny hand on her forehead. "You are still too hot." Worry creased the child's delicate brow.
The woman knew that fever ravaged her. Her skin felt as though it were being pricked by a thousand tiny needles and she shivered as her skin burned. The thick blanket felt coarse on her hot, dry skin, but she hadn't the strength to push it off.
"I am in need of water..." She croaked, feeling awful for asking. She didn't really want assistance, she wanted to be left to die in peace, but her throat ached and she could no longer stand the thirst that itched her dry mouth.
The toad demon thrust a cup into the child's hands. Ah, the woman thought, the demon already has a slave.
"Here." the child held the cup to her lips and she drank. No sooner than she swallowed the water, darkness swallowed her and she was sent to a blissful, dreamless sleep.
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Desperate days turned into weeks and the woman was better. The wound on her leg still wasn't healing right and the fluid still rattled in her lungs, but she was awake most of the time and that made Rin happy. At last, she had someone besides Jaken to talk to when Sesshomaru-sama was away.
Rin dangled her feet in the sun warmed waters of the river. "Rin wants to know your name. You've never said."
The woman frowned and wiggled her toes in the water. "I haven't been asked that in ages." She said softly.
"You mean you don't know?" Rin thought it sad that the woman didn't know her own name.
"I seem to have forgotten." The woman's frown disappeared, replaced by her normal expressionless mask. Just like Sesshomaru-sama, Rin thought with a sad sigh.
"Hmm," Rin put her finger to her chin. Then she brightened. "Rin knows! I will give you a name!"
Rin looked at the woman. She was smiling softly.
"Rin thinks you should have her mother's name. I will call you Tori."
"Thank you. That is a lovely name, far too lovely for one such as me. It is an honor."
Rin made a face. She wasn't sure if that was a compliment or not. She peered at the woman's face. It was rather hard to tell what she looked like caked with all that mud and a curtain of ratty hair. Her eyes were so beautiful that Rin just assumed the rest of her was as well. Then Rin noticed something in the tangled mass of unkept tresses. It was a bit of faded blue ribbon.
"What is that?" She asked, pointing at it.
Tori's hand went to the ribbon and she covered it in a tightly clenched fist. "It is nothing."
Rin laughed. "It is a piece of ribbon!"
Tori's eyes found something interesting at her feet and she sighed loudly. "Yes. It is a piece of ribbon. But it is old and faded. I should throw it away." But her hand never strayed from it and she made no move to do so.
Rin touched her arm lightly with just the tips of her fingers. The flesh under her touch danced and Tori recoiled. "If Rin had a ribbon, Rin wouldn't throw it away either."
Tori gave her a small, rueful smile. It touched her lips for only a moment and then was gone so fast, Rin wasn't sure it had been there at all.
"You are right, little one. I should keep it. It was a gift..." her voice trailed off.
Just then, Jaken trudged up to Rin, his eyes bulging, a vein pulsing on his forehead. Rin groaned.
"Impudent wench! What are you still doing here? This Jaken told you to leave when you were well." He shook his staff at Tori who regarded him with icy detachment.
Tori gave him a slight nod and tried to stand, but Rin grabbed her hand.
"No! She's not well enough yet, Jaken!"
He dropped his staff and wrung his hands. "He will kill me."
Rin licked her lips nervously. She was sure Jaken was right. Sesshomaru-sama would probably be angry. Her heart gave a painful thump. "We could keep it a secret." Her voice was weak, barely audible.
Jaken laughed, but it was bitter and lacked mirth. "Hide her? Sesshomaru-sama will smell her a mile away!"
Tori leaned toward Jaken and her voice was low when she spoke. "Tell me, Lord...can you smell me?"
Jaken made a face and gave her a quick sniff. "Curious. I do not. Explain, wench."
Tori shrugged. "I have no answers for you, Lord. It has always been this way."
He put a clawed hand to his chin. "But you are human?"
Her lips twisted into a bitter sneer. "I am, but I am...different."
"Different how?" Jaken's eyes were narrowed and he stooped to pick up his two headed staff.
"It is of no consequence, my Lord. Nothing you should trouble yourself with. I will go. I do not wish to cause you and your slave child any trouble."
Rin laughed and clutched at her sides. When she regained the ability to breathe she said, "I am not Jaken's slave!"
Tori arched an eyebrow at her. "Forgive my assumption. Worry not about me, child. I will be fine." She said this as she stood, but as soon as she put weight on her injured leg, it buckled and she fell to her knees and coughed. Blood flecked her lips once again and her cheeks felt hot. The fever was returning.
"Hmph." Jaken thumped his staff. "You were right, Rin. She is not well enough. Perhaps Sesshomaru-sama will not return for another week. But that is all! Just one more week."
Rin jumped up and hugged him tightly. Jaken tried (not very hard) to pry her little arms from around his neck. "Get off of me you filthy little beast!"
Rin complied and he shuffled off. Tori was giving her a queer look.
"You and the demon are friends?"
Rin shrugged. "I guess. Jaken watches after Rin while Sesshomaru-sama is away."
"I see. So this Sesshomaru is your master then?"
She didn't know what Tori meant by master. "Sesshomaru-sama keeps Rin safe."
Tori just gave her a nod and then eased herself back down onto her blanket. Rin frowned. Her face was flushed again and she couldn't help but notice how thin Tori was. She wore only rags that barely covered her lanky frame and it was torn in places. Rin could see her ribs.
Rin sighed, feeling a little sad...she wasn't sure why.
She scooted closer to Tori and put her head on her knees. "Do you know any songs?"
"Songs?"
"Can you sing? Rin would like to hear a song. Rin only knows songs she makes up herself."
Tori flashed her a genuine smile. "Those are the best songs, Rin."
"Really?"
"Of course. I used to make up songs to amuse myself."
Rin jumped up and clapped her hands. "Oh! Sing a song for Rin!"
Tori's smile faded and a dark look shrouded her bright eyes. "I have not...I do not sing anymore. It didn't please my last...I just don't."
Rin frowned. "Please, Tori-chan. Please."
Tori didn't speak and her face remained blank. After several minutes she gave a long sigh. "All right, little one. But then you will have to let me rest. I am tired."
Rin clapped her hands again. "I will, Rin promises!"
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Sesshomaru wasn't far from the river where he'd left Rin and Jaken when he heard it. Singing. At first, he thought it was Rin. The child was always humming and singing to herself, to him, to Jaken...but no. The voice was too perfect. It didn't have the childlike cadence, it had resonance. For a moment he stood stock still in the field, the spring wind caressing his face as the song caressed his mind. The voice was so sweet.
Then his pulse quickened. He inhaled deeply, searching the air for a scent. He smelled Rin, Jaken, Ah and Un...nothing else...wait...
Sesshomaru narrowed his amber eyes. He smelled sickness. Blood. Human blood? He couldn't be sure, it was old...just a faint hint of copper on the sweet air.
His approach to the rive bank was silent and he stood in the long evening shadows watching his ward. She was staring up at a filthy human dressed in rags, her expression rapt. Rin had her little hands clasped to her chest. The human, a woman he guessed by the voice and the litheness of her body, had her eyes closed, her face void of expression. He had smelled the sickness from her. Her right thigh had a deep gash that had gone green and her rags were stained with ominous splotches of rust too numerous to bother counting. But she had no smell...
The human's voice bothered him. He wanted to sink his claws into her throat and rip it out. It was a beautiful voice, clear and strong, but soft and feminine. Sesshomaru stood there longer than he intended, listening to the song.
"Who can tell me if we've found heaven?
Who dares say the way it should be?
Moonlight, shadows
All these precious things
That is what you give to me
You talk of romantic things
The break of morning
The smell of jasmine
Clad in crimson
King of my heaven
Such things you give to me
I am a spirit in your house
an unworthy spirit
To witness the end of evening
in hues of emerald and blue
I know that you will abandon me
I am not worthy of love
I knew that we were fleeting
This dream of you
I know not if I had heaven
My heart holds no desire
No rain...no river
Can take your memory from me"
The woman stood still when she had finished her song. She didn't open her eyes. And then, she swayed on her feet and fainted. Rin rushed to her side, big eyes brimming with tears. Sesshomaru could smell them, salty and bitter.
Sesshomaru stepped out of the shadows, his anger a dull buzzing in his ears. Rin looked up at him.
His voice didn't betray his rage when he spoke softly to her. "Explain yourself, Rin."
A/N: Wheee! My first fan fic that I found fit for human consumption. Take it easy on me...heh. Oh! Twenty points if you can guess the song that inspired Tori's song. points not redeemable for cash...or anything really. I do sincerely apologize for the aaaaaaaa's. I have computer retarded...and this dog doesn't wish to learn new tricks. So...that's how I do a break...I usually use a but this site kindly deletes those (sigh). Oh well. Enjoy...