Recurrence

Jake woke up alone. Again. It was becoming an undesired consistency. Rolling over with a cool sweat running through his hair line. Regrets. Dreams. Nightmares. He regretted his last confrontation with her. She was mad at him. He, once again, blamed himself for her accident. Somehow the fight was his fault and that set Abby off and eventually killed her. He dreamt about her. Not just dreams, nightmares. He dreamt of how it happened. He hadn't seen it, so in his mind he could only imagine what the accident looked like. He hoped it was something less violent than he pictured, but figured there was no way it could have been. Seconds. Minutes. Hours. Days. He realized we take time for granted. We take everything for granted. He wished he realized this sooner. If only once more he could have told her he loved her. Once more he could've held her soft hand and kissed her sweet cheek. Just once more. But his time was up before he even knew he had it. She was gone before he knew she was there. It seemed everything he lived for, his entire world, had been smothered under an ambulance tire. Bent and broken. Ruined. Everything.

Carters eyes pried open and glanced around the dark room. Thoughts blurred through his mind. Seeing her face. Innocence. He could only pray that she didn't suffer. He knew that wasn't the case, but still he tried to convince himself it was. Regret. He regretted starting a fight with Jake. He knew in hurting Jake he was hurting her. He knew she loved Jake. Though he hated to admit it, he knew she did. Jealousy. He loved her too. But it was the fight that killed her. The fight that he started. He killed her. He would give anything to get her back, but he couldn't. He decided to buy some flowers and decorate her locker in a memorial-like way. It was the least he could do.

Jake decided to call in sick today. Heart broken-ness had to be a disease somewhere, so technically he was sick. Enough time passed until he was able to get out of bed and walk over to his kitchen to make a pot of coffee. Choices. He could make his favorite, costa rican blend with a hint of cinnamon, or Abby's favorite which he always kept in stock, the blandest highest caffeine-bearing coffee known to man. He chose Abby's black, sugarless, creamless, bland tasting coffee. Surprisingly, he loved every drop. Not the taste, but the feeling. He could taste her. For those 10 minutes that the cup lasted, Abby was with him. Lingering in his mouth.

Carter walked in with a fluffy bouquet of lillies in his hand. Miss Responsible, more commonly known as Susan, was already 15 minutes early and on her rounds when Carter entered.
"Hey, Carter! Who are the flowers for?"
"Oh, hey, Susan. Abby." He said with a somewhat droned tone.
"Oh, well that's sweet."
"Yeah, I figured it was the least I could do after what happened. Have you seen Jake? I wanted to see how he was holding up."
"Um… he called in sick."
"Oh, figures." He sensed the conversation had died down, so he left and emerged into the lounge, flowers in hand.
5 traumas and patients waiting in triage for over 6 hours was reason enough for Jake to stop being sick and get to work "stat". Walking into the lounge, he saw Carter carrying flowers. He walks up to him and speaks for the first time all day.
"Thanks for getting me out of there yesterday."
Carter heard the voice and turned around. "I knew you wouldn't want to see that. It would've just made it 100 worse."
"But you didn't have to do it. Thanks."
"Any day. How are you holding up?"
"As well as can be expected. You?"
"It's hard. I'll admit it. I just wish I could've said some things to her I never said. I wish she went through a less painful way."
"Yea. So um… are those for Abby?"
The sound of her name blew knives into their hearts. Carter looked at the bouquet hanging towards the ground. "These? Oh, yeah. I think I'm just going to put them on her locker."
"Good idea. She would've loved them."

A swing of the lounge doors broke up the awkward silence that had been lingering between the two men.
"Come on, guys! We have patients stacked out the doors!" An irritated voice projected into the room. The two men both looked up and wore the same exact expression. Confusion. After staring at the speaker for several long seconds, which very well might have been hours, one of them finally spoke.
"Abby?"
"Yes, Jake?" No response from Jake nor Carter who both still sat on the couch in complete confusion.
"What? What do you need?" Still, nothing. "Ooook. Then would you guys get out there and try to help?"
Carter glared at the bruise lining the side of Abby's face. After more seconds of no words, Abby gave up and left the lounge in a huff. Carter and Jake stared at each other. Finally, words came out.
"Was that really her?"
Carter just as equally confused could only respond "Yeah. I think it was. Jake?"
"Yeah?" Jake replied, still wearing his confused stare.
"A few weeks ago. Remember when you brought Abby into the hospital."
"Yeah."
"And you said you knew it would happen. You said you'd seen it before. That you knew it was coming."
"Yeah." Jake was just getting more confused with each word Carter spoke, not knowing where exactly he was going with the story.
"Well, was it like this? Abby looks just like she did the morning of the day she… died…"
Now changing his tone from confusion to understanding he answered "Yeah."
"So how'd you do it?"
"Do what?"
"Save her."
After a long pause of thought, he concluded "I don't remember…"
"Well you better remember soon… because we have to do it again. But this time, we're together."