Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, but that is rather obvious, because if I did, I would be on a cruise in the Caribbean. Every day. For the rest of my life.
So, I got one review (thank you to zippyzany) saying long chapters are better even if it's only updated once a week, and since no one else has told me what to do, I'll go with that for now. But I will try to keep updating maybe twice a week, I'll see if I can do that and keep up with college work.
Alexandria J. Malfoy- you're on to something with the suspicious knife comment, although anything more won't really be revealed until later, much later, thank you so much for reviewing!
So next chapter.
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It was a testimony to how angry Sev was that he had five potions brewing at once, and they were not easy potions. Draco could pick out Esinger's Anti-dote, a cure for most snake bites, a Polyjuice potion in its final stages, two that were so early on that Draco couldn't tell what they would be, and Snape's favorite, Veritaserum. Sev's hands flew over the cutting board, the knife he wielded a mere flash of silver in the dark room. Draco perched on the edge of an unused table to get his bare feet off the freezing stone floor and watched his god father work. He knew this was the only place Sev let his guard down and it was not unusual for Draco to come in unnoticed. He was only waiting a few minutes when Sev glanced his way and spotted him.
"Draco," he said, returning to his ingredients. "I thought you might want to talk. I'll have a thirty minute free period in a few seconds, let me just add this dragon scale."
"Okay," said Draco, pulling the dressing gown tighter against the chill. Severas finished dicing the scale, his deft fingers making the chore seem incredibly easy with his sure, quick slices. He dropped it into the cauldron over the fire and gave it a quick stir.
"Come into my office before you freeze to death," said Sev, leading the way through the door and into his warm private office. Draco liked this room. It had a comfortable black suede sofa, and matching armchairs with throw pillows situated around a fireplace that was always lit and burning. Sev's desk and bookcases were in the corner, lit by several candlebra.
Draco immediately went to his spot, the far end of the couch, and sat, tucking his feet under him to keep them warm. Sev handed him the blanket from his armchair and settled in, and let Draco initiate the conversation.
"Mum hung herself," said Draco, finally.
"And?" asked Sev.
Draco shrugged. "I killed my father, and then my mother killed herself. And that makes me a murderer, two times over." He gave a mirthless laugh. "Rather ironic, don't you think? I didn't join the Dark Lord because I didn't want to become a murderer, and now I've gone and killed the two people who loved me most."
Sev looked at him, and shifted almost uncomfortably. "Draco, Lucius didn't, he didn't-"
"I know. He didn't love me" said Draco, quiet and resigned. "Narcissa didn't either." Snape looked at him surprised. "Oh, she cared for me, in a sort of way, the way one cares for a cat, you know. The distant 'How are you today' the occasional playtime, and the 'As long as you're here, I'll pet you for a while but only as long as you don't get cat hair all over me'. But at the same time, they were the only family I had, besides you Sev, and I – I think that I…" he trailed off, not wanting to admit to himself how he felt.
"You loved them," said Severas. "It's nothing to be ashamed of, Draco. They were your family."
Draco shook his head. "I don't love them," he said forcefully, as if trying to convince himself. Why would he be trying to convince himself? He hated them, he knew he did. Do you hate them? asked a mocking voice in the back of his brain. Of course he hated them he told the voice. No you don't said the voice again. Yes, he did! You loved them. NO! "I hate them. I hate them! They hated me!" He was hyperventilating now. He could hear his ragged gasping and tried to breathe deeply. He was in control, he was a Malfoy, Malfoy's did not hyperventilate. He could practically hear his father's voice screaming at him. You are a Malfoy, control yourself! You stupid little boy, why are you crying?
Five year old Draco Malfoy stared up at his father, tears sliding down his pale cheeks, falling from sky blue eyes like rain. On one side of his face was a large red mark, in the shape of a hand print, and it was already starting to bruise.
"You hit me," he whispered.
And why did I hit you?
"He hated me!" Draco yelled. "He hated me, so I hate him!"
Draco, why did I hit you?
The blond child sniffed and wrapped his arms around his trembling body. "'Cause I was being bad, and I have to be good."
"I hate you!"
That's right. His father looked down at him coldly, no warmth in his grey eyes for his son. Why do you have to be good, Draco?
"So you love me," the little boy answered.
And do you want me to love you?
"You hate me."
"Yes, daddy."
And do you love me, Draco? Do you love your father?
"NO!"
"Yes, daddy."
Yes daddy what?
"No!"
"Yes, I love you, daddy."
"No," whispered Draco. "I don't love you. I don't. You hated me! Why can't I hate you? Why!"
It was only when Severas grabbed his hands that he realized his godfather was sitting next to him and that he was pounding his fists into the Potion Master's shoulders. He collapsed into his godfathers embrace and cried for the first time since he was five years old. And he sobbed for his mother, and for his father, and for every one of his Slytherins he had led to their deaths. And then he cried for himself. Sev held him tight, whispering words in his soothing voice that Draco couldn't quite make out.
"Why can't I hate him?" he whispered when he couldn't cry any longer.
"Because you're better than him," said Severas. "Because you are stronger."
That was the second time that day he had heard it, coming from the two wisest wizards in the world, and so he left it at that. Sev's potions alarm rang and Draco pulled away, wiping the tears roughly from his face, embarrassed.
"I'll be back in fifteen," said Snape, squeezing his shoulder and heading back out to his lab.
Draco glared, angry at himself, and yet at the same time feeling a bit of relief. The weight he had been caring since he awoke seemed lessened and he walked over to the bookshelves to find some thing to occupy him while he waited, he couldn't stand being bored. He paged through a couple of potions texts, then spotted a small, battered book that had slipped between two shelves. He pulled it out, noting the ancient yellow pages and red leather cover. The title was indented into the binding, Cursed Weapons. Draco stared at the book, and then flipped through it. He stopped when he saw a sketch of the knife Lucius had impaled his side with. The picture in his mind and the picture on the page were exactly identical, there was no way the similarities were coincidental. He shoved the book into the waistband of his pajamas and as it was a relatively thin book, the dressing gown covered any bulge there might be. He wanted to read it now, but knew that he wouldn't have time without Sev coming back and finding him and that would bring up a lot of questions.
He wandered the room, stopping to look at Sev's desk and discovered a heap of letters. Not just any letters. Letters that were covered in pink ink, or purple scrawling hand writing. Letters that smelled strongly of perfume, or sported the smiling faces of many attractive witches, constantly simpering or primping. He frowned.
Sev found him a few minutes later in his chair, feet on the desk, and reading a few of the letters, a smirk on his face.
"Marriage proposals, Sev?" he asked, figuring this was why Severas had been upset enough to brew five very complicated potions at once.
Sev scowled, grabbing the letters from his hands and desk top and chucked them all into the fireplace.
"Care to explain?" asked Draco.
Without a word Sev pulled a few Daily Prophets from the shelves and plopped them on the desk in front of Draco.
"'You-Know-Who Vanquished by Harry Potter. Read how the Boy-Who-Lived prevailed'," read Draco. The newspaper had Potter's face, smiling awkwardly, plastered on the remaining space and had been released an hour after the final battle. He moved onto the next issue, which had been released only a few hours later. "'The Order of the Phoenix: The Organization that Opposed the Dark Lord. How the OOTP helped save the wizarding world'." This page featured pictures of McGonagall, Lupin, and Dumbledore. He went to the next, again released a few hours later from the previous. "'Albus Dumbledore, Leader of the OOTP, and how he helped Harry Potter defeat You-Know-Who'. I'm not really seeing anything to be upset about Sev," said Draco looking up.
"Look at the next one," said Severas gloomily.
Draco dropped the article on Dumbledore on the desk and stared at the paper in front of him. On it was a picture of Sev with his greasy hair and large nose and he was glaring, his black eyes particularly threatening.
"'Severas Snape, the youngest Potion's Master ever, professor at Hogwarts, Death Eater, and Spy for the Order of the Phoenix. Read how this brave teacher joined the company of evil, brought back vital information and how he saved Harry Potter's life'," Draco read. He looked up. "You saved Potter's life?"
Sev shrugged. "Stepped in front of Nott's Crucio when Potter began dueling the Dark Lord. There wasn't time to block it."
"And this is why nearly every eligible witch with a fetish for bad boys wants to marry you?" he asked, gesturing to the paper.
"I assume so," said his godfather grimacing.
Draco smiled and then became serious. "Why didn't you tell me that you were a spy? I wouldn't have told anyone, and I'm just as good as an Occlumens as you. Were you afraid that I might let it slip?"
"No," said Severas at once. "Here, come sit on the couch with me."
Draco got up and sat in his spot again, Snape next to him.
"I know you wouldn't have told, Draco, and that there is no way you would let it slip. But if I got exposed and captured, and I broke and I let them know that you knew all along I was a spy, they would kill you. I couldn't take that risk, Draco. I love you like you were my own son, and I didn't want to put you in any more danger. Do you understand?"
Draco nodded. "I'm glad you told me all of that stuff, about thinking things through and deciding for myself. If you hadn't, I might have-"
"Don't dwell on what could have been," said Sev, silencing him. "I am very proud of you, you know that right? When the Trojan Horse had captured me, and you came in and saved every one, I couldn't have been more proud. I want you to know that."
Draco felt his lips quirk upwards in a smile. Those words meant more to him than all of his money at Gringott's, but he couldn't find the words to tell Sev that, so he did the most un-Malfoy like thing in his life, not counting the defying of the Dark Lord that is. He reached out and hugged Severas. He could feel his godfather's surprise but after a moment, Sev returned the embrace.
They both broke apart a second later for the hug was too openly affectionate for both of them, but Sev understood what Draco couldn't say.
An owl flew into the room, a Daily Prophet clutched in his beak.
"Another one," scoffed Severas. "How many more people can they write about? Honestly, they have one on that Weasley boy and Granger, and also one on Hagrid, Minerva, Lupin, the entire Weasley family, not to mention the late Sirius Black. Disgustingly sentimental, that one. Well, you should head back to the infirmary, Draco."
"Must I?" asked Draco, knowing Severas wouldn't give.
"Yes, you must," said Severas. "The floo is on the mantelpiece."
Draco sighed, but did as bidden. The flames went green and transported him back to the infirmary where Harry was still surrounded by visitors. He began to make his way to his bed, but something popped out of the fire behind him. It was a Daily Prophet and on it was a note from Sev. 'Who's laughing now?' it read. Draco pulled the note off and stared at his face smeared across the Daily Prophet. 'Draco Malfoy Defies You-Know-Who, Saves Harry Potter and the Wizarding World' 'Malfoy kills Lucius, Mother Commits Suicide' 'Shocking Revelations of the Malfoy Heir and his Childhood'. Draco stared at the headlines, then back at his picture, staring out with cold grey eyes and a smirk playing on his lips. It was the one in the Hogwarts yearbook for the seventh grade.
Draco scowled and tossed the magazine into the nearest dustbin and after closing the curtains around his bed, pulled out the book he had stolen and began to read.
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Please read and review. Let me know what you think, if you like it, if you hate it, just let me know so I know how I'm doing. I'm thinking two or three more chapters in the seventh year, and then its going into the depression like the summary says and the real fun starts!