Chapter 17:
Last chapter update: March 18th, 2005
This chapter update: April 29th, 2005
This chapter is mainly S/L. You can read all about the rest of the characters' stories in the next chapter. Btw—why do computers suck? If you find out, please tell me. I nearly slapped myself, my computer, my family, and the mailman because of this damn thing and the psychological harm it caused on me. Mwa. …Meha.
Recap:
He leaned down towards her, his other hand brushing against her cheek and moving so his fingers were in her hair. Linda could almost feel his kiss before it'd happened; they were standing closer than she had ever stood with him before. She couldn't help but notice his thick black eyelashes, or the feel of his strong hand running slowly through her hair…
His mouth was practically on hers, waiting for hers to close the gap. Finally, with a surge of daring, she moved forward ever so slightly, and kissed—kissed Sirius Black.
And Sirius's lips were the softest she'd ever felt.
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His hands ran up along her sides… she was breathing fast, against his chest. Oh God, what was she doing here? Here, in Sirius Black's arms.
Suddenly, his hands—strong, capable, and slow, so slow—were on her hips. Her arms instinctively wrapped around his neck.
What was this? How'd she—him—they get here?
All at once, Linda was aware of everything. She could feel the heat emanating from Sirius. She could feel his heart pound against the inner wall of his chest. Or it was her chest. Or both.
God, he tasted so good. Like mint and champagne. She breathed in his subtle smell, which was like warm cinnamon. She felt his hands push against the small of her back, bringing her body closer to his. The kiss intensified. His pillow-soft lips held firmly against her own. His broader, larger frame colliding with hers.
She saw where this was going.
Surprisingly, though, it was Sirius who began to pull away first (even if it was with a sort of obvious reluctance). He let her go, their lips slowly unlocking. Slowly.
Her eyes were hesitant to open. But when they did, she saw that Sirius's seductive…mysteriously captivating face was practically on top of her own, having not pulled away far at all. She had him so close. His sultry chocolaty eyes made her feel lost and unbalanced. Luckily, his arms were still around her waist.
Oh God, she'd just kissed Sirius. Why had she come over tonight in the first place? She couldn't remember. It sure wasn't for that. But gathered in his arms now, hearing his a-little-faster-than-normal breathing (from all that intense lip-locking), looking at his beyond gorgeous face, his oh-so-soft lips that she was going crazy not touching right now, the pieces of his dark hair that fell into his just as dark eyes… she thought she could still taste him on her suddenly swollen lips.
She felt him lightly press his forehead against hers, his eyes still looking into her own. "God," he sighed, breathlessly. Almost smiling. "Hi."
Instinctively, she bit her bottom lip, temporarily filling it with blush. Then she looked at his bottom lip—which was a mistake. Perfectly curved and plump… she just had to. She brought her thumb to his lips and traced them from the bottom to his top, as Sirius stood still enough for her to do this. "Hi, you," she sighed back.
And without another word or breath, his lips were back on hers as he gently kissed her again.
Next Day.
Mindlessly, Linda began her packing, folding her shirts and skirts impeccably, packing her uniform and books. By this time tomorrow, she—along with all the other Hogwarts students—would be on a train, on their way back to school. Usually she'd be thinking about how sad it was that the Winter Break was over. Or how much it sucked that she was going back to cruel tests, impossible homework assignments, tedious classes, and the irritating pressures of high school. But the sadness never came. And it didn't suck to be going back.
She was glad the break was over. Considering what happened—a funeral during Christmas was a memory everyone was only too happy to forget. And along with her best friend's boyfriend's mysterious disappearance…the drama of late was getting intense, and Linda was relieved to be able to hop a train back to normal. She just wanted to forget everything from these last few weeks.
Well.
Maybe not everything.
Yes, even as she packed during her last hours of vacation, her mind kept repeating last night. And what'd happened. And the more she thought about it, the sexier she thought Sirius Black was.
She just…couldn't get his face out of her head. Or the feel of his lips on hers. All last night, those dark eyes of his—thinly veiled by the graceful fall-forward sweep of his hair, haunted her. Linda felt foolish. Get a grip, she thought to herself. She knew she shouldn't get so worked up over some kiss with some guy. An amazing…over the top, melt-in-your-mouth-not-in-your-hand, kind of kiss with some guy, at least. With a great guy. With Sirius.
She had never suspected she'd ever go there with Sirius. Or, had she? The more she thought about it, the more she wasn't sure this was wholly unexpected. A part of her must've known all along how all of this was going to end, where it would lead. She was spending so much time with Sirius lately. Being together…sharing confidences…sharing smiles…glances…kisses…DOTDOTDOT. She had to have known it would lead to this.
And maybe she did, on some level at least. Or hoped it would lead to it. She had liked when he kissed her on the cheek goodbye sometimes. Or when he flirted wickedly with her. She liked when he twirled her hair around his fingers. Liked when he looked at her in the way that only he could, in the only way that made her blush so much it hurt. She liked a lot of things about Sirius.
And God, did she like how he felt.
It seemed silly now, looking back at the memory of their kiss. She'd just left. When they'd pulled away the second time, she remembered staring at him, afraid to look away. If it was only minutes, it seemed like years. But then she heard a voice or something, coming from his desk. He'd reluctantly left her to go to his desk, and ended up pulling a palm-sized mirror, from what she saw, out and talking into it or something. But then again, her head was spinning at that point, so her account wasn't too reliable. Anyways, while he was occupied, she mumbled a quick "Goodbye, talk to you tomorrow," prayed he heard it, and slipped out. She was too embarrassed or something to just stick around.
She wondered what he was thinking, if he was thinking about it at all. Jeez, if she saw him, what would she say? What would HE say?
Damn. Here's to the drama of it all.
Sirius.
He wished she hadn't just left. He wished she'd stayed a bit longer. Sirius spent half the night thinking about her, what kissing her meant, and the light, sweet honey color of her eyes. Not being one who just sat back and waited, Sirius finished getting ready to go see Linda to talk—well, maybe not just talk—when the door opened.
Remus. "Hey," his friend had nonchalantly walked in, nodding at Sirius. Lord, he'd forgotten about Remus. "I'm bored out of my mind and haven't decided whether I want to laze about on my last day of freedom or actually spend it doing something." He fell back on Sirius bed, running a hand through his sandy hued hair, and propped up on an elbow, facing Sirius.
Sirius smiled weakly. "Well, I've never been one to sneer at a good day wasted."
Remus nodded, deciding. "Laze about it is, then." He looked at Sirius, dressed pretty put-together in his charcoal grey sweater and jeans. "Going somewhere?"
Sirius hesitated a second too long, he knew, but he didn't think Remus noticed. "Um, just going to step out for a while. Got, um, errands to run, rubbish like that."
Remus didn't seem to hear him. "Oh, right, have fun," he answered half-heartedly. They went on to have another half-hour of small talk and rubbish. But Sirius couldn't remember later what they had even spoken about.
All he could think about was how STUPID he must be to have kissed his best friend's girl. Of all the girls—Remus's. Sure, the two weren't going out anymore—actually they'd split up months ago. But that was beside the point. Whether he still was or not, Remus had been in LOVE with Linda. And here was Sirius, stealing kisses behind Remus's back. Friends just didn't do that to friends.
Sirius felt vile. How could he have forgotten Remus? How could he have seen a girl—no matter how beautiful or exciting he thought she was—and have wanted her without thinking about his friend, his best friend? He knew if Remus found out, he wouldn't exactly smile and slap Sirius on the back. He also knew that Remus would never ever have done this to him. For one, there was the unspoken yet very much existent Guy Code to consider. Rule #1: Stay the HELL away from your friend's girl.
After Remus had cut his visit short and left, Sirius made his way to Linda's. Her voice was ringing in his head. Sirius might not have known better, but Linda sure did. When he'd approached her, she'd warned him, "Let's not do anything we'll regret." And like a jackass, he promised her that they wouldn't. To think he'd spent a sleepless night dwelling on a dream that should never have been thought up in the first place. Thoughts of her that he was never meant to have had. He was almost near her home now. This morning he'd known exactly what he was going to say and do. Now, all he could do was jam his fists into his pockets, kick the ground, and curse the sky.
Okay, so she wasn't home. Her mom said something about checking up on Lily, making sure she was all packed as well.
That's alright; he supposed that he could always just talk to her tomorrow, on the train.
Next Day. On the Train.
Sirius sat in his compartment with Remus and Peter (who'd decided to grace them with his presence for once). They were a bit early—Peter wanted to get one of the more comfortable compartments so he could stretch and sleep if he wanted to. All Sirius had to do now was wait til Linda got here, take her aside, tell her he's sorry about what happened and it was wrong and they should just stay friends. Yeah, that's what he'd say. All he had to do was wait for her to come.
But by the time James had come, and Lily, and fifteen minutes later, it seemed Sirius had had enough waiting. Instead, he said, "Later," to the guys in the compartment, and stepped out into the hall, almost crashing into a student with a duffel and the candy cart lady. He walked down the narrow hall of the train, passing compartments and compartments full of students, and just when he'd found an empty one, he nearly bumped into—well Fate be damned—Linda.
"Hi," she started, obviously surprised to be bumping into him.
"Oh. Hi." He said back.
Seconds passed. "Oh, I heard you stopped by yesterday; sorry I didn't call you or something—you know, things came up…got busy with packing and last minute vacation homework." She tucked her hair behind her ears while Sirius rubbed the back of his neck uncomfortably.
Forget this awkward crap, Sirius thought to himself, and then took Linda by the arm and pulled her into the empty compartment they'd stopped in front of.
"Okay, I've got to talk to you," he told her. Okay, now I just have to tell her that what we did was a mistake and that we should stay friends and pretend it never happened and just…yeah.
"Oh," she looked concerned. "Is it about—"
"Yeah," Sirius sat down on the bench in the compartment, followed by Linda who sat on her side, "It is. About me kissing you. " Ok, if you do it fast, like a bandage, it'll be quick and over. She'll understand, and Remus won't hate him. But he couldn't help but feel like it was a lose-lose situation. "I'm sorry I did it."
Linda nodded slowly, not showing whether she was angry or maybe relieved. Just… restrained. "You are."
"Uh, yeah." He pushed his hair back and rested his elbows on his knees as he tried to explain. "I mean, I don't regret that it happened, I guess. I just…well—Linda, you have to know why we can't…do that again. Why it shouldn't have happened."
She narrowed her eyes a bit, while her arms snaked across her chest and folded themselves. "What do you mean, I have to know why? What should I know, Sirius?" she asked evenly.
"Oh, come on, Linda."
"Don't 'Oh, come on,' me," she reacted.
Sirius's chest tightened. Taking a very deep breath, he said, "Look. I spent the past two nights just thinking about you."—At this, he noticed Linda's face slightly change—"The day after we kissed, I'll admit, I couldn't wait to see you. But then I saw Remus and I thought to myself, 'What kind of friend am I?' I mean, the fact that I kissed you—and it was very much my idea, I think—what does that say about the kind of person I—"
"Are you serious?" Linda cut in.
Sirius wasn't sure how to answer that. "Well, I'm not joking."
Linda's eyes were narrowed, between annoyance and confusion. "It was a kiss. ONE kiss," she stated, like it wasn't a big deal. "Besides, you think that it's positively forbidden for you to ever like any of your friends' Ex-girlfriends? And note my emphasis on EX."
"Of course it is. A guy just doesn't mess with his best friend's girl."
"I hope you realize how stupid that sounds," she was almost yelling, and Sirius thought anybody outside might be able to hear. "If you were to avoid every girl all your friends ever went out with, then you'll probably end up dating—gawd!—Peter!" She threaded her fingers fast and frustratedly through her light brown hair, like she usually did when she was going to just scream at the top of her lungs or she thought her head was going to explode. Like checking to make sure there were no cracks in the foundation, or something. "And do I look like I've got PROPERTY OF REMUS LUPIN stamped on my forehead?" She folded her arms again across her chest. "Well? Do I?"
He was afraid to answer.
"Whatever, I don't even care," Linda turned away to leave. "It's evident you didn't either."
He couldn't just let her leave. Not like this. "That's not it, Linda." He touched her arm, gently pulling her back. She was looking straight at him now, and when she did that, he couldn't think of Remus, or think of anything for that matter except for one thing.
So that's why he kissed her.
Again.
In the train compartment.
But he probably wouldn't have done it if he'd known who was standing just outside the door, seeing Linda gathered in Sirius's arms and pressed against each other yet again.
"Absolutely Zero" –Jason mraz
You
You are a friend
You are a friend of mine
I let you spend the night
You say it was my fault
Of course it was mine
I do hard at work
You ever heard of anything so absurd
Ever in your life?
I'm sorry for wasting your time.
Who am I to say this situation isn't great
When it's my job to make the most of it
Of course I didn't know it that it would happen to me
Nothing easy
Hey, what's that you say?
You're not blaming me for anything oh that's great
but I don't break that easily
does it fade away?
So that's why I'm apologizing now for telling you I thought that we could make it
I just don't get enough to believe that we both changed
See, who am I to say this situation isn't great
It is my time to make the most of it of course I didn't know that it would happen to me
Nothing easy, no, no, no…
If all along that fault is up for grabs why can't you have it
If it's for sale what is your offer
I will sell it for no less than what I bought it for
Pay no more than absolutely zero
Well, neither one of us deserves the blame
But because opportunities moved us away
It's not an easy thing to learn to play
A game that's made for two
that two will be the rules that made history
see that was easy
see, who am I to say this situation isn't great
it's our time to make the most of it, how could we ever know that this would ever happen to me
not that easy, no
no. no, no
when all along the fault is up for grabs and there you have it
it's for sale go make your offer
will I sell for no less that what I bought it for
pay no more than absolutely zero