Chapter 18.

Shoot me dead if i ever EVER take this long to post again, k?

So...shall we?

He was kissing her. Again. How could he do this, just after he said he wouldn't? But he had to admit, she felt wonderful pressed up against him now. Sirius's fingers were threading through Linda's silk-soft hair, her chest breathing against his. He didn't want to not touch her. But finally, he had to pull away.

"It wasn't that I didn't care," he corrected. Sirius's voice was husky, out of breath. He was still touching her, not wanting to let go just yet. "But you understand…about where we stand, and Remus…right?"

Linda sighed. She was looking at him; she kept her eyes on his bottom lip. "I'm sick of understanding." And her lips were pressed back on his. Hearts racing, intensity heightening, and emotions rushing, the passion between them was undeniable. His fingers brushed along her side; hers curled in around his neck.

Finally, after another looong while, they both pulled away, though still reluctantly. Sirius's hair was noticeably messier than its usual long casually-in-place look; Linda's lips were redder--to her, they felt swollen from all the kissing. Clumsily, considering they were on a speeding train, Linda sat on one side of the forgotten compartment and Sirius sat across from her.

"We're going to have to establish some rules," he breathed, leaning his head back, looking up at the ceiling. Maybe it isn't safe, he said to himself, to look directly at her.

...scene...

Remus, James, Lily, Amelia, were all sitting cramped on one side of the compartment; Peter took up the entirety of the other side while he slept. The ride was bumpy, the compartment too hot, and cramped between the four current occupants.

"I'm excited to get back to school," Amelia said cheerily, even though it was hot and crowded in the tiny room that seemed more and more like a broom closet as more time passed amongst them.

James looked incredulously at her. "Excited about school? You are an odd one, aren't you?" he asked, jokingly.

Amelia was holding back a smile, but she was clearly beaming. But in a nervous sort of way, it seemed. "I haven't seen some of these people in nearly a month, that's all. Have some catching up to do." She was twisting her fingers in her lap uneasily, but with the corners of her lips twitching, nearly failing to hold back that smile.

"It's close quarters in here," Lily said shortly, picking up her bag and the autobiography she'd been reading. "I'll be in the Heads compartment."

"Wait for me," James dutifully followed, figuring once Sirius and Linda got back, it would be even tighter in here. Where were those two, anyway?

Back in Sirius and Linda's compartment.

"So, it's settled?" he asked, his eyebrows raised slightly, one of his hands coolly in his pocket, both sleeves of his shirt rolled just below the elbow.

They were standing, facing each other, but both careful not to get…attached. It was settled; the situation did seem complicated, and while Linda convinced herself that she wouldn't—nor did she have a responsibility to—care how Remus would feel about the situation. But Sirius felt strongly about it, and she wouldn't force or ask him to do something that would jeopardize a lifelong friendship. Plus, what girl wants to beg the boy she likes to like her back?

"Yeah," Linda answered him. Her hands were hanging at her sides, partly because she awkwardly didn't know where to put them; a few minutes ago, they'd been running through Sirius's hair. A part of her was mortified, another frustrated with Sirius's cavalier manner. First he kisses her. Then takes it back, then kisses her again, and is now taking it back again. Idiot. "I think I got the gist."

He looked like he wanted to say something more. He didn't open his mouth to speak; it was just something in his eyes…the way he looked at her. That way that drove her crazy. What did he want to say? What, Linda screamed at him in her mind, do you want to say?

After a few more seconds of a chance, he still kept silent. Linda sighed. Disappointed. "Guess I'll just see you later, then." She took a step towards the door to leave.

"We have to share a compartment with the others," he spoke, deep brown eyes never wavering. "Remember?"

Damn. "Right," she remembered, turning back towards him without thinking. Double sigh. "Fine. That's, um, fine, then." She'd do anything to already be back at school. A whole ride back to Hogwarts sitting across from the boy that was basically screaming STAY AWAY FROM ME was going to be anything but fine.

But before she could turn her back to him again and get the hell out of there, Sirius raised a hand, like he was going to touch her face or something, or push her hair sweetly away. She held her breath. Stop looking at me like that, she thought, otherwise I won't be able to leave. But like he realized what he was doing, he pulled his hand back at the absolute last second, and…nothing. That was it, the gesture left unborn.

Linda did turn around, and left the compartment.

…scene…

Sirius returned to the gang's compartment, rubbing the back of his neck like there was a pain in it. He sat down, pushing a sleeping (and snoring) Peter's legs out of the way forcefully. He leaned his head back, thinking.

"Gone a while, eh?" Remus remarked casually, while he sat back, reading.

"Yeah, and what of it?" Sirius snapped. Uncalled for, but he wasn't in the best of moods right now. The reason being indirectly because of Remus.

"Now, don't you go getting your panties in a bunch," Remus mocked, with a hint of a smile on his face.

Amelia, the only other person in the room, raised her eyebrows. "O-kay. Well. I'm going to just…let you two swing those things around," she muttered under her breath. "Be back later." She got up and left the compartment.

Sirius sat back in silence, still reeling. But the silence, of course, didn't last long at all.

"So..." Remus flipped a page in his book. He was reading Stevenson's Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. "Cassandra Cooper from Ravenclaw stopped by the compartment and asked for you."

Sirius could hear the smirk in his voice from where he sat, even over Peter's lulling snores. Sirius cleared his throat, his voice forcefully disinterested. "Cassandra?"

"Short dark hair, green eyes, has that laugh that makes you want to yell 'FINALLY' once she's gone."

Oh. Cassandra Cooper. Sirius pictured her in his mind. Yeah, she was pretty—very eye-catching. But Remus was right—her giggle (forced, high-pitched, and always lasted too long) could gnaw away at your nerves. These days, it seemed, she was more than far from Sirius's type.

"What'd you tell her?" Sirius asked.

"Don't worry, I was vague. Said that you'd stepped out, and were probably wandering around the train. But she kept talking—about how she'd gone to Paris for Christmas, and if you'd met anyone over the break, if you were still seeing that person now. Then, finally, she left. Something shiny must've stolen her attention."

"Probably," Sirius smiled slightly.

"I left to look for you, in case she decided to come back." Though Remus sat back and seemed to be talking casually, Sirius suspected his tone was more…searching.

Remus had gone looking for him? Had he found him—together with Linda—and all this comfortable chatting was a lead-up to the big explosion? He ran a hand through his thick, dark hair. "Did you?"

Remus put down his book, looking directly at Sirius. "Imagine my surprise."

What had he seen? Sirius's stomach felt light, like he was on a rollercoaster, and he was just about to go down the big, steep, drop.

"So, 'fess up," Remus said, leaning forward slightly. Jesus, Sirius gritted his teeth, Confess. "Who was the girl?"

Sirius blinked. Twice. "The girl…"

"The one you were snogging as if you'd just broken out of Azkaban after a five-year sentence? Yes, that's the girl I mean."

Sirius nearly collapsed back on the chair; it was all he could do to keep himself standing straight up and not give himself away. Remus had seen him kissing Linda—Sirius's most recent worst fear come true—only, he hadn't seen her face. Thank God. Sirius's chest lightened now—a second ago, it had felt as if someone had been sitting on it. But he felt guilty in his relief. Remus wore a grin of a good friend wanting to hear his best friend's good news. Sirius couldn't believe his rotten luck. His friend was sitting here, asking who the girl was. Simple: The girl was Linda. It was your ex-girlfriend, Remus, you know, the one you had been seeing for months…your first serious relationship in a long time…the person you'd once said was the love of your life…yeah. It was her. I was just being a first-class prat by moving in on her. You don't mind, do you, buddy? Fantastic.

But of course, before he could say any of that (like he ever could), Remus continued. "You must have a full plate if I'm sent as errand-boy to fetch you for one girl, and stumble upon you making out in a compartment with another. Sure keep busy. I mean, we haven't even gotten back to school yet." Remus chuckled. "What record are you trying to break?"

"I do seem to have a knack of getting myself into interesting situations, don't I?" Sirius remarked bitterly. He couldn't even look at him.

"Still haven't answered the question the people want to know," Remus slapped Sirius on the back. "Who is she?" Smiling, he added, "You know, the girl who seemed to take an absolute fancy to you—and don't blush; you like her, too. A lot. At least, loads more than that Cassy Cooper chit, I can tell."

Could you, Remus?

"Just a girl, alright?" Sirius whipped. Steadier, he continued. "It doesn't matter, because it's not going anywhere. Whatever it was…it's over, I guess you could say."

"Over? Looked like you were just starting."

"No," Sirius cleared his throat. "That was a sort of goodbye. So, Cassandra asked about me, huh? What'd she say, again?"

They talked mindlessly about the Ravenclaw girl, and other mindless things, in a mindless way. Sirius was disappointed. He didn't want the Ravenclaw girl—right now, he didn't want any of them. But the one girl he did want, and wanted him back, was the one he couldn't have.

Around fifteen minutes earlier.

Amelia left the boys and stepped out of the compartment. Just as she'd closed the door behind her, she didn't notice the person walking in her direction.

It was a very dim-looking Linda.

"So, decided to make an appearance?" Amelia teased. Linda blushed suddenly. Where had she been all this time? "You've been gone for awhile."

"Huh? Oh yes. Sorry. What'd you ask, I missed it."

"Just wondering what kept you."

"Oh." Linda paused. For a second, Amelia thought Linda's forgotten where she'd been. "I was dawdling, I suppose."

"For nearly an hour?"

Linda smiled unconvincingly. She shot half a glance towards the closed compartment door.

Amelia's cheeky smile faded. "Y'alright? You look… distracted."

Her head snapped back to face Amelia. "Wh—distracted? Um, sure. Yes. Well, I'm, uh, trying to remember if I p-packed everything. And I took long before because I stopped to, you know…catch up with a few people. Then I was looking for the, um, candy cart. I've got such a sweet tooth, you know. But right now, I just want to get in the compartment and lie down, I'm so tired." She chuckled weakly, though Amelia didn't know why. She fleetingly wondered if Linda had drunk anything suspicious…

"Well what'd you buy?"

Linda raised her eyebrows questioningly.

"From the candy cart, I mean. Where's your candy?"

Linda blinked twice. Then quickly—a little too quickly—replied, "Changed my mind." She looked down at her hands—like she'd expected something to be there. "Well, one look at all that sugar and I decided against it. Could make your teeth rot, and hell, it goes straight to the hips, right?"

Amelia nodded in agreement, and said, "Mhhmm, whatever you say," but was too distracted by Linda's behavior. She seemed nervous, and her eyes were darting around. Like her mind was thinking about something else. Or looking for someone else. And was her hair mussed?

"You sure everything alright, Linda?" she asked.

Her straight honey-brown hair fell into her eyes when she shook her head. "Oh, yeah, fine. I'm just….I'm just thinking abou—" but mid-word, she looked at Amelia and, changing the subject, asked, "—You just came out of the compartment, where were you going?"

Amelia hadn't really planned on going anywhere. She'd just wanted to get out of the compartment for a while. "Sirius and Remus are talking. So I just up and left for now—"

She thought she noticed Linda's face flushed. "Sirius and Remus are in there? Both of them?"
Amelia nodded absentmindedly as she said, "Well, actually, I wouldn't mind a few extra sugar quills for during class—"

With new energy, Linda suggested, "Great, I'll go with you to get some from the candy cart."

"But you were just there—and if you're tired and want to sit in the compartment, go right ahe—"

"Why would I be tired? I'm fine—now let's get those sugar quills."

…scene…

The Head compartment was fairly quiet, except for James shuffling in his seat every now and then.

James had followed Lily into the Heads' compartment. He'd just grown accustomed to looking out for her these past few weeks. Aside from the devastation from the death of her mother, there was still the very real fact that her murderer was still out there. And the death mark found in her parents' room pretty much proved that the murderer was apart of the Wizarding world—the world she had always loved being apart of from September to June. Right now, Lily was looking, staring, out the compartment window, which took up most of the width of the wall, and watched the lush green countryside pass by in one big blur.

James sat beside Lily, rather than across from her. She was silent, looking out. Most of the time, he didn't know what to do. She was so quiet all the time, so reserved and inside herself. While this was not wholly unexpected, it didn't make things any less confusing. James spent all the time he could spare with her, hoping he could draw her out. That his Lily would…come back. Just a little. He was always hoping for a change.

"We'll probably be back at school in a bit, I think," James said, breaking the silence. He ran a hand through his black hair, rumpling it up absentmindedly.

After what seemed like a long while, Lily replied dully, leaning somewhat into James's warm shoulder, "Wake me when it's time to change into our robes." And that was the last thing he heard her say the rest of the trip.

The smallest of smiles tugged at the corners of James's mouth. She was almost leaning against him as she shut her eyes. James nearly moved in a few inches so she could really rest on him. At least she's not pulling away. While he was glad that even this tiniest of signs satisfied him for now, he still worried if he'd ever see her laugh again. Smile, without the shadow of pain when she did it. Well, he thought. He still had some work to do on her. Smiling, James moved in those few inches, until Lily's head rested on his right shoulder. Maybe a change of scenery was what she needed. Maybe going back to school would help. He hoped.

…scene…

Lily stood in McGonagall's office. No sooner than after she'd gone to her dormroom after dinner was she stopped by a fifth year Gryffindor, telling her Professor McGonagall wanted to see her as soon as possible.

Lily was lingering over by the large oak bookcase. Her eyes passed titles like Theories of Transubstantial Transfiguration and a play called "Hélas, j'ai Transfiguré mes Pieds (Alas, I have Transfigured my Feet)" written by a wizard named Malecrit. Lily smiled slightly at the title. The old Lily might've laughed outright. Where had she gone? Lily thought, fleetingly.

Before she could answer her own question, however, the office door opened. McGonagall walked in the room and behind her desk in what was her no-nonsense manner. Sitting down in her chair, she motioned to Lily to take her own seat, and said, "Thank you, Ms. Evans, for meeting with me."

"Of course, Professor." Lily seemed to take her sweet time to walk over and sit in her seat.

"I know you've just gotten back, and you must have things to do to settle back in, and you'd much rather be with your peers at the moment, so I'll make my point brief."

Lily shrugged. "There's no rush."

McGonagall's smallish eyes peered at Lily behind her square glasses, and then nodded a second later. "Hm," was what she had to say.

"Lily,"—Lily noted the Professor's use of her first name, which was pretty informal for her—, "first off, I've heard about…Well, I'd like to extend my sincerest condolences, and a supportive hand—if you were to ever need anything: time, a meeting with one of the staff or me, a certain request—all you need do is ask."

Lily was looking at her, as if they'd been in class and McGonagall was doing nothing more than teaching a lesson on animagis. "Thank you, Professor."

The older woman nodded. "Professor Dumbledore and I had spoken before the holidays about your course schedule. Seeing that your grades are impeccable, your record pristine, and your Head Girl status, I have recommended—and he has agreed—that you be allowed certain advances in your studies."

McGonagall paused for a few seconds here. If she'd expected Lily to say something or make a comment, she was disappointed, because Lily offered none.

"At any rate, if you'd like, you'll be offered advanced classes in the following subjects," McGonagall picked up a piece of parchment off her desk and read off, "Transfiguration, Charms and Defense against the Dark Arts. Few other students in your class have been offered this opportunity. I understand that after Hogwarts, you may want to pursue a career with the Ministry, and believe me, Ms. Evans, this will reflect well on your abilities. Indeed, I'll be surprised if the Ministry isn't chasing after you, offering you positions faster than you can turn them down. But make no mistake, this does mean a considerable amount more responsibility." McGonagall studied Lily's expressionless face. "Do you think you can handle it?"

Without wasting time to think, Lily nodded. "Yes."

McGonagall folded her hands over the short, neat pile of paper in front of her. "Now, due to the, er, unfortunate state of affairs, if you feel it's needed, you may take more time before returning to your school work. I've already cleared it with the faculty; we understand if you want more time—"

"No," Lily spoke quickly. "Thank you, but no. That won't be necessary. I would like to start my work again as soon as possible rather than have more aimless time to think about my, um, unfortunate state of affairs." At this, McGonagall flushed slightly at having her own (it seemed) tactless words thrown back at her. "Thank you for the opportunity. I am more than fine with the extra responsibility and feel up to the task." Lily stood up. "Was that all, Professor?"

Minerva McGonagall blinked at the redhead, slightly taken aback at her abruptness at ending the meeting. But she recovered quickly, in true Mcgonagall-fashion. "Certainly. Your revised schedule will be sent to you in the morning. You are dismissed, Miss Evans."

--scene---The Next Morning.

Sirius sat down at his usual chair beside James and Remus at breakfast. He saw Linda glance up at him, her eyes as beautiful as ever. He could hardly believe he was thinking this, with Remus sitting right next to him, chewing his breakfast unaware of the almost-romance between his best friend and ex.

Sirius's fathomless eyes looked up towards the ceiling in frustration. Just as he had, a few owls were flying in. This wasn't unusual; even though it was their first day back, students usually forgot an item or two or twelve at home, and parents sent it along. But what was unusual was that an owl dropped a letter in front of Sirius. He looked at it with an obvious question played on his handsome face. He didn't even live with his family anymore, so he knew that he hadn't forgotten anything at the Black home (Besides, his mother burned whatever of his belongings Sirius did leave behind. He knew because she'd sent him the ashes.). But there it was. A letter with the Black Family Crest in dark black wax.

"Your mum sending more dirt, Padfoot?" James poked in, chewing on his toast.

Sirius pushed back his dark hair. He opened the envelope—warily. He couldn't be too careful. It was from his family after all. Inside was a simple letter (not a Howler, or even anything sharp, like Sirius had expected). But as Sirius scanned the page, he noticed his mother's handwriting wasn't its customary elegant, and somehow pompous hand. She had written quickly, sometimes the sentences slanted on the page, and in her haste had forgotten to cross some of her Ts.

It was about Regulus.

His parents were so desperate to find him, they had stooped so low as to ask Sirius. One half of the set of brothers who hated each other so badly, they should never be around each other armed. Sure, Sirius thought. Ask me.

But Sirius could not feel sorry for his parents; not even now. His sympathy lied with Amelia. The girl who—FOR GOD ALONE KNEW WHAT REASON, because Sirius sure as hell didn't—fell in love with Reg, only to be left, without explanation or goodbye, with a broken, lonely heart.

He looked down the Gryffindor table. She sat by Linda, her breakfast in front of her. She wasn't eating, but rearranging her food artfully on her plate. This was nothing but weird, since yesterday she had seemed so happy to get back to school. When she'd returned to the train's compartment with Linda, all she'd done was check her watch, wondering when they'd "finally get there." And she'd checked her hair in a hand-mirror maybe a hundred times.

Sirius crumpled up the letter.

Later, he had decided to answer his parents' letter. The one imploring him to tell them if he knew where their beloved Regulus was. On a spare piece of parchment in his dorm, he wrote:

"The hell if I know. I hope, for his sake, he stays gone. Lost to you. From, your disowned son."

Authoress's Notes. (and there are many. I wrote these before I got to finish my chapter, so if they're dated, SORRY):

You wouldn't believe how long it took me to spell McGonagall's name correctly. I think I may hold a record for coming up with every single way.

I solemnly swear never ever to take this long to post ever again. Ever.

Not my best batch, even I feel it's a bit scattered and unanswered, but I needed to set up the next chapter a bit.

Harry is now 17. In the books, that is. 25 in our world. What a hottie. Happy b-day, m'boy.

Love you all.

Katie--Sweets, I was like, CRYING while I read your review. And the only person in this world known to make me cry is JKR. So I've cried 3 times in my life (there might have been others, but no one can prove those): When Sirius died, when Dumbledore died, and when I read your review. I can't believe the stuff you remembered...the lines you quoted...Ok, I might just shed a tear all over again. Oh and how I miss your 2am rants! I love you so much--you're the best. Thanks for the memories.

snazzysnez--hey there! Thanks for reading. and thaniel will play into it all again later; I know he's had a long absence.

Laurel--hope these posts answered your question! And awww, you remember my first post? That's so sweet, sniff. Btw, where've you been, hun? I haven't talked to you in ages. Edit: a batch of cookies? can feel the cavities My readers spoil me so. I love it.

Keeks--Aw, you're smitten on Remus. :pinches cheeks: You're so cute.

Lacey--I know, 2 years. It's crazy-ness.

Wizemunkee--I know, Sirius does need to focus on Linda, but...what can i say for the male species? They're just so damn clueless.

Vick--I could BLUSH with that kinda flattery. LoL you're too sweet. :Offers cookies and milk: And Cheers to you. ;)

Pia--I know, it doesn't seem like 2 years. But then...i dunno. Sometimes it seems like forever for me, and other times it's like, hello, ok, it can't have been a whole 2 years.

Sam--I always wanna give shoutouts, but im sorely lacking in time! But I'll be better, i promise. :has halo floating on top of head:

Missy--Damn. You guessed my first 2 ideas. Hugh and Rabbit, Roger. Psht. Go and ruin the surprise, darnit. ;) LoL love ya. And yeah, why is Remus always the hurting lonely soul? I dunno. Easy target, i guess.

Singing--oh thanks, hun. Well, of course Sirius was considerate of Remus. Sirius Black is the perfect specimen as we all know, and perfect specimens are not only HoTTT, but also have the perfect personality, therefore...he's a good friend. :Got lost in fantasy of Sirius: ... :blinks: ...er, I'm back. Hi. What. Oh. Thanks, and love ya.

Kelly (sweety)--Oh. You will just have to wait to find out. ;)

Paddy--That's right, Linda and Remus did break up, but technically, he broke up with her. And she did want him back--she told Sirius once that "she could wait" for Remus if that's what it took. But it seems that now...she's changed her mind. :hums: La, la, la... Tee hee.

Kaitlyn--I love that you're one of the only other ppl i know who curses like a sailor/me. And you start off your reviews with 'fuck.' Tee. "I mean, this is me, little miss...Sirius-Black-Is-Orgasmic...And I'm just in awe over how much I liked the thought of Sirius wearing jeans and a charcoal sweater. SERIOUSLY. All of the little detail, and REMUS, oh my FUCK." Ok, so I laughed for about an hour. I LOVE YOU. Or as we Parisians say, "je amour tu." :hugs:

Ashley--Oh, thanks for reading! I love when ppl find my story after seeing it on God, that thing was such good advertising, LoL. But yeah, that Lilyevans4 writer you mentioned--that's not me. AT ALL. but just to be clear, my story is 100 original, and if hers is similar, than I'm sure it's just a coincidence. Anywho, thanks again for being here and reading! Drop a line. ;)

Steph--I hear ya. I used to love spring because of my bday being in it and all...but really...AUTUMN is the best. THE BEST. The weather is perfect--i'm so sick of summer sun and humidity and crap--and the colors are great, everything's beautiful and the clothes ROCK. Can't wait til September.

Meg--So, Ryan, eh:wiggles eyebrows: Keep me posted. Oh, and a bucket full of cookies? Today is my LUCKY day. And I know! BOOK SIX WAS TOTALLY "OH MY GOD"-worthy!

"M"--jeez, are my cheeks red? Flattered doesn't really cover it; what you said, about the quality and everything...thanks so much. Hope you stay on as a reader, and i hear from you more often!

Katie—Cockroach cluster--Got it! And I swear, I've missed you—and Marius!—so much, too. And yeah, we've got to IM chat—I've got new thoughts on HPB to talk about. I've been rereading the other books, and checking facts in the last one (I'm one busy girl!). And yes, I've. Got. Thoughts. (and this doesn't happen often, so pay attention! LoL).

Hayley—Oh my, honey, I am NOT giving up on this story. I would never do that! Why haven't I posted in months? LIFE. I don't know where it came from, or how I got one, but it suddenly kicked me in the ass. First I had exams, then I went on vacation, then relatives keep staying with me (currently it's my aunt from NY; she needs to go home!) and I got a job and we're remodeling my house and I lost three scenes that I had to rewrite from memory and HPB came out and I don't sleep anymore and just….LIFE. I hate it. Plus, I've had this chapter with me for ages; I just could never finish it. And it's been KILLING me not being able to post it. I swear. It's almost all I thought about. But no excuse—I'm rotten with responsibility and deadlines.

So…how'd you all fare with book 6?

My fave new gossip: did you know Ron's middle name is Bilius? :Laughs hysterically: In JKR's words, Poor boy.