Anyway, she lived like this happily, well, for the most part, for 16 years, until her 16th birthday came. Now, on that day the fairies wanted to plan her a surprise party, so they sent her out to go pick berries in the ridiculously cheery woods. Anyway, while she was there, she bumped into a stranger.
"Ahem"
I'm sorry?
"Extremely handsome stranger, if you don't mind"
OK… She bumped into an extremely handsome and big-headed stranger.
"Hey"
You brought it on yourself. Anyway, he'd never seen anyone prettier than Sam, and she'd never seen anyone except the fairies, so they both fell instantly in love with each other. But they didn't let each other know, and instead Sam challenged Jack to an arm-wrestling match.
"Hey… this wasn't in the script"
Well, it is now!
"Who are you to dictate what we do"
I'm the narrator!
"Oh, right"
Shouldn't you two be arm-wrestling to show your love for each other?
"Apparently"
So they did, and, after 45 minutes at a stalemate, they gave up, both admitting the other was good at it.
"You're really good at this, sir"
"Thanks, Carter. You too"
Erm, excuse me?
"What now"
Drop the ranks will ya? For cryin' out loud – this is a fairytale!
"Hey, that's my line"
I'm the narrator, I get dibs on any line I like.
"That's so mean"
Tell me about it. No, actually, don't. I've got a story to tell. Anyway, suddenly they realise that life is really short and fragile, and they shouldn't hold off such a wonderful relationship just because of some rules set down by authority figures.
"Excuse me? Are you trying to say something here"
Erm, no, obviously not… I meant that the fairies had told Sam not to talk to strangers and that Jack's… guardian, so-to-speak, told him he had to marry the one he was betrothed to. I wasn't even thinking about any other rules… say, airforce regulations… or anything, honest…
"Yeah, we believe you"
And so you should. Anyway, they told each other how they felt…
"I love you, Sa- woman whose name I don't know"
"I love you too, si- I mean, Ja- I mean, man whose name I also don't know"
You're just so good at this it's scary. Anyway, despite all these rules they were supposed to be following Sam told Jack to turn up at the cottage that evening and they'd talk then. So they parted, and went on their merry little ways, each dreaming happily of the other. Ah. Meanwhile, back at the castle, King Jacob was talking to King George.
"-and then he comes in, no idea where he is, and says 'who ordered the Mexican"
Erm, hello there?
"What"
I believe that was your cue"
"What was"
'King Jacob was talking to King George.
"I didn't hear you say it"
"Me neither"
"Say it again"
OK… so King Jacob was talking to King George. Get it that time?
"Loud and clear"
It's about time too. Get on with it then.
"Right… so George, I was thinking that our kingdoms should join. What do you think"
"Great idea. But how are we gonna do that"
"Well, I reckon my daughter being betrothed to your, erm, surrogate son will do. How about that"
"Sounds good to me. They can get married next week, is that alright"
"Fine by me. Sam is coming home tonight, I'll tell her then"
"Peachy"
Quite. Well, anyway, when Sam got back to the cottage the fairies told her that she was a princess, and she was less than pleased.
"Are you kidding me? Gosh, all these years I was a princess and I didn't know it"
Ahem. You do know this is just a fairy story don't you? "Erm, of course"
Yes, well… Anyway, as the sun began to set they began their journey to the castle. Quite surprisingly no-one noticed them, and they made it to the castle OK. So, the fairies left Sam to cry over losing Jack, ahem, I mean fix her make-up, but when she had disappeared only moments later they knew that it was a bad idea. So they chased after her, and ran into the tower just in time to see her flick the switch on the Naquada reactor and electrocute herself.
"Ouch"
What now?
"That hurt"
It was supposed to kill you dear, of course it hurt.
"Oh, right"
Anyway, you're supposed to be unconscious!
"Z"
Hmmm… So the fairies took her and put her to bed because sleeping on the floor in a stone tower for 100 years can get quite uncomfortable. They drew straws, and Daniel got the short one, and was therefore elected to tell the Kings what had happened, but he started talking about comparative mythology instead, and soon the whole castle fell into a deep sleep.
"Hey"
Well, Danny boy, you were the one doing the lecturing, I mean, talking. Now go wake up Fairy Janet and Fairy Teal'c, you've got to go rescue Jack!
"We're going to rescue him"
That's what I said.
"How the heck are we gonna do that"
Look, you just do as I tell you, OK? Trust me, I'm a narrator!
"Hmm, OK, but only because I have no other choice"
Good boy.
"Ahem"
I'm sorry?
"Extremely handsome stranger, if you don't mind"
OK… She bumped into an extremely handsome and big-headed stranger.
"Hey"
You brought it on yourself. Anyway, he'd never seen anyone prettier than Sam, and she'd never seen anyone except the fairies, so they both fell instantly in love with each other. But they didn't let each other know, and instead Sam challenged Jack to an arm-wrestling match.
"Hey… this wasn't in the script"
Well, it is now!
"Who are you to dictate what we do"
I'm the narrator!
"Oh, right"
Shouldn't you two be arm-wrestling to show your love for each other?
"Apparently"
So they did, and, after 45 minutes at a stalemate, they gave up, both admitting the other was good at it.
"You're really good at this, sir"
"Thanks, Carter. You too"
Erm, excuse me?
"What now"
Drop the ranks will ya? For cryin' out loud – this is a fairytale!
"Hey, that's my line"
I'm the narrator, I get dibs on any line I like.
"That's so mean"
Tell me about it. No, actually, don't. I've got a story to tell. Anyway, suddenly they realise that life is really short and fragile, and they shouldn't hold off such a wonderful relationship just because of some rules set down by authority figures.
"Excuse me? Are you trying to say something here"
Erm, no, obviously not… I meant that the fairies had told Sam not to talk to strangers and that Jack's… guardian, so-to-speak, told him he had to marry the one he was betrothed to. I wasn't even thinking about any other rules… say, airforce regulations… or anything, honest…
"Yeah, we believe you"
And so you should. Anyway, they told each other how they felt…
"I love you, Sa- woman whose name I don't know"
"I love you too, si- I mean, Ja- I mean, man whose name I also don't know"
You're just so good at this it's scary. Anyway, despite all these rules they were supposed to be following Sam told Jack to turn up at the cottage that evening and they'd talk then. So they parted, and went on their merry little ways, each dreaming happily of the other. Ah. Meanwhile, back at the castle, King Jacob was talking to King George.
"-and then he comes in, no idea where he is, and says 'who ordered the Mexican"
Erm, hello there?
"What"
I believe that was your cue"
"What was"
'King Jacob was talking to King George.
"I didn't hear you say it"
"Me neither"
"Say it again"
OK… so King Jacob was talking to King George. Get it that time?
"Loud and clear"
It's about time too. Get on with it then.
"Right… so George, I was thinking that our kingdoms should join. What do you think"
"Great idea. But how are we gonna do that"
"Well, I reckon my daughter being betrothed to your, erm, surrogate son will do. How about that"
"Sounds good to me. They can get married next week, is that alright"
"Fine by me. Sam is coming home tonight, I'll tell her then"
"Peachy"
Quite. Well, anyway, when Sam got back to the cottage the fairies told her that she was a princess, and she was less than pleased.
"Are you kidding me? Gosh, all these years I was a princess and I didn't know it"
Ahem. You do know this is just a fairy story don't you? "Erm, of course"
Yes, well… Anyway, as the sun began to set they began their journey to the castle. Quite surprisingly no-one noticed them, and they made it to the castle OK. So, the fairies left Sam to cry over losing Jack, ahem, I mean fix her make-up, but when she had disappeared only moments later they knew that it was a bad idea. So they chased after her, and ran into the tower just in time to see her flick the switch on the Naquada reactor and electrocute herself.
"Ouch"
What now?
"That hurt"
It was supposed to kill you dear, of course it hurt.
"Oh, right"
Anyway, you're supposed to be unconscious!
"Z"
Hmmm… So the fairies took her and put her to bed because sleeping on the floor in a stone tower for 100 years can get quite uncomfortable. They drew straws, and Daniel got the short one, and was therefore elected to tell the Kings what had happened, but he started talking about comparative mythology instead, and soon the whole castle fell into a deep sleep.
"Hey"
Well, Danny boy, you were the one doing the lecturing, I mean, talking. Now go wake up Fairy Janet and Fairy Teal'c, you've got to go rescue Jack!
"We're going to rescue him"
That's what I said.
"How the heck are we gonna do that"
Look, you just do as I tell you, OK? Trust me, I'm a narrator!
"Hmm, OK, but only because I have no other choice"
Good boy.