A Conversation
#71 Quiet Despair, 1125 words

Usagi bit her lip, trying to find different escapes for her watery eyes. But they kept returning to the same place, returning to the same path linking her to the cobalt eyes across the table. It was like some tiring dance: she would look at the table, then back at him, look through the window, then back at him, look at his eyes, than back at him.

Kami-sama, he was so beautiful to look at.

"Odango, stop being so difficult and tell me," he said, protesting her protest of her feelings. His voice was so low and firm. Luckily they were seated, or else his voice could've knocked Usagi off of her feet like the many times before.

It was the little things that got her; it was never the teasing, the "Odangos", the exchange of repartee as if each rebuttal was money. No. Usagi loved the twinkle that sparkled in his eyes when he matched that perfect remark to the perfect moment. Usagi loved special kind of attention all of the other high school girls and older women would kill for from the mysterious Mamoru. There was something special between them.

But alas, as much as Usagi wished for it, that something special was not love. At least, she didn't think it was. Usagi knew she had never been in love before, and sometimes found herself wondering whether Mamoru had ever loved also. She also knew love didn't mean sleepless nights or nights filled with dreams about him, long wistful sighs in the middle of the day, jealousy eating away at her heart whenever she saw another girl within ten feet of him, or the fact that it hurt so damn much just to be within ten feet of him.

But then again, maybe these feelings were love because it just meant that one day, someday, if Mamoru returned any of these feelings, their love would feel a thousand times sweeter. But until then…

Usagi found her soul pierced by those captivating blue eyes again. She gulped and turned away once more. Sure, right now he was playing nice and asking about her feelings, but what about all of those other times? All of the other times she ran out of the arcade because she was crying, she kept running to school because she was late, and when she was running to get away from him, her only means of concealing her vulnerability. The Moon Warrior of love and justice was vulnerable because of him, and during this crucial time of Senshi training, Usagi knew it was necessary to discipline herself against any distractions. She tried blocking him from her thoughts, tried to remember all of the malicious names he called her, tried to number the reasons why he wasn't worthy…but trying didn't stack up against the charming Chiba Mamoru. He was going to be bad for training.

If I had my way, I'd never get over you.

"Usagi," he whispered. Mamoru's hand reached across the table, encompassing Usagi's own. Electricity shot through her body. He was being so caring, so sincere for once, that maybe…maybe she could indulge just for this one moment.

"No!" cried the senshi inside of her. "You don't have time for this. No one has time for heartache."

Staring at the two joined hands, Usagi's vision began to blur with the oncoming slaughter of tears. "No, no, no…I can't cry now! This isn't the time to fall apart in front of him," she thought desperately.

Mamoru's shock and concern couldn't be concealed under his usually cool exterior. His lips parted slightly as if he wanted to say something, but what was there to say? He had no idea what was wrong with Usagi; she never cried in front of him. She never really cried. Then again, maybe that was the problem: he never saw her cry those dejected tears.

"Usa," he murmured quietly. Mamoru's hand moved from its perch on Usagi's to brush aside the bangs concealing her reddening face. She flinched under his touch. "Please talk to me."

Wiping away the renegade tears trickling down her cheek, Usagi sat upright once more. Her cerulean eyes clashed with the steel blue eyes once more, and to Mamoru's dismay, she smiled.

I don't want to talk about it.

What a truly unfair situation, and Usagi wondered how Mamoru could live his life betraying his own emotions on a daily basis. She would have loved a civil conversation, but to have one would only cause Usagi more tears. Here, Mamoru wanted her to share her feelings with him, but while she wanted to break down in front of him, there was no way any guy, let alone Mamoru-baka, would want to see her puddle into a mess of tears and girly emotion. No, Usagi found no better suiting choice than to bury her feelings deep into the darkest depths of her soul.

But if Mamoru wanted a conversation, she knew what she would say if she was ever granted the courage. She would walk up and slap him across the face, first. Her voice resounded in her mind with each word she would hurl at him. "Mamoru, you are the most stubborn man I've ever met. You only think of yourself and never of the broken girl in front of you, because of you, Baka. Why I continue to be subjected to your cold feelings, you will never know or could barely fathom to understand." And she didn't want his conversation.

I'm in love with you.

Usagi rethought her words for Mamoru. No, the previous ones would not suffice. "Mamoru, as immature you think I am and no matter how much you detest me, I will always be there for you. I will always look forward to your teasing because that is what keeps me alive. I will forever wonder what it is like to be in love with someone so enigmatic and who couldn't possibly placate these feelings. I don't know where to begin, but I want to know who you are, how you feel, and what these feelings mean. I want to know everything."

A tiny, painful smile flickered on Usagi's lips. She had gone back to staring at the table top. Then she was gone. Usagi made no sound the entire time she sat across from Mamoru, and she continued in silence as she slid from the booth to the arcade exit.

Mamoru's blue eyes followed the retreating figure growing smaller in the horizon. What passed through her mind, he could not begin to imagine. He only knew he had never seen Usagi so…like him. For once, Mamoru felt like he was the one shut out and shunned.

All he did was ask her why she hated him.