Author's note: This will be my last update in a while; I'm going on a trip. Which will be nice, but I'll miss my computer. How sad is that? Anyways, this chapter begins in early 1433, the year after Merry became Master of Buckland. And I think that's all you need to know…
Disclaimer: You know the drill…
XXX
XXX
XXX
Merry frowned deeply and scratched his chin, observing the problem in front of him. He had to think hard before he did anything, once he made his move there would be no turning back, and a wrong turn could be fatal. He glanced at Pippin and then took a deep breath and made his move.
"There" he said. "Your turn."
Without giving it as much as a thought Pippin grabbed one of his markers and moved it across the board in front of them.
"Your move."
Merry scratched his chin once more and eyed Pippin's draw while his cousin leaned back in his chair and sighed with boredom. It was hopeless trying to play board games with Merry. He put so much thought into it you could fall asleep waiting for him to make his move.
"You sigh, young Took" Merry said. "But you will be sorry later."
He made his next move. Pippin leaned over the board, moved another piece and rose from his chair.
"Cornered."
"What?" Merry eyed the board with shocked eyes. "That can't be possible! How the… Oh drats, you won again!"
"When you said I'll be sorry later I take it you mean I'll be sorry sometime when I'm sixty and you finally beat me" Pippin teased.
"Oh be quiet" Merry said, but he couldn't keep a smile off his face.
"I never would have guessed the Master of Buckland would have so much time on his hands to be beaten in Corners" Pippin said and jumped up on Merry's desk. He picked up a random object. "What do you use this for? It looks funny."
"Put that back" Merry said. "My word, you're worse than… than the children."
"Speaking of which, do you think it will be a boy this time?"
"I don't know" Merry said and shrugged his shoulders. Estella was expecting their third child this summer. "After two daughters it would be nice with a son. I'm reworking my schedule so that I'll have more time with my family, if I keep going at this rate I won't have any time with them at all!"
"No I can see that, all this game playing really takes it out of you."
Merry made a face at his cousin who grinned and started juggling around the unidentified object he had picked up from the desk.
"Be careful with that!" Merry said. "You know, it's taken me a full year as Master of the Hall to get everything working smoothly. I think I've earned a little fun along the way. You ought to watch and learn little cousin, I heard Uncle Paladin is ill again."
"I'm not worried" Pippin said and put the object back down. "If Father can survive that bad injury he had last year I'm sure he will outlive us all. A little fever isn't going to bring him down."
There was a knock on the door and Merry nodded at Pippin to get down from the desk. The Brandybuck nurse, who took care of the children when Merry and Estella were busy, came in and curtsied quickly.
"Sorry to bother you, Master Meriadoc" she said. "Young Master Faramir has fallen and scraped his knee, he is crying and asking for you. Madam Estella is with the baby, I thought I should come to you."
"Of course, Bead" Merry said and got up. "Pip, you will have to excuse me."
Pippin shrugged his shoulders and gave Merry a little wave as his cousin left. Merry followed the nurse to Faramir, who had gotten a little bruise and a scrape on his knee. It was nothing serious, and a little kiss on the knee and Merry's special "Hurt Go Away" song made everything better. Before long Merry had sent the boy back out to play, supervised by Bead, and returned to his study where Pippin was busy resetting the board for another round.
"It was just a little scrape" Merry told Pippin, in case his cousin was concerned. "Nothing bad. He is back outside again."
"Swell" Pippin said. "Fancy another round?"
"No thanks, not today" Merry said. "I really should get back to work. I have a meeting in an hour with the stable staff, I had best be prepared."
"Oh" Pippin said, sounding disappointed. "Well I guess I should get out of your hair then."
"Come visit more often, Pippin" Merry said and sat down by his desk. "Estella and I would love to have you over for dinner, you haven't dined with us once since… since forever it seems. And Faramir would love to see you."
"He would not" Pippin said. "He's not even three, he doesn't know what he wants. But yes, we should have dinner sometime. Why don't you come over to the Smials next week, I know Father would be pleased!"
"Me coming to the Smials?" Merry said and sighed. "Sure. Fine."
"Is there a problem?"
"No, not at all" Merry said and grabbed a pen to start going over his notes for the meeting. "Listen Pip, I will stop by later this week and we'll set a date and time for dinner. Right now I have work to do. Good to see you again! I will beat you next time!"
"That's the spirit Merry, keep dreaming" Pippin said. "Bye for now."
Merry waved at his cousin with one hand as he left but kept his eyes on his document. He tried to concentrate but it was hard. He kept wondering if Pippin had been worried just now when he heard that Faramir had fallen and hurt himself. Children fell and scraped their knees all the time, it was nothing that concerned Merry, but he knew that it often scared parents at first, before they realised it did happen a lot. Pippin had no experience in the area and would be likely to get worried. Merry hadn't been able to detect it though, but who knew how good Pippin was at hiding his emotions? He had never tried earlier in his life, so no one really knew whether or not he would have a knack for it, not even Pippin himself.
After nearly three years the worst pain had faded for Pippin and was now mostly an aching memory. Merry knew it would hurt Pippin all of his life and that he would never stop missing Diamond, but Pippin had gotten out of the darkest night now and had gotten his life back on track. He no longer locked himself up in his bedroom, or broke down in uncontrollable sobs. He was almost back to his old self again. Almost. As close as he would ever get, Merry assumed.
Faramir was nearly three years old and growing nicely. He had been terribly upset the year before when Merry had become Master and they had had to move from Crickhollow to Brandy Hall, and Estella had spent many long nights by his side when he wouldn't stop crying for his old room at Crickhollow. But after a couple of weeks he had settled in and by now he was every bit as much at home at the Hall as he had ever been at Crickhollow.
Merry kept a book of his progress which he wrote a few words in every day, planning on giving it to Pippin later down the road when his cousin finally woke up and realised how much he had missed out on. The book followed the child's progress, it included Faramir's first word, which had been "mushroom", when he took his first step and when he got his first teeth. Merry had even cut off a lock of hair once it started to grow on the boy's head and put it in the book. When Dawn had been born two years ago he had started to do the same for her and when little Meduselda saw the light of day six months after Merry became Master he had begun writing a book for her. The books he kept for his own children he planned on giving to them at their 33rd birthdays, or perhaps at their weddings. Soon there would be a fourth book to start writing.
He shook his head hard and tried to focus on the job at hand. His meeting was only thirty minutes away and he wanted to be able to settle matters today. He hated when one meeting turned into three meetings turned into nothing being done for over a month. His father had been an expert at prolonging matters, dragging them out for weeks and sometimes months even, Merry preferred getting things over and done with right away. He was far more efficient than his father had been, though some felt he was too efficient, used to the comfort of not having to settle anything at the first meeting.
When Merry first became Master he had found that his father had left behind a huge mess in the financial department, which had taken Merry until Meduselda's birth to sort out. His father was known as Saradoc Scattergold, a name Merry found he had well earned. He had loved spending money but never had much concern as to where money would be coming in from. Merry had been forced to rework their tax system, which had made him very unpopular for a while until the Hobbits of Buckland began to realise that without money coming in to Brandy Hall eventually no money would be able to come out. In exchange for the taxes Merry had arranged for the medics not to charge anything when Hobbits came to them for help, which had unfortunately turned out to be like finding gold for the hypochondriacs of Buckland. That led to a new decision that every Hobbit got three visits for free each year, and should there be any medical situation which needed more treatments then a medic had to write an application to Merry and he could approve it or deny it. That had stopped most of the hypochondriacs, at least for now.
Once the finances had been sorted out Merry had begun to try and fix Brandy Hall up. The great Hall was starting to get shabby, maintenance had not been what it ought to be when finances were low. But that was to be changed, unfortunately that brought on a chaos of meetings, decisions and brand new financial problems. It had taken him an additional six months to get everything to calm down and flow without friction. After only a year as Master Merry was beginning to wish he had stayed in Rohan under Éomer King, needing only to serve and not to decide. But he never complained for long. All in all life was good, and he knew most Hobbits liked him as Master.
XX
XX
"There's a good lad, already tucked in" Merry said and sat down by Faramir's bedside to tuck him in for the night. "Did you have an exhausting day?"
Faramir nodded and yawned. Merry put his candle down on the nightstand and pulled the covers up over the boy's shoulders, making sure he was warm and cuddled up for the night. The security blanket was in its place and Faramir was ready to go to sleep.
"Will you sing me a lullaby, Da?" Faramir asked.
Merry frowned.
"Faramir… You must not call me Da."
"Why not? Dawn says Da."
"Yes she does" Merry said. "But you see, a Da is a quite special person, there's only one Da for each child."
"But Dawn and I can share" Faramir felt.
"That's not really how it works, little one" Merry said. "You see, you have your very own Da, someone different from Dawn's Da. Your father is not here, but he is the only father you've got. I am not your father, even though I take care of you. Do you understand?"
Faramir shook his head and seemed displeased. It didn't make sense to him that Dawn could get to call Merry Da but not Faramir. After all, Faramir had been around longer than Dawn. He should have first dibs.
"Your father is a lad named Peregrin Took" Merry said. "He lives at the Great Smials in Tuckburough."
"But Estella is my Ma, then you must be my Da" Faramir argued. "All the other children at the Hall have a Da who sleeps in the same bed with their Ma, and eats at the same table, and tucks in the same children at night."
"Darling, Estella is not your Ma."
"Then who is?"
"Her name is Diamond" Merry said. "And she is every bit as fine as the gemstone. You cannot see her with your eyes, or hear her with your ears, but she is always where you are. Sometimes mothers go away and their children have to be taken care of by others. You know how my father went away last year and we moved here?"
"Did my father go away too?"
"You will meet your father someday" Merry said.
"But I want you to be my father" Faramir complained. "I want Estella to be my mother! Why do you have to have other babies who can call you Ma and Pa?"
"Estella and I love you just as much as we love Dawn and Meduselda, it is important that you know that" Merry said. "But one day your father will be here and you will be with him."
"I don't want to be with him! I want to be with you!"
"Estella and I will always be around" Merry promised. "You are lucky, Faramir. You have not only us but a father who is waiting for you. And when the time is right he will take you to the Great Smials. Until then I need you to know that although we love you, you mustn't call us Mother and Father. Those are only words anyway, Faramir."
"But why? Why can't I call you that?"
"Well, you know how I am called the Master of Buckland?" Merry said. "And even though sometimes someone else takes care of my duties and my work when I'm ill, I am the only Master. It's the same with your Father, love. Even though you have Estella and I to look after you, you have only one Father."
"Promise that you love me" Faramir said.
"Insatiably" Merry smiled and kissed him on the forehead. "Oh, here comes Estella. Let her sing you that lullaby, or we shall be here all evening. Goodnight, child."
He got up and vacated his stool for Estella to sit down. He ran his hand through her hair on his way past her and left her to sing Faramir a song. He finished the nightly round by going into the nursery and snuffing out the light standing on a dresser. Holding his own candle he looked down at Dawn in her crib. The little girl slept peacefully with her thumb in her mouth. Merry felt no different looking at her than he did looking at Faramir. It had felt good to be called Da by him, but Merry knew it would not be fair. He was in fact not Faramir's father, and it would only be confusing to the child when one day there were two Das. He had no plans on keeping Faramir in the dark about his true heritage, some day Faramir would be the Thain, he would not live all his life at Brandy Hall. The more he was prepared for that, the better.
XX
XX
"Merry darling…" Estella mumbled, elbowing Merry to wake him up.
"Mmmmm… what is it?"
"Could you get me a glass of water?"
Merry sighed and got out of bed. He searched for his robe and found it underneath the bed, however it had gotten there, and pulled it on with a huge yawn. He stumbled out into the hallway on his way to the barrel of water they kept in their kitchen. Stupidly enough he hadn't lit a candle to bring with him, so he didn't see the wooden toy duck someone had left out in the hall. He cursed to himself and gripped his aching toe which had been run right into it.
"Whoever left that there is going to be in big trouble tomorrow!" he groaned through gritted teeth and limped into the kitchen.
He found the barrel and grabbed a glass from the counter. He filled it up with water and finished it for himself. It was July by now, and quite hot. He sat down by the table while he drank the water and remembered all the years he had seen in this kitchen. When he was young Frodo Baggins had stayed here. He had been taken in by Merry's parents, just like Merry and Estella had taken Faramir in. Funny, Merry had never thought of that before. Frodo had been older though when his parents died, and Faramir still had one parent alive. Merry wished Frodo had never left, he missed his old friend very much. Frodo had been like a brother to him when he was little. He hoped his children would one day have a friend like Frodo.
He reminisced about old times for quite some time, then suddenly realised that Estella wanted her water. He jumped up and dug up a carafe to fill up with water, so that they could both relieve their thirst without having to get out of bed again. On his way back to the bedroom he nearly tripped over the wooden duck and spilled out some water.
He put the carafe and the glass down on his nightstand and got into bed. He ran his finger over his toe to see if he was bleeding, but it only seemed bruised. Funny how something as small as a toe could hurt so much.
"Here's your water" he said to Estella and held out the glass for her.
Estella mumbled something incoherent and rolled away from him, taking the covers with her. Merry frowned. She had gone back to sleep!
"Estella!" he said in a loud voice and shook her.
"Merry go away…" she mumbled.
"Oh no I won't! Not only have I gotten you your water, it cost me a damaged toe to get it for you! Now you drink it, you owe me!"
She opened her eyes and turned to squint at him.
"What?"
"Your water. Paid for with pain and suffering!"
Estella giggled and took the glass he offered him. She drank it surprisingly fast and then wiped her mouth with the back of the hand.
"Thank you" she said. "What was that about pain and suffering now?"
"My toe" Merry complained, making a bigger deal out of it than it was, taking the opportunity to have her affections to himself.
"Oh, poor sweetheart" she said, amused by his behaviour and making a much bigger deal out of his injury than it deserved. "Do you think you will be able to walk ever again? You must fight, for the children and me!"
"I've heard you can make a wooden foot if you lose your own" Merry joked.
"Silly lad" she giggled and handed him the glass. "Go back to sleep and I promise you it won't hurt in the morning."
"Someone left a stupid wooden duck out in the hall" Merry told her as he put the glass aside and settled down to go to sleep.
"Might have been you" she said. "You were playing with it out in the hall earlier."
"I was not!"
"Yes you were, you and Faramir" Estella said and yawned. "Go to sleep now, dear. And next time, make sure you put all toys away before you go to bed."
Merry glanced at her and couldn't help but smile. She still had most of the covers and he tugged at them to make her let go. With an annoyed grunt she let him have his share and then they both closed their eyes and went back to sleep.
XX
XX
A few days later Merry was woken up by someone fiercely shaking his arm. Faramir was standing by the bed with his security blanket in his hand and a thumb in his mouth.
"Faramir, what's the matter?" Merry asked.
"I woke up and I can't go back to sleep. Where is Estella? She's not in bed."
"Estella was not feeling well" Merry said. "She's in another room. She'll feel better in a day. Why couldn't you go back to sleep?"
"I just couldn't. I thought I heard someone moaning.It scared me."
"There's nothing to be scared of" Merry said. "Everything is fine. Do you want me to go tuck you in? I promise you that you'll fall right back asleep."
Faramir shook his head.
"I want to stay with you. I'm scared."
"Scared of what?"
Faramir didn't answer. Merry got out of bed and lifted Faramir up in his arms. He carried the boy back to his own room and tucked him in.
"I will stay here until you're sleeping again" he promised. "There is nothing to be frightened of. Look at me. Would I lie to you?"
"No."
"No. There's a good little boy now, go back to sleep."
"I want Estella."
"Estella is ill" Merry told him. "You can see her in a few days."
"Would I get to see her now if she were my mother?"
"Faramir that has nothing to do with it" Merry said. "I promise you that you will see her before Dawn does, okay?"
Faramir nodded. Merry stroke his cheek and hoped he would go back to sleep soon.
"Will you sing me a lullaby even though it's late and I've already heard one tonight?"
"You can even pick which one" Merry said.
"Sing the one about the three men wandering down the road."
Merry sang him the lullaby and Faramir went back to sleep. Merry sat by his side for a while, in case he would wake up. It was the first time Faramir had brought up the parent thing again since he had asked about it in February, it made Merry feel uncomfortable. He didn't want Faramir to feel jealous of the children Merry and Estella had, but they couldn't give him special benefits just to compensate that he was not their biological child. They both hoped he knew they cared a lot for him, but perhaps it was not so strange that the boy wanted them to acknowledge him as their own child. They were the only parents he knew of.
"Pip, you had better come for your child soon or this is going to get really hard" Merry mumbled when he left the room and went back to his own bedroom.
On his way back he stopped by the new room which Dawn had been given for her own. She had been sleeping in the nursery up until her second birthday but now she was old enough to have a room of her own. Merry walked inside and sat down by her bedside, running his hands through her curls, careful not to wake her up.
"Sweetheart…" he whispered. "You think of Faramir as your brother, don't you? Just as much as you think of Meduselda as your sister. With every child we have we're going to have to explain why Faramir is not their brother. Yet he's just as much a part of the family as you and your sister."
Dawn slept peacefully, unaware of the unusual family structure around her. Merry leaned over and kissed her carefully on the cheek. Then he got up and went back to his own bed, falling asleep instantly, safe in the knowledge that he had his family around him.
XX
XX
When Merry went back to sleep Pippin was still awake, staring at the ceiling. Finally he decided he could not take it anymore and tossed aside his covers and went out into the kitchen. He made himself some tea and sat down by the table, not feeling the taste of the drink.
"Pippin" his mother's drowsy voice said.
Pippin looked up and saw her coming into the kitchen, yawning as she pulled her robe around her.
"Sorry Mother" he said. "I didn't mean to wake you. I didn't wake Father, did I?"
"No, he's still asleep."
"There's tea if you want some."
"No thank you, that will only keep me up." She sat down opposite him. "What are you doing up at this hour?"
"I couldn't sleep."
"Why is that?"
"I don't know… I was asleep, but then I woke up. And everything was so quiet, I felt so lonely…"
"I thought you had stopped having those nights" Eglantine Took said.
"So did I" Pippin admitted. "But apparently I'll never quite get over losing her."
"Nobody expected you to be a widower at such a young age" Eglantine said. "You just have to make the most of what is handed to you. You have always been a fighter, child."
"Yes, I suppose I have" Pippin said and sipped his tea. "And I suppose these nights will get easier to handle as well. With the passing of time, these wounds will hurt less and less. It has already begun. Part of me resents it."
"Peregrin your love for her is not worth less just because the pain gets easier" Eglantine said and put her hand on top of his. "Trust me, Diamond would not want you to think of her and feel pain. She was not like that."
"No, she was loving and happy" Pippin said with a smile. "She smiled more often than anyone I've ever known."
"Do you ever wonder… if your child does the same?"
"Mother don't start that with me."
"Think about it Peregrin" she said and rose. "Maybe if there was a little boy sleeping in your bed you would not wake up and feel so lonely."
"Duly noted."
"Go to sleep" Eglantine said. "And when tomorrow comes, think about it. I miss my grandson, I miss getting the chance to watch him grow."
"Thank you Mother, that is quite enough."
Eglantine left the room and Pippin decided he didn't want his tea. He left his cup on the counter for someone else to take care of in the morning and went back to his bedroom. As he crawled into bed he thought about his mother's words. His father had implied too that perhaps he needed someone sleeping next to him, though Paladin had had a new wife in mind. Eglantine had a whole other suggestion. Pippin discarded both, determined not to give in to anyone else's opinion. Only he knew what was best for him. The very thought of taking another wife made him cringe, he could never accept another lass being Mistress Took when he became Thain, that role was Diamond's and Diamond's alone. And as for letting the child come stay at the Great Smials, Pippin didn't want to hear about it. But if only he wasn't so achingly lonely… He wondered if Merry could be convinced to come stay for a few days, he knew he wouldn't be lonely if he woke up in the night to Merry's calm breathe. But Merry had enough on his hands at Brandy Hall, he could not spare a few days just like that. And he would insist on bringing the child if he came.
"Learn to be lonely, Pippin old lad…" Pippin whispered and closed his eyes. "Learn to be lonely."
XXX
XXX
XXX
I will have the next chapter up in about three weeks. Please leave a review and let me know what you think! If you've gotten this far you must have some opinion, whether it be good or bad.