TITLE: Dances With Uncles
AUTHOR: Tinuviel's Song

Disclaimer: I don't own Frodo, Bilbo, The Springle-Ring, or any other Hobbit thing- They belong to the late JRR Tolkien. Rest in peace, Sir!
SUMMARY: Bilbo wants Frodo to get a life and learn to dance, so what does he do? Well, read and find out…
RATING: G
CHARACTERS: Bilbo, Frodo
SPOILERS: Not much, if you didn't know squat about LotR, already…
NOTES: This is my first fanfic… Eva! I know it sorta stinks, but I tried, all right? FLAMES ARE NOT WELCOME! Um… Enjoy… (scoots off somewhere)

Chapter 5: She's A Maniac On The Floor

On the 28th of Foreyule, Frodo awoke bright and early to the sound of Bilbo shouting in the air. Startled by it, Frodo sprang from his bed and threw on his robe, running down the hall to the sitting room. '…And don't let me catch you snaking about here again, or I'll have your heads hanging above my mantle, make no mistake!' Bilbo hollered, shaking a fist and slamming the door. Frodo approached him with a yawn, which made the Ex-Burglar jump. Turning around quickly, he sighed with relief when he saw that it was only Frodo. 'O, hello, lad! Did I wake you?' Bilbo asked, laughing a little.

'No, no, you didn't.' Frodo lied, though Bilbo seemed to believe him. 'Who was that, or should I really be asking?' Frodo said, rolling his eyes. He was quite sure of whom it was.

'Those meddlesome Sackville-Bagginses!' Bingo. 'I rue the day that they were named our relatives!' Bilbo proclaimed, throwing his hands in the air.

'O, you really mustn't say that. After all, Otho's father was your uncle. He is our cousin, so we may as well live with it.' Frodo said, almost self-reassuringly. 'There's no getting rid of family, after all.'

'I think we have a future wisehobbit on our hands, Bilbo.' Eglantine said, walking from the passageway she was in to where Frodo was standing, kissing him on the forehead. Paladin followed her a few steps back.

'How's that cold of yours, Frodo? Any better?' Paladin asked with a yawn.

'A little.' Frodo said, sniffling.

Bilbo set his bluish-gray eyes thoughtfully on Eglantine, 'hmm'-ing. Paladin saw Bilbo staring and asked half-charily, 'Whatcha lookin' at her like that for?'

'O, terribly sorry, I was just thinking that, well, Frodo needs to get used to dancing with a girl, so…'

Eglantine giggled. 'So you want him to dance with me, eh?' Bilbo nodded.

"So that's why he invited them over. It was all part of his evil plan! Sly fox…"

'Well, that's all fine and good. When shall we start?' Eglantine asked, clapping her hands together.

'I was thinking maybe today, but whenever you're ready.'

'I'm ready now!' Eglantine exclaimed enthusiastically.

'Is that all right with you, m'lad?'

"Now you're asking me about my feelings? What a change of heart, Bilbo, old boy!" Frodo thought sarcastically, though his lips said, 'Yes.'

'Good, good. How about you, Paladin?'

'Why not?' He said, his eyes still filled to the brim with unneeded distrust.

'Good. We start after lunch. Today we learn the Springle-Ring!' Bilbo cried.

The adults left Frodo alone as they walked outside to the garden, discussing this and that. Suddenly abandoned, Frodo wandered quietly around the smíal, searching for the guest rooms. Even after almost five years of living with Bilbo, he still couldn't find his way around the place. Finally, he found the one where the Tooks were residing. Frodo opened the door quietly, for inside, there was a sleeping Peregrin. Frodo tiptoed up to the crib and peeped inside. Pippin was lying on his belly and his soft breath blew at his bangs as he exhaled. Frodo noticed that one of his wee socks was halfway off of his foot and his blanket had been pushed aside by his restless feet as he slept.

Frodo adjusted the blanket and closed the drapes on the north side of the room. He then pulled out a small stuffed animal that was shoved in his jacket pocket and whispered, 'This is Fleecy, my sheep. I've had him since I was five. You can have him, I don't need him anymore.' He then laid the sheep next to Pippin's sleeping form. 'You know, after my parents… went away, I was afraid to do a lot of things, since my parents were always there to help me with them. Now I have to learn how to dance and they aren't there to see it. Bilbo's all I have, but he's not exactly silk in the wind, if you know what I mean. I guess he's better than most, though. At least I don't have to dance with your granny, Lalia, huh?' Frodo joked, laughing softly. He then took a long pause, sighing. 'I guess I'll have to get used to a lot of things, and Bilbo is one of them. He's our relative, like it or not. There's no getting rid of family.' Frodo told himself, laughing again. He then looked down at Pippin again, stroking his hair once more before saying, 'It's been nice talking to you. You've been a real help.' And with that, Frodo tiptoed back out the door, shutting it quietly behind him and walking to the garden to join his family.

After an extensive lunch of all sorts and a short play-meet with Sam and Merry, Frodo met Eglantine and Bilbo once more in the cellar (Paladin had gone home to Tookland for some unknown reason, and Pippin was upstairs napping still).

'Brr! It's a bit nippy down here, Bilbo! Are you sure you don't store ice down here instead of ale?' Eglantine exclaimed, pulling her shawl tight around her.

'I do when it's very hot outside- but that's not the point!' Bilbo proclaimed.

'Then what is the point?' Eglantine grinned.

'The point is… Meh… Let's get dancing, shall we?' Bilbo said, renouncing.

'Hang on a moment…' Eglantine said, reaching up and tightening the thick blue ribbon that was tying her light-red hair in a bun. 'I'm ready.' She squeaked.

'All right, then…' Bilbo sighed exasperatedly, running his hand over his face. 'This is the Springle-Ring, got it?' He asked as if he would explode at any moment. Eglantine and Frodo stifled giggles. Frodo nodded. Eglantine did the same. 'Righto. Now, Frodo, hum us a tune.' Bilbo coaxed.

'All right. Uh… Fast or slow?' Bilbo gave him a threatening glare. 'All right, then…' Frodo began humming a muddled set of notes, first, but then forming a smooth, speedy tune.

'Good… First you spin and then you lean, go down on every beat, then spin again. You can do this as you go, Frodo, though it's purely voluntary.' Bilbo said, demonstrating by bringing his thumbs under his suspenders and waving his bent arms in imitation of a bird as he hopped about in a strange manner, wagging his legs left and right, which caused the spectators to chuckle. He then stopped, both his feet slapping on the cobblestone as he came to a halt. 'Now you try, Frodo.'

Frodo slowly began to dance, thinking very hard on all of the steps Bilbo had said as he danced, missing a few steps. 'Er… Like that?'

'Uh… No. Here,' Bilbo went over it once more. Frodo tried it, but as he was spinning the second time, his feet got caught and he fell on his bottom.

'Oi! A fine lily-footed dancer I'll be! I don't think I can do this, Bilbo. Not unless by some miracle my feet shrink three sizes by daybreak tomorrow.'

'Twaddle! You'll get it, you just have to try!'

'But, U-'

'Frodo, I know you can do it. Please try. Please?' Eglantine begged.

Frodo grunted. 'All right, All right! What are the steps again, Bilbo?'

Bilbo went over the steps three times over, and Frodo got it nearly perfect the forth time around, though he was still a bit clumsy. Bilbo gave up by then, though. 'Splendid. You need work on your timing, but otherwise, you're good as gold.'

'Good, then we're done?' Frodo said hastily, beginning to walk away, but Bilbo placed a hand on his chest to stop him.

'Not quite. Eglantine still needs to do her steps. Do you know how, Lanty?'

'Of course.' Eglantine said, giving a twirl, causing her frilly blue skirts to billow. 'I'm the best dancer in the whole of Tookland.' She boasted.

'All right, then show us.' Bilbo wheedled.

'I'm glad you asked.' She whirled around the two Hobbits in a continuous, dizzying, loopy circle, clapping her raised hands at suitable moments, then kicking her slender feet about in a circular, jig-like motion, moving so fast that her legs seemed like a blur beneath her. She then grabbed the two gentlehobbits by the hands, taking them in a flitty ring around the cellar. After a few more hours of going over the steps for the heck of it, they finally came to a stop.

'Well, that was rather fun.' Bilbo said, smiling like a fool.

'Without a doubt.' Eglantine agreed.

'I concur.' Frodo said, raising an imaginary glass, drunk with laughter.

'I'll be glad to see you dance with someone at the Yule Festival, Frodo.' Eglantine said, giving him a shake on the shoulder.

'So will I.' said Bilbo. 'Have any idea who it's gonna be, Frodo? Eh? Eh?' He pressed, elbowing Frodo on the arm and winking.

'I… Have no idea.' He said, blushing redder than a sun-beat radish.

'O-ho!' Eglantine said in insight, cocking a brow indicatively. Frodo's whole body was scarlet, now. 'Well, don't tell me yet. I want to be surprised. Plus, I don't want you to be too shy to dance.'

'Hehe…' Frodo said nervously, kicking at the dust on the floor. Suddenly, all three heads turned to the ceiling as they heard a child cry.

'O, it looks like a Mr. Grumpy-Breeches just woke up from his nap!' Eglantine cooed in a sickeningly sweet way, quickly twittering up the stairs in a flash of blue, leaving Bilbo and Frodo alone in the cellar.

'So…' Said Bilbo.

'So……… Brunch?' Returned Frodo.

'Precisely what I was thinking.' Bilbo said, patting Frodo on the back and leading him up the stairs and into the light of the world.

The ending… Make it stop… twitch, twitch Anyway, didya like de chappy, mi amiga? It was muy bueno, no? Si! I'm gonna stop talking like Charo, now before I start wearing a big fake blonde wig and pink sequined spandex.