Disclaimer: I don't own anything here, just an idea, but trust me you can't get anything from that! Leave me to live in fiction
Summary: Donna starts working for the White house as the Press secretary. She had no idea that her first statement will have to be about her getting a job without proper education. She tells them a story. And Josh watches…lousy summary, just give it a chance.
Thanks to:
cabooklover21 – thanks so much. Glad you liked Helen.
JennCorinthos – Here's the sequel. Sorry for the long wait. Hope it was worth it.
Caia – Yeah, I know...it WAS a long wait. Enjoy this!
Kursk – Hope you won't be disappointed. A/N in the end will explain things, though.
Rachbigbro – yeah...I wanted the note to be sweet and short. Glad you liked it.
JoyBean – Reconciliation? Well, read on...!
soozy87 – hope you will like this also
iceicekatie – you started it, and I hope you will finish it, also:D Let me know what you think!
Psychic Philosopher – I know the wait was long, but I hope it was worth it. And I hope you didn't give up completely.
Chapter 11 – Strength and much more
C.J. rushed through the hallways to get to her office. Sure, there was a phone on every desk, but she needed privacy. And truthfully she needed time. Time to figure out what exactly will she say to Josh. Finally, she decided that every time she had planned something, things went the straight to her head.
"Not anymore. This will be the end of it." – she thought as she closed the door behind her. Her look fell on the phone and she gulped. Slowly, she sat behind the desk assuring herself how she is doing the right thing.
She dialled Josh's phone number while playing with the cord. Just as she was about to hang up, he answered.
"Josh Lyman." – it was obvious that he wasn't near his cell phone.
"Hey, it's C.J." – she smiled at the sound of his voice.
"Hey, what's up? Shouldn't you be partying like it's 1999?" – there was a certain sound of caution in his voice. It was late and C.J. was in the White house – combination not equalling good.
"Well, my outfit was killing me, so I came to rest a bit. Listen…" – she cut to the chase. – "…I need to tell you something."
"You were already telling me how your outfit was killing you. Thanks for the info, by the way." – Josh joked around.
"Shut up and listen." – she was impatient. She shook her head and leaned back on the chair, her hand still playing with the cord. – "Nice flowers, by the way."
She quietly said noticing the silence on the other side. – "Really. You did great."
"She got them?" – it was all Josh managed to get out. Even if C.J. was telling him that he did great, there was something in her voice that as telling him how something is wrong.
"Yes, she did. And just on the safe note, she wasn't alone when she saw them. Helen was with her, and I came soon after…"
"Look, why are you telling me this?" – Josh stopped her getting more impatient by the minute.
"Yeah, you see, even if I know that you meant well, your action wasn't received like you though it would be." – she left things hanging in the air hoping that Josh will understand.
"Meaning?"
"Donna is kind of pissed off at you. Actually, she was pissed off at you when she saw the flowers on her old desk…"
"I didn't…"
"NOW, I know what you have meant. – she interrupted his objection. – "But, Donna thought you were putting her down."
She stopped thinking if she should leave things at that and let Josh resolve thngs on his own. But, hearing the sadness in his voice she changed her mind.
"I don't believe this. I didn't mean…C.J. you know I didn't mean…"
"Look, to tell you the truth, I don't know how she's feeling now. You see, she didn't see the note then, but after she did…she took it with her and locked herself in your old office." – the rest of the statement she said very quickly.
"Have you…ahm…had you read it?" – he asked with hesitation.
"Yes, I did." – she paused trying to figure out if she should mention Helen as well. She decided against it as she waited for a response from Josh.
"And what? No comment from you? I would imagine that you will say I need to let Donna be."
C.J.'s look became more sad in an instance. Is that really what years of meddling brought?
"You need to get over here, Josh. That is what you need to do." – she quietly said causing Josh to stiff.
"What?" – he was confused.
"Look, you deserve an apology, but not over the phone, and not now. Now you just need to…just come here." – she hang up and leaned back.
"Oh, God, what an evening this is…"
She got up and went to see if the door to Josh's old office were still closed. Seeing they were she sighed. Carol approached her with the smile but the smile disappeared when she saw the look on C.J.s face.
""What's wrong? Don't tell me the plan didn't go well?"
"Well, see…" – C.J.'s vice drifted towards the end. – "Come one, there's nothing we can do anymore."
Both of the women went back to the ball leaving the West wing as quiet as it was before. Like nothing has ever happened.
Josh still held the phone thinking about the phone call.
"You need to get here…" – C.J.'s words echoed in Josh's head.
In a flash he stood up and grabbed his coat from the hanger. He acted on impulse as he hurried down the stairs and hailed the cab. He acted on impulse as he told the driver the familiar address: 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue.
Suddenly he felt warm, a strange feeling overwhelmed him. It wasn't the feeling he had when he was creaming his opponents. He thought about the time he had that feeling. He realized he only had the feeling a couple of times: when he listened to Jed Bartlett speak for the first time, when jed Bartlett won, when he declared he will run for the second term…when he heard about the bombing in Gaza, when he was on that plane reading Donna's e-mails, when he came to the office and realized Donna quit…suddenly a big thought rushed through him: Donna was the cause of his emotional disturbance. She was the cause why his already hurt heart beat a little faster. And she could be the cause why his heart could die. Not literally, but this night can be the end of him. The end of his, and everyone else's idea about Josh and Donna. True Josh Lyman was already slipping away and he tried to figure out why he can't make a difference between the relationship he once had with Donna and the one he has now. Things have changed, that he knew, but he never stopped thinking about Donna as the woman of his life. She said it correctly in that press room: her life has started because of him, but he knew that that's nothing compared to what she had done with his life. He was already a defined man when he had met her, but she managed to change him, to better.
He didn't know how long has passed, but he heard the driver telling him that they have arrived.
He paid him and without a word he got out. He has walked through that door a thousand times, but he never felt that nervous.
The guards at the door recognized him, but he wasn't surprised when he heard one say:
"Go right ahead, Mr. Lyman."
"C.J. must've informed them I was coming." – he thought.
His legs felt heavier to him, but nevertheless he continued his walk through the hallways. Everything was deserted and he was glad for that. He just wasn't prepared to talk to people. He had an agenda, and no one was supposed to meddle in that.
The familiar room appeared in front of him; desks, bookcases, doors…however his eyes remained focused on only one door.
He blinked a couple of times trying to gain his focus. Everything was grey and black except for one thing that was calling for his attention. He looked and saw a big bouquet of flowers sitting on Donna's old desk.
"They really did a great job." – he though. – "OK, this is it."
He was now standing in front of the closed door, his hand touching the frame. Gently he knocked.
"There's no one here. Go away!" – he heard Donna's muffled voice. He could also hear that she was crying, and his own voice disappeared. He wanted to say something, but couldn't. Instead, he knocked on the door again.
"Look, C.J. Just go away!"
He knocked again. No words.
"I don't believe this…" Donna muttered. Josh heard her footsteps and with each step his heart tightened. The door flew open and he was welcomed with the sight of Donna's stained face. Neither of them said anything for a while. She wasn't trying to hide her tears and he wasn't trying to hide his sorrow, because he knew he was the reason why she cried.
"You're crying." – he whispered reaching for her face. More than anything he wanted to wipe away her tears. But as soon as his hand was near she flinched and backed away.
"What are you doing here?" – she asked going back to the office and picking up tissues she dropped on the floor.
"I…I needed to see you. Talk to you. I see you received my flowers…" – he noticed the card on the desk. – "And I see you received the note as well."
She looked away fighting with her emotions. There were a lot of times when Josh Lyman let her in, but there were more times when he drove her away. She wasn't sure which case this was and that scared her the most.
"Donna…?" – he tried to get her attention.
"Yes?"
"Did you head what I said?"
"Yes. I received it, Josh. Why are you here anyway?"
The question confused him. Why was he there…?
"I'm…ahmm…"
"Le me guess." – she interrupted him. – "You heard my statement, you are confused, and you don't know what to do."
"That about summarize it." – he muttered.
"I've heard it before." – she looked directly at him.
"What do you mean?"
"Remember Gaza, Josh? You flew there, you were confused and than you avoided me. Can we just skip that part and you just go?" – her voice broke at the end and again she looked away.
"No." – he simply said as he approached her from behind.
"Please, Josh. You don't know how I feel! I opened myself in that press room…" – she ranted but stopped when she felt Josh's hand of her bare shoulder. A simple motion made their pulses quicken.
"You did great, Donna. I was so proud of you. But you need to stop this. Look at me." – she obliged but was feeling very small.
"I love you." – he whispered his voice trembling while he was reaching for Donna's hands.
He needed to gather his strength, and Donna was always his. He needed his strength now.
He tried to read her eyes, but he couldn't. He wasn't sure what he was seeing.
"Shut up, Josh. Please, shut up." – she said but hasn't moved away.
She was letting him to use her strength even if she was feeling very weak herself.
"No, I won't shut up."
"What a surprise…" – she looked away, but obviously that wasn't enough to stop him.
"I've been quiet for years. I was mad for years. I was without you for a year and that time was the worst period of my life."
"What do you want from me? – she asked increasing the grip on his hands.
"I don't want anything from you, Donna." – he let his finger caress her hand. – "I just want you."
Her eyes widened as she began to wonder if she was dreaming, or maybe seeing or hearing things. Was this really Josh Lyman telling her that he loves her, that he wants her.
"Josh…how can this work?"
"It will work, Donna. It has to. I don't want to be without you. I am not myself without you." – he felt her eyes change.
"Josh if this is about work…I can't work for you…"
"No, no." – he stopped her. – "It's not about work . I said that in the wrong way. I need you in my life. All of you."
"God, Josh, are you listening to yourself…?" – she wanted to believe him, but she was too scared.
"Donny, I need you." – he almost begged. – "Look, can you at least tell me if you have any feeling for me. If you don't, I'll leave. And if you do…" – he glanced towards her lips, motion that caused Donna to lick her lips.
"Than what?2 – now she was the one who almost begged, also looking at his lips.
"Than I'm going to kiss you." – he simply said with a shrug. His cheeks turned red and he was feeling like a little boy.
"Josh…" – she started, but was interrupted by the sound of Josh's phone ringing. The moment was broken, but Josh refused to let it go.
"Just ignore it."
"Josh, it's almost midnight. It's probably important. Answer it."
He nodded knowing she was right.
"Lyman…Yes, Congressman. What's going on?" – Donna watched his face change into a painful expression. He sat on the couch and buried his head in his hands still listening to Matt, only interrupting to ask simple questions: when, how…
Donna was beyond worried and she kneeled in front of him. He felt her hand on his knee and he looked at her. They fingers intertwined as Donna was watching Josh's every move.
"I'll be right there." – he whispered and closed his phone. His other hand found hers and once again he was holding his strength.
"Josh, you're scaring me." – she begged for answer.
"Leo is dead, Donna. He had another heart attack." – he managed to choke out squeezing her hands even more.
"What?" – her eyes began to tear as well as she pulled herself up from the floor and sat next to him.
"I just saw him a few hours back. He looked fine. He was telling me…to call you. Not to let you go. He knew me better than anyone, and he knew you. He was telling me that you wouldn't reject me. He was the reason why I sent you flowers, Donna…" – he felt her tears falling on their intertwined hands.
"He did know us." – she said through her tears.
"I knew what he was telling me…he lost his wife, and he was sorry that he let his work get in the way of his personal life."
"Josh, this is not going to happen." – she said causing him too look directly into her eyes. – "You're not going through this alone."
"Donna…?"
"You have me. Always have. I love and need you too, Josh."
He heard the only words he wanted to hear…her words were trying to heal the pain he had because he lost his friend and the man who was a second father to him.
Why can't he be happy? It was like his life was a mixture of bad and good things; one always came after another.
"I can't ask you to come with me…you'll be getting a phone call also." – he started to get up not wanting to let her go, but knew he had to.
"I'll be there as soon as I can. I promise. Josh, are you going to be OK?" – she was worried for him.
He tried to smile, but failed.
"No, I'm not. But, I will be. I have you, don't I?"
"Yes, you do."
He nodded and opened the door. He was torn. He knew he had to leave, but he needed his strength…
"I said I was going to kiss you, fi you had emotions for me. I don't know what to do…"
She gave him a small smile and stepped closer. She leaned forward and gave him a small kiss on the lips. It was exactly how he imagined, it was perfect.
"I love you." – she whispered caressing his face.
"I love you, too. I'll call you as soon as I get there. Not work related."
"I'll walk you out. I have to find C.J. as well."
They have walked through the deserted hallways, both feeling how the silence was appropriate. They stopped in front of C.J.'s doors and the same thought went to both their minds…Leo's old office.
The door suddenly flew opened and there was C.J. holding a cell phone in her hand. Her eyes were teary and it was obvious she has received the news.
"I'm going. You stay here with her." – Josh whispered and took off. He owed to Leo to get back to the office. He took his advice though; he wasn't going to let work get into his personal life. He had Donna now, because of him. Because he was a friend and a father to him. Before he reached the end of the hallway, he turned around to see Donna giving C.J. a hug. She was someone else's strength now, and he promised himself at that moment that he will be hers as well. She deserves that. That and much more…
A/N – I am REALLY sorry for the long wait. I was really trying to think how to end this…another idea was going through my head, but the death of John Spencer made a huge impact on my decision.
I wanted to include how the show will lose a great character. I know some of you were looking forward to Edie bashing, but I decided to skip that.
It's a bit sad ending, but it seems appropriate. The west wing brought us also happy and sad moments.
Anyway, let me know what you think!