Title: Their Love, Her Murder

Disclaimer: Slash. Violence. Angst. Language. Character death.

POV: Danny

Chapter Thirteen: Lost in the Sea

The sun had gone down sometime ago. When exactly, I have no idea. I don't really care either. The cop drove me home. I hit my bed and lost all track of time. Nothing seems to matter anymore. Life goes on around me and I'm stuck. Stuck in a world of never-ending pain and endless emptiness. Nothing ever goes the way you. Never.

I feel the tears as they begin to fall again. This isn't fair. Why do I feel like the world has turned its back on me? My soul feels so empty. Does my heart beat? Where does one turn when a friend dies? I know that I can cry endless oceans of tears. It'll never bring her back. They never come back.

I bury my face in my pillow as another wave of emptiness hits me. This is all my fault. Of all the moments in my life, I wish I could have that one back. I wish to be back in that house with Flack. I'd pay better attention. Flack would be watching out for me. Hell, maybe I'd even remind him to check the entire place over first. So many things I wish I could re-do. So many things out of reach.

"Take it all away," I plead through the tears. "Just take it all away."

Take back the kisses. The thoughts. The love. All of his embraces. Just take it all away. Bring life back to the way it was. Bring her back to me. Take this pain and make me feel whole again. Wrap me up in a cocoon of peace. Remove me from the world. Just bring her back.

Lose your friends, lose yourself.

I hear the knock on the door. Why answer it? Every single thing I do sets another plan in motion. Who knows, maybe if I answer that door, someone else will die. It'll be my fault again. It's always my fault. I turn onto my side and face the window. The stars outside are being slowly taken over by the clouds. I hug my pillow to my chest.

I never hear the door open. My mind is off in another world. Off trying to grasp at every last memory of Aiden. All the smiles and all the laughs. I may not hear him enter but I know that he's there. Let him be here. What can he do? He can't bring her back. He can't fill the void her death leaves behind.

He walks across my room. How he got in, I don't care. Maybe I was dumb and left the door unlocked. In the end, it never matters. He crouches down in front of me. His blue eyes filled with worry. For who?

"Danny," he says softly. "Danny…"

All he has to say is my name. I start crying again. I can tell that he's torn up inside. That he doesn't know what to do. No one ever does. They all try to think of a way to make the hurt go away. It never goes away. It lingers on. Just like the memories. Always there. Slowly, everything begins to remind you of that missing part in your life. And the guilt, the guilt builds up in you.

Flack gets up and leaves the room. I listen as he moves about my apartment. It's his first time here. He came to rescue me from the pits of my own hell. I close my eyes to the world, again. Bad idea. All I see is her. Smiling. Laughing. Roughing up some perp. Demanding the answers to questions. I climb from my bed.

"How does one live with the guilt?" I cry. "How do I go on knowing she died because of me?"

Flack turns to me. "Oh, Danny." His voice is filled with sorrow and hurt.

I cross my arms over my chest. I feel cold. "Why does life goes this way? Why do we have to hurt?" I feel the tears again. How many can there be inside of me? "I don't want to hurt anymore."

He comes to me. He wraps me in his embrace. An embrace filled with the warmth of life. "I want to make the pain go away, Danny. Believe me. But I can't. I'm sorry that I can't."

I return the embrace. "I don't understand how I can feel so empty inside. The feeling of being empty and yet, aching so much, how do I deal with it?"

"We all deal with it." I can hear the tears in his voice. "You're not alone, Danny-boy. I'm here. I'll hold you until all your tears have been cried," he whispers. "I'm here."

"I was supposed to have lunch with her today," I sob. "We were going to talk about her new job. I had already planned to tell her about you and I. Oh, god." The words get lost. Flack tightens his grip on me. "If I could have only seen her one last time. If only…At least I said goodbye."

Flack pulls away, keeping his hands on my waist. His eyes are red from crying. "I don't know what to say to make you feel better. There aren't any words that will ease your pain. There aren't any spells to make things right. All the prayers in the world wouldn't be enough to bring her back." His eyes gaze into mine. "I know that you two were great friends. You worked together. You spent so much time together. Time that I'm jealous of. And if it would put the smile back on your face, I would go to heaven myself and bring her back. But I can't. I'm sorry."

I take in every word that he says. He holds more pain inside about my unhappiness than he does about Aiden dying. The love, it's there, in his eyes. His beautiful blue eyes. Always the same. They make me feel so far away from myself. Why his eyes? Why him? Why my life?

Instinct takes over and I kiss him. He kisses back. We enjoy the comfort of each other. The warmth of our bodies so close. I want to be loved. I want to feel like I'm alive. He can make me feel that way. He's always been able to. Kissing is getting boring. I move my hands to his waist. I fidget with the belt on his jeans. His hand stops me.

"No," he whispers. "I love you too much to take advantage of you."

I push away from him. More pain. The aching inside grows. I feel like crawling into a hole and never coming out again. I want to hide from the world for all eternity. Flack pulls me back into his embrace.

"Forgive me, Danny. I never want you to regret our love."

I manage to pull away again. Before he can reach out and take my heart I return to my room. The silence embraces me. Welcoming me. I climb into the bed. The cold bed. My gaze fixes on the outside world. The stars long gone now. Taken over by the grey clouds. A fitting night to match my soul inside. I close my eyes and wish myself away. Maybe if I wish hard enough it'll come true.

He climbs into the bed behind me. No words are spoken as he pulls me toward him. My eyes, now open, return to the darkness of a New York night. We lay together in the silence of the darkness for a while. Time has no meaning to me anymore.

"I love you, Danny," he whispers softly in my ear. He must think I'm sleeping. "God or no God, help me take his pain away. Please."

My mind drifts offand my eyes lose focus as I listen to Flack cry quietly. Love or no love, the pain is still there. It's always there.