"Baudelaires, I always wondered why you tried to do the right thing when in the end good and evil always seem to unite as one. So, I am evil because I am a murderer, arsonist, and I try to steal thing from people. So what does that make you? Hoo Hah higgle dee. You lit a hotel on fire, murdered Dewey Denouement and surely several other people, and stole keys from Hal.
The Baudelaires were speechless. They'd had valid reasons for doing the things they'd done but still felt more guilt and sadness than Count Olaf ever would have felt for his crimes.
"Well Baudelaires, I am going to tell you a story. The main characters are none other than your parents, whose death lead to your awful lives. And I'm in it of course, because a story isn't worth hearing if it doesn't involve me. So the story goes like this. I was once a boy. I know it is revolting and very hard to believe.
He paused for a dramatic effect, stroked his stubbly chin, and continued.
"Well, one night my parents, who were volunteers, went to a VFD gathering at the Westfield Library. That was the last time I saw them. I was young, confused, angry. I set out to avenge their death. For many long years, I researched VFD and the cause of their death until at last I'd put together all the pieces of the puzzle and this is what it spelled out to me. At the gathering many years ago, Mr. and Mrs. Olaf had been shot down after being accused of being spies. They were shot down by none other than Mr. Baudelaire. So I murdered the Baudelaires. Don't you understand? Life follows a vicious cycle and there is no escape. I wasn't always the notorious villain that I am today. What use to be a large family of volunteers was destroyed when the schism came about. I may sympathize for you, which means understand how you feel but…"
"Actually, the word is empathize," Klaus cut in.
Count Olaf ignored him and continued, "But don't start thinking that this will change anything. I am still going to murder you painfully and steal you enormous fortune.