Curling up in a ball I try to ignore the signals of pain being sent to my brain. I hug my knees closer to my chest as I sink lower under the sheets of the bed. I keep my eyes open so I don't have to see a replay of what has just happened to me. I hear footsteps in the hallway and I hold my breath and praying that they will just keep walking. The person in the hall pauses outside my door and then continues past my room. I take a deep breath and try to make myself relax, but my body rebels in pain. I again hear footsteps in the hall and then the sound of the door creaking open. I hold my breath again and my heart starts racing in my chest. I see a shadow of a hand grab the sheet that is draped over my body and lift it away and before my face is revealed I close my eyes hoping that if he thinks I'm asleep he'll leave me alone. I can sense that the whoever has removed the sheet is now reaching out to touch my face and just before their hand makes contact I bolt awake from my nightmare. I shakily take a few deep breathes to calm my nerves and I suddenly notice that someone is sitting beside me, on the bed, rubbing my back, trying to comfort me. My body immediately tenses up not knowing who this person is and how long they have been sitting there.
Mom: It's alright Paige its just me, try and calm down.
Paige: What...what are you doing here?
Mom: We just got back in town a few hours ago and I wanted to see you. Your sisters are at their place, they'll stop by in the morning during visiting hours.
Paige: Oh.
My mom leans back against the back of the bed and puts her arm around my shoulder and pulls me against her. I shift so that I'm laying on my side with my head is on hear chest, and I relax into her embrace.
Mom: Better?
Paige: Yeah, what time is it?
Mom: 3 am, That was quite a dream you were having, your heart rate shot pretty high, and you were moving an awful lot.
I nod my head not wanting to give any details of what the nightmare entailed.
Mom: Was it a memory?
Paige: Yeah.
Mom: Want to talk about it?
Paige: No.
Mom: The nurse said you were having a lot of nightmares while we were gone, I think it might help if you talked about them.
Paige: Just Victor hurting me again, it's not a big deal.
Mom: Have you been having these nightmares every time you sleep.
Paige: Just about.
Mom: I really think you should tell me about them so I can try and help, sweetie. It's important to not keep it bottled up inside. If you don't want to tell me maybe we could find someone else you could talk to.
Oh god, she thinks I'm crazy and she wants to send me to a shrink.
Paige: I'm not crazy.
Mom: I know sweetie, but I know these dreams are hurting you and I don't want you to be in any more pain. Maybe talking about things will make the dreams go away.
Paige: How did everything go in San Fransisco?
Mom: As well as could be expected. The funeral was pretty small after word got out that he was killed while trying to kill you. Your sisters and I packed up most of the house and I put it on the market. I know your stalling, Paige, but I haven't forgotten about your nightmares.
I close my eyes and take a deep breath, inhaling my mothers scent.
Paige: He was raping me.
I feel her grip tighten and she kisses the top of my head.
Paige: It was the first time and...and it hurt so much.
I keep my eyes closed and I can feel the tears streaking down my face and landing on my mom's shirt. My mom is rubbing my back and I can tell she is trying to hold back her tears.
Mom: How old were you?
Paige: 15, I-I just finished taking a shower and went into my room to change and he was going through my stuff again. He found a cigarette in my backpack and he started yelling at me about bringing cigarettes into his house. Then he started hitting me and my towel slipped and... and...
Mom: It's ok sweetie, you are doing so good just take your time.
Paige: I had my eyes closed as he kept hitting me and then all of a sudden he...he did it. He was yelling at me about how I deserved it because of what Sam did to you. When he was done he kicked me a couple times and told me to get ready for bed. I-I took another shower...and then went to bed. I was so scared he was going to come back, but then you came back from work early. You-you came in my room because it was only 8 pm and you thought I had a cold or something.
Mom: Oh god, I remember that night. Oh baby I'm so sorry. How could I have been so stupid? When I lifted the sheet on your bed you looked so scared and you were shivering so I figured you had a fever. I'm so sorry.
My mom rocked me as we both cried about the cruelty Victor inflicted upon me.
Mom: Thank you for telling me Paige, I can't imagine how hard that was for you.
I nod my head and sniff back some tears trying to clear my head of the images from my past. It was almost as if my mom read my mom when she asked if I wanted to watch a movie?
Paige: It's 4 nothing is on.
Mom: I brought the portable DVD player and some movies. How about a comedy?
Paige: Yeah.
We both lay back and watch the movie, grateful for the distraction. By the time the movie ends we are both still awake and the breakfast trays are being distributed. As my mom lifts the cover from the tray I can tell it's another morning of Jello and oatmeal.
Mom: Hungry sweetie?
Paige: Not really.
Mom: Would you be hungry if I went to the diner across the street and picked up something.
Paige: I think by the time you got back I would be hungry.
Mom: Good, I'll be right back with my breakfast and we'll eat together.
Paige: Wait, what?
Mom: I'm just kidding Paige, you should see the look on your face. What would you like?
Paige: Not funny, I have been eating this stuff for six days now. Could I have pancakes, bacon, and toast, please.
Mom: Sure I'll be right back.
While mom was gone getting breakfast Dr. Taylor and a nurse came for his daily rounds.
Dr Taylor: How are you doing today, Paige?
Paige: Good, I don't have any problems breathing. Ready to get out of here.
Dr. Taylor: Well let me take a look at your chest tube to see if the hole in your lung has closed up.
After a few minutes of looking over my back and listening to my breathing he jotted a couple of things down in my chart.
Dr. Taylor: Well your lungs sound good and it seems like your lung has healed itself. I'm going to remove your chest tube and stitch up your side. If your still feeling good this afternoon I'll discharge you this evening.
The nurse brings him a tray of stuff as my mom walks in the room. The doctor repeats the news for her as the nurse prepares a shot.
Dr. Taylor: Paige, this is just a local pain killer, it will numb up the are so I can remove the tube and stitch you up.
I nod my head not taking my eyes off the needle. You'd think after being in the hospital a week, getting shot in the back, and having several iv's in my arm I wouldn't be nervous about a simple shot, but I am seriously scared of needles.
Mom: Paige look at me and hold my hand ok. Don't look at what he is doing and it will be over really soon.
I put my casted-hand in hers and she ran her hand through my hair softly.
Mom: Your doing good, sweetie. When this is done we'll have breakfast and then we can go for a walk if you want. I called Prue and they are going to come up at noon and bring us some lunch.
Paige: Sorry I yelled at you before you left on Saturday.
Mom: That's ok sweetie, you were right to be upset. We should have noticed something was wrong and done something about it. I want you to live with me, but I'll understand if you can't.
Paige: Thanks.
Dr. Taylor: All done. Don't over do the walk and I'll see you this afternoon. I'm also going to send a counselor in to talk with you later in the morning. Standard procedure for victims of violent crimes.
Paige: Ok.
We eat breakfast in silence for the most part watching the news and then go for our walk. I can now walk much farther but I get winded if I walk too fast. When we get back to the room we turn on another movie, but about halfway through we are interrupted by the counselor.
Counselor: Hi, I'm Sarah Heinse. I'm a counselor at the hospital and I wanted to see how you were doing before you left this evening.
Paige: Hi.
Mom: Hi, I'm Paige's mom Patty. Should I leave?
Sarah: That's up to Paige.
Paige: You can stay.
Sarah: I was reading over what happened and it said you were shot by your father. How do you feel about that?
Paige: He wasn't my father, Victor was more of a step-father I guess. And getting shot hurts.
Sarah: Sorry about that, so do you know why he would want to hurt you.
Paige: Yes.
Sarah: Care to elaborate?
Paige: Not particularly.
Mom: Paige be cooperative.
I roll my eyes and give this hack of a counselor the cliff notes version of what happened and why. By the time I finished she seemed so confused she just made notes, thanked me and left.
Paige: Well that was a wasted hour.
Mom: Yeah, she didn't seem very experienced.
Phoebe: Hey Paige!
Paige: Hi.
Piper: So what have you been up to while we've been away?
Paige: Homework, studying for finals, and being bored out of my mind.
Prue: I heard you're getting sprung tonight?
Paige: Yep, I can't wait to get out of here.
Phoebe: Wait a minute you have been studying the entire time you have been here!
Paige: What else was I going to do, daytime tv stinks. And I have finals next week.
Phoebe: Me too. When are you going back?
Paige: I was hoping Saturday.
Prue: You're going back right away?
Paige: I have to take my finals and I the school said if I got out of the hospital this week I could take my finals next week. I have been turning in my homework over e-mail all this week so I have been keeping up.
Piper: What about the holidays, are you coming back? You can stay at our place.
Prue: Yeah and then we could have our Thanksgiving dinner. It can be a post-finals party for Phoebe and Paige.
Phoebe: Cool, I was really craving a turkey dinner.
Mom: What do you say Paige?
Paige: Sounds good, but just for the holidays.
Piper: Great. So you hungry for lunch?
Phoebe: Yeah.
Prue: She wasn't talking to you, stupid.
Phoebe: Well I'm hungry.
Paige: Me too.
We eat lunch talking about mundane things, basically trying to avoid sticky topics. I know they want me to say I'll move in with mom and stay the rest of break, but I'm just not ready. And I know if I tell them that Westpoint has given me all of next semester off to recuperate and that I have accepted their offer they would never stop pestering me about moving back.
Eventually my sisters leave to get the condo ready for my arrival, whatever that means. I think they are just going grocery shopping and Piper is probably locking Prue in her room to clean. My mom and I lay down on the bed watching a movie and try to take a nap waiting for the doctor to release me.