Chapter 36 by Abbot & Natters
Janet's POV
"Sam? Can I come in? It's Janet." I call softly from just outside the tent.
The Colonel had his poker face on when he came to get me. Just two words, 'She's awake' and then he stalked off to the other side of the camp to be alone. He won't leave the camp, I know, but nevertheless, his military training has him picking a good vantage spot, where he can watch the entrances to all four tents and the screened off perimeter of our camp.
"Janet?" I hear her shaky voice from inside and taking a deep breath, I enter the tent. I wrinkle my nose at the smell.
Sam's sitting on her sleeping bag, the front drawn up tightly to cover herself. "Hey."
"Is the Colonel okay Janet?"
Always putting the other one first. If it wasn't so heart-wrenching I'd laugh.
"He's worried about you. That was a close one Sam. If he hadn't… well, you wouldn't have survived much longer in the state you were in."
"I know. I'm sorry about before. I wasn't in control of… my baser instincts," she admits softly, and I know it was hard for Sam to admit that, even to me. She's a proud woman, who hates losing control.
"You remember?" I hadn't thought of that. What must it be like for them? To have one brief moment together and then be torn apart by the Regulations again.
She nods, looking away at some screwed up pieces of paper on the other side of the narrow tent.
"Every second."
"So, how are you feeling now?"
"A little sore, but I'll be fine. My bandages probably need changing though." She holds out one arm hesitantly towards me.
"Good idea, before the others get back."
Business first.
"Uhh Sam, when we get back…"
"Janet, can we not talk about this right now?"
"I think we need to discuss it now before the others come back. I'm going to recommend both you and the Colonel see a rape counselor."
"No!"
"Hear me out."
"Absolutely not!" She insists and then lowers her voice as if sensing the Colonel's presence just outside. "It wasn't rape Janet. He didn't force me. He…"
"Sam, General Hammond was apprised of your… condition and the reasons for it before we left. If I'm going to explain this away as 'under the influence of an alien drug' I have to be seen as taking the appropriate action. It will state in my report that neither you, nor Colonel O'Neill were responsible for your actions."
"Please, don't put him through that, on top of everything else. Janet. Please?"
"What would you have me do Sam? Say that it just wore off and you got better while the others were conveniently away from camp? They'll never believe it, you know that."
"And what about the Counselor, when I tell him that it was the best time of my life?" she adds softly. "I'll be kicked out of the Air Force and in a psychiatrists chair for being perverse."
"Sam…"
"And when I tell the counselor that for two days I felt so free I could fly. The regs were still there, but I didn't give a damn! He was mine. And I was… everything just made sense Janet. If I could alter the past three days, I wouldn't change a thing. I can go back to being Major Sam Carter, 2IC for SG-1, but don't make me wreck both our careers for what he had to do."
"Alright Sam. I'll try to think of something," I promise as I apply some antiseptic ointment to her arms.
"Thank you."
I debate for a moment about telling her what the Colonel said ninety minutes ago about what he wanted, but it would only break her heart to hear the lovely sentiment, now that their best chance has probably been ruined.
Daniel's POV
I watch Jack slip on a shirt as he leaves the tent. Teal'c stiffens, body blading towards O'Neill. Seriously hostile action, but I can understand it. Something's wrong. Jack's throwing on his vest and webbing. He hands Janet something small. She doesn't look at it before stuffing it into her coat and dashing off to check on Carter.
Jack was gone before we could stop him, hell, before we could ask him where he's going. I tried the radio.
"Hey Jack...where are you?"
Static. Either his radio wasn't on, or he wasn't listening. Maybe he needed some alone time. Teal'c muttered to himself in Goa'uld, mostly curses and imprecations. Big break of character for him there, but this wasn't a run of the mill situation. Janet's assistants were careful not to say anything, or to make eye contact. They just slowly packed, and listened.
It took twenty minutes before Janet came out of the tent. I met her on the other side of the perimeter screen.
"How is she?"
"Not good, honey. Not good."
I could hear the sound air made as it whistled between my clenched teeth. Nervous habit.
"So, where's Jack off to?"
"No clue."
She was trying to ignore me, stripping off her gloves. I put my hands on her shoulders, start rubbing. She groans.
"Not now, Daniel."
"You need it. I can feel it."
"Yeah, but Sam needs me more."
"Okay. I'll try to find Jack, talk to sense into him. Sam dealing with it okay?"
She shook her head, and I ran the backs of my fingers down her cheek.
"I'll talk to Jack...once I find him."
She nodded, gave me a hug. I took off in the general direction I had seen Jack going, I hoped I could catch up to him. He forgot something, I think. I always bring it along when he does, it's like Western smokes back on earth- you can people just by giving 'em one.
SG-1 SG-1 SG-1
Sam's POV
It won't be long before the others come back. Janet hasn't left me alone since she entered the tent. I want to talk to the Colonel before they return, but I won't do it with Janet watching us both like hawks. I couldn't. My hands want to run through the short hairs at the base of his neck, they long to trace the lithe muscles of his back and shoulders again as he…
As Janet was digging through one of the packs to find me some clothes, I sneaked the abandoned letters into my sleeping bag. I promise myself I'll read them later, but the wait is going to… kill me.
We beat death again. I beat death again. With J… the Colonel's help. That's what SG-1 does right? Beat the odds.
"Janet? Could you give me a minute to get dressed?" She may be my doctor and best friend, but there's an irrational part of me that says only one person is allowed to see the brands I can feel he's left on my skin.
"Sure Sam. I'll be right outside," she says softly, resting a reassuring hand on my shoulder before leaving.
I breathe a sigh of relief and wince as this movement strains some already fragile muscles. Before I'm even aware of my actions, my subconscious has pulled out the letters and is smoothing the first out.
'I'm sorry.' It reads and I can't help flinching. I read those two words over and over again. He regrets it. He didn't want to do it. He did it to save my life, yes, but that's the way he is. No one gets left behind.
"Sam, you decent?"
"Just a minute Janet," I reply as I scramble into the BDU's she's left out for me, shoving the rest of the letters into my pack as a painful reminder to never over estimate how far the Colonel will go for a member of his team.
I need a bath.
Jack's POV
I manage to make it about a half-mile before Danny-boy catches up to me. Peace and quiet, trees and rocks. I don't see why it's such a big deal that I need some space.
"Jack!"
He's panting. Great. One hand is clenched around something.
"Jack!"
Gasp, gasp. Yeah, okay. Why couldn't you leave me alone again?
"Yes, space monkey?"
His hand opens. It's my yo-yo. I reach for it, he pulls back. Not a good time to test my patience, boyo.
"You're...you're needed back at camp, Jack."
Fine.
"Okay. I just need to clear my head."
His eyes narrow.
"Now. Don't make me give it to Sam."
Bastard.
"Fine."
We start walking back. Yeah, I know I'm the leader on the mission. I shouldn't be doing that. But...you know...
My hand is going automatically. Daniel isn't saying a word. I think he just wants me to be there, to try to be a command presence. I hope I'm up for it. Hell, I can't look Carter in the eye after what I did. Man, I need a shower.
SG-1 SG-1 SG-1
Janet's POV
"Sam, are you decent?" I call softly after two minutes.
"Just a minute Janet," comes the reply and I hear the rustling of clothes. After the day Sam's had, it's probably not a good idea to let her dwell on things for too long. I strengthen my resolve to have a counselor see Sam and the Colonel at the earliest opportunity.
The Colonel's playing with a yoyo that he got from God knows where, as he stands where I left him ten minutes ago. He flinches as the zip noisily comes undone and Sam steps into the light, and I see their gazes seek each other out first. Sam takes an automatic step back at the poker face her Colonel is wearing.
"I need a bath," she states softly, and if she had been looking she would see the tortured look Jack can't hide for a split second, before Mr.-I-don't-give-a-damn takes over again.
"There's a stream a few meters that way Sam. Why don't you and I both get cleaned up a little?" I offer, grabbing my pack.
She nods lifelessly.
"Take your weapons and stay alert," orders the Colonel and Sam looks up briefly to give him a quick salute. Her eyes stare just past his shoulder, not making contact, before she turns and follows me out of the camp.
Jack's POV
I'm just standing here, T. Leave me alone. He's doing the whole bodyguard thing now, placing himself between me and Sam. I guess he has a right to, all things considered. Guess it's time to get the resignation out again. Preempt the dishonorable discharge, the court martial.
I can't believe I just did that. I just shut out the woman I loved. She needed me and, well, I guess I failed her again. Great. Daniel's happy to see her. Janet's flunkies are trying to not say anything, all eyes and ears. It's making me uncomfortable. She and Janet leave, and T goes back to staring me down. I don't want to fight him. I just want to go home, lie down, and not wake up again. I've lost the last thing I care about.
SG-1 SG-1 SG-1
Janet's POV
As Sam and I return to the camp, I automatically visually check over the other men who have obviously just returned. Foss, Littlefield and Jones are chattering happily about hockey or something. Teal'c is the first to notice our presence and strides over to give Sam a gentle nod of greeting.
"I am pleased to see you returned to your former state MajorCarter."
"Thanks Teal'c."
She attempts a brave smile and I can see Teal'c's gaze darken as he glances at the Colonel and then back to Sam.
"Are you fully recovered?"
"I'm fine Teal'c honestly. Janet's taken good care of me."
He nods and is about to say something else when Daniel comes bounding over and grabs first me and then Sam in a hug.
"Welcome back to the land of the living Sam. I'm glad you're okay."
"I'm fine Daniel."
"Good. After we spent all that time looking for the ingredients, you had to go and fix yourself," he quips softly and then winces as her face drops. He shares a worried look with Teal'c who is now openly glaring at the Colonel and hovering protectively between the three of us and the four others on the other side of the camp.
Daniel's POV
Now you're just being an ass, Jack. Teal'c looks ready to tear your head off. He's got his best poker face on. Sam came out of the tent, looking forward to seeing him and he just shut her right down. He needs more than his yo-yo. He needs a talking to.
First, though, I need to keep Teal'c from killing Jack in his sleep. Jaffa culture is very, very clear about what happens to rapists, and it isn't pleasant. I guess he feels like Jack betrayed Sam. After watching their silent love for so long, I don't see how. They both wanted it. It's just bad it had to happen like this. Still...he shouldn't be treating her like this. Janet's probably counseling Sam as best she can...but I have to work with these two. First, though, is Teal'c.
"Hey Teal'c, give me a hand over here."
"Indeed."
His reply is grunted. He gives Jack a we'll-finish-this-later glare.
"Teal'c, forget about Jack. He obviously feels bad about what he had to do. And he HAD to do it."
Teal'c's face twists for a moment. He considers it. He doesn't like the way Jack is acting, but I don't think he considered the Colonel's perspective on the matter.
"Indeed."
"We have bigger problems right now. You want to help? We need to...talk to the others. Janet's crew."
"Why, DanielJackson?"
"Well, the plan is like this: first, we do damage control. We make sure that Sam and Jack have careers when they get back. Then, we try to help them. I'll talk to Janet about skewing the reports, you lean on her crew. After that, we can help them. Okay?"
"I agree, DanielJackson. "
SG-1 SG-1 SG-1