Chapter 42

Janet's POV

The second I get home, I'm taking some painkillers. The subtle buzz that I recognize as Daniel's presence in my head is giving me a headache the size of the Stargate. Not only can he speak at ninety words per minute, he can change feelings that fast too. One moment he's looking at the occasional building that we walk past, and studying the architecture, and the next second he's annoyed at the Colonel, or thinking libidinous thoughts about me, or sharing a joke with my nurses.

While it is reassuring to know how often his mind turns to thoughts of me, it's going to be embarrassing if he starts thinking like that in the middle of a briefing.

Daniel turns to look at me. Oh hell. He knows what I'm thinking. And he's hurt. Great.

I drop back and run a soothing hand down his arm in apology. He smiles at me. And I know we're okay.

Daniel's POV

Somedays, Janet can be a real killjoy. I get the feeling that something's wrong, turn around to see her staring at me. She has a huge headache, and she's blaming it on me. It's not my fault! Well, at least I have chicken.

I'm about to turn back to talking to one of the nurses, when she reaches out and runs a hand down my arm. It makes for a decent apology, and I smile. It's okay, and I don't need to say it. I know she knows. I don't know how, though. It's like she can read my mind.

I'm feeling hyper and queasy still, an aftereffect of the damn drugs. Jack's teeth are set as we slowly march along. I don't think he'll stop again until he has a Guinness in one hand and a flyer for Drake Hut -the nearest Chinese place that delivers- in the other.

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Sam's POV

"Daniel, dial… it up," orders the Colonel breathlessly. He can barely stand up any more. Janet's hovering at his side, and he doesn't have the breath to protest, so he settles for a mild glare in her direction.

I didn't realize how nervous I was about the General's reaction to all of this, until we came in sight of the gate. I find myself constantly checking the Colonel for any outward signs of his feelings, but his face is a mask.

"Janet, would you take the others through first?" I ask softly. "The guys and I need a team moment, before all hell breaks loose."

Janet searches my face and then nods, ordering her nurses through with the equipment. She stops just before the event horizon.

"I'll buy you three minutes." I watch my best friend step through the illusion of water.

"Carter?" The Colonel's gentle concern snaps me out of my musing.

"Daniel. Teal'c. before we go back… I need you both to know that no matter what happens, you are the best friends a girl could hope for. I'm sorry I have probably destroyed SG-1 as we know it. But I hope you'll still be our friends."

"Sam. You didn't do anything wrong. They won't court martial you over what happened. We've all agreed what will go in the reports is that neither of you were responsible for your actions."

Poor Daniel. He doesn't get it. I turn to Teal'c who is holding a silent conversation with the Colonel.

"Teal'c? Please?" I ask.

"I wish you well SamanthaCarter," he replies, finally turning his attention to me. I can feel the Colonel flinch beside me, before Teal'c turns back to look at him, and finally softens his gaze. "And to you O'Neill."

"Thanks, buddy."

"Sam? What are you planning?" asks Daniel.

"I don't know yet Daniel. Right now, I'm just going with my gut instinct."

I raise my gaze to look Colonel O'Neill in the eye and see how his mask has slipped to match the feelings racing through both of us. We've made our decision.

"DanielJackson, it is time to depart," prompts Teal'c as he practically pushes the still partially bewildered archaeologist through the active wormhole.

"You sure?" wheezes the Colonel.

"Yes."

"Sweet," he quips with a grin and reaches for my hand to give it a squeeze before stepping through the gate.

I suddenly understand why I was feeling so nervous. Despite the mask, Jack O'Neill was terrified I'd change my mind. 'Who'd have thunk it?' is the phrase that comes to mind, as I follow him through.

Jack's POV

Teal'c and Daniel step through the gate, and we're trapped in eternity. I had been worried, course. Suddenly, any walls she had developed come down and the full weight of her emotions hits me. Maybe the proximity helped, but I could feel everything she did. Terror to a small degree. Determination. Love. Caring. Faith. It all rushed at me because, largely, it was directed at me. She loved me, despite what I had done to her. She was determined not to let me go again. Terror that she'd lose me forever.

I didn't know where my own feelings ended and mine began. The only thing I could really call my own was the lessening shame, the need for penance. I tried to hold it back, but her warmth flowed through me. Fuck it, I tell myself, twelve clicks is enough penance if she feels like that. Well, maybe some flowers too.

"You sure?" I manage to gasp. My ribs feel like they're each about the size of a loaf of bread, incredibly painful and swollen. I can barely breathe. My vision is starting to swim, but I'm clutching the image of her.

"Yes," she says quietly, and I reach out to her. She takes my hand, squeezes it. I smile as best I can.

"Sweet."

I feel a little thrill run up my back, her emotion. I'm surprised she still wants me, despite everything. Who'd have thunk it, I ask myself as we step through the gate together, side by side, as it should be.

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Janet's POV

"Doctor Frasier? Where is SG-1?"

"They are right behind us sir. I believe Doctor Jackson wanted more time on the Planet to study the culture sir," I wince at the lie, knowing that Daniel will forgive me anyway.

He steps through the gate a few moments later, and I automatically breathe a sigh of relief. He looks like he's trying to figure out some obscure dialect, that he only half understands. Teal'c is… happy? Or about to kill someone? It's difficult to tell with our Jaffa friend who conceals his emotions so quickly.

A moment later, Jack O'Neill steps through the gate with a shit-eating grin on his face. I think Sam just made up her mind. Either that or I overdosed him on painkillers. He turns carefully to watch Sam follow him through, and I see him wink at her before, the mask slips back into place and he looks up to the General in the control room.

"Welcome home SG-1. Report to the Infirmary."

Sam is already shrugging out of her pack, but stops halfway through the process, and decides to carry it instead, as she and Teal'c take up flanking positions behind the Colonel as he leaves the Gate room. Daniel waits for me and I throw him a quick smile before following the others.

Daniel's POV

Janet squeezes my hand as we leave the gate room. Then, she lets go, and we're all SG-1 again, heading to the infirmary to be pieced back together again. Heroes, leaders, all that. Keepers of secrets! Teal'c is standing very, very close to Littlefield and the others. They keep glancing nervously at him. It's kinda funny to watch, I guess. Maybe that's the drugs talking.

We get to the infirmary, and Janet starts issuing orders. Teal'c leaves the poor suckers who got dragged along on this debacle alone, helps Sam lift Jack onto a gurney. I sit down on a cot, and Janet goes over to tend to the others. One of Janet's thugs-in-arms is by, ready with a needle and a vicious grin.

Ow.

The injection over and the nurse's sadism briefly sated, I start feeling better. My head cleared a little, so I get to sit back and watch everything. Janet and Sam crowd Jack, and I begin wishing I had some popcorn.

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Sam's POV

As Teal'c and I help the Colonel up on to a gurney in the Infirmary, I see Janet give Daniel's hand a reassuring squeeze, before she directs him to a nearby cot, and heads in our direction.

"Colonel?" she asks softly.

"Hey Doc. Got any… triple strength pain… killers? My ribs didn't… like the trip through… the Gate too much."

"I suspect it has more to do with the 12 kilometer hike from the Yamyrian village today. That I told you your body wasn't ready for."

"That little… early morning… stroll?" he quips with a wink at me.

"Sam, Teal'c. If you'll excuse us, the Colonel has to be prepped for his X-rays."

"Doc!" He protests, but Teal'c bows and makes his way to his own bed. The pleading eyes turn to me, but he scowls as I just share an indulgent smile with Janet. "Traitor."

"Yes sir," I reply with a giggle.

"Sam, while the Colonel's having his X-rays, we'll complete your full exam."

"Janet, I'm fine."

"Major… listen to the… Doc," adds the Colonel with a smug grin.

Jack's POV

Sam grins at me, and Janet drags her off. She manages to run her hand through my hair first, as I'm lying there. I carefully work my way out of my vest, poke at my bandages a little. I can see the yellow edges of the massive bruises I'm developing. Great.

The entire time I'm in the machine, the only thing I can think about is Sam. What's she's doing, saying...I know what she's feeling.

Irritation. Must be Janet's poking and prodding.

Panic, quickly forced down.

Suddenly, I'm worried for her. Something's making her extremely concerned, and she's broadcasting it. I try to focus on her. A few minutes later, she feels better. She's calm again, set in something. I wonder what's up, sit back, and try to hold still.It's not like I could run over to her, right?

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Sam's POV

"Well, besides a little tearing, you're none the worse for your ordeal Sam."

Ordeal? She makes it sound like a negative experience. She doesn't know how the Colonel and I have decided to deal with our… feelings. Of course, we don't have a clear plan of action yet, but that's just a matter of time.

"I told you I was fine Janet."

"You know what they say Sam. It's better to be safe than sorry."

I'm not going to argue this with her in the Infirmary where any one can overhear us. "How long before I can get back to work?"

"That depends on how your psych evaluation goes."

"Janet."

"Sam. Don't start. All four of us have to go."

"Four? But…"

"I don't have any choice either."

"It's not gonna be MacKenzie, is it?" I question with dread.

"No. The General has requested a specialist. After the evaluation the General wants to speak to us individually before the final decision is made."

"Will they split up SG-1 on the basis of this… evaluation?"

"I don't know."

"Dammit. Janet, I need to speak to the Colonel, and General Hammond."

"I can't do that Sam."

"Janet. Please?"

"I'm sorry. You are not allowed to speak to Colonel O'Neill before your evaluation in an hour. General Hammond's direct orders."

I think for a moment. I may not be allowed to talk to him, but… "Janet? Can I have a pen and some paper?"

"Sam? What are you thinking?"

"I'm under orders to not speak to the Colonel, but there's nothing in that order that says I can't write to him."

"Why do I feel like I'm back in High School?" asks Janet with a soft smile as she passes me the requested items. "Sam, whatever decision you make right now, they'll take it as being under the influence of the N'Tinevale or Colonel O'Neill."

"That's why I need you to go to my quarters and get something for me."

"I can send a nurse?"

"No. It has to be you or Teal'c or Daniel. No one else."

"Teal'c is about to be released."

"Perfect. Ask him to come in here, please?"

"Sam, are you sure about this?"

"Yes." I put pen to paper as Janet pushes aside the curtains. I hear her asking Teal'c to join me, and wonder how I'm going to phrase this without seeming… contrived or cliched. God it would be so much easier if I could do this while looking into his eyes.

"MajorCarter?"

"Teal'c. I need you to do something for me."

He nods his aquiessance and waits patiently for instructions.

"Go to my quarters. The third drawer of the bedside cabinet has a false bottom. You release it by pressing the button on the inside right hand side. Could you bring me the file you find there, please?"

"I shall return shortly."

"Thanks Teal'c." I turn my attention back to the note, and settle for trying a few lines.

'Colonel Jack O'Neill. If you still need convincing, read these. Sam.' Before scribbling it out, and starting again. 'Sir. Please.' Urgh. No. Why did I think this was going to be easy? I close my eyes in frustration and suddenly his concern washes through me like a flood. I know what I have to write.

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