Awhile had passed since that night in the hallway, and ever since Rainey told me the story of Jefferson, I found myself unconsciously thinking about him. I wondered what he looked like, how he felt about everyone speaking badly behind his back. I wondered if he really did kill his girlfriend, and how he'd managed to get away with it. Hearing rumors almost always made me immediately think about the object of the vicious conversation, and every time I thought back to what Jenna and Rainey told me, I thought about Jefferson.
The time had come for me to experience my first neighborhood barbeque. Everyone in the small apartment building was to bring something, a dish, charcoal, anything to contribute to the friendly festivities.
I laughed as I sat in the apartment, watching Rainey make a complete mess out of baking chocolate-chip cookies. I was no cook, but Rainey was even worse. Even Jenna had a few laughs as she stood mixing her Caesar salad.
"Just what, exactly, do the two of you find so damned funny?" Rainey exclaimed, trying desperately to keep a solemn face. "Not everyone can bake a perfect batch of cookies. I remember eating a few burned ones myself the last time Jenna tried making them."
"How do you burn cookies?" I laughed, walking over to wrap my arms around Rainey's shoulders. "It's not like you made them from scratch, honey. The directions are right on the wrapper."
"Well, she would be able to read them if she hadn't sliced right through them." Jenna held up the shredded wrapper that once held a roll of cookie dough.
"Yea, well, I'm sure I'll be seeing both of your hands reaching for them once they're finished… and I won't let you have any since you've done nothing but tease." Rainey dropped a glob of dough on the cookie sheet before shoving it in the oven. "And Phoebe, where's your contribution?"
"Currently resting in the refrigerator at my apartment. I made macaroni salad." A chorus of appreciative sounds came from Jenna and Rainey, making me smile.
"Where'd you learn to cook?"
With a sigh, I opened the door to their refrigerator, searching for nothing in particular.
"My grandmother loved to cook. I use to watch her a lot."
"So did our dad," Jenna said softly, and the look on her face told me she'd already known my grandmother was no longer living, just from the tone of my words.
"Our dad was a great cook, but I think it's pretty obvious we never use to watch him," Rainey said with a nod towards the oven. "I was never present for the making of the good food, but always there to eat it."
With a shared chuckle between the three of us, we continued to make the food for the cookout.
The people from the neighborhood were very nice, almost suspiciously kind. I knew it was just me being overly cautious. I'd never been so quickly accepted by people, no questions asked. They welcomed me with opened arms, and crazy jokes, tips for 'surviving' the neighborhood, and even managed to book me for a brief moment grill during the Fourth of July celebration. They were a nice, comfortable group of people, and I found myself relaxing with them more than I'd ever done so with others.
I'd just helped Marguerite, the kind elderly lady from the first floor, refresh the bowls of potato chips when a flash of brown, curly hair caught my eye. I finished with Marguerite as quickly as I could without being rude, and then rushed around the corner to find the little girl.
For some reason, since the moment I met her, the little girl from the hall had drawn me to her. It may have been her expressive brown eyes, or her mature demeanor, but something about this little girl had me thinking of her…and on those rare occasions when thoughts of her came to my mind, I would find myself smiling.
Walking around the corner of the building, heading toward the main entrance, I was greeted by a large group of lively children. I could see come of them drawing on the sidewalk with colorful chalk while others played jump rope. A group of younger teenagers stood laughing and comparing cell phones while the older teens talked in the corner, smoking cigarettes – obviously hiding their habits from their parents.
Smiling at a few giggling girls playing with their Barbie dolls, I stepped over them and entered the building. I wasn't sure where to go from there; I wasn't sure where the little girl lived or in what direction she had gone. A feeling of guilt played over me, my conscience kicking in when I realized that I was actually searching for this little girl. I felt like a stalker, like I was doing something wrong. There was no reason why I was searching for her.
I simply chalked my search up to making sure she was alright since the last time I'd seen her, I thought she was lost… despite her reassurance that she wasn't.
I hadn't realized I was just standing in the middle of the hall, lost in my own thoughts, until someone brushed my shoulder in passing. I felt a little off-guard, foolish for standing in the hallway like an idiot. When I turned around to apologize, I'd caught the man turning away from me.
He'd been staring at me as he walked.
A shudder ran through me as I focused on his retreating back, the intended apology caught in my throat.
"Phoebe?" a soft voice called, making my head whip around to meet its owner.
She stood there in little denim overalls and a purple, floral shirt. Her eyes searched over me, and a worried frown creased her brows.
"Are you okay? Why are you just standing in the hallway?"
I smiled, looking to the tray she held in her hands.
"What's this?"
Her attention immediately deviated, glancing down the tray she was holding.
"I baked brownies!" she said cheerfully. "You're suppose to bring something to the barbeque and everyone likes brownies, right, Phoebe? Do you like brownies?"
"I love brownies," I answered, and an unfamiliar feeling crowded my chest. It was difficult to explain; I had never felt anything like it before. It was a feeling that left me lightheaded, almost… breathless… my heart beating so quickly… feeling like my lungs needed much more air…
It felt almost like the time I went to the aquarium when I was nine. I walked into this… new world where the bluest of water was encased in glass all around me. Looking up, down, left and right, I was met with the most vibrantly clear water… with sharks swimming within. I felt as though I was deep in the ocean with them, swallowed in their surroundings, on their turf. I knew I was safe, and my heart sped with excitement and awe as I studied the beauty that was before me.
I guess what I felt was something similar to that experience.
Here stood this vibrant little girl, smiling and proud of the brownies she'd baked. She was beautiful with her curly hair with a little butterfly clip holding the front in place as the rest fell softly to her shoulders; her cheeks held a pale pink blush, as natural as the golden tone of her mocha skin. She was the perfect little girl.
"Phoebe? Do you think you could carry them down to the cookout? I don't want to drop them."
"Sure," I said with a smile, reaching out to take the tray from her. "They smell so yummy."
"I know. I had a hard time trying not to sneak one before everyone else. I have to admit – I cheated. I decided to bake two trays of brownies so that when I get home, and if I'm not completely stuffed from all the other food, I could have some brownies before I go to bed."
She giggled.
I smiled.
She was perfect.
We'd managed to arrive just in time to fix our plates, and I couldn't help but laugh at the sight of Rainey at the grill. Her chef's hat and silly apron were deceiving, for everyone knew that Rainey was far from the 'Best Chef on Earth.'
She spotted me and smiled, pointing to her attire and nodding, making me laugh even harder.
"Who's that, Phoebe?" the little girl at my side asked as she laughed at Rainey.
"That's a friend of mine. She helped me move into my apartment. Her name is Rainey."
"Rainey? Like the weather?"
"Something like that." We spotted Jenna and joined her in the line to fix plates. "This is Rainey's sister, Jenna."
"Hi, Jenna." The little girl waved before grabbing a paper plate for me and then herself. Jenna and I watched as the little girl piled a large amount of Jenna's salad onto our plates, followed by a good helping of my macaroni salad and some of Mary's famous fried chicken.
Stepping away, she quickly found a few vacant picnic tables and placed our plates on them before walking back to us and reaching for two more empty plates.
"Sweetie, you don't have to make me a plate. How about I make one for you, and you can go ahead and start without us."
The little girl smiled before reaching for the hotdog rolls.
"I don't mind, Phoebe."
Picking up a pair of tongs, she retrieved two hotdogs, placing them carefully in the rolls. She surprised me, squeezing equal amounts of ketchup and mustard onto both hotdogs; somehow, she knew exactly what to put on my hotdog.
Throwing a quick smile in my direction, she moved down the line, placing a few handfuls of potato chips and a glob of dip onto the plate. Next came the cheeseburgers as she placed two hamburger buns on the plate.
"Rainey?" she called, after placing a cheeseburger on the buns and walking the plates toward the grill. "Could we have extra cheese on our hamburgers? Please?" Her baby voice made everyone smile and Rainey happily granted the little girl's request. "Thank you," she said contentedly, walking the plates to the picnic table.
Jenna had been fixing her own plate and watching the child at the same time.
"Who's the kid?"
"I don't know. I thought maybe you knew who she was."
Jenna shook her head. "No. I haven't seen her around. Does she live in the building?"
"I think so." Jenna placed a pickle on her plate and then motioned for us to join the little girl, who was happily crunching on a potato chip. "I saw her in the building a few nights ago."
We sat down – me next to the little girl and Jenna opposite of us, quickly joined by Rainey carrying a full plate.
"Ugh, I'm starved!" Rainey exclaimed, picking up her cheeseburger and biting into it just as her bottom hit the seat.
"Try not to eat too quickly, Rainey. You might get a bellyache."
Jenna and I chuckled as Rainey paused mid-chew, surveying the kid before her.
"Who's this?" Rainey said, nodding her head in the girl's direction.
I shrugged my shoulder before turning to face her, watching as she kicked her feet and slid a finger through the ketchup-mustard mix that covered her hotdog.
"I don't think you told me your name," I tried, gaining her attention as she sucked on her finger.
"My name is Charlysia."
"Well, that's a pretty name," Jenna commented.
"It is," Rainey agreed before both she and her sister resumed eating.
Charlysia glanced in their direction before leaning over to whisper in my ear.
"Everyone calls me 'Charlysia,' but if I really like them, I let people call me 'Charlie.' You can call me 'Charlie,' okay?"
I nodded, and that unfamiliar feeling returned, swelling in my chest. I couldn't describe it, but it was even more prominent when Charlie smiled, revealing tiny little white teeth.
She settled herself in the seat and began working on her macaroni salad.
All I could do was watch her and wonder what it was about Charlie that drew me to her.