Title: Dear Lucius
Author: Nicole Mellano
Rating: PG
Pairing: Harry Potter/Lucius Malfoy
Summary: Lucius receives a letter after Harry's death. Harry recounts their whirlwind romance and explains why he had to leave. Mention of Mpreg.
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter.
Dear Lucius,
My life seems to have changed so drastically over the last two years and it is all thanks to you. Clear as the day it had happened, I remember the first letter you sent me. It was spectacular. I was enchanted by every word I read. My second best birthday ever. The best being the one I spent with you. My summer came and went in a total whirlwind. It was fantastic. The things you wrote. They were so beautiful. So poetic. So understanding. Eventually we arranged that meeting at the Leaky Cauldron. You had reserved a private room for us. With breathless anticipation I went upstairs to meet the man who was constantly in my thoughts.
The man I saw was you - Lucius Malfoy. And I was in love with you. You showed me so many things. Took me to so many places. Taught me so much. You taught me how to love and be loved. I was so caught up with it all that I threw caution to the wind. I disregarded the fact that you were still a Death Eater, that your wife was Voldemort's little whore, that it was possible for wizards to get pregnant.
The last was probably my biggest mistake. Lucius you knew how much I had wanted a family. Often I would have dreams of you, me and our children in a park, at the zoo, in the movies. Playing, laughing, enjoying life and each other. That was my biggest dream. A peaceful life with the man I love and our children. I suppose I yearned for it so much that my magic decided to answer my silent plea.
That is why I left Lucius. After I found out from Madam Pomfrey that I was pregnant with our child, I simply left. I could not bear the thought of something happening to our baby. I could not and would not raise it in the hate-filled world of Wizarding England. I did not tell you about our child, for I knew that if you had been aware of my pregnancy, you would never let me go. So I broke it off. With no hope of reconciliation. I had hoped that it would deter you from searching for me. I had hoped that it would make me hurt less. I convinced myself that my child was enough. That I had the strength to leave you. To hurt you this way.
About a month later, Bill Weasley was killed and I used him as a cover. Made up this sweet little story how we were engaged and were going to tell everyone in a few weeks. The only person that I told the truth was Albus Dumbledore. If my heart was not breaking, I am sure I would have laughed at the expression of total horror, helplessness and wild disbelief that had crossed the headmaster's face at my revelation. For a few minutes, he could not or maybe would not let himself believe what I told him. Then he tried convincing me to remain in England. But Bill's gruesome murder gave me the perfect reason to leave the country. To grieve I told them and they believed me for I was indeed grieving – our lost love. In the end, Dumbledore gave up and arranged accommodations for me in Australia within their magical community.
The story with Bill ensured that should anything ever happen to me, my child would have a loving family to take care of him or her. My child's father would have been a brave warrior of the light, who died protecting his country. He or she would never be shunned.
Forgive me. Oh, please forgive me Lucius for thinking this way. I was just so confused and blinded by my grief that I was ready to do anything to ensure that my baby would have a happy childhood. The perfect childhood that I never had. Forgive me. Please forgive me my love for not trusting you with his or her future.
As terribly cliché as this sounds, if you are reading this letter, then both Voldemort and I are dead. And you are alive. You have no idea how happy that makes me.
Lucius, if there is still any love for me left in your shattered heart, please find our child. Your child. Wherever he or she may be. Find our baby and raise him. As I am writing this, he is still growing inside me. Yet already I know that my happiness with him will be short lived. Find our child Lucius and raise him or her to be an outstanding wizard or witch. A fine member of the society. Raise our child to be everything that you wished Draco could have been. Give our child all the love that you wish you had bestowed upon Draco. Give him or her the childhood that we never had. One filled with love, laughter and peace. Above all peace. Make sure that our child can remain just that – a child, for as long as possible. Innocent, carefree. Unburdened by society and its impossible expectations. Raise our child to be a good human. A part of both the muggle and magical worlds. Taking the best from both.
Oh Lucius, I love you darling. Please never doubt that. Even if you can never forgive me for leaving you, please never forget that the day I ran, my heart was no longer with me. I left it in your possession. Live life, enjoy the peace that Voldemort's end will bring, and please, please, do not blame our child for my actions. Love him or her, for our baby is a product of our love and need for each other.
I could go on writing for hours and hours, my love. Yet I know my time is limited. Very soon I will not be able to travel via magical means and I can not imagine intrusting this letter to anyone except the goblins at Gringotts who will keep it until it is time.
I love you Lucius.
Yours forever in heart and soul,
Harry James Potter