Disclaimer: i don't own any of it, i'm just borrowing them.
Summery: morning thought of Joshes.
A/n: this is the first fic i've posted on here, please let me know what you think :)
5am.
The red light on the alarm shines out as it screams at me to awaken. Slowly but surly my eyes pry themselves open and strain to see in the darkness, the only light that of the street lamp outside because the sun hasn't risen yet. As the fog lifts from my mind I begin to think of the day ahead and the urge to go back to sleep becomes greater but it's just a fleeting thought. My sense of duty overrides it in an instant. Slowly I stretch out, mussels protesting fiercely, and swing my legs over the side of the bed. For the first time since I awoke I realise that I'm alone. Panic runs through me as it does every morning when I awaken and find her gone. Old thoughts come back to me: did I do something wrong? Did she leave? Is she ever coming back?
My fears are alleviated, as they are every morning, when I leave the safety of the bedroom and smell the fresh coffee she's made and hear the shower already running. I pad into the kitchen, the noise of my bare feet on the floor echoing around the room. Next to the pot of fresh coffee is a bagel. The simple sight of this makes me smile. It's her new hobby, making sure I eat three meals a day. As I pour the coffee I hear the bathroom door click open and place my half empty coffee cup on the counter, following her back into the bedroom. The sight before me is one that even after all these months I cannot get used to.
She's standing in the still dark room wrapped in a large white towel, her long blonde hair clinging wetly to her back. She makes no noise and doesn't move but I know she knows I'm here. I silently walk up behind her and slip my arms around waist and she instantly places her hands on top of mine. Breathing deeply the smell from her newly washed hair engulfs me. I could stay like this forever; in the dark with her in my arms and the smell of apples surrounding me. I try to hold on to the feeling of tranquillity for as long as possible but she pulls away and breaks the spell. The space between us is only slight but it feels like miles. Like an eternal space that can never be crossed but I know she's right. I step back out of the room and head for a shower of my own.
By the time I am done she's gone but I know this is the way it has to be, the only way it can be at all. The only way we can stay together is to be apart. I know she'll already be there when I get to work, sitting at her desk planning my day. If they knew she would be forced to leave and neither of us could bare that loss. So this is what we do. We have our moments before the sun comes up when we can be what we truly are. Not just good friends, not just co-workers or boss and assistant. We can be who we truly are. Two people in love. But once those moments are gone the masks slip back into place and we go back to being the things we're not.
"This is the only way" I think as I slip out the door to face the world. The coffee and the bagel left abandoned in the kitchen and the smell of apples lingering in the air.