The characters from Dead or Alive belong to Team Ninja. all others are mine. This story is an unauthorised work done purely for my personal enjoyment, and is not intended to infringe on any of their rights in or their profits from these characters. But this story is copy write to me.
Comments, especially (constructive) criticism, always welcomed. Please e-mail me at
[ ] indicates descriptive text
Got that lovin' feelin' - part 5
Kasumi : The fourth date will be .......... Bass!
Bass : Shit! My account's kinda empty 'cause o' the latest alimony payment!
Kasumi : Who will be going out with ....... Brad Wong.
Everyone else : PUB CRAWL!!
Tina : Hey, you all callin' my old man an alcoholic??
Leifang :Well, he doesn't seem to be someone whose idea of fun is going to a quiet little restaurant.
Zack : An' there are a few other things I'd call him ......
Leon : If you had the courage to face what he'd do to you ...
[Zack glares at Leon, who just smiles.]
Hitomi : And as for Brad ......
Christie : Mister Pickled Liver.
Brad : Ah, but I've cut down!
Helena : Seeing how much you were drinking last night, I find that hard to believe ....
Brad : It's true! That was less than I used to drink!
Helena :That was ... ? Mon Dieu! How much did you drink before??
Brad : I'm a Drunken Master! What did you all expect??
Jann Lee : Someone who acts a bit more like a dedicated master than a wino! You're embarrassing .....
Ayane : Says the man whose battle cry sounds like a chicken on helium ....
[Everyone apart from Jann starts sniggering. He glares at her.]
Bass : She got ya there, pal. Okay, Wong, you up for a little bar-hoppin'?
Tina : Oh God, Dad, don't do anything you'll regret in the morning!!
Bass : I never do! I'm usually too drunk to remember .....
Brad : A man after my own heart!!
Lisa : Note to self : stay away from whatever bars they're frequenting.
Tina : It should be easy to tell which they are; knowing Daddy they'll be hittin' the sleaziest joints in town.
Leon : Considering the places we went to after Dead Or Alive 3, I'd say that was guaranteed.
Tina : DAD!? What the hell did you get up to??
Bass : Uh .... hey Wong, ready to go??
[He grabs Brad's arm and hustles him out of the lounge.]
Leifang : Hmm, they seem in a hurry to get away together ..... almost hand-in-hand ....
[There's a loud chorus of 'Ewww!! Bad mental image!!' And the grinning Chinese girl has to duck several seat cushions being thrown at her head.]
---------------------------------------------------------
[The music is loud enough to be heard a block away, the air is full of cigarette smoke and the 'delightful' scent of unwashed bodies. Bass shoulders his way past a group of rowdy teens, Brad trailing after him, and they head for the bar. Not surprisingly, nobody wants to get in the way of the massive, leather-clad, rough-looking wrestler.]
Bass :Okay, first round's on me! So, waddya want, pal?
Brad : Oh, I drink anything.
Bass : Really??
Brad : Yes, as long as it's got a high alcohol content.
Bass : You an' me are gonna get along just fine, I can tell.
Brad : It is always a joy to find new friends.
--------------------------------------------
[It's about an hour later, and both men are getting quite drunk. There are empty beer bottles and lager cans in front of them, and a couple of almost empty plates bear the remains of the pub meal they ordered before getting down to some serious drinking.]
Bass : ... Tellin' ya, that stupid green-haired moron really makes my fleshy creep, ya know? I know he's after my Tina, an' I know she can look after herself, but even so ....
Brad : Even so, you're a father., and you want to protect your little girl from bad men, right?
Bass : Well, when ya put it like that, it sounds ....
Brad, No, no! I respect that stance. I really do. It's what any good parent wants to do for their child. Here.
[He pours some more beer into Bass' glass from the big jug, and signals for another round. The huge American downs the drink in one gulp, much to Brad's admiration.]
Brad : I mean, every parent still sees their children as, well, children, no matter how old they get. It's natural.
Bass :Naw, maybe I'm jus' bein' stupid. Here, my round.
-----------------------------------------------------
Brad : ... Sifu (1) told me, there is enough violence in the world hic without me adding to it. I really, thought that was hic profound, you know? Really, really profound and life-affirming..
Bass : I know, ol' hic buddy. You speak true, pal. You're a hic really great guy. Hey what you lookin' at, faggot?!
[He's staring at one of the men at the bar, who's looking at the two men with a more than hostile look in his eyes. The man moves slowly towards the two men, and a number of other men, dressed in denim and leathers, move to surround the two drinkers.]
Man : You flash a lot of money around in here, big man.
Bass : Yeah, so what? I ain't buyin' you a round! hic
[The young man pulls out a knife. The rest of the gang reveal fists holding knives, broken bottles, and bike chains.]
Man : Oh, I think you will. In fact, I think you'll give us enough money to have ourselves a good time!
Brad : Say, friend, why hic don't you put that down before anyone gets hurt. Here, a drink.
[Brad hands the man his beer glass. The man looks nonplused for a second, then he throws the glass to the floor, where it shatters. The group of men close ranks around the DOA pair, and the atmosphere gets even tenser.]
Man : Listen, you drunken fool, either give us your money or get hurt!
Brad : No need to be like that, my -
[The man grabs Brad's arm and moves to throw him to one side. Brad starts to go, then takes hold of the man's arm and uses the momentum of the throw to toss the man into one of his 'friends'. The two fall to the floor.]
[Before anyone else can react, Bass grabs the table and swings it round in an arc, taking down the rest of the gang in one go. Roaring with laughter the huge man grabs two of the attackers by their hair and smashes their heads together with a sickening crack. The two hit the floor unconscious.]
[The first man pulls out a gun, but Brad slams a fist into his throat, and the leader of the gang falls heavily, out like a light. Brad then 'staggers' forward, weaving to avoid the attacks aimed at him, then 'trips' seemingly clumsily, but his feet just 'happen' to kick one of his attackers in the groin - hard.]
[Bass picks up one of the men still standing, swings him round by his ankles, then lets go. The man flies across the bar into the wall, and slides down to the floor, unmoving. Laughing uproariously, the massive wrestler then slams his fist down onto the head of the second man attacking Brad, flattening him by brute power alone.]
[Brad, still on the ground, rolls forward, coming to his feet as he slams the last remaining gang member with both feet in succession, knocking him to the ground. Bass then jumps onto the man's back, causing him to expel his remaining air with a convulsive gasp, then slump on the floor, out cold. The two DOA men look round, see there are no further attackers, and grin at each other.]
Brad : Time to leave?
Bass : Yeah, I hic think we outstayed our welcome.
-----------------------------------------------------------
[It's nearly an hour later, and the two men have moved on. They're now in a nightclub. Brad is a bit disappointed with the fact that they're stopping the drinking for a while, but Bass has a smug grin on his face. Brad is left wondering what's going to happen next ...]
Bass : C'mon, pal, we've got seats at the table right out front. An' I had a word with the manager, an' we're gonna get special treatment!
[He has a huge grin on his face, which makes Brad a little nervous.]
[The two men take their places at the appointed table, and they wait for the 'special treatment' to start. The lights go down, and Bass looks expectant. Then a spotlight shines on the red curtains in front of them, and a hidden announcer shouts out "Eyes down for a full house! Heeeere's Anne-Marie!" And the curtains part to reveal a very full-figured woman in slutty red lingerie - basque, stockings, high heels, you get the idea. And she begins running her hands provocatively over her body, gyrating to the music which starts up in accompaniment.]
Brad : You mean . ... the special treatment is a stripper??
Bass : Jus' wait an' see!
[With that, the woman slowly walks down the steps towards their table, and begins rubbing her body against Brad's, pouting seductively all the time. The Drunken Master is by now looking very embarrassed indeed!]
Music : The minute you walked in the joint,
I could tell you were a man of distinction,
A real big spender,
Good-lookin', so refined,
Wouldn't you like to know what's goin' on in my mind?
[She stroked the back of his neck, rubbing her breasts against his chest. Brad is by now brick-red!!]
Bass : Woohoo! You go girl!
Brad : Er, I'm not sure that -
Stripper : Don't worry, honey, you're in good hands!
Bass : You lucky dog!
Brad [thinking] : I think I'd better start using my meditation techniques for aiding concentration ...
--------------------------------------------------------
[A couple of hours later. After the nightclub, the two men hit a succession of bars, and are now weaving from side to side as they stagger back to the hotel. Arm in arm, they are currently singing in VERY out-of-tune voices!]
Bass and Brad : ... and I wanna go to bed,
I had a little drink about an hour ago
And it's gone right to my head,
Wherever I may roam,
On land or sea or foam,
You will always hear me singing this song,
Show me the way to go home
Goooo hooooome.
[Bass narrowly avoids walking into a lamppost, and has to tug Brad to make him avoid it as well. They stagger onwards.
Bass : 'S been a great night, huh?
Brad : Yeah. I think. I don't remember what we did, but it must've been a great night.
[They stumble into the foyer and collapse in the lift. It takes half an hour before they're found both passed out, and taken to their rooms. Bass easily wins the subsequent 'drunken snoring competition']
--------------------------------------------------------------
[We now jump back in time once more, to see who the next date will be.]
Kasumi : For the next date, Lisa -
:Leifang : Ooh wait. Just think! We've had an all-man date, so there has to be an all-woman date, hasn't there??
Kasumi :Yes Lei, there has. And who knows, your name hasn't been drawn yet.
Leifang : I know!!
{she claps her hands excitedly. Everyone else rolls their eyes.]
Lisa :Come on, enough anticipation. Who'm I dating?
Kasumi : You're dating .....
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
(1) Sifu - Chinese for 'teacher', the equivalent to 'Sensei'.
Well, I think that counts as a good date .... Anyway, Lisa next. Who will she have? Stay with me.