Chapter Three

There's still a little bit of your ghost, your weakness

There's still a little bit of your face I haven't kissed.

Hearing that song in my head was making me think of Calleigh and my last few precious, pain free moments with her. I'd been watching her dance last night at her place, in tune to the music she had playing on the stereo. She was so happy, so carefree. The air around her seemed fun and peaceful. I'd turned up to hand her groceries she'd left in my car, after I dropped her off. I'd watched her laugh as she took my hand and guided my inept form into a dance in the kitchen. I can't dance too well, she knew it. Funnily enough she didn't care. The music had slowed and another song began to play on her stereo, changing the mood of them both. They moved gently, swaying softly in time with each other.

There's still a little bit of your taste in my mouth,

There's still a little bit of you laced with my doubt.

God I'm missing you so much right now.

I wasn't sure how it had happened but I know it did. She'd looked up at the same time as I'd looked down, our eyes had met, the ocean of hers rushed up to meet me, drowning me in the emotion I was feeling for her. The next moment I was filled with the sensation of warmth as if I'd come out of a long dream I hadn't known I was in. She melted into sudden kiss as naturally as did, as if it had always been this way between us. I found my hands caressing the smooth skin of her face, then wrapping in her soft platinum hair. I adored the expression of love on her face as I literally swept her off her feet and carried her into her bedroom. A mix of surprise and joy lit up her face as she let out that brilliant, vivid laugh. I remembered my hands running through her hair slowly as I kissed her slowly, my attention was solely in her. I remembered her clutching me in ecstasy as we moved together making love until the sun came up. That song had been playing in the back ground as we had drifted to sleep, my arms wrapped round her smooth figure, holding her tightly, my face buried in her long blond hair. I never wanted to let her go. That song, it was the last thing I'd heard whilst in her company. A few more lines were coming back to me now, I remembered it to be Calleigh's favourite.

You step a little closer each day and I can't see what's going on.

The lab was ghostly without her. She was like an infectious happy disease. With her gone the whole lab was quiet; no one was speaking to each other. They were knee deep analysing all the evidence from the crime scene that had once been the remains of the warehouse. The bastards had known what they were doing in this case. I had to hand them that. Whoever had killed that cop, knew how to ruin a good crime scene. At the same time I was sickened at their professionalism, there was the possibility they were going to get away. Right now I was aware of the fact I'd been staring at the computer trying to track a finger print we'd found through AFIS with no such luck; I'd been at it for over an hour now, the slowness of the day was driving me insane. Burning the building had been a smart idea on their part, whoever they were. It caused a sufficient lack of evidence, and made my job harder to find any that remained. We'd spent hours crawling over the crime scene picking up little things here and there, but nothing I could really deem as useful at this stage. I was just sitting here doing the paper work I was supposed to be catching up with; it was beginning to drive me insane. I wanted to be at home with Calleigh. I'd debated phoning her at my place, but I didn't want to wake her if she was asleep. It was precious sleep she needed in order to help her recuperate. I knew Calleigh well enough to know that. Bored I caught myself looking at my watch. Only a few more hours to go. AT the back of my mind I was kind of alarmed Horatio hadn't been to see me yet, but I knew all in good time. I put his head in my hands and rubbed my eyes for a second, pushing away the images that were thrusting themselves into my mind. She's a strong girl; remember she can take care of herself, I was telling myself.

This was driving me slowly insane. Everything that had happened in the last day was giving me no time to pull it all together in my own head. I was attempting to block it all out but it wasn't happening. I also knew from my previous experiences that I shouldn't. Calleigh was the reason I'd been late last night, Pam hadn't been expecting me home, by chance I'd taken down the wrong shift details and told her I was on the night shift. There wasn't enough time to inform her I was actually on day shift, in the end she wouldn't have really minded anyway. After the events with Calleigh, I'd decided it was time to admit to myself I should be moving on and not clinging to this thing I had with Pam. I'd wanted to end mine and Pam's relationship for a while now; I just hadn't been admitting it to myself. Only things had gone differently to the way I'd imagined they would. Instead of me breaking up with her I'd came home and found Pam cheating on me, which was somewhat a surprise, especially as it turned out had been going on for months. Feeling the desperate need to talk I'd gone to the only place he knew anyone was. Eric was out clubbing tonight with his new girlfriend, and I didn't really want to talk to Horatio about my personal life right now, I turned up at Calleigh's. Upon reaching Calleigh's apartment I'd found her front door closed over but unlocked. This had infiltrated my brain as suspicious. I hadn't even realized I'd taken the gun from my holster until I found it grasped tightly in my hand. Ever since the incident in the jeweller's I'd made sure I'd kept that gun damn clean, religiously clean, up to the point where it began to become almost obsessive. Opening the apartment door quietly I swore I'd heard a man's voice, it was low and deep. Hearing the tone I recognized to be a lover's. Taking a deep breath I'd started to back out of the room, pain was racking my insides. It couldn't of been a mistake. Tears were pinpricking my eyes, holding them back I felt used and dirty. That was before I had her scream.

Never once before had I ever heard Calleigh scream, the noise was a horrific yet it wasn't loud, yet the quiet shriek sent goose bumps of fear prickling through me and rattled my insides to the core. Without thinking I discovered that I'd rushed into the living room, gun pointing at the man on top of Calleigh, tearing at her clothes. I watched stunned as he began tearing at his own shirt, his pants were already down by his knees, his lower body pinning hers to against the carpet. For a second I couldn't move. I couldn't breath. I just stared at the sight unable to comprehend it. He hadn't managed to get Calleigh's pants entirely off yet, they were pulled down to her thighs as she struggled to make the grip he had on her wrists looser, so she could ward him off. I felt the essence of pure fear and rage ebbing into my veins filling them. I didn't even think. I was running on auto. From the looks of things the perpetrator hadn't even heard me enter, let alone realize I was standing there. He was too hell bent on yanking Calleigh's jeans down past her thighs he barely even realized what was happening as my hands wrapped around his shirt in fury as I tore him off the innocent young woman he was molesting. I didn't even see his face. All I could see was Calleigh's tearstained, make up streaked face.

As he fell on his back amidst the pure white of Calleigh's carpet, I came to realize the bastard was reaching for his own gun from his own holster, next to his own badge. My own was already pointed at his forehead. Grinding my teeth I saw myself pulling the trigger on this bastard once and for all. Surprise took me as I looked past the gun and at the man behind it. Two words formed in my throat, forming his name as my hand clenched the gun almost bitterly. The drunken figure as Detective John Hagen and it had been him that had been trying to rape my beautiful blond angel. The look of pure shock on Hagen's face I guess matched my own down to the last detail. Hagen, looked past me taking a good hard glare at the shivering Calleigh on the floor as he rose to his feet, swaying, tugging at his pants. I pulled away from him standing next to Calleigh, looking down the barrel at him. I wouldn't of hesitated shooting that bastard right between the eyes. In my head the flash back played vividly.

"Are you okay Cal?" I asked. I was analysing the situation as I was at work, it was the only way I could deal with it right now.. Out the corner of my eye I saw Calleigh slowly nod.

"You whore." Hagen spoke venomously. As if she'd hurt him, as if she was to blame for all this. Calleigh stared at him, her blue eyes etching with a fury I hadn't seen in along time.

"I'm not yours anymore John, I haven't been for a long time." Her words were cold. Since Calleigh's and Hagen's split he'd become unpredictable painfully obvious from the display that had unfolded in front of me. Hagen growled stepping back towards the front door.

"This isn't over." He said looking directly at the raging Calleigh.

"Get out." I heard myself say, the words themselves sounded hollow as I spoke, right now I knew I wouldn't hesitate in a second to pull the trigger on Hagen. He'd become a mad man, and a drunk, almost a rapist. Yet again he'd almost broken someone else's' life. Slowly Hagen exited the room I could hear him thumping walls as he bounced down the corridor. For a moment I followed suit, I wanted to follow him, I wanted to batter the living shit out of him until every inch of the pain I was seeing on Calleigh's face and been avenged. Only the sound of Calleigh's quiet, heart wrenching sobs stopped me from doing it. Instead I moved to close the front door until I realized it was hanging off it's hinges. I found myself turning to Calleigh. She was on her feet wrapping the blanket from the couch around herself. She wasn't fast enough to hide the damage Hagen had done. Her blouse was torn off and lay on the floor behind her. Her bra hung on her broken and open revealing her breasts. Instantly I turned around as she did, knowing that privacy was what she wanted right now. The sobs had stopped, I knew right then she was trying to pull herself together. I also knew she was trying to pull her jeans up to hide the newly formed bruising that were beginning to appear on her thighs. There was bruising on her arms, and wrists where Hagen had held her down. Part of her face was swollen where I could only guess he had struck her. The impending rage was running through me, yet so was the impending sadness. Choking back tears I turned back to face her, she met my gaze head on. There was silence between us, we said nothing, there was nothing to say yet there was understanding in her eyes. I'd already made the decision of what was going to happen next for her. For a few moments I didn't move I didn't go over to her; she didn't want anyone to touch her yet. She felt bruised and dirty. I knew she was brave, I knew she felt shame, but she'd never admit it. She had no reason to be ashamed. I holstered my gun and moved towards her slowly so not to startle her, she watched me carefully. I wanted to hold her so much, tell her how much I loved her and that I'd stay to make sure she never had to worry about being safe ever again. That wasn't what she wanted or needed, she'd take that as pity. Right now she just needed someone to stay here in the apartment with he, she needed to be safe in case he came back. She was creeping towards the bathroom, to the shower I knew to wash the essence of Hagen off of her. She didn't have to say anything when I saw the questioning in her eyes. I couldn't have left even if she'd wanted me to.

"Calleigh… I'll stay." I blurted out as she turned away.

"Really?" she asked. "I don't want to be alone right now."

I nodded my understanding; Calleigh gave me a grim smile and retreated towards the bathroom, still shaking. I wanted to hold her, protect her, make sure she was safe, but I couldn't do that right now, that's not what she wanted.

"Calleigh wait…" she turned to me again as I moved wearily towards her. She didn't shying away from my gaze; she faced me head on as if I was challenging her. I held out my hand, she looked down at the gun I'd placed in it and let out a grateful sigh. She took it from my hand and into the bathroom with her. I was giving her the means to protect herself, that's what she wanted; she needed to stay in control, it was her way of coping.

"Tim, thank you." She said as she closed the bathroom door. I knew as she said them she meant for everything. A few minutes later I relaxed hearing the sound of running water, uneasy I moved from the bathroom door. I knew the sound of water was covering the sobs of someone who had been nearly broken. I knew there wasn't a thing I could have done about it. Something occurred to me then, as I sitting in the dimly lit living room, on her once comfortable couch, she was washing away the evidence to what Hagen had done to her and I was letting her. I heard myself sigh, running a hand through my hair. I knew I didn't have the heart to make her stop washing away all the emotions she was feeling or the dirt she felt was clinging to her skin. There was other tell tale evidence left behind. I could collect.

Music on my head phones snapped me back to reality as I began to tune back into the world. The latest of my reports I realized in dismay were a total mess. I had no idea what the hell I'd been doing for the past few hours, but I was aware from the things I'd written I hadn't been concentrating, half of them were even unfinished. I had yet to go through my own notes correcting the mistakes and theories I'd been making at the time of things, yet I wasn't entirely sure of their location. Growling I shifted the reports aside for a second and placed my chin on my hand frustrated and becoming consumed by thought. What the hell could make someone want to hurt someone else in the way Hagen had hurt Calleigh? I couldn't get it out of my head. I wanted to damage Hagen so badly…

A shadow fell over the reports I'd been previously reading, I glanced looked up briefly from my thoughts to see the slim shape of Horatio standing over me, as usual his hands on his hips. Being polite I took the head phones off of my head, leaving them dangling around my neck.

"Anything yet Speed?" he asked I shook my head in reply.

"I was about to ask you the same thing." I told him frowning. "I've been going over these case files while waiting for AFIS to find anything; it may even be another few hours."

"We know that the accelerant from the fire is petrol. Delko is still interviewing the neighbours with Yelina. It's proving difficult though." Horatio confirmed, I nodded in return, storing the information in my brain.

"I'll find my notes and read them after I've finished these reports. See what AFIS comes up with in the mean time." I looked down at the page in front of me, pretending to read it.

"Speed…" Horatio began. I found my eyes on him, surprised that he was still here.

"I'm going to need the other evidence from last night." For a moment I was staring at Horatio frozen. It took me a few minutes to register.

"H…" I began.

"We need to start analysis it straight away Speed." Horatio spoke softly. I nodded swallowing hard and took the envelope marked evidence from my rucksack.

"There's everything, it contains her clothing from that night, torn shirt, broken bra clasp, ripped panties. There are photographs of the bruising and the scratches on her from where he held her down, and where he hit her face." I was struggling to speak in a controlled and unfeeling manner. Yet I heard my own anger as I betrayed my own emotions. My jaw clenched as Horatio took the envelope from my hand. I raised my eyes and met a stone wall in Horatio's; I looked away tired and feeling degenerate. Before I realized it I was speaking again.

"I don't see why it had to happen to her H… I mean I was there he had lost it completely. What can turn a man like Hagen into such an animal? What made him victimise her? She's this beautiful, strong woman; she didn't deserve it." Horatio placed a reassuring hand on my shoulder. I let out a long sigh. I knew I was close to breaking point, so did he. Horatio took a seat across from me making sure to face me.

"Men like Hagen Tim… When Hagen lost Ray as a partner, he was seen as a bad luck charm, no one wanted to be near him or work with him. After all the rumours of Raymond being corrupt, it made sense to think that maybe the corruption had spread to his partner. Hagen was isolated; he was made to be a bad guy. In all honestly I don't know if he ever was corrupt or not. For a long time it seemed that Hagen had no control over what was happening. He had no control in his life. When he and Calleigh started dating she gave something, she showed him that there was something for him out there, and that he didn't have to be isolated. Overall he became almost dependant on her, eventually they split, I'm sure you know why." I nodded automatically, urging him on. When he didn't I continued to voice my thoughts.

"That still doesn't tell me why he felt the need to try to rape her." I heard myself remarked dryly. Horatio paused before continuing.

"Speed…Hagen felt needed, and when Calleigh told him she didn't need him anymore he was back to being isolated again. When it comes to it she dominated the relationship. Hagen would never have left Calleigh, but Hagen was always going to lose Calleigh." Horatio said pointedly. I ignored his gaze and focused on the story.

"Hagen started drinking, as you saw yourself he lost control of himself, I've spoken to his superior, he's been coming in late or not at all. He's been caught fighting with suspects. In short of out he's lost his control. I think he saw Calleigh as the reason for that, and in order to gain control he has to dominate her. It puts him back in the driving seat." Horatio finished. I was staring at him in horror I knew I was; all this was to put him back in control? I was speechless; I didn't know what to say. Horatio's gaze was on me for a second before standing up. He began to speak again.

"Speed can I ask? Where is Calleigh right now?" he inquired quietly. I looked up at him still in shock, my mouth hanging open.

"Um…" I shook my head to clear it, distracted. " She's at my place. I left her there to get some rest, she didn't feel safe at her apartment… Hagen broke the door off the hinges."

Horatio sighed and nodded.

"Have you moved anything except her clothing?" Horatio asked thoughtfully.

"Just some stuff to take to mine." I ran his hand through my hair before talking again.

"Look H… this is a big deal, and she needs to know Hagen will be off the streets, hell; I need to know Hagen will be off the streets. I mean if you'd seen what I saw… I mean I've never seen anyone so vulnerable before. I've never seen her look fragile. I saw Hagen defile her, he was an animal." I hesitated shaking my head slowly. Horatio's eyes were on my face as I relived the memory. I found myself looking off into the distance across the lab.

"I keep wondering what would of happened if I hadn't gone back to talk to her. I almost didn't go to her place. I caught Pam cheating on me today; I actually walked in and saw her with another man. It didn't bother me, when it came to the crunch, because I knew we'd been over since the second time I was shot. We couldn't give each other what we wanted. I nearly didn't go to Calleigh's with the whole thing." I was staring down at my hands.

"I'm glad you did though Speed. I bet she is too. How's she holding up?" Horatio asked folding his arms over his slender chest. I shifted on my uncomfortable stool a little.

"Good." I said nodding for empathise. "I think she's just trying to deal with it in her own way." Horatio nodded thoughtfully.

"I'm gonna get going, analyse the evidence you gave me and take a look around Calleigh's apartment." Horatio told me, moving in the direction of the door.

"It's open all hours now anyway." I muttered bitterly. As Horatio left, the attack on Calleigh still firmly placed in my mind, I knew she was reliving too, in her own mind.