Sorry this took so long but I lost all my story and then had to retype it! There are probably a million spelling mistakes but I just wanted to get it up! (that is not meant to sound dirty!)
The Fall
The fall in New York; a time when the maze of concrete disappears behind all the striking reds and oranges and yellows of the changing leaves. And if you are spending it with the one person you care about more than anything else, it is the most romantic time of the year.
I was sharing it with the one person I cared about more than anything else. Erik and I had come back from the Hamptons even more infatuated with each other than before. He had it in his mind that soon, he was going to ask me to marry him, and I had it in my mind that soon, I was going to say yes.
Erik had sort of unofficially moved into my apartment. There has never been a distinct moment when I had asked him to move in and when all of his things had been brought over, it had just happened. We spent all our time together and some how, all his things had simply found their way to come next to mine.
Of course, I could not spend all the time with Erik I wanted to. His firm had just landed a very important contract, and he was working very long hours. So, on some nights I found myself alone, work finished, curled up on the sofa under one of his sweaters that smelled like him like one of those lovesick fools I always hated.
The weekends were what we lived for; a time when we could set aside work and just enjoy each other's company. So, one breezy Sunday afternoon, we bundled up and went out. Though I missed the summer heat at times, I decided that Erik never looked better than when he was in jeans and a black sweater, so I guess I can stand the fall.
Normally we just ambled around with no specific purpose on the weekends, but this Sunday was different. This time we were on a mission…
"What about this one?" I asked as I pointed; Erik and I were picking out a pumpkin to add to the décor of our apartment. I also planned on carving it with him, something he told me he had never done before,
"No, that one's not round enough," Erik said,
"Alright Mr. I'm and architect and everything has to have a perfect geometric shape, you pick one," I teased him,
"Okay," he smiled and move through the selection of pumpkins, "This one," he held one up,
I sighed; he had managed to find what was probably the most perfect one there.
Erik paid for the pumpkin and we began to walk back to the apartment. We were planning on dropping off the pumpkin and then going somewhere for lunch, when Erik got distracted,
"Wait!" he said as we passed a shop,
I turned to see what he was looking at. It was a pet store window, and in it sat a sad looking shaggy white and black dog. The sign next to it said, "free to a good home."
"Erik, you cannot be thinking…" But I could tell that he was,
"Let's just go and have a look at it Olivia," He said, turning to me and smiling, in his eyes a glow that was normally present in boys before Christmas. I knew I loved him too much to say no, and he knew it to.
We entered the pet store. It smelled like cat food and the sound of a million birds chirping assaulted our ears. Erik quickly found the gloomy looking dog and knelt by it, stroking its fur,
"Erik…" I protested; not that I had anything against dogs, there were just too many questions nagging at my mind, "who will take care of it when we are at work?"
"He is not a puppy Olivia," Erik defended his desire, "He would not have to be watched all day, and I can get up early and take him outside; I get up before you do anyway," He had a point,
A moment later one of the store attendants came over to us, "Can I help you?" He asked,
"Why is this dog free?" I asked him, "Is there something wrong with it?"
"No," the man said honestly, "He is just not a pure blooded dog; and he is too big, most people now only want those tiny little dogs…nobody wanted him, so the basic policy is we give them some time up for adoption, and if nobody takes him, we will put his to sleep,"
Up until that point I had been dead against it, but once I looked into the sad dog's brown eyes I could not say no. Erik straightened up immediately,
"I'll take him,"
So, some thirty minutes later we left the store with the dog, who's name turned out to be Sammy and who's mood had considerably improved since he realized he was going home with us, about a millions products for the dog's care, and one pumpkin.
Erik had the dog on a leash as we walked home. I was suddenly struck with how 'family' we had suddenly become; and doggy makes three.
When we arrived at the apartment I was struck with something else; Sammy's delight in immediately jumping onto the sofa and curling up in a ball,
"I hope you know, you are going to have to clean up after him," I said to Erik as I through about all the dog hair which was now on the sofa,
"So now I have to clean up after you and the dog?" Erik teased me. I turned around indignantly to face him, but then he kissed me and I forgot why I had been angry.
A week passed with our new dog; everything went as planned. Erik woke early to walk him and he only once went in our apartment, and he never ate any of my shoes. In truth I liked having the dog there; I really did feel that we had become a kind of family.
One Tuesday night, I came home while Erik was forced to stay later for work. I had done a little shopping; we needed milk and I needed cigarettes among other things, so I arrived home with my hands full and the moment I entered the door Sammy began jumping around, begging me to take him for a walk.
Between the purchases in my hand and the things I had brought home from work and the dog, I was in no condition to answer the phone which began to ring the moment I entered. I let the machine get it, but then my heart froze when I heard who it was,
"Olivia," the voice of Mark Berry, my ex, came out, "Olivia? If you are there please pick up…this in very important…I need to speak to you…" his voice sounded desperate, "I think I made a mistake Olivia, and I want to talk to you, I think I made a mistake…" I felt a thousand emotions rush to my head, "Call me back Olivia…I really miss you," and then he hung up.
"That Bastard!" I cried aloud to Sammy, how dare he? How did he have the nerve to call me after taking so many years of my life away from me; he had already made me miserable once and I was not going to let him do it again.
I made to delete the message, but as I reached for the button an involuntary image came before me of all the good times I had shared with Mark. But that was over, I reminded myself, I was with Erik now and I was happy at last. Delete.
Unfortunately, I could not erase the massage from my head as easily as I had erased it from my machine. His voice kept playing over and over again…he had made a mistake. He was damn right he had, he had broken my heart. But I was not going to make the same mistake all over again. I was not going to call Mark back.
I took Sammy for a quick walk; it was quite cold outside, and then I returned to the apartment. I finished my work and got ready for bed. To my intense aggravation, the message was still in my head, it was on mental repeat or something.
All I wanted was for Erik to come home so I could forget about Mark and his message. I curled up on the sofa and waited, Sammy sitting beside me. It felt good to have something I knew Erik cared so much about sitting next to me.
I had a hard time staying awake however; one minute I was watching Jon on the Daily Show talk about Mess O Potamia and the next I was dreaming.
Erik came in not long after I began to sleep. He quietly crept over to where I was on the sofa, moving Sammy so he could sit next to me,
"Are you sleeping?" he whispered softly,
I half was, and my response was a slight shift as I nestled deeper into the sofa for greater warmth, "You look very beautiful when you are sleeping," Erik said as he gently ran his hand over my back. I arched into his touch and, still half asleep, I leaned back until my head was resting on his chest.
"I thought about you a lot today…I always think about you and I wonder what you are doing," Erik said gently as he watched me fall into a deeper sleep against him, "I miss you all the time,"
There were the same words; when Mark said them it sent my head spinning, but when Erik said them, it worked on my heart. I loved him, and I was glad he was home. I sighed contentedly and buried my head deeper into him.
I heard him chuckle softly, and then I was in the air. He lifted me off the sofa and carried me into the bedroom. He tucked me into the bed, and after one kiss on the cheek and a gentle "I love you" he left the room for the kitchen, in search of something before he came to bed.
The bed had never felt so comfortable, but suddenly I was awake. I wrapped myself in my blanket and stumbled out of the room. Erik had turned down the TV and had his head buried in the refrigerator.
"Erik," I called his name softly but it made him jump all the same,
"Did I wake you?" He asked, pulling a carton of leftover Chinese food out of the refrigerator,
"No, no," I smiled and walked over to him. I took the carton out of his hand, I may not have been the type of girl who could cook for her man, but I could warm up his food for him, "How was your day?"
"Long," he sighed, "I couldn't wait to come home," he came over to me and put his hands on my shoulders, "It's getting really cold out there; and windy as hell to,"
"I know! I can hear it! It's kinda scary," I admitted with a smile, taking the food out of the microwave and offering it to him,
He smiled at me and put his hand under my chin, "You're afraid of the wind?" he laughed,
"No," I said sheepishly, "But what if I was? Would you protect me?"
"From the wind?" he laughed,
"Yes,"
"And how would I do that?" he took the plate out of my hands and set it on the counter, then he slid his arms around my waist,
"Build me something with high wall to keep out the wind," I laughed at how ridiculous I sounded,
"I would build you anything you asked for; I'll build you a tall tower to live in and then I can keep you all to myself," He pressed me as close to him as he could. It was normally a scary thing to hear; and usually when the girl gets locked in the tower she needs to be rescued; but I would have stayed in his tower.
That night we sat on the sofa together, and I realized for the first time that this was it; I had finally found the man I was going to sit with every night; this was it. I leaned my head against his shoulder on the sofa; this was going to be the rest of my life.
The next day, my past life continued to interfere with the rest of my life. Erik and I finally managed to synchronize our lunch schedules and I was waiting for him outside of my building when…
"Mark?" I looked at him stunned,
"Olivia; I was hoping I could see you," He did not look like his together self; he looked disheveled and rumpled; his shirt was miss-buttoned and his hair was a mess,
"Well you can't see me Mark," I glared at him, "I am waiting for someone,"
"I only want…wait, waiting for someone…waiting for who?" He was distracted,
"My God Mark!" I shook my head, "Did you think I was just going to sit around and wait for you to come back to me? I've moved on Mark, and I need you to be gone right now," I continued to glare at him, hoping that Erik would not come while Mark was still there,
"Olivia, I need you to listen to me…things have not been going well for a long time and I keep thinking about you…"
"Mark!" I shouted, "You think, after what you did to me, you can just walk back into my life?"
I turned and started to walk away, but Mark grabbed me by the shoulders and held me there, "Mark…let me go," I insisted,
"Olivia, I just want to talk," he held me as I continued to struggle against him,
"Olivia?" I sighed with relief as I heard Erik's voice come from behind me,
"Erik!" I turned around and Mark let me go. I rushed into Erik before he had the chance to say anything and pressed my lips to his; half in relief that he was there, and half because I finally could rub a winning relationship in Mark's face,
Erik did not feel the relief I felt. Instead he felt a million questions fall on his shoulders; who was this man and what was he doing with his hands on me? Erik and I parted and I turned back to face Mark. Erik wrapped an arm possessively around me and held me so tightly I actually found it hard to breath,
"Mark, this is Erik Duval, Erik, Mark," I made this awkward introduction and the two men stared at each other; one with amazement and one with eyes that could have killed. I didn't know it, but Erik was mentally ripping Mark Berry limb from limb.
"You-you two are together then? That's…that's wonderful," he clearly did not think anything about it was wonderful,
"Yes, we are," Erik answered before I could say anything, and in a tone of such finality it almost made my knees weak,
"Well then…" Mark shifted and then looked pleadingly into my eyes, something Erik quickly noticed and so he said,
"We have to go Olivia, we are wasting time," He pulled me roughly away before Mark could say another word or we could exchange another look.
Erik and I walked silently down the street. He was angry, any man who came near what was his had to go, and Mark had some too close,
"So, who was that?" He asked me coldly,
"Mark Berry, my ex," I admitted,
"And what was he doing?" He spoke just as harshly,
"He just wanted to talk; I kept telling him to go," I suddenly realized how angry he was, "Erik…there is no need to be mad,"
We stopped walking and I turned him to face me, but I could not get him to look into my eyes, "Erik…believe me, you have nothing to worry about, Mark is just…believe me I don't want anything to do with him,"
He finally looked right at me. He turned those green blue eyes right into me and I felt like I was falling right into his soul. Trust was exchanged in that moment; trust that we would not hurt each other and that we knew we were meant for each other.
Lunch proved enough to erase all awkwardness and Erik and I said goodbye with a passionate kiss before I entered my office again. However, when I got to my desk, I saw the hallmark of a desperate man; flowers. There was a giant bouquet waiting for me. There was a card; they were from Mark. I threw them away.
The stars had aligned that brisk fall day because Erik did not have to stay late. We were able to go home together. The wind really was something; it was blowing the fall leaves all over and the sky had turned an eerie purple color and it was getting dark.
It was a pleasant ride home; we were both quite tired and we leaned against each other for support. We reached the apartment and had begun to prepare dinner when the phone rang. We both had our hands dirty so we let the machine get it; something I regretted instantly when I heard Mark's voice.
"Olivia…please pick up!" He was begging, "I don't know who that guy was but he cannot be right for you,"
Erik stood fuming for a moment as he listened to the message, and then he whorled around and picked up the phone,
"Listen you bastard," he said in a voice that made my blood run cold, "Olivia is no longer yours to call, she will not speak to you, and if you call here again you will regret it, is that clear?" And then he slammed the phone down on the receiver.
I did not quite know what to do; protective is cute but I couldn't help but think Erik was being a bit extreme. What I did not know was that Erik felt like the same thing was about to happen all over again. Just when he had thought he and Christine would be happy forever together, Raoul had swooped in and taken her away. Now he was happy again, and he was not going to let anyone swoop down and take me. The poor man did not even realize he had nothing to worry about.
"Erik, you didn't have to do that," I said,
"Didn't have to!" He cried, "So what am I supposed to do? Let him call you all the time and try to take you away?"
I stared at him, "He is not going to take me away," I said firmly,
Erik turned to me; he did not believe me. He believed that if Mark offered me a life with him I would take it, because deep down Erik still felt like he was only half a man, and the only experience he had had with a woman had turned out in her leaving him. Erik grabbed me by the shoulders,
"Promise me that you will not speak to him again,"
I thought he was being ridiculous, but I loved him, so I promised.
That night Erik and I made love, but it was different than all the other times, something about him was different. He was more intense than usual. His touch possessed me somehow, and with every kiss and every touch I felt myself spinning downward, until my body and soul were under his complete control.
The things he did to me that night were beyond compare; the way he stripped me roughly and then pushed me down on the bed while he stood, watching my body tremble in the cold room, begging for the warmth of his touch. That night, Erik managed to take a piece of me away with him and keep it under his control. My mind fell away from the rest of my body and all I knew was my own heart beat.
I was close to loosing myself forever, but just before Erik pushed me over the edge, he stopped. It was almost painful; I felt such a longing for him. I squirmed beneath him, trying to make him move again, but he held me still.
"You belong to me," he hissed in my ear, and then with one final motion he let me fall right over the edge.
"Honey, he is going weird, let him go," Rebecca told me the next day; we were shopping for something for Rebecca to wear to the upcoming benefit she would be attending,
"I think it was only because of Mark," I insisted as I waited outside the dressing room, "He just feels threatened,"
"If he feels that threatened, you don't need him," Rebecca said as she came out of the room, "What do you think?" she spun in her dress,
"Looks fabulous," I said, "I can't dump him,"
Rebecca stared at me; the look of 'you are loving dangerously' in her eyes. I wasn't sure however; I was in love with Erik. It was too late to back out; I just had to pray this would not turn into a big thing.
Unfortunately, my prayers were going to fall on deaf ears. Erik continued to be obsessed with the idea of Mark Berry. And, stupid Mark, kept on calling. He had stopped calling my home phone and started to call me at work and on my cell phone. Every time it was the same; he wanted me to call him.
Finally I did, just to shut him up. My phone conversation with him went just as expected; the little blond secretary was not all she was cracked up to be and he wanted me back. I told him off; I told him to stop calling.
He didn't.
"I think he is doing better," I commented; it was finally Sunday and Erik and I were in the park, trying to teach Sammy how to play fetch. He was getting better; he went after the ball when we threw it, but then he would run past us and refuse to give up the ball,
"Isn't he supposed to bring us the ball?" Erik asked as Sammy ran past up once again,
"Well…yeah…but at least he got the ball,"
Erik smiled; he was smiling less these days and it was good to see that smile, "Your quite optimistic today,"
"Something in the air," I smiled back, at which point Sammy rocketed into my side and dropped the ball,
Erik picked up the ball and threw it again. Sammy raced after it, and we continued to walk in silence together, side by side. I knew there was still a bit of trouble between us; Erik could not seem to grasp the fact that despite his advances toward me, I was not at all interested in starting something with Mark Berry.
I thought it was best if I brought it out in the open;
"Erik, I think we should talk," I began slowly,
"About what?" he asked me in the tone that says; I know exactly about what but I am not going to make this easy,
"About Mark," I said, feeling like I was saying a word that was taboo,
"What about the man?" Erik asked, and his face turned as red as the leaves on the fall trees,
"I think you think I want to be with him again…."
He interrupted me, "I think no such thing Olivia," he did not want to admit to me that he felt threatened,
"Erik," I stopped him and grabbed him by the shoulders; I wanted him to hear me loud and clear, "I love you, and I will never want to be with any other man, least of all Mark Berry, so I want you to stop acting like I am going to leave you,"
Erik looked hard at me; after Christine he had thought he should steer clear of love, but he had fallen into the heart's trap anyway. Now, he thought, he risked loosing his heart again with the intrusion of Mark Berry. He worried that he would take me away and leave him a mess all over again.
But Erik had fallen out of most of his old ways; with Christine he had loved her and not trusted her to be faithful to him. So, he had resorted to spying and trying to control her, which had eventually led to heart break.
Erik knew now that love meant trust, and that if he loved me and I said he had nothing to worry about than he should believe me.
So, Erik nodded and put his arm around my shoulders, vanquishing his worries about Mark, and together we enjoyed our fall afternoon.
The next week, Erik continued his grueling work schedule and so I was forced to go home by myself.
Wednesday night I returned home with my work and some other items I had purchased. I heard Sammy barking all the way down the hall and I hurried to the door so I could see what was the matter with him. When I reached the door I fiddled with the lock for a moment, having to turn it one way and then the other and then back again to open the door.
The moment I got inside I saw why Sammy was barking.
"So…you two got a dog?" Mark Berry was standing in my apartment, a smirk on his face and his hand on Sammy, trying to quite the dog. I threw my things down and Sammy immediately came to me,
"What the hell are you doing here?" I was angry as hell and I didn't care if he knew,
"You wouldn't return my calls so I thought I would pay you a visit; I still have the key from when we were dating,"
"You mean from when we were engaged, and then you left me," I reminded him hotly, "And we don't have anything to talk about, so if you would just leave," I motioned to the still open door,
"Olivia, I know you are still in love with me," Mark took a step closer to me,
"Oh my god," I muttered in angry disbelief; men sometimes!
"I know you are because we had something together, and feelings like that don't just go away; I still love you Olivia," he stood right in front of me and rested his hands on my shoulders,
I threw them off in one quick motion, "I don't love you Mark, and I never will again,"
"But you did once," he replaced his hands and stared into my eyes; without warning I fell into the trap of his dark brown eyes, and suddenly I remembered a time when I did love him. I had already stopped thinking about it and was going to force him to leave when he grabbed me, pressing me against the counter behind me and forcing his lips to mine.
My mind was reeling and I tried to push him off of me but he would not budge. Suddenly, Mark flew off of me, and in a rush of color I saw Erik punch him with blind fury over and over again in the face. He shoved Mark, who was bleeding from the nose, out the door and slammed it.
"Thank God you came," I rushed to Erik but he pushed me away,
"Explain yourself Olivia," He said in a cold voice,
"Erik…you can't think I wanted him to do that," I looked pleadingly up at him, but his green blue eyes showed no compassion,
"I don't know what to think Olivia," he felt like I had broken his trust and his heart into a million pieces, "I have to go," he said, and as he stood in the door, he looked down at what he had been holding in his hands and I saw for the first time; a dozen red roses, "These are for you," he said stiffly, "As an apology for how foolish I have been acting lately," he let them fall to the floor and then he walked away,
"Erik wait!" I tried to get him to stop and I chased him into the hallway, but he vanished into his apartment before I could stop him.
Erik felt as though the whole world had fallen down around him. He had finally given me his trust; in fact the whole reason he had come home when he did was that he had gotten out of work early to surprise me and apologize…now he felt like he had been oh so wrong.
He had finally given me all his heart; he had trusted me, he had thought I was the perfect goddess and that I was finally truly his, and then he had seen me in the arms of another man.
When he got into his apartment; a place he had not been to in some time and was now cold and unfamiliar, he threw whatever was in his reach and let it hit the walls and fall to the floor. He ignored my pounding on his door for half an hour until I was completely exhausted.
He felt completely crushed. This was worse than Christine, he decided as he sat on his sofa; his initial rage subsiding. With Christine, he had known deep down that Christine had not loved him. He had been certain that I had. He did not understand why I would hurt him so badly, and he would not listen to the explanation I was shouting through his door. All he heard was a pounding in his ears. Seeing me being kissed by another man had completely broken his heart.
When he came to New York, he felt like he had been able to start completely over. He had been given a new life he could actually feel good about, and a woman who loved him, but with this, he felt like everything he had come to believe in had been shattered like a broken mirror. He hung his head in his hands for half the night. Eventually, he went into his room and picked up the blue box from Tiffany's. He opened it and stared at the engagement ring he had bought for me, and then he shut the box. He put it away where he could not see it.
I returned to my room in a state of abject despair. I paced my apartment and tried to figure out how the best relationship I had ever had had deteriorated. I wept unabashedly as I cursed Mark and wondered what Erik was thinking. Finding every answer to every question so painful I could hardly breathe, I spotted the roses on the floor. It was too much; we had been so close to making it…damn Mark! I sank down next to the fallen roses and continued to cry until I could not cry anymore.
Just like the roses from his hand, my relationship with Erik had taken the fall.