Chapter two- Miss Muffy and Maureen
When Collins asked me about myself, I knew he was going to be in trouble. See, asking me about myself is a lot like reading the Bible. It's boring, long, and while 95 percent of people say they're interested, most of them are just pretending to listen. But hey, my motto is, if you're going to ask, you're going to hear the answer...so I told them...pretty much my life story.
"And then, in 10th grade, Nanette Himmelfarb came to school wearing the most provacative thing we had ever seen..." I continued, laughing at the faces Collins and Roger were making. They were bored out of their minds...I love tortunring people. But, at this news about young Nanette, (by the way, Nanette Himmelfarb is the Rabbi's daughter...she looks like a boy with frizzy triangular hair and a beanie on her head...she has never worn anything provacative in her life-but don't tell them that!) their ears perked up.
"Oh yeah? Do tell." Roger said. Collins looked amused, but stayed silent.
"A red beanie." I said, smugly, and Roger's face dropped like a sack of potatoes.
"You're kidding, right?" Collins said, not even trying to hold in his laughter.
"No...man, she was hot..." I said, going on with my story.
"Wait, I didn't know that girls wore those beanie things...I thought that was a male thing." Collins interjected.
"Um...well...ok, if you wanna know the truth, not one word of what you've been hearing is actually true.." I replied, both sheepish (BAAA!) and proud at the same time...if that's even possible. (Yeah, I know, you can tell them that she's not sexy now...eh, a filmaker must take credit for his work)
"Really..." Collins said, massaging his chin. Roger, on the other hand, was a little less silent about it.
"THANK GOD!" He blurted out. "I was so worried that you were the most boring piece of shit on earth." What? Damn, boy is offending me.
"I will take offense to that, you know." "Yeah, yeah..well, for making us sit through that, you deserve..." Roger replied, but trailed off as a girl walked into the apartment.
..A DAMN SEXY GIRL!
DAYUM! ...Now, considering that I am a geeky, dorky, all-around freakishly Jewish-looking boy from the suburbs, you must admit- I can talk the talk...er...think the think? Think the thoughts? OK, anyways, I have the best vocabulary. Ever.
"Hi, Roger, Collins, Benn...wait, you're not Benny..." She said, doing a double take because I'm not this Benny guy.
"...Nope. But if he were Benny, I would say that he has quite the pigment problem..." Collins said, laughing.
"What? What is a pigment problem? Oh, whatever. Hi. I'm Maureen. I am the working girl of the loft. Are you Collins' new boy? Or Roger's new drummer?" She asked...wait, Collins? I looked dubiously (I do love that word) at him and he shrugged. Hehe...my first gay boy (Hey! I'm from Scarsdale! Leave me alone!)...gotta say, Chaim Miller was wrong...you can't tell at all.
-wait...did this girl just ask what a pigment problem was?
"Neither Reeney." Roger said, saying her name quite rudely in my opinion-which usually counts for squat, but I think my opinions are worth something, so it doesn't...ok, getting off track. Roger apparently didn't like this girl. Although, I can't really see why..she might not be a MENSA candidate anytime soon, but she's hot. "He's the new roommate." Wait, what? When was I notified that I was indeed staying here? I mean, I would like to...but no one informed me of the decision! Can we inform Mark about these things, please? I would rather have control over my life...that's why I left Brown...you know, I still think that's a horrible name for a University.
"Staying here? Do we know anything about him? References? Is he going to pull some weight around here, or is like you two slackers...and we already have four people here, can we really fit another one? How do we know he's not going to flake out on us like the other 22 roommates have before you? You know, I really don't like not being notified about these things! I work so that you-" oh no...she's going to start yelling now, isn't she? "can eat and take warm showers. And I'm always getting hit on and getting extra tips just so that-" and there's the yelling...damn... "some perverted prick can get his fucking groove on, and here I am, getting the shaft for this...obvious fashion reject. I mean, that's why he's here, isn't he? To kick me out! I can not believe you're letting him do that, Collins! I thought you had more respect for people than that! I don't need"
"OK, Maureen, time for you to shut up." another guy said, walking in the front door. "Miss Muffy just complained that she can hear you all the way across the street in her lavish apartment." "Do you know who this is?" Maureen said, motioning to me. I just kinda sat there...and waved...like a dork...who's Miss Muffy? Who is this guy? I looked over at Roger and he mouthed to me the word 'Benny'... it could have been Penny...but I really doubt that this guy is named Penny...or Jenny...well, anyways. It was probably Benny. And that will be his name until I find out what it really is.
"No...but does is really matter?" Benny said, putting his coat down on the couch and walking into another area of the loft.
"HE'S THE NEW ROOMMATE!" Maureen screeched. And, let me tell you, she is woman...hear her roar.
All of a sudden, it looked like someone rewound the scene. Benny came backwards, looked at me, and then at Collins.
"We were looking for a new guy?" He said. "When was I to be informed." Not so much a question as a ponderance...a wondering of why he wasn't in the loop, but apparently, it didn't mean thatmuch to him.
"Same thing I said!" Jeez...Maureen...down a couple notches. It came time for me to say something.
"Hey, can I say something?" I said, and everyone magically shut up. Now, that has never happened before...so, that was kinda weird.
"OK...thanks...so...look...it's my first night in the city. I just dropped out of Brown University-worst name for a University ever, by the way-and came here looking to put some adventure in my life. Unfortunately, my adventure came in the form of some asshole beating me up for a hotplate, but I still have two left. Hotplates...long story. Anyways, Roger found me on the street, and helped me up here to clean me up a bit. That's it. I never asked for a place, nor was anyone looking for a roommate. I just happened to be here. OK? So, if you want me gone, I'm gone. Just say the word." And that was the longest freakin' speech I ever made in my goddamned life. Including my bar-mitzvah...which is an event that shall NOT be recovered, no matter how funny it might be.
"Word." Maureen said, being very rude herself. I really didn't expect that, and it must have showed on my face, because Roger burst out laughing at that one.
"She's just joking." Collins said, elbowing Maureen in the stomach as she was about to protest. "We'd be happy to have you here, especially becuase you have no place to go." He said the last few words to put Maureen in her place, it seemed like, and she blinked a bit, shook her head and sighed.
"Well...welcome, stranger." Maureen said, putting on a smile.
"What's your name again?" Benny asked, holding his hand out to be shook.
"Mark. Mark Cohen." I said, attempting to stand up again, but that didn't work out so well.
"Well, Mark. I'm Benny." YEAH! I WAS RIGHT! "And it looks like you've sprained that ankle. Did Roger the doofus over here wrap it for you.
"No..." I said, wondering how Roger would react to being called a doofus. I haven't heard the word 'doofus' since I was like...twelve.
"Doofus? Is that the worst you could come up with?" Roger said, laughing. "I could take you"
"You could try. But you would lose." Benny said, grinning. "So, Mark...any questions about the place"
"Um...who's Miss Muffy?" I asked, not knowing that I was about to be told about the one girl who could break this little group of friends that I was suddenly thrust into apart.
Well...once again, fun to write.
Please review. It's fun to write when people like what you're writing. It's a self-esteem thing.
Oh, a couple of things. One, Pigment problem is actually a pretty hard phrase. Many people do not know what it means. So, don't take offense that Mark thinks Maureen's dumb because she didn't know. I just didn't know what else to write, and often, when I write these POV shit pieces that I love so much, I often write what my brain comes up with...that's why it's so sucky! And I officially copywright "shit in a cup" as my own creation. It's evolved from "crap on a stick"...which I think was some gross but foriegn food that I thought was the best phrase ever for like...six months.
OK, later gators!
hyperleo!