Up Where the Air is Clear
"So you're back together?" Rebecca asked me,
"Yup," I responded with unabashed delight, "We are,"
"Officially?" Jackie asked, sounding as though she hoped I would respond in the negative,
"Yes officially," I said firmly. We were all taking a late lunch at a new restaurant Jackie was checking out for a possible mention in VOGUE. True, she was an editor, but she had made her start as a journalist and her instincts were better than anyone else at the magazine.
"I think it's wonderful," Susan said supportively, "It just shows how true love is stronger than anything else,"
"No, it just shows how silly women can be," Jackie stared at me, "I don't care what they say, true love is not stronger than a wondering eye,"
"Erik does not have a wondering eye!" I cried desperately, "It was all just a big misunderstanding,"
"Yeah, a misunderstanding that left you with a broken heart," Rebecca pointed out,
"Are you going to let him hurt you all over again?" Jackie asked skeptically,
"He won't hurt me again; he loves me," I said defiantly,
"I believe you Liv," Susan came to my aid, "I always thought he was sweet, and I am happy for you two!"
"Well, it looks like you are the only one," I said, staring at my two other stony faced friends,
"We just don't want you to get hurt again," Jackie said soothingly,
"I won't get hurt," I said,
"And what if he does it all over again? What if he just ends up breaking your heart again?"
"It's his to break," My friends, even Susan, looked at me as though I had gone over to the dark side.
As I walked back to my office I wondered; was I too quick to jump back in bed with him? Would he still be just as stubborn and pigheaded? And then I made a decision. I really loved him, and that meant that it was worth the risk.
Erik wished he could make up his mind that easily. As he was taking time off of work to heal, he spent most of the day alone in my apartment thinking. There was never anything good to watch on TV during the day so he watched most of the movies I had collected over the years. He had hoped for some sort of help, but no where in Breakfast at Tiffany's, or The Way We Were, or Chicago did he find anything about a boyfriend who had to tell his girlfriend he was from 1882.
He wondered if he should even bother. He felt he was no longer that man anyway. Erik could not even remember what it was like to live underground and do without modern conveniences. He no longer spoke in an old world manner; he said shit and fuck and get the hell out of my way instead of excuse me. If that man of the past was truly gone did he need to bring him up? Why resurrect the dead?
And then he would think again; he felt that by not telling me, he was lying to the person he cared about the most. Could he really keep doing that for the rest of his life? Sometimes he felt the secret weighed on him so much he just wanted to shout out the truth. But then he would stop. What if I did not believe him? What if I thought he was crazy and left him? Erik decided that he would rather face every day with the cloud of the truth over him than risk losing me.
The Christmas season was in full swing. Every night after work, I saw happy couples doing their shopping together, and I saw not so happy couples fighting over what to get their in laws.
The streets were covered in snow. This was good for the Christmas atmosphere but not so good for my heals. Still, I was excited. For the first time in a long time, I had someone to be with during the holiday season. I couldn't wait to get a little tree, and buy gifts, and wake up on Christmas morning…go out into the living room…just me, Erik, and Sammy…
"Olivia,"
"Wha-?" I jerked out of this dream as Erik called my name; I looked up and saw he was holding the phone,
"It's for you," Erik was sitting on the sofa, holding the phone out to me,
"Oh," I took it, "Hello?"
"Olivia! How are you?" Dear God, it was my sister Lily,
"Great!" But I didn't think it sounded genuine, and I gave Erik a look of desperation as though the credit card company had just called me about the too many dresses I had bought at Bergdorfs, "How…how are you?" I found a pen and paper as Lily spoke.
"I'm fine, so is James," James was her husband; another lawyer who had a small but successful practice in Rochester. Truth be told, he was a bit of a prick. "And so are the kids…" Lily had two kids; Andrea, who was about sixteen now (thought the last time I had seen her she had been twelve) and little Harry, who was about twelve now (eight the last time I saw him) "But listen, I am calling about this Christmas…"
I took the pen and paper I had found and quickly scribbled on it, 'Get me off the phone," And I gave it to Erik. He took the paper and wrote on it, 'say you have to go; the Opera House is on fire,"
I was so desperate to get off the phone with her I didn't even think as I said, "I have to go, the Opera House is on fire," the moment I heard it I glared at Erik, slapping his shoulder as he laughed at me.
"I can't believe you said it!" He whooped as he laughed,
"What?" Lily had been telling me all about the dinner feast she was planning on baking for Christmas, "What Opera House?"
"Never mind," I sighed, resigning myself to the conversation, "Go on…"
Talking to Lily Black was like talking to the Martha Stuart Living magazine. It was only relatively interesting, and it was always entirely too long. I rested my head in my hands as she droned on about the homemade centerpieces she had.
"Anyway, I can tell I am boring you," Lily said finally, "You never did care much about proper home décor,"
"Nope, never did," I said proudly,
"So, I will get to the point," Finally, I thought, "As you, well you probably don't know, being so far away, Mother has been complaining lately that we all never see each other, so I thought that this Christmas we could all get together,"
Oh dear God, "I really can't," and I really couldn't, "Erik can't travel and I have to take care of him,"
"Who is Erik?" Lily asked confused. Wow, I really didn't tell her anything.
"Erik is my boyfriend," I said, causing Erik to turn and watch me closely,
"You are putting a boyfriend before your family?" Lily asked indignantly. I scowled; if she had to choose between our mother and her precious James it would be him all the way. But that would be ok, because they were married. I decided I would tell her just that.
"Well, that's different," Lily said angrily, "We are married,"
I knew it, "So?"
"So it's different!" Lily protested indignantly, "We love each other,"
"Well I love Erik," I said truthfully. Beside me Erik decided that hearing those words were too important; he could never tell me the truth if it meant having to lose me. Erik put his good arm around me. Before I knew it he snatched the phone out of my hands.
"Hello Lily," He said into the receiver. I heard her voice ask,
"Who is this?"
"This is Erik," He said smoothly, "And let me assure you, she will be home for Christmas,"
"Erik!" I hissed at him, trying to grab the phone from him,
"Well…tell her…um…tell her to call me when she has a flight in then," Lily sounded rather put off by Erik's sudden seizure of the phone, and the situation,
"I'll tell her," he smiled at I looked furiously at him, "Goodbye," Erik hung up the phone and handed it back to me.
"What the hell did you do that for?" I asked,
"Don't you want to see your family?" Erik had to admit he was confused; if he had had a family that wanted to see him, he would have gone.
"No," I said, "It's always so awkward, and all anyone ever does is try to show off how much money they have,"
"Still, they are you family," Erik reasoned, "And they want to see you,"
"So? I never see you talking to your family," I had no idea that his mother had left him when he was a child and he never knew his father,
"Well…" Erik began uncomfortably, "My mother…she left me…when I was younger, and my father…well I never knew him…and I had no other siblings…"
"Oh…" I suddenly felt like the biggest jerk in New York, and that includes all the people who never move out of the way when you are walking down the street. Of course, I had always had a family; I took it for granted that they would always be there.
"Well, I guess we could go…but won't it be hard for you to get on a plain?" I asked Erik,
"I'll manage," He said, although the thought of a plain did unsettle him a bit,
I sighed, snuggling up against him, "I'll get us tickets tomorrow; I was just thinking that we would spend a quiet Christmas here together. Just you and me and Sammy. And we could get a tree and decorate it, and just lay around here…I could wear the new Teddy I bought…"
"You know, if you don't want to we really don't have to go to see your family," Erik said; I laughed.
By the next day, I had two plain tickets to Rochester. I also had to think quickly; what the hell I was going to get Erik for Christmas now had to be decided sooner because we would be leaving a week before Christmas. I figured if I was going I might as well go for more than a day. It was also less expensive not to fly too close to the holiday.
Erik was in a worse predicament. He was apartment bound. And then he discovered the wonders of internet shopping. As he clicked on "buy" he had to laugh at himself. He never stopped being amazed at how he had picked up on the technology of the twenty first century. If the people at the opera could see him now…
He found he could not help but think about his past sometimes. He wondered what everyone else was doing; Christine must have been married to Raoul by now. Perhaps the Opera was going to reopen. And every time he thought about this, he wondered again if it was right to keep it from me.
The truth was, he was not the only one with the past on the mind.
Christine sat in her lavish bedroom. She was perched on her vanity bench, her large, ornate sliver brush clasped in her hand. However she had given up on her long hair and now she was simply staring out the window, watching the snow fall outside.
She was happy; blissfully happy in her marriage to Raoul. He was kind and thoughtful, and he refrained from doing some of the less gentlemanly things married men sometimes do. In fact, the only problem she ever faced with him was that sometimes he was gone too long.
No, it was not a problem with her marriage that was distracting her. What was bothering her was…Well it had all started when she had heard that the Opera would be opening again in the spring. It had made her begin to think, as she sometimes did, about the man whose life she had ruined.
Christine sighed. She knew it was not her fault, and that more than anyone she loved Raoul. She had never loved Erik in the way she loved her husband. However, she still felt awful about what had happened. After that last night, no one had ever found his body and she wondered where he was.
She supposed that where ever he was, he was miserable to the core. She shifted her gaze from the window to the mirror. She stared at her reflection and smiled to herself. She was proud to be called one of the most beautiful women in Paris. Then Christine's smiled faded. No matter what, she always felt terrible when she thought of Erik.
How she had devastated him. She remembered leaving him, and how crushed and hopeless he had been. Christine shook her head and resumed brushing her hair. How heartbreaking that man is, she thought. Christine knew all he really wanted was love, but she had been unable to give it and she doubted that he would ever find the happiness that he sought.
At that moment the door to her room opened, "Christine?"
She sprung from her bench and rushed toward her husband.
"Darling! I've missed you!"
Raoul smiled and kissed his wife quickly and lightly on the lips, "I have missed you as well my dearest, are you nearly ready?"
"Oh yes, I have my dress picked out and everything; I have spent all day getting everything ready to go," That night they would be attending the first of a series of balls which would culminate in the Christmas and then the New Years galas.
Christine tightly embraced her husband. Raoul felt terrible; he had some news for his wife, and he did not think it would go over well, "Darling, I have something to tell you,"
"Yes dear?" Christine smiled up at him,
"Well, you know how busy I have been lately," he began, "I am afraid that, due to business, I will not be here for Christmas,"
Christine felt her perfect world slow a bit. She inhaled deeply and tried to keep the look of disappointment off her face. She and her husband would not be spending their first Christmas as a married couple together. Raoul left and Christine returned to her vanity; this is how Erik must feel she thought miserably.
Had she known it, she could not have been farther from the truth. Erik was actually elated. Having just bought me what he hoped what the right amount a formerly stupid boyfriend was supposed to buy his girlfriend, he was now thinking about the prospect of meeting my family.
What he hoped was that it all went over well, and that he would be able to ask my father for permission to marry me. As he limped back to the sofa, it occurred to him that as I lived on my own in the city, bought whatever I wanted, had premarital sex, and paid all my own bills, I would probably not care if my father wanted him to marry me or not.
Still, Erik felt nervous as we waited in the airport. Our plane was delayed due to bad weather.
"Do you feel alright?" I asked him, wondering if he was in pain from the journey to the airport,
"I'm fine Olivia," he could not keep the exasperation out of his voice; I had asked him if he was feeling alright every five seconds since we had left the house. It had been hard to leave, and we had had to leave Sammy with Susan. I had not been able to find a hotel that would accommodate dogs and I would be damned if I was going to stay with any of my relatives.
Eventually we were able to board. Erik had no idea what he was doing. He had never been in an airport. Security had been an interesting adventure; Erik still did not quite understand why he had needed to remove his shoe.
He watched me as I showed my boarding pass and mimicked my actions, hobbling along behind me. I was weighed down as well; I my two coach carry on bags along with Erik's small black bag. We settled down into our first class seats, but Erik's nerves were far from settling down. In just a few moments, he would be hurdled into the sky.
I sensed his uneasiness. Placing my hand over his I smiled, "You don't like flying do you?"
"No," he said quickly, "I love flying; I am perfectly at easy in this…flying death trap," He looked sidelong at the exit,
I laughed, "We will be fine Erik! It's not even a long flight! How did you ever stand coming from Paris?"
Erik swallowed, but he did not think that now would be the best time to say that he had not flown, he had be magically transported through space and time. So, he said the next best thing, "I was drunk,"
I laughed and shook my head, settling down in my seat as the rest of the passengers on the plane filed by. Erik tired to concentrate on something, anything else, as the flight attendants walked up and down the rows checking to make sure the overhead bins were closed.
As they demonstrated what to do incase of an emergency Erik felt his stomach tighten. He had been in once terrible crash from which he was still not healed. He did not want to experience another one.
All Erik wanted was to take off; however it began to snow again so we had to wait. I leaned against Erik's good shoulder. He was in the window seat and by leaning back I could see the snow falling past the window.
"It's really coming down," Erik said in a would be calm voice,
"Oh this?" I asked, "This is nothing, wait until we get to Rochester,"
"There is a lot more?" Erik asked,
"God yes," I shut my eyes and leaned on his should.
Erik stared at my peaceful face and he wondered how it was possible for me to be so relaxed knowing that any second, we would be shooting up into the sky and leaving the solid, safe ground far below.
Minutes later, Erik's full attention was taken by the flight attendants demonstration of what to do in case of an emergency. As the seconds ticked by to takeoff, Erik's grip tightened on my arm.
"You really hate flying," I said sleepily; it had been a long day and something about plane always made me tired,
Erik just grumbled. The plain began to move, slowly at first and then with growing speed it moved down the runway. Erik tensed as the wheels of the plane left the ground for the sky.
It was a surreal feeling and there was a bazaar popping in his ears. The plane continued to climb and Erik tried not took look out the window or think about the fact that he was so high in the sky. I watched Erik with interest, for a man who was so fascinated with technology I did not know why this bothered him so. But then again, people are funny about flying.
The plane leveled out once and I smiled at Erik's uneasy face.
"Darling," I said, "Relax, look out the window,"
Erik shook his head, "Not now,"
"You have to look now," I said, "Look! You will miss it if you don't!"
With a sigh Erik turned his head, and then his breath left him completely. What he was looking at was like something from another world. He had been high in the air on tops of buildings, but never anything like this.
As far as he could see a white expanse stretched out. The clouds looked as though they could have been the ground itself. And staining this ocean of white was the vibrant colors of the early sunset. Deep reds and oranges tipped the white clouds.
"My God," Erik murmured,
"It's amazing, isn't it?" I said, smiling at the astonished look on his face,
"It certainly is," Never in his wildest dreams had Erik thought that he would see something quite so beautiful. And never did he think he would have someone to share it with. I was leaning slightly on his chest and he kissed the top of my head in the most adorable fashion.
"It certainly is amazing,"