I am extremely sorry that I didn't upload for the longest time. Well, I'm very very very busy at school because they want to torture us. Anyways, I'm back and this long chapter is my gift. Hopefully, you all will like it.
There Was Not Always Hate
Chapter Three: Marriage
For a long time, it seemed, there was no life, no happiness for the two. Inuyasha was apprehensive; he didn't know what to do. He didn't want to find out that his brother didn't love him, but at the same time he wanted to know. It was complicating.
Sesshomaru was unhappy no matter how calm and apathetic he made himself look. He was constantly haunted by his thoughts, in which he wished would just burn and fade away because it brought nothing to him but fire that was not anger but sadness. He was not angry at his brother...he can never be... But he was driven into such a melancholy state that he had never experienced before. How could he stop this? Was he the one to ask his brother what was going on? For days, he had not been with his brother, and nights he had not slept pleasantly. It was simply going to fail him. He can't take it much longer. Even though he was taught to be this way and that, this tested everything he'd learned because he cannot stand it. He was going out of his mind. He didn't know anything. Was everything he and his brother did over? Was everything a waste? Was everything simply nothing?
But who hurt the most was undecided (undecided even now). Inuyasha had no concentration. He felt weak and tired, not at all his usual energetic self. Sesshomaru did nothing but stay in his room and did come out unless there was absolute need. It was as if he was hiding. And no matter how many times Inuyasha passed that door of the room that contained his brother, he did not open it nor did he knock, he simply walked away. He couldn't...he didn't know what to do.
This went on until one day a demon came from the southern lands. It was the Lord of the Southern Lands' assistant or something or other. He went to talk to their father, InuTaisho. And Inuyasha would have never known what they were talking about if it was not for a little white butterfly that brought him to the room in which his father and the demon was. Later on, he would still continue to wonder if it was a coincidence or fate.
Inuyasha was in the garden, sitting on the ground, his eyes staring off into some place unknown and secret from everyone else. But not long a little flying insect passed by his vision, catching his attention. It circled around him, and the hanyou felt compelled by it, as if it was trying to tell him something. He got up and the butterfly flew in some direction. It was pure instinct that the half-demon decided to follow it, letting it guide him back into the hallways he so recognized and to a room where voices and occasional laughter could be heard.
And as if proving to Inuyasha that that was the place it wanted to bring the hanyou to, it fluttered inside, circling the bright lantern hanging from the ceiling. InuTaisho saw his son and waved for him to come in, merrily. Inuyasha thought the smile on his father's face was the biggest he had ever seen and it was great to say the least. And Inuyasha smiled back impulsively, feeling the best he had since the night of the new moon. "Inuyasha! Come here and listen to the news this nice demon sir brought us!"
His father said this with such enthusiasm and joy that it was contagious, and Inuyasha went forward with a smile and sat next to his father to see what it was that caused his father to be in such a good mood. "Father, what is it?" Inuyasha asked almost anxiously.
Still holding an odd smile, InuTaisho started, "Something good has been decided, son." Inuyasha continued to stare at his father. The man laughed, "It will certainly bring a little life back into this house." The half-demon urged his father, shaking the cloth of his father's sleeves. "Ha, ok...ok...Inuyasha, your brother, there is good news about your brother Sesshomaru."
The hanyou's interest just increased ten-fold. "What is it?"
"I could not have made a better arrangement," the demon lord boasted a little.
"Arrangement?" the half-demon inquired.
"Sesshomaru agreed to marry the Southern Lord's daughter," InuTaisho replied.
/Marry.../ Inuyasha's eyebrows drew a line and he looked at his father with confusion. "What does 'marry' mean, Father?"
"Why, it means for two people to join together, live together, and ideally find happiness within each other," was the matter-of-factly response Inuyasha got. But still the little hanyou was confused. The demon lord saw this and added, "It means they'll be together forever...just like your mom and me..."
/Ah.../ That was what sunk in, and Inuyasha jumped up yelling, "No!" It was like the sky fell down on the poor half-demon, his heart being compressed. /No.../
"What's wrong, Inuyasha?" the demon lord stood up, holding his son's shoulders, wondering what could have possibly have gone wrong. It was supposed to be great news. Maybe the hanyou misunderstood, he thought to himself.
"No! No! No! No! NO!" Inuyasha yelled again and again petulantly, shaking his father's sleeves as he did this. /No...Don't take onii-chan away from me...Don't...I need you...Brother.../
There was suddenly water building up in the half-demon's eyes. /No...Brother...Don't leave me.../
"Inuyasha, what is wrong?" InuTaisho asked a little concerned. But the only response he got were more NOs from the hanyou, shaking his head. And then after a little while, InuTaisho got upset with his son. What was wrong? What had he said wrong? What could have caused Inuyasha to act like this. Nothing. "Inuyasha! You stop this right now!" he commanded.
/No.../ Inuyasha looked up at his father, and he cried. "No, Father! No! NO! No!" Inuyasha cried while shaking his head frantically.
Angered, InuTaisho yelled at his son. "Inuyasha! Stop this instant! What is wrong!" But when Inuyasha didn't obey, the demon lord was furious and he let his temper get a hold of him. And when demons are angered it was bound to be bad. "Get out! Get out of this room now!" he yelled at his son with a voice that was horribly frightening. "You're a disgrace! Get OUT!" he added with, if possible, even more rage that the room seemed to shake.
Inuyasha cried harder and could not think of what to say. So he ran, he ran from the room and as quickly as his legs could carry him he sped through the corridors aimlessly. He didn't know what to do. He didn't know where to go. He didn't know anything. All he did was let his tears fall and build more. He didn't even try to stop them, he just let it all out. /No.../
The little hanyou stopped running when he tripped and fell on the ground in front of the artificial fountain. He buried his face in his sleeves and cried even more, feeling pain, pain that seemed incurable. He didn't have the strength to get up. At that time, he really thought he would not get up ever again. That was until he heard his brother's inquiring voice from behind. He heard his name come from the only one who really mattered to him.
"Inuyasha?" Sesshomaru asked in a half confused and concerned tone. In truth, the young lord was more shocked to see his brother crying like that. And more importantly, it hurt to see it, especially when he hadn't seen that face in such a long time and now the longing hurt.
Inuyasha finally looked up and he stood, turning around. He caught sight of his older brother and he felt more tears in his amber eyes. After a second, the hanyou rushed forward, holding tight onto the youkai, who was to him everything and more. /Don't leave me...Don't...please.../ And the half-demon began to cry in his brother's arms.
Sesshomaru was struck with shock and pain that was unfit for the Lord he was destined to become. He wanted to know what had caused his brother to cry so. And more importantly he wanted to stop it. But at the same time he thought of the days in which he had been as miserable as what the hanyou looked like now. He had been convinced that Inuyasha had 'forgotten' about him and that their relationship was over. It hurt to accept it but as a future demon lord of the western lands he had to, and so in denying himself he did. But even if that was the case, Inuyasha was still his brother, and even if the hanyou had withdrawn from their pact he still loved him. /Your tears cut through me like no sword can ever do.../
"It is disgraceful for a demon to cry," Sesshomaru finally said. He knew he talked as if he had no emotion, no care or concern for the hanyou in his arms, but that was not how he felt. As taught and forced, he can never let his emotions show, especially ones that are so important that it needed to be kept away and as they said 'safe'.
Inuyasha looked up. He was almost heartbroken at what he saw. His brother's face was no different physically, but he felt as if he was not in those eyes anymore, his brother's eyes which were much attentive and much clearer than his own. /Do you really not love me.../ Inuyasha had no other choice but to say what was forcing its way into his withering heart. "I hate you!" Then he continued to cry.
There was a moment when Sesshomaru thought his own heart had stopped, morbid pain striking his chest because of those three words. He felt his throat had gone dry, painfully begging for the tears that may come in time. /Hate, is that really how you feel about me...? While I...I love you with all myself.../ If he lacked oxygen, Sesshomaru would have felt a lot better than he felt now, chocking at those three dagger-like words.
The youkai tried to gain composure, find his calm, and say something in response to Inuyasha's most spiteful declaration. He found it at last, saying, "If that is how you feel...then...I have no objections," while pulling himself away from his dear younger brother.
"No!" the younger demon grabbed hold of his brother again, tears still in the process of falling down his smooth pale face. Then softer, Inuyasha said, "I don't..." Sesshomaru only stared at him for an explanation while his heart was lifted from hell. "But why...why do you not like me?" Inuyasha inquired a little shyly and a little boldly. /I love you.../
Half unsure and half relieved, Sesshomaru delighted his brother with a touch to the tear-stained face. While bringing his brother's face up to him, he coaxed, "I never said that..." /I would never.../
"But you do!" the little half-demon retorted rather powerfully. "You...you..." Inuyasha's tears ran down his pretty little face rapidly, so fast that he could hardly breathe.
As if heart-broken, Sesshomaru winced in pain at seeing his brother cry even harder. /Inuyasha.../ He brought his hand to Inuyasha's head, smoothing his brother's silver hair, and then pressed the boy's head against his chest. /Inuyasha...don't cry...I love you...Brother...don't cry.../
After a bit, the hanyou started to calm, sniffing and holding back all of his misery. "Inuyasha..." the half-demon heard his brother's soft voice, a voice that no longer sounded so powerful and strong but was etched with pain. Inuyasha's heart hurt at hearing and seeing what this had done to his brother. His brother who was always strong, now seemed weak and at a lost of words.
"Brother, I'm sorry! Whatever I did...Just please don't leave me..." Inuyasha blurted loudly and held his brother ever the more tightly. /Please...I don't want to live without you.../
Sesshomaru felt like the whole world was lifted from his shoulders. /I need you just as much.../ "You should have told me so," the youkai said while combing his brother's smooth silver hair with his slim fingers. Inuyasha looked up quite miserably. The young demon's little nose was red as well as his eyes. Sesshomaru bent down then and softly he let their lips touch, putting a little pressure on them, where it was needed and waiting for the smaller one to kiss him back.
It was a pleasant sensation, like water quenching their dry throats. /Love you.../ Nothing was better than that chaste moment in which they knew what the other's feelings were for each other and they were glad. /Stay with me forever...Never let me go.../
When they parted slowly, it was Inuyasha who spoke and turned everything upside-down again. "Will you marry me?"
Sesshomaru's immediate reaction was "What?"
"Father said you were going to marry this girl. I don't want you to. I want you to marry me," Inuyasha explained in this childish matter-of-factly way as if it was the most reasonable thing in the world.
"There is no way," Sesshomaru grumbled, still surprised at what the younger one was indicating.
Inuyasha tugged at his brother's long white sleeves. "Say yes..." he pleased.
/Inuyasha...I would...Yes, yes, yes, I would.../
"You're too young. You don't know what it means," Sesshomaru replied rather indifferently.
And somehow Inuyasha felt provoked. "Yes I do."
"No, you don't understand," Sesshomaru said back.
"Yes, I do understand!" Inuyasha exclaimed. "I want to be with you for the rest my life..."
"And I will," Sesshomaru's tone softened. /I'll never leave your side...not even if you don't want me anymore.../
"So you say yes?" Inuyasha inquired eagerly with hopeful eyes of gold.
"I didn't say that," the youkai.
At this particular moment, the hanyou felt rejected. /Not fair.../ "Why not?" he asked not too softly, "Why would you marry someone else and not me? Onii-chan, why?" /So you don't want to be with me...You don't love me.../
"Inuyasha," Sesshomaru said while holding the little demon's shoulders. "You know we are brothers. It is not possible for brothers to be married," he explained tenderly while his brother continued to look disappointed. /Don't look like that...you know I want to say yes.../
But Inuyasha looked crushed. He only wanted to assure that it was he his brother would be with and not someone else. Maybe he was being selfish. He wanted to keep his brother for himself. But if wanting to make the one he loves to belong solely to him is selfish then he does not know how to be unselfish. "But you want to marry someone else?" Inuyasha asked petulantly.
"I didn't say that either," the older brother replied almost exhausted with the hanyou's accuses. /I'll never...I promise...Only you.../
"Then you don't love me..." Inuyasha stated feebly.
Sesshomaru took a deep breath. He had had enough. Whatever the little demon was doing to him is tearing him. Taking the hanyou's shoulders, he pulled their bodies together. "Ridiculous...shush...don't fight with me..." he spoke out calmly, soothingly, sadly. /How could you ever think that I do not love you.../
The small half-demon wrapped his arms around his brother. "I'm sorry..." His tone was so pitiful that it was an arrow to the heart. / I only want...us...together.../
The young demon lord quieted the hanyou. They remained still for a few minutes, letting the air around them cool and then warm again.
Neither of them were aware that they were in public, and if it was not for the little white butterfly they would have stayed like that longer. Inuyasha recognized it to be the same one that brought him to his father and the visitor. The little creature seemed to be their helper, circling around them as if warning them that they were in eyes' view. Sesshomaru just stared at it with no exciting complexion while Inuyasha smiled at it, thinking back that it was this wonderful critter that brought them back together. "Can we keep it?" the little one asked.
"Keep what?" the demon lord inquired. "This?" he indicated with his eyes.
Inuyasha nodded gaily. "Catch it for me, Big Brother," he requested, shaking the other's sleeves again.
Sesshomaru looked down at his younger brother's smile. For a brief moment he thought that that very smile could take his breath, his life, his very soul away. /How can I refuse you.../ The adoration in the Inuyasha's eyes fuels the adoration he has in his heart for this half-demon.
Without a word, the young demon lord gracefully took a leap and with a swift and tender hand captured the small flying critter. "There," he resented it to the awaiting half-demon, and the smile he received was the only reward Sesshomaru though was worth the effort, no matter how small or how huge. /Please...never take that smile away from me.../
"Let's get a cage for it!" the silver-haired hanyou exclaimed. And as quickly as he said that he ran off in some direction, leaving his elder brother wondering about his initial destination.
Feeling a little lonely already, Sesshomaru looked at the life in his grasp. He opened his fist slowly, suspecting the butterfly to fly out of his hands and also knowing that he could without a doubt catch it again.
But when, the small creature stayed in his palm, leisurely flapping its wings together at intervals, Sesshomaru was surprised. He remained still, looking at the pretty little thing, thinking that if he moved even an inch the butterfly might stir from its beautiful position. He smiled. He had never though he could feel so...happy like this. The youkai admired the smooth white texture of its wings and its perfect shape.
When Inuyasha returned with an intricate little cage, Sesshomaru carefully led the critter inside. But it did not stay, flying out of the cage before it was closed. Strangely, it flew back into Sesshomaru's hand.
"Why won't it stay?" the hanyou asked with a bit of disappointment.
They tried it again but when it got close to the cage it would fly away and then back into the demon lord's hand. It was the oddest thing.
Finally, after many more tries, they gave up, not wanting to force it in the cage any further.
"I don't want to hurt it," Inuyasha stated.
"Then I'm letting it go," his brother responded before giving the thing on his hand a little push.
They watched it glide on the air, but it didn't leave, circling them with graceful flaps of its wings.
Somewhere in the back of Inuyasha's mind he thought the beautiful movements of the butterfly to mirror his brother's for his brother was just as magical, just as mysterious, and just as beautiful. "What do you think it wants?" the half-demon questioned.
"It's a strange creature, stranger than you," Sesshomaru teased.
"Hey!" the little one pouted in objection.
His brother chuckled. /I'll love you no matter what you are.../
"Look! I think it's flying away," the hanyou indicated. And indeed it looks that way until it comes back to circle them again. The two boys didn't move. Then it did it again and the third time Inuyasha pointed out, "I think it wants us to follow. I followed it Father's room before." And he didn't' even think for another second before doing just as he suggested.
Sesshomaru looked after the darling brother who belonged to him. He couldn't' find any other life better than this. This was what he wanted to last. Happy...The only person in his life...the only thing he needed...the only one he loved...
Following the beats of his heart, Sesshomaru traced Inuyasha's steps. /I'll follow...follow you anywhere.../
Slowly, he caught up the excited hanyou. He was hunched over a flower bus, looking intently at something. When Sesshomaru got closer, he saw the fluttering butterfly encircling the bush in which another white butterfly was trapped in the strings of the silky web. The youkai mused at the mirror similarities of the two critters, both pure white and both equally attractive. They were of the same kind. The only thing telling from the other would be the slight difference in size. /Beautiful.../
Without hesitation, Inuyasha freed the struggling creature carefully. And when the job was done, the first butterfly, the protector, was hovering over the other worriedly. Inuyasha smiled. /It must be love.../ Then he turned and presented his smile to his older brother. Sesshomaru didn't show any sign of response, and only watched as Inuyasha gently placed the wounded butterfly inside the cage. But before he could close it, the one who was encircling them flew into the cage as well. /I should have known you wouldn't leave...you wouldn't leave the one you love, would you.../ The half-demon showed another brilliant smile. /Just like my brother and me.../ Then, he stood up straight and walked along the path back. Sesshomaru followed. "Do you think they're married?" Inuyasha mused with a grin.
Sesshomaru showed a gentle face. /Nothing can stop them.../