Cave of strange excretions

A/N: This fic was and still iswritten by my friend (Spirit of the Sea Serpent) and me. It is quite nonsensical. Please read and review so we can decide whether to continue this fic.

Disclaimer: We (Shimmering Sprite and Spirit of the Sea Serpent) do NOT own Final Fantasy, however we do own any unknown characters that happen to pop up, an this cave and a few other things...

Under the sea... yes, under the sea, an ancient cavern lay. It had rested for years on end, undisturbed. Until a group consisting of mismatched people decided to venture a look.

Anyway, so, when a lone swordsman, with one hell of a big ass sword, a busty brunette, a hyperactive ninja, who also happens to be Wutai's princess, a gunman with demons in his head, a chain-smoking, swearing pilot, a fire-lion, a tall man with a gun for an arm, and a cat riding a Mog, arrive in this cave, well it's gonna get interesting.

Cloud (the lone swordsman with one hell of a big ass sword) turned around to address his fellow teammates of AVALANCHE.

"We shall rest here tonight and continue in the morning." he announced before turning around.

"If we can tell when it's morning," the hyperactive ninja, princess Yuffie grumbled after casting a rueful glance around her at the rocky wall.

"Yuffie!" Tifa said sharply as Yuffie muttered under her breath.

"If whats-his-name's down here, I'm outta here!" she said.

"You mean Sephiroth" The gunman-Vincent- asked.

"Eh, I s'pose," she replied. She looked down with a blush on her face. 'He spoke to me,' she thought gleefully. Her feelings showed on her face and Vincent noticed. 'Why is he looking at me like that' Yuffie thought, as she notice Vincent's crimson eyes looking own at her. 'Oh crap!' she thought, turning around quickly, in order to hide the blush.

On the other side, which Yuffie was now facing, was Cid the chain smoking, swearing pilot and his main companion Barret, who had a gun arm and also swore a lot. Cid noticed Yuffie looking at him and a slight blush crept across his features. 'Brat,' he thought. 'How can she look at me when I always call her names and such?' Such depressing thoughts. 'Anyway, I love Shera and always will. Hmmph.'

'What the hell' "Hey old man! Stop blushing, you look like Red's fur!" Yuffie called, as she ducked behind Tifa as Cid glared at her.

"Shut up brat," he growled, not wanting to alert anyone else. Of course, Cid, being the man he is is naturally loud and therefore everyone heard him. He was going to say more but Cloud spoke up before anyone else could speak.

"Was Tifa the only one that heard me? Get over here so we can set up camp!" he turned back to unpacking his items. "Idiots," he muttered under his breath but not really meaning it.

"Bite me " she retorted with a grin as she stood back out of Cid's range, with his Venus Gospel, which he ha threatened her several times.

"Watch out Yuffie!" Vincent, Tifa and Red all called out in unison but they were too late as Yuffie took one more step then fell... into monster poop.

"Oh grossness!" Yuffie yelped as she leapt back, and landed on her rear, hard. "Shut up Cid" she said, directing a poisonous glare at Cid, who was laughing extremely hard.

Cait Sith was also beside himself with laughter. In fact, everyone was, except Vincent and Yuffie of course. All of AVALANCHE were doubled over save two, then everyone laughing bent over way too hard and landed on their rears... in puddles of poop. Vinnie however was not laughing (as I said before) and instead a big blob of runny poop landed on his head from the middle of nowhere.

'Just bloody great!" Yuffie thought, her cheeks burning with shame. 'Damn, Leviathan must hate me or something'

Cid was standing up before, but he had toppled over once again because of the situation at hand. He was laughing his guts out and trying to communicate something to his team mates between gales of laughter. (kinda like me in a laughing fit and trying to say what's funny) "the... ere's...a...great...b...big...ru...run...ny...s&i# o...on... his head!" after saying so he burst into fresh fits of laughter.

"Serves ya right old man!" Yuffie said as she clutched her stomach, which was quite sore from her laughing.

"I would appreciate it if you would be so kindas to get me a towel so i may wipe this... stuff off my face," came the familiar monotone. Everyone laughed harder at his newfound discomfort. Except Yuffie, who obliged and purchased a leaf from a little furry animal. Yes, a little furry animal.

"Here ya go Vinnie!" Yuffie chirped as Tifa walked over to her and giggled when she saw Vincent. He carefully wiped the offending substance off.

Yuffie, biting her lip to stop herself from laughing, found herself being led away by Tifa and after a few whispered words from Tifa both she and Yuffie burst into fits of laughter. Vincent had heard Tifa and what she had said and he had heard the two girls burst into laughter, so, when he finished wiping, he turned around and glared at the offending females with one of his famous "death glares"

"Umm whoops" Yuffie muttered as she quickly averted her eyes.

"Yea, I was simply err... Um..." Tifa stuttered as she followed Yuffie's lead and averted her eyes from Vincent. Vincent dismissed it with a wave of his hand then turned back to where Cloud was setting up. 'Is it me or is Vinnie acting different' Yuffie thought, then voice her thoughts to Tifa who nodded slightly.

"Maybe there was something in the poo that landed on his head..." she paused briefly in contemplative silence then her eyes widened to the size of plates then squeaked, "I hope it doesn't affect us!"

"Teef, calm down!" Yuffie said, her own eyes widening as she let out a strangled yelp and hid her face. "Thanks a bunch Teef" she added, her voice muffled from behind her hands.

Tifa looked down at the younger woman's troubled posture. "Don't worry Yuffs, if something is wrong with Vincent then maybe he'll ask you out."

"TIFA!" Yuffie half screamed and half whispered as she glared at the older woman. "But you could be right, or have you forgotten his hearing!" she asked, her face going red once more as she hi her face once more.

The busty woman giggled. "Come on, Yuffs. Let's go set up."