Mall Madness

"Is Eric here?"

Hyde doesn't have to look away from yet another rerun of I Dream of Genie to know who's barging into the basement. He doesn't even need to hear the unmistakable voice. Jackie's perfume always enters a room before her and lingers long after she's gone, just one more thing on a long list of things he doesn't mind as much as he pretends to.

"Well, hello, Jackie," he says, keeping his eyes glued to the screen. "Nice to see you, too."

"Steven." She moves purposely to stand in front of the t.v. and puts her hands on her hips. "Is Eric here?"

"Why?"

"None of your business. God, nosy much?"

Hyde feigns dialing a telephone and holding it to his ear. "Hi, pot? This it kettle. You're black."

She considers for all of two seconds, then nods in assent. "Fair enough. I need a ride to the mall."

"Wow, that sounds really important," he mocks. "Wait … that's not true at all."

Exasperated, she looks to the heavens in a 'why me?' pose. "For the last time, Steven, where's Eric?"

"He and Donna took the Vista Cruiser out for a picnic." He probably could have gone at least another ten minutes without telling her, but when the veins in her neck start to bulge like that, he gets worried. "They won't be back for awhile."

"Ew, and I won't get in the backseat for awhile," Jackie scoffs. "A picnic. Right. I've heard that one before."

Hyde shudders at the implication and stands. "Thanks for that immensely disturbing detail, Cracker Jacks. I'll be in my room, poking my eyes out."

"Wait. Steven." He knows from the pleading tone of her voice that turning around is a big mistake, but he does it anyway. A glutton for punishment, that's Steven Hyde, alright. And there it is, that look – round doe eyes, a pouting lower lip … he's a goner. "I really need a ride. There's a huge sale and I need a new fall wardrobe before school starts again. Please?"

"Oh, man," he sighs. "Okay. But we stay half an hour, tops. Got it?"

"Got it!" Gleeful, she hooks her arms around his neck in a quick hug, then races out to the El Camino. "You're the boss! Whatever you say goes."

Hyde is against organization of any kind, so he's never worn a watch. But he's damn sure thirty minutes have come and gone. Jackie's torn through five stores and collected double the bags, which he's somehow been roped into carrying. "Jackie, are we done yet?" he complains, "My feet hurt from all this walking."

"You know," she informs him as she pauses to examine a cashmere sweater that costs more than Hyde's entire wardrobe, "If you hadn't sat on your ass all summer, you'd have more stamina."

"Oh, I've got stamina," he smirks, "I just put it to other uses. And don't knock sitting on my ass, I wasn't alone in that basement. You, missy, were just as unproductive as me."

That makes her pause. "Oh my God, you're right. That's a new level of gross. I haven't even practiced any cheer routines since … June!"

"You mean you might forget how to stand up and clap at the same time?" he says in mock horror. "Oh, no!"

"Oh, shut your pie hole." Rolling her eyes, she turns her attention back to the clothing rack she's perusing, then freezes. "Did I just say …"

He's nodding, looking extremely pleased with himself. "'Shut your pie hole'? You did indeed."

"Ugh." She shudders. "You really are rubbing off on me. That's it. We're out of here. My shopping buzz is dead and buried."

Thankful, he doesn't even gripe about lugging all the bags while she walks two paces in front and snaps over her shoulder for him to keep up. He does, however, consider driving away after he's placed her purchases in the backseat and she's yet to get in the car.

"You waitin' for an engraved invitation?" he asks through the window, already seated behind the wheel with the engine running.

"I'm waiting for someone to be a gentleman and open the door for me," she says pointedly.

Hyde shakes his head, amazed at the amount of bitchiness such a small girl can sometimes exude, and put the car in reverse. "Let me know how that goes for you," he advises, and begins to roll backward.

"Ow! Oh my God, ow!" Jackie doubles over in pain and Hyde slams on the brakes, moving with surprising speed to be by her side. "You ran over my foot!"

"Jackie, I'm so sorry." He hurries to help, swinging open the passenger door and lifting her into the seat, carefully maneuvering her legs. "Let me see, we should take off the shoes, see if anything's swollen."

"All better," she announces before he can actually go through with his ministrations. Hyde looks up and, before her bright smile even registers, knows that he's been taken in. She was faking to get her way, and it had worked like a charm.

"You know, that was a scumbag move, even for you," he tells her, annoyed, as he goes back to his seat. She waits. "But I'm a little impressed."

"Thought so," she smirks. And before he can start to go again, she produces a record from one of her numerous bags. "For you."

"What's this?"

"A Led Zepplin album, duh," she answers the rhetorical question. "I got it for you, thought you might like it."

"Like it? I love it," he assures her, studying his newest possession. "Jackie, this is really nice of you … what's the catch?"

"Hey." Offended, she punches his arm lightly. "No catch, jerk. I just thought, since you were nice enough to bring me to the mall and carry my bags, I should do something nice for you."

"Well, thank you," he says sincerely. "And, hey, if you wanna do something else nice for me …"

Jackie arches a brow. "Ew. You only carried bags, Steven. You should have seen what Michael had to do before he got anything that nice. Now drive."

Laughing, he does as he's told.