Poor Little Rich Girl

Jackie doesn't remember the last time she cried for any other purpose than to get her way. That was how it had always worked in her life … she wanted something, she cried, she got it. It worked on her distracted father, her absent mother, hell, even on her good-for-nothing cheater of an ex-boyfriend Kelso.

Right now, however, the tears she's shedding have nothing to do with some unfulfilled "dire need". She's crying honest-to-god tears, ones that she can't just turn off like she usually does. And because she doesn't want anyone else to see her like this, she's locked herself away in Hyde's bedroom.

As for the rest of the group, she knows they're probably gathered around the mute television, pretending to watch a muted The Price Is Right rerun but really listening intently to every word that she and Donna exchange through the closed door.

"Jackie, please come out now," the redhead pleads to no avail. "Come on, it's not that bad. At least come talk to us."

"Why?" Jackie challenges, "So Eric can call the newspaper and give them a quote from the daughter of a real life criminal? So Kelso can make some lame-ass joke about soap on a rope and yell 'burn'? No way am I coming out until every single one of you is gone!"

There's a small pause, in which she think she might finally have won herself the opportunity to sneak out so she can mourn privately at her own house. Then she hears Kelso's timid voice saying, "It wasn't gonna be about soap. I had a good one lined up about …"

"Kelso, shut up!" Donna hisses, and bangs on the door again. "Jackie?"

"Leave me alone!" she shrieks, and hurls the first object she can get her hands on at the door.

Hyde hears the thump and stands, deciding he's had more than enough of this drama. "All right, that's it. Jackie, if that was my Buddha statue, things are going down."

Jackie cringes. "It was ugly anyway."

"Oh, them's fightin' words," he mutters darkly. "Everyone, clear out." The group stares at him blankly until he barks, "Now!"

"Jeez, a girl barricades herself alone in his room and he gets all testy," Kelso murmurs to Fez as they make their way to the stairs.

"That is probably because they never barricade themselves in the room with him," Fez titters, and jumps away when Hyde takes a step toward him.

"Now, Steven," Mrs. Forman pauses at the bottom of the stairs to lecture, "I want you to be gentle with her, okay? Poor thing's just gotten some shocking news and you need to be sensitive to her needs, do you understand me?"

"I hear ya, Mrs. Forman," he agrees, and waits until the basement is empty before storming across the room and pounding on his door. "Jackie, if you don't open this door in two seconds, I'm gonna call all the guys I know in prison and let 'em know about the newbie on the way."

The door swings open and Jackie accuses flatly, "You're a terrible person."

"And you look like hell," he shrugs, brushing past her to enter. "Jackie. Did it have to be the Buddha?"

"It was the first thing I got my hands on," she defends. "My bad."

Hyde gives a long-suffering sigh and places the statue back in its rightful place. "Well?" he prods, when she's matched him beat for beat in the silent treatment. "Do you wanna talk about it?"

"Oh, Steven, it's so awful!" she cries, collapsing onto his bed. "Daddy going to jail and everyone talking about what a horrible person he is! He's not a bad guy, really, he just did illegal things to make himself more happy! I was happier too, does that mean I'm guilty?"

Reluctantly, he takes a seat next to her and pats her shoulder. "Oh, Jackie, the only thing you're guilty of is getting most of your life's thrills from harassing people who are less fortuante than you."

"And that's not so bad, is it?" she weeps, curling into a ball under his arm.

He scoffs under his breath and, louder, placates, "There, there."

Hyde isn't completely heartless. He really does feel bad for her, especially because she's taking the scandal so hard. He could've seen it coming a mile away – a wealthy politician making half his millions from dirty deals? Please. It's been done to death.

"Listen, Jackie," he tries, "Your dad will buy his way out of the slammer in no time."

"He can't," she moans. "We're broke. And I don't know how to be poor. How did you do it all those years?"

"Mostly, I stole," he answers truthfully. "But you're not broke, Jackie. Your dad's a smart guy. I'm sure he left you plenty of money in some off-shore bank account the government can't access."

"You think so?" Peering at him hopefully through red-rimmed eyes, Jackie began to pull herself together.

"That's what all the good criminals do," Hyde assures her.

Jackie throws her arms around his neck with a force that knocks them back against his pillows. "Oh, Steven, I'm sorry I threw your ugly fat guy statue."

Maybe it's got something to do with the fact that he's currently pinned beneath her in his locked bedroom, but her complete dismissal of the statue's importance makes him chuckle. "It's Buddha, Jackie."

"Whatever." Taking advantage of the position, she settles down on her side, resting her head on his chest and listening to his slow, steady heartbeat. "Thanks for talking to me, Steven. It helped."

"Well, thanks for letting me in my room," he says in return.

She giggles and then pauses. "You know," she muses, then, "Never mind."

"What?"

"Never mind," she insists, "It's stupid."

"Jackie, I am not above putting my earlier threat into effect unless you say what you were about to say," Hyde coerces.

"I was just thinking," she says shyly, "That you're probably the best friend I've got."

Hyde's entire body tenses. This is it, his golden opportunity, the perfect chance to grab her by the shoulders, kiss her senseless, and show her how he really feels. Seconds tick by. Embarrassed by his lack of response, Jackie racks her brain for something to cover the awkward silence.

"Besides Donna, that is. But everyone knows two girls can't really be best friends, 'cause they'll always secretly be jealous of each other."