NOTES: I took a little liberty concerning how long Gil and Cath have known each other. Um, deal with it? Gwa.
Chapter Two
"What's with the look?" Her question trudged its way through sniffles and sighs, as an already vulnerable state echoed the fragility in her voice.
He stared at her, his mouth slightly parted in means of communication. His breath caught in his throat, unwilling to transport the words he needed to express yet loathed to say at the same time. "I can't do this anymore." It was a disconnected thought and he looked past her, with a worried expression crinkling his forehead.
She registered the softness of his voice, though lacking a soothing intent but mirroring a sadness with an intensity she had never seen portrayed before. Despite her tears, a chuckle managed to escape, with the hopes of negating any of his heavy-hearted undertones. "Do what?"
"...this." He rested his elbows on his knees as his head fell into his awaiting hands. "This!" The outburst in his voice was muffled by his hidden face, but the despairing anger still made its presence. "I can't do this anymore...this giving you advice that you don't listen to, and then watch you come back even more broken than before." His voice was breaking but his eyes held little signs of emotion; a trick he had been perfecting ever since he started to build the thickened walls around his assailable self. "I can't look the other way anymore...pretending that it's alright."
Insulted, she pressed her lips together as the tears, forgotten but still ever present, continued their burning path down her cheeks. "Advice...what advice!" Her rebuttal was fuelled by pure venom as her defensive side kicked in.
"I've given you plenty of advice, you just - "
" - no you haven't!" She interrupted him, countering his attempts of explanation with a childish retort. She stood up, following his lead as he paced his office.
He sighed, keeping his temper burning low. "Catherine, I have. You know I have."
The calmness in his voice irked her further and she planted herself in front of his now-standing form, her face just inches from his. "Name one..." She challenged him.
He leaned in, allowing his mouth to descend close to hers, as his hands grabbed hold of her shoulders, guiding her near. "...to open your eyes sometime."
She stared at him, her eyes itchy from the stale tears that had ceased when anger overpowered her emotional control. "What do you want me to see?" Her voice was tight as the words slithered through grit teeth.
"Someone familiar." He whispered, loosening his grip on her shoulders. He took a step back from her form, though his eyes remained levelled with her own.
Confusion flashed before realization hit, and words to convince herself more than anyone, found exposure. "We're best friends, Gil...you know that."
"Are we?" His question was cryptic yet simple in its delivery. "Have we ever been?" His fear was increasingly higher than hers as his history with trust had always been on rocky ground; only she had been able to risk the journey and win residency in his heart. "You're not open with me, Cath."
Fury bubbled quickly courtesy of the molten tension abound and she chuckled morosely at his comment. "This coming from the man who would rather talk to bugs than another human being." She shook her head, tears gaining momentum. "That's rich, Grissom."
"That's who I am. But that's not who you are." He closed his eyes sadly, letting out a small sigh. "How much do we really know about each other?"
"We've shared - "
" - sure, superficial things, yes," he interrupted, "but how much do we truly know about one another? Know how we're truly feeling without lying or putting up a front? Know when and where to be when needed?"
"So where were you then?" She snapped, facing him with a menacing glare. "Huh? Where the hell where you?"
"Catherine..."
"Where were you when I was attacked? Where were you when the father of my child was murdered, almost dragging her with him...my little girl..." She pressed her knuckles to her lips, trying to curb the trembling. "Where were you when I blew up the lab, and almost killed Greg? Or when I found that Sam Braun was my father?" Placing her hands on his chest, she pushed him back forcibly as the tears blinded her vision. "So where the hell where you!"
He slapped a hand to his forehead, dragging it down to his eyes before angrily swiping at the tears that had spilled. "Waiting for you..." He replied honestly, though his ire at not reacting on his own accord was more than obvious. "...waiting for you to stop replacing me with Warrick." He finally admitted, ashamed at his jealous behaviour. "Okay, I'm not denying that I'm to blame as much as the next person, but - "
"- what do you want from me, Gil?" Her shoulders slumped with defeat as tried desperately to calm herself. "What do you want from this?" She motioned between them.
His own eyes had begun to sting but he refused to let emotion show again, to allow himself to be persuaded in falling into fatal trap. The lure was tempting, his mind knowing his heart could never bear to see her suffer, but his logic willed his emotion to cease the sacrifice: that if he had to continue to live with this longing, his heart would never survive the next war. His voice lowered with his gaze, his moist eyes pushing him to extract himself from her baited presence. "I don't know." He muttered, his own exhaustion taking its toll. "What I want and what we have are two different things, and I don't think my vision will ever collide with reality." He moved past her, heading towards the door.
"So that's it. No mending, no trying...just calling it quits." Rejection seemed to slam into her entire body, but she fought hard to keep her dignity. "Guess I meant that much to you, huh?" She followed him to the door, walking out as he opened it. "I'm surprised Grissom, that you just gave up that easily." Her frustrations had returned, fuelled by the pain he inflicted and she charged at him full speed.
"I didn't give up Catherine...you didn't really leave me much choice." He spoke, his back towards her as he locked up his office, sealing in half of their demons within the stand-still room; knowing that when he returned, the memories - almost like vivid hallucinations - would replay in his mind, each moment spawned by a sight, scent or feeling. He finally turned around to look at her, knowing that the other half of the demons would linger between them, visiting each during dream's vulnerable state.
"Then tell me what I can do to right this wrong." Her voice softened, as the fear of losing the best relationship in her life, began to sink it. "Anything...just tell me..."
"You tell me," he began, swallowing hard, "how long have we known each other?" He stared at his door, not able to meet her gaze, no longer capable of stomaching the hurt in her eyes. "In days, months and years." He added, knowing the answer in a heart-beat. Her silence gathered a wetness in the corner of his eyes and he smiled sadly, heading to the parking lot. "Eighteen years, nine months and twelve days." He forcibly pushed the door open, letting his words slip through before it slammed shut, "guess I meant that much to you, huh?"
Greg's lips fell into a pout, spying Catherine from around the corner. He and Warrick had been on their way to the parking lot when the two senior CSIs quarrel had impeded their path. "Wow, I've never seen Grissom that mad before." He whispered, watching as Catherine leaned her forehead against their supervisor's door.
"Gris wasn't angry, he was just disappointed." Warrick explained, as Catherine finally pushed herself away from the door, and slowly made her way to her Denali. "And sometimes, that's the deadliest cut..."
–TBC–