Ch. 15

I'm sorry

Babe was pulling her clothes out of her drawers and placing them in duffel bags to get ready to take to her apartment. Babe heard a knock on the door and she stopped folding her clothes and walked to the door and opened it.

"JR, hey, what are you doing here?" Babe asked.

"I heard you got a new apartment." JR said.

Babe nodded, "Yeah, I finally get to move out of this hell hole."

"I'm happy for you." JR told her.

Babe realized she was letting him stand outside in the freezing cold so she opened the door wider and invited him to come in.

"Thanks." JR said, rubbing his gloved hands together.

"Here, I brought you this." JR said, giving her a box, "It's just a little housewarming gift."

Babe opened up the box, and inside was a beaded frame with a picture of Babe, JR, and Little Adam on Christmas Eve after their son had been found.

"JR, thank you. This means a lot to me." Babe said, looking up and smiling at him.

"Babe, that isn't the only reason why I came." JR admitted.

"Why did you really come then?" She asked while setting the box with the frame inside on the table.

JR sat on her bed and took a deep breath.

"I... I just wanted to tell you... that I'm sorry. I know that I hurt you, and I had no reason to do what I did. I was just... scared because of these feelings I had for you. And I thought you had gotten back together with Jamie, and I didn't want to feel like I did the first time you hooked up with him."

Babe looked down, and JR continued.

"I love you Babe, there's no way around it. I've tried to talk myself out of it, my father has tried to talk me out of it, I've thought about every bad thing that you did to me over and over again, and I still can't stop loving you. Seeing you with Lucky... It just feels like Jamie all over again except this time it's my fault because I lied to you. I told you I didn't want a relationship with you, and that was just one big lie."

Babe opened her mouth as if she was going to say something, and then closed it. She went and sat next to him on the bed, silent for a few minutes. Finally, she started talking.

"JR, even though I hate that you... slept with Kendall, I know you had reason to do it. You don't trust me. You saw me and Jamie and you flashed to worst case scenario because it had already happened. I hate that you think loving me is really that bad, though."

"It's not, Babe, just after everything..."

"I know, just after everything we have been through it's not the smartest idea in the world." Babe stood up and paced back and forth, "I am... glad that you finally told me how you really felt, no bull. But I still, I still don't know what you want, or what you hoped to get after you told me all of this."

JR stood up and walked over to her and placed his hands on both sides of her face, "I just want to try a relationship, again. I know that it will be hard, but we have to try and make it work. I love you too much to let you go."

Babe sighed and removed JR's hands from her face, "I don't know JR, I don't know. What happens the next time you think I did something, or you think I hooked up with someone else? You don't trust me, that's for sure. You wouldn't believe me if I denied it. Then what would you do, call Kendall again for another roll in the hay? Or would you pick up some no-name from the local bar to make me jealous and break my heart?"

"I would never do that to you again." JR promised.

"Fine, you wouldn't sleep with another woman. But you would do something else. Could something really happen between us with no trust?"

JR shook his head, "I don't know, but shouldn't we at least give it a try?"

Babe stepped away from him and ran her hands through her hair, "And what about Lucky?"

"What about Lucky?" JR asked.

"I can't just tell him hey, I had a great time with you but I am going to give it a try with my ex-hubby. Bye!"

"Why not?"

"I care about him, OK?" Babe shot back.

JR looked at her, "But you just met the guy."

"I fell in love with you right when we met." Babe told him.

"You love him?" JR asked quietly.

"I didn't say that JR. Just because I don't want to hurt the guy doesn't mean I love him. Don't jump to conclusions."

"I didn't jump. I took a tiny step and there conclusions were." JR said.

Babe rolled her eyes and looked at him, "You are going to have to give me time. I don't know what is going to happen; I have to think about this."

"I can do that." JR nodded and walked towards the door but turned around and looked at Babe, "This is a total role reversal."

Babe laughed quietly, "Yeah, it's usually me begging you to believe in me."

JR nodded and pulled open the door, "Don't take too long, ok?"

Babe nodded.

"I love you." JR said, and then walked out of the door.

Babe walked to her bed, and fell back onto it. Babe had some really big decisions she had to make. It was going to be a really long night.