Years went by and Sam grew up working hard without receiving any thanks for her slaving. She still found time to dream of her prince that would hopefully show up one day in an unnerving strike of happy co-incidence though (but that could have been partly to annoy her step-sisters when she turned up late with their laundry). Everyone loved beautiful Sam except the evil Anise, Simmonsella and Kinseyella of course (but they were evil after all and so obviously have bad judgement).
"Hey! That's unfair characterisation!"
You're the one in a dress Simmonsella. So anyway one day the evil Anise sent Simmonsella and Kinseyella to a prince convention to try and find anyone that would marry them. Unfortunately there was no-one there who was short-sighted enough to want them, but they did take pictures of Prince Jack. Prince Jack was the local royal heart-throb, the prince that everyone woman wanted to marry. This was not to be however, as Prince Jack insisted he was waiting for a sign before he would marry. Anyway, Sam got quite upset because the evil Anise wouldn't let her go and take her own pictures of Prince Jack.
"She's just so mean"
I know. But never mind.
"Yeah, someday my prints will come."
Oh god - that's a really bad pun!
"I try."

So anyway this whole non-marryable daughter thing really upset the evil Anise so she went to her magic mirror to regain her self-esteem.
"Mirror, mirror on the wall, who's got the lowest cleavage of them all?"
And they say you're shallow.
"Evil Anise, you have the lowest cleavage of them all! But Sam is starting to get to be more beautiful, if you're interested."
"No! That cannot be!"
"Sorry queenie, but that's the way it is I'm afraid."
"Really? Curses."

And once again we see why this is a PG rated story.

"Right, we'll see about that. Where is huntsman Joe?"
"I am Huntsman Joe your evilness, I am here."

And the clichés pile up.

"Joe! Take Sam into the forest and kill her and bring he my heart back to me in this box so I know you've done it."
"Umm, no offence, but wouldn't it make more sense to do it yourself so that you know it's been done?"
"Quiet! I'm the brains around here! Now go and kill Sam!"
"Whatever you say, your cruel-and-heartlessness."

So huntsman Joe and his accompanying clichés took Sam into the forest to do the evil deed. Unfortunately Sam was even more beautiful than the evil Anise had realised and huntsman Joe had developed a really big crush on her.
"I can't do it Sam! I can't kill you! I love you Sam, I really do!"
"Umm, oh. Sorry, but ew."

And so Sam ran off and left huntsman Joe standing bemused and rejected in the middle of the forest. Finally he decided to go back to the evil Anise, but he couldn't report his failure so he killed a pig and took that heart back in the box instead. Meanwhile Sam wandered through the forest and eventually came across a smallish cottage.
"Hello! Anyone home?"
I don't think so. Just go on in.
"Isn't that like breaking and entering?"
I'll let you off, just this once.
"Thanks."
You're welcome. So Sam went in and found it to be a terrible mess.
"Ew! What a mess!"
Well do something about it then dear! Don't just stand there gawping and whining!
"Alright."

So Sam called rent-a-clean and once they'd tidied up and left she discovered that she could actually see the floor.
"Wow! It's a floor!"
Quite.
"Hey, there's seven chairs!"
How very interesting.
"And seven cups, and seven beds, and seven spoons, and seven-"
OK, I think we get the point.
"Seven people must live here!"
Have a carrot dear, well done.
"Thanks."
You're welcome. So then Sam realised that running through the forest to get away from hunstamn Joe had actually tired her out quite a bit and she went to sleep draped across three of the seven beds despite the fact that she would have easily fit into one of them had she thought to try. Just then the inhabitants of the cottage arrived home.
"Lucy, I'm home."
"No-one called Lucy lives here Teal'c."
"Of that I am aware, DanielJackson. And my name is not Teal'c, it is Stoic. As yours is Clumsy I do believe."
"Oh yeah, thanks for reminding me. Like I could forget. I mean, I'm not clumsy, am I? It's not like I walk around everywhere bumping into things. Anyone would think I- Ouch!"
"Have you just stubbed your toe, Clumsy?"
"Don't say a word. Just don't say a word."

And such an organised and charasmatic group of inhabitants they are too.

"We do try."
I'm sure you do. So they went inside and saw Sam lying there. However they made quite a racket, and so Sam woke up.
"Hey! Can't a girl get a decent few minutes sleep around here without people walking around and yelling all the time?"
Well it is their house.
"Argh! Not-so-little people!"
Now be polite dear.
"Um, right. Yeah. Hi, I'm Sam. Who are you?"
"Hi Sam. We're the seven not-quite dwarves! I'm Doc and I hate wearing this itchy white beard."
Aw hush Janet and get on with it!
"Yeah, ok. This is Stoic, Clumsy, Powermad-"
"Hey, is that Apophis? What's he doing with the good guys?"
"Plot device apparently. You know the way these things go - I'm sure he'll have some ludicrous use or other before the end."
"Yeah. Sorry - you were introducing."
"I was? Oh yeah, right. Then there's Balding and Short'n' Grey."
"Isn't that Hammond and Thor?"
"Yeah, but don't mention it too loud. The narrator doesn't like it."
You're darn tooting I don't!
"But why not?"
Because... well... it's just not scripted!
"And that makes all the difference. So who's the one hiding behind the sofa?"
"Oh that's Graham."
"Graham? That's not a very not-quite-dwarfish name is it?"
"Well no. They were going to give him a better one, but they decided he doesn't really play a big enough part in the narrative you see."
"Poor thing."
"Yeah. He's still got that crush on you, you know."
"Really. That's nice, really. So what now?"
"Um, we sit and wait for the narrative to move on."
"Ah. And when's that going to happen?"