Okay, so here's my chapter. This wasn't intentional, but this is the second chapter that involves Sirius attacking some form of technology. We apologize.
Yes indeed we do, we just cant help Sirius being so undeniably Siriusy!
Ooh, hey Rachel, did you see our flame?
Ah yes,I do believeI did.
I believe we annoy people... YESSSS! hahaha, our lunacy is too much for those of lesser intelligence.
:grins maniacally:
I considered putting an end to our weird conversations... but then I was like... screw it, I'll do whatI want andI don't give a flying falafel if people hate me.
Exactly...that's what makes us...well... us.
Heeheehee... and now, here is the chapter.
"What the bloody hell?" Sirius said, eyeing the microwaves in the appliance isle of Walmart. "How does this work?"
"It's obvious, isn't it? Look at the picture!" James explained knowledgably. "You tell it what you want, press the buttons, and food appears."
"Sure about that, Prongs?" said Remus, arching a skeptic eyebrow at him.
"Am I ever wrong?"
"Yes," Sirius, Remus, and Peter said together.
"I can prove it!" James said indignantly. "Just watch!" He proceeded to slide one of the boxed microwaves off of the shelf and place it on the floor. "Right then, I'll show you how you work these microphones."
"Microwaves," Remus corrected.
"Yes, that's what I said, microwhales."
James leaned over and opened the box, then lifted it out and set it on the floor. With it came a thick set of instructions that slid out of the box and felt to the ground before Remus picked it up.
"Right then, you erm… just say 'roast beef'… the you… press the buttons… and…"
"Prongs? You might want to try using this," Remus said, helpfully offering him the instruction manual.
"Psh. Instructions are for ninnies."
James ploughed on trying to persuade the microwave to provide him with food, while Remus thumbed through the manual.
"Come on you sodding thing, I know you can hear me," James mumbled, prodding the buttons viciously. People were beginning to stare. "Now give me some roast beef!"
"Erm… you have to put the food in the microwave," Remus told him.
"What? No, that's stupid! Why would you give the microbobbit food? It's a waste!"
"No… I think the microwave heats it or something…"
"But how, if it doesn't use magic?"
"Maybe it uses electishy," Peter said wisely.
"It's electricity," Remus said irritably.
"Same difference."
"Look," Remus said, turning the book around and showing James a diagram. "It says you're supposed to plug it into the electrical socket. Do you see a cord?"
"You mean this?" James asked, holding up the electrical cord. "Looks more like an instrument of torture. Why must Muggles complicate everything? Honestly, first Tickle-Me-Elmo, now this!"
"Really!" Sirius agreed. "Regular Elmo was alright, maybe even kind of cute, but then they had to go and make him ticklish and give him a voicebox. It ruins the whole thing. And don't even get me started on Hokey-Pokey-Elmo…"
"Oh God, stop it!" Peter said, clapping his hands over his ears. "You know how I feel about that fuzzy little demon!"
"I still can't believe you're frightened of Elmo…" Sirius said while Peter glowered at him.
"Well, where do we plug it in?" James interrupted, tilting the microwave up and examining its underside.
"Oh, there's a socket over there," Remus said, pointing at a nearby electrical socket. They carried the microwave over there and James plugged it in slowly with his eyes tightly closed as though expecting a fiery explosion at any given moment.
"Okay…" James said once the microwave was plugged in. "Now what?"
"We need some food to heat up…" Remus told them.
"Oh, I'll get it!" Peter said, ducking into the nearby freezer section and returning quickly with a package of hotdogs he had been eyeing a few moments earlier.
"Alright…" Remus said, looking cautiously around him before running his wand down the side of the package and slitting it open. "Put it in."
James took a hotdog from the package and placed it gingerly on the microwave plate and closed the door. He sat there, staring anxiously at the microwave for a few moments.
"Nothings happening."
"Well… obviously… you have to push the buttons…" Remus began, his brow furrowed as he continued to peruse the manual. "Oh… what the…" he turned it upside down, squinting at it. "This is hopeless! It's all in Spanish!"
"OY! You!" Sirius suddenly yelled. They turned to see a very confused looking old woman looking at them. "Yes, you, come over here."
"Padfoot, don't…" Remus cautioned.
"What? I'm exercising Muggle/Wizard relations!" Sirius countered as the old lady walked away from them cautiously, looking like she was very much expecting to get mugged.
"No! We're not going to hurt you!" James called after her. "We just need some help!"
"Bugger this," Sirius grumbled, pointing his wand at her retreating back, "Accio Old Lady!"
"Sirius!" Remus scolded, but it was too late, the old woman was drifting back over to them. Sirius hastily put his wand away.
"Can – you – tell – us – how – to – work – this – thing?" Sirius said very slowly and loudly as if the woman was foreign, deaf, and slow.
"W-what?"
"Sirius, she speaks English!" Remus said. "Sorry, we don't mean you any harm, we were just hoping you could tell us how to operate this microwave."
"Erm… you just press the buttons for the amount of time you want to cook it and hit start…" the old woman said timidly.
"Ah, thank you," Sirius said, moving towards her. The old woman shrieked, whacked Sirius upside the head with her purse, and waddled away.
"That went well," Remus said dryly as Sirius rubbed his head. "Alright… so you… push the buttons…" Remus set it for two minutes. "And hit… start…"
He hit the start button and it started whirring softly as the little light inside came on and the hotdog revolved on the tray.
"Ooooooooohhhh…" said Peter.
Meanwhile, Sirius was slowly cowering into a nearby aisle.
"Padfoot… what…?" James said.
"What! Don't you hear that sinister sound!"
Just then, the microwave beeped to tell them that thirty seconds had elapsed, causing Sirius to yelp and jump about a foot.
"I know you heard that!"
"Pads, it's just –"
"I'm not listening!" Sirius proclaimed, beginning to look fierce as the volume of the microwave increased a bit. Suddenly, with a loud BANG that startled everyone, the hotdog exploded. "ARGH! It's evil! What kind of horrible contraption is this that destroys perfectly good food? IT'S EVIL!"
"Padfoot!"
"EVIL I TELL YOU!"
"You're going to –"
"NO GOOD CAN COME OF IT!"
"Stop before you –"
"IT MUST BE DESTROYED!"
By now, people were really starting to stare, but Sirius didn't seem to notice, and if he did he didn't care. He charge at the microwave, his wand held high above his head.
"DIE, DIE, DIE, SPAWN OF SATAN! YOU SHALL TORMENT ME NO LONGER!"
Remus flung himself in front of his friend, and they both hit the ground hard.
"Put the wand away before a Muggle sees!" Remus warned as Sirius tried to wriggle out from under him.
"NO! IT – MUST – BE – DESTROYED!
"That's him!" the old woman was saying to two burly security guards nearby. "That's the one that tried to mug me!"
The security guards rushed over, disentangled Sirius from Remus, and began to drag him forcefully away. Luckily Remus had taken Sirius's wand, but Sirius fought tooth and nail nonetheless.
"YOU CAN'T DO THIS TO ME! I AM SIRIUS BLACK! YOU – OUCH! HE PINCHED ME!HE BLOODY PINCHED ME! ABUSING THE CUSTOMERS! I'LL BE REPORTING THIS!"
"Oh God," Remus groaned. "It's like Toys R Us all over again…"
Okay, so, inspiration has struck. Apparently my muse has a shorter attention span than even me. So, since I have to write this Harry/Luna oneshot lest I be unable to write anything else properly, I'm going to let Rachel write two chapters in a row. Have fun, Rachel!
Yaaaay!