Oh my...
has it really been that long since the last update?
Oh poo. I feel terrible.
I'm dreadfully sorry we haven't updated in so long, and I'm sure if Rachel was hear she would say the same... I hope she won't mind me posting a few chapters without her...
Right then, moving right along...
Hopefully none of you have read my fic "The Fun in Dysfunction" (there's a rare sentence), because while our next spectacular co-written chapter is still in the works, I shall be dismantling it and posting bits as chapters... hope you don't mind...
So, without further ado or groveling, I present another installment of Marauderificality.
In the dead of a dank winter night, as the rest of the school slept, four boys were wide awake. James, Sirius, Remus, and Peter were slowly climbing down the stairs to the lobby of the Great Hall, impeded by the fact that there were all squeezed under the Invisibility Cloak. Not to mention that James and Sirius were rather tall, Peter was a bit on the round side, and all of their pockets were packed to bursting with things no doubt meant to cause mass chaos.
"Padfoot to Prongs, do you copy?" Sirius said softly, as if he was a spy talking to his partner on a radio.
"Prongs to Padfoot, I read you loud and clear, over."
"Padfoot to Prongs, your hair smells nice. What shampoo do you use? Over."
"Prongs to Padfoot, get your nose out of my hair, over."
"Would you two shut up before someone wakes up?" Remus said tiredly from behind Sirius.
"Padfoot to Moony, sorry Moony, I'm afraid I didn't understand that. You have to say 'over,' over."
Remus rolled his eyes, but the corners of his mouth twitched. "Moony to Padfoot, shut up before I shove you down these stairs, over."
"Copy that, over," said James.
"Oh, so you're conspiring against me!" Sirius said dramatically, halting abruptly so that Remus ran into his back, and Peter ran into Remus in turn. "I see how it is!"
"Moony to Padfoot, you didn't say 'over.' Now let's go before we get caught, over."
"Padfoot to Moony, eat my shorts, over."
Finally they reached bottom of the stairs, and Sirius set one foot on the floor before abruptly withdrawing it with a howl of pain. Remus stifled Sirius's yells by putting his hand over Sirius's mouth.
"What are you doing? You're going to wake up the whole bloody castle," said Remus. In Sirius's muffled shouting, only the words "spider" and "sodding" were distinguishable. "Sirius, if I remove my hand, will you stop yelling and calmly tell us what happened?" Remus said slowly and patiently, like a preschool teacher disciplining a student. Sirius, his dark blue eyes wide, nodded.
"A spider! I stepped on a sodding spider! It bit me!" Sirius muttered as soon as Remus withdrew his hand.
"Well, spiders do tend to do that when stepped on."
"You know, when I die because of this, you're going to be very sorry for your cheek," Sirius said, glowering at Remus.
"You're not going to die!"
"Yes, I am!"
"No, you're not."
"You don't know that! You don't!"
"Let me see your foot and I'll show you. Why didn't you wear shoes in the first place?"
"My feet appreciate freedom, thank you! And no, you may not see my foot! Stay away!" Sirius said, holding his two index fingers in a cross to ward off evil.
"Just let me see it, I've read about spider bites."
"No! It hurts, don't touch it."
"I know it hurts, spider bites usually do."
"Again with the cheek! Ohhh, now I'm definitely not letting you see my foot!"
"Just let me see it!"
Finally, after a few moments, Sirius obliged. He had to lean heavily on James in order to twist his foot back to where Remus could see it by his illuminated wand.
"It's not poisonous," Remus quickly concluded after examining the bite. "You'll live."
"I don't believe you!" Sirius moaned, dropping his foot back down to the floor.
"I don't care, just go, you probably woke someone up by now!"
"I'm dying! Have some sympathy!"
"Well, a lot of good your corpse will do us if we don't get down to the kitchens before you die," James said, taking a different angle. "Now, can we continue?"
Sirius nodded reluctantly and they set off again, moving towards the hall that led to the kitchens. Sirius was limping much more dramatically than necessary, holding onto the cloak and putting much of his weight on it.
"Prongs to Padfoot, get off my cloak before you rip it, over."
"Padfoot is unable to respond due to the fact that he is dying a slow and painful death by spider bite," Sirius said pitifully, though he released his grasp on the cloak. His friends merely rolled his eyes at him.
What more can I say, loves?
Seemingly yours,
Kaci (aka ChocoTaco)