A/N : This is an idea I had way back when I first saw Season 6 of Buffy. After a couple of viewings of Normal Again I had the urge to write this fic and I got two short chapters in before I realised I didn't really know how to make it work. I found it again recently and tried to re-plan and start over with the idea, now that I have better knowledge of the characters and world I'm writing about. Here's hoping it'll turn out okay this time.

Title : On The Other Side
Rating : PG-13
Summary : A twist on 6.17 Normal Again. Buffy might have ended her relationship with Spike, but that doesn't mean she doesn't have feelings for him. If only he were human she might let herself love him. Maybe, somewhere in another world...
Disclaimer : Joss owns all recognisable BtVS characters and plotlines.

Chapter 1

Buffy wandered through the graveyard as she did almost every night at this time. It was a pretty slow patrol and she'd only seen and staked one vampire in the last hour and a half. She was bored and so tired and not just because she hadn't slept for many hours. She was tired of trying to cope with this life she had. It was bad enough to be torn from heaven but since her resurrection it felt as if everything that could go wrong, had gone wrong.

Tara and Willow split up and the red-head battled magic-obsession. Dawn had become a kleptomaniac while her sister was forced to take a job as a burger-flipper at the Doublemeat Palace just to make ends meet. Xander left Anya at the alter just last week and no-one knew where either of them were. And then, there was Spike.

Buffy thought of him and felt immediately sick. For a change though, the nausea wasn't his fault, the pain and hurt wasn't his fault, it was all hers. Spike loved her, she had tried to deny it but she knew it was true. She had used him, over and over, until the time came when she realised she just couldn't hurt him anymore. Their viscious circle of sex and violence had come to an end, but they were both hurting still.

Buffy knew in her heart that she felt something for the vamp she professed to hate. She told him she was using him to feel and yes, it had started out that way, maybe, but she always felt something for him. He was so understanding and he stuck by her, and Dawn. He was so different now, so different to the evil creature she had met just four years before. She had changed him, she knew that, and of course the chip had made a difference, but he'd changed himself too.

Buffy found she could deal with his affection at a distance but being so close to him physically meant she had to face his feelings for her too. The intensity in his eyes, the love she saw when they were together, always forced her to look away. He wanted to make love to her but she'd never let it be that, it had to be mindless physicality or it had to end. That was just one of several reasons she had to tell him it was over, despite the fact it was killing her not seeing him, or worse seeing him but being forced to keep her distance.

'If only he were human' Buffy thought to herself, 'or even if he had a soul, maybe...' her thoughts trailed away, but there was no denying her feelings.

Buffy knew deep down that the excuse of him being soulless was just that, an excuse. She liked him, felt she could be falling for him but how could she admit to her friends that she was beginning to love a supposedly evil demon, when she could barely admit it to herself.

There was no more time for pointless pondering as a demon leapt at Buffy from behind a tombstone. It was ugly, Buffy noticed that straight away, much uglier than many other demons she'd fought. It made a hissing sound as it lunged at her and as she made to grab it's arm and flip it over, her hand met a waxy substance on the creatures skin.

A fight ensued, punches and kicks landing on both the Slayer and the demon, both fairly equally matched it seemed, but Buffy's concentration was too much elsewhere, and the creature soon had her in a headlock. As the air was squeezed from her lungs she felt a needle, or at least something sharp like a needle, pierce the skin of her arm. She tried to scream but no sound came. She squeezed her eyes tight shut and...

"Buffy, it's okay" a gentle but persistent voice told her as she scrambled back into the corner of the room, "It's just to calm you down, help you sleep, it's okay" the voice persisted, as an arm gestured with a syringe.

Buffy panicked at the sight around her. A plain, green-painted, sterile-looking room, and a man with a voice she recognised but couldn't place.

"It's okay" he repeated, "Buffy it's all okay now"

The Slayer opened her eyes and blinked hard as she saw Spike hovering over her instead of the other man. She was back in the graveyard, on the ground, clutching her injured arm while the bleached vampire who'd been clouding her thoughts stood over her, reaching to help her up, telling her it was okay.

"What happened?" she choked out, her eyes darting around. No demon, but she wasn't in that room either. What was going on?

"I don't know, pet" Spike shook his head as he helped her up from the ground, "I was out walking, looking for a spot of violence before bedtime y'know and I knew you were out here, sensed you, found you like this" he gestured at the ground where he'd found her laying, shaking, seemingly unconscious at first then writhing and panicking like she was having a nightmare.

As the vampire looked down at her, Buffy just stared back. Whatever had happened was over now and she was safe. Safe because he was there, like he always was when she needed him. And she'd broken up with him, why? 'He's a vampire' she reminded herself as she tore her eyes away from his.

"I should go" she mumbled, turning to walk away.

"Buffy" he called after her and she stopped for a moment. She decided against turning back and just kept walking away. She had to, or she knew what happened before would happen again, and it shouldn't. Sleeping with Spike would make her feel better for a while, but it wasn't the answer. At least that's what she told herself.

Buffy shook her head as she walked along. If fighting against her developing feelings for Spike didn't kill her, she was fairly certain the stress caused by so many other things just might. Though she was slowly getting used to the world again, it was times like this when she went back to a theory she'd develeoped months ago. She'd been in heavan before, now she must be in hell.

"Hey Buffy" Willow smiled as her friend arrived home, "Dawn did all her homework and she's in bed now. How was patrol?"

"Er... fine" the Slayer mumbled, as she barely glanced into the living room before bolting up the stairs to her room. It had been a weird night and that flash she had just after the demon got her had really freaked her out, that and the feelings she was having about a certain vampire...

"Buffy? Are you sure you're okay?" the kindly voice of her red-headed friend asked as she followed Buffy into her room. She shook her head as if to clear the fogginess inside it, before looking over at Willow.

"Weird thing happened with a demon is all" she shrugged, sitting down on the edge of her bed, "I was fighting it, this big, waxy, ugly thing, and then..."

"What happened?" the Wicca prompted as the Slayer zoned out.

"I don't know, I... it was like I wasn't there..." Buffy had trouble explaining it exactly, her head was starting to pound, probably from her fall, and she just wanted to sleep it off, "I'm sorry Wills, my head is killing me" she said to her friend as she lay back and closed her eyes.

"It's okay" Willow smiled in understanding, "I'll go fetch you some aspirin"

Buffy lay back on her bed, thinking about what had happened. Her head really was starting to throb and she guessed she must have hit it when the demon knocked her down. 'Thank God Spike came' she thought to herself. She'd been so scared when she saw that room, an emotion she wasn't entirely used too though it had been sort of nice to feel something other than the numbness that ruled a large part of her life of late. It must have been some kind of hallucination she told herself, stress related craziness she guessed, but why now and so suddenly?

"Hey" she heard from the door and as she turned...

"Here are your pills Buffy, are you going to take them for me like a good girl?" said a blonde nurse from the doorway.

"What?" the Slayer gasped, completely confused.

"I said here are the pills Buffy, are you sure you're okay, you look like you're gonna hurl" Willow repeated her words and Buffy shook her aching head as her bedroom came back into focus around her.

"Something weird is going on..." she whispered to herself, but she accepted the aspirin from her friend and told her she was fine, just tired. It was pointless to worry her friends over what was probably nothing. A good nights sleep was probably all she needed. Of course it was less easy to reach dreamland these days, as so many worries built up in her mind. Now she was stressing about stress, and was seriously beginning to wonder where it would all end. Tears crept down her cheeks as she lay in the now dark room, wondering how her life had gone so wrong.

Outside her window, Spike stood in the front yard, leaning on a tree and smoking a cigarette. He'd got used to keeping a vigil on the house when Buffy was gone. It made Dawn feel safer, knowing he was just beyond her window, standing guard as it were. When the Slayer first returned she hadn't exactly seemed ready, willing, and able to face the forces of darkness and so the vampires nightly watch over the house had continued. Even since their sordid affair had begun, Spike still couldn't stop himself from wanting to make sure his girls were safe. The Summers sisters were all he cared about, and he truly loved them both. Dawn was the little sis he never had, and Buffy, she was his world, the reason he existed. It almost finished him to try and survive without her, and to have her back was the most amazing feeling.

Now he had to stand by and watch her suffer, and that hurt almost as much as not having her there at all. When she was with him, as close as two people can be, it still didn't feel like she was really there. She barely made eye contact, stopped the kissing after the first few times so it became just the meaningless joining of two bodies, almost clinical and emotionless to her.

He still loved her, and he knew it meant a hundred times more to him than it did to her when they were together. Still, there was a strange sort of relief when she said their affair was over for the last time. Being close to her, holding her and knowing she wasn't really there... he talked to Whitebread a little over a year ago about the very same thing, not truly understanding what he was saying until he experienced it for himself as he had now.

With a deep sigh, he threw a fifth cigarette butt to the ground and said a silent goodnight to his girls within the house. He turned away then and headed off into the dark. No comfy bed waited for him, just a dank little crypt without a view. He couldn't help wondering, if he had some decent digs, a job, a bit of cash, maybe the Slayer could love him like he thought she should. Not that he thought for a moment she could be bought but, basically he couldn't help thinking perhaps, if he were a human, she might want him in her life, but that was never going to happen. He was a vampire, she was a Slayer, there was no magic wand to change that. The chances were that Buffy would never love him at all, and yet, Spike knew he would never give up on her.

To Be Continued...

A/N2 : Well, yes, I know that this is a bit short, and mostly like the ep, though with a couple of differences. The next chapter will make it more obvious where the story is going but in the meantime it'd be great if anybody who likes this so far could leave a review and tell me. Thanx :-)