What? Hai, Kanthia is updating! Don't get her wrong, she's just bad at stuff like doing things involving thinking.

Dark-Lady-Devinity : Hells yeah, bondage is fun! Except when it's not really bondage. Then it's just bondagery. Which is fun too.

Animegoil: If it was in the dub, they probably would cut it out anyways. Because plot is NO FUN FOR 4KIDS! Squee!

WolfBane2: What do you mean? It works on Kanthia fine. Just not on many other people, who may respond with burning objects. Except that burning objects can be fun. Damnit, now Kanthia doesn't know what to say, so how about she just gets on with it already e-e

Chapter the Fifth- Bondagery and Bathtime Fun-

"See," said Sanji while tying up Zoro, "Nobody ever tells Chopper things except for Usopp who doesn't know any better. So he's lived his whole life thinking bondage was when you bind people in bandages to keep them from moving or being assholes."
"The word is 'bondagery', not 'bind', Can't-Spell-Because-He's-Too-Busy-With-His-Bondage."
"Oh, and since when has Stupid-As-His-Swords been an expert on grammar?"
"Since you decided to shove your face into the crew."
Sanji tied off the bandages with a knot around Zoro's mouth, turning him into a mummy with green moss on its head and a wide chest. "But you can't talk, right?"
"MmrrmrrI'mgonnakillyou."
"Thought so."

Though it was good to get out of that goddamn stuffy room and into the fresh air (for the second time that day, but that was the last thing Chopper needed to know at the moment) of sea-air-near-overpopulated-island. The sweet tang of sea with a hint of bodies shuffling, of perfume, of alcohol. He liked that. He needed something alcoholic quite badly after days and nights of consciousness.

Except that he was lying completely immobile on the deck of the Going Merry and five other people were considering the best way to move him. Make that four, because Luffy didn't do the considering part most of the time, he just did the doing. Which involved him trying to pick up his swordsman by the feet and/or dragging him off the ship. Which involved a lot of pain and people yelling things a tad too loud.

Damnit.

"…Fine," said Nami, sighing. "I'll pay him. But Zoro owes me."
"Hai, Nami-swan is so thoughtful for hiring a mode of transportation for the horribly ugly Marimo!"
"Oi, but who's going to-" Usopp paused. "I mean, Zoro's hurt, so there's no-one to force the labour on- who's going to carry Zoro off the ship onto the hay cart?"
Zoro added Usopp to the List of People to Hurt When He Was Better.
There was a rising babble, and Nami spoke up again. "Sanji-kun, you carry him. You're the only one who can."
"Hai, Nami-swa-" He paused.
"For Zoro's sake."
A more dejected "Hai, Nami-swan".

"Oi. Love cook."

Sanji turned towards Zoro, who was balancing on his shoulder. "What is it, Marimo?"

'Get your hand off of there, you sick spiral bastard."

They loaded Zoro carefully into the wagon, Nami sitting up front with hopes of getting a discount, Usopp and Luffy sitting atop the hay in back, Zoro stuffed inside like a package wrapped in too many layers. Chopper floated to one side of him, Sanji on his other.
"I don't see why we have to be swimming in this filth with the moss-head," said Sanji, resisting the urge to light up and burn down the entire town.
"Because Zoro might need help," said Chopper, "In case the cart overturns. The hay will cushion him from the bumps in the road."
"Usopp needs more help than the Marimo," said Sanji, indicating the rising level of noise coming from outside the pile of hay.

They got off, Sanji and Usopp carrying Zoro between the two of them, and Luffy apologizing to the driver for almost eating his horses. They got off with only a fifteen per cent discount after Nami had complained of the heat for most of the ride and that her shirt was too damn hot to be in; Luffy would pay for that later. She was currently busy buying their way into the springs with similar methods, her faithful cook and stalwart sniper waiting for her to finish the purchase of a stay in the warm waters.

Held perfectly parallel to the ground, Zoro fell asleep.

Naturally.

When he woke up, they were outside and Sanji was removing his bandages. He twisted his neck; to one side, a low and traditional building, to the other a pool of water set into stones shimmering with the effect of heat. A hot spring- Sanji- where was everyone?
"Oi, Zoro. Can you walk well?" Sanji untied the last knot and pulled the bandage away, leaving Zoro lying useless on the ground.
"…Yeah," he lied, because a lie was better than being weak.
"Baka," said Sanji, "You'd be better by now if you weren't clanking around at dawn every morning."
Zoro stood up, not without pain. "Chopper wants me sitting around all day. That's a waste of time. I got hurt because I'm weak, and so I have to get stronger. It's you who doesn't get it, bill-board."
Sanji smiled and watched as Zoro stumbled into the spring. If it was anyone else watching, they would have no clue the man had fractured his spine a week prior- but the fact that he wasn't standing as straight as usual, his feet fell heavily and moreso than his normal plod; his body language told tales of a man in pain.

God damn, that bastard needed to get better quickly before he really wanted to help him. "You're limping, muscle-head."
"I'm not, Has-no-" Zoro paused. "Girly-kun."
Oh, it was on. Sanji vaulted into the spring as soon as the old man with green hair had lowered himself in. "You're not safe from me, you know. Everyone left- they know you like to be around me alone." The insult was too ineffective. Zoro could barely hear him, mumbling something incoherent and leaning back onto the side of the pool.

The water was at a perfect temperature to complement the temperature of the air; he could taste the tension melting away like it was something edible. It was almost as good as lactic acid burn- but this was different, relaxing. He was comfortable. When you were training, everything was sharp and reminded you of things you hadn't done. For the first time since memory told, Kuina was silent in his head as he sunk lower into the static water. He was goddamn exhausted. Except that he couldn't sleep- if she was quiet and he slept, what would he have to dream of? It wasn't fair, because she only lived when he slept.

He could feel his muscles loosening, drawing to gold, wavering like sunlight looses itself in calm water. Things were good, and would be perfect if the water wasn't being tainted by cook-pheromones.

Sanji's fingers were warmer than the surface of the water; sensitive, deep whorls working into the rough and stained hide that was Zoro's back. He was less gentle but more responsive as Zoro could only guess that he was healing and allowed for to be penetrated deeper. Now, instead of gently touching the surface, long fingers were pushing in and pushing away. Things beneath the skin were kneaded with purpose and understanding and deep compassion (or perhaps just passion).
"…Marimo," said Sanji, "I get a question."
"What?" Zoro thought for a moment and remembered. "You didn't answer yours."
"I told you already."
"Nicotine doesn't turn you into a twiggy asshole."
"It does now. I get a question."
"You said something about Kuina. That counts."
"No, I want a different question and it's my turn. How come you got so pissed when I called your earrings 'girly'?"
"…Shut up."
"You have to answer."
"Nicotine suppresses my appetite." His tone was mocking.
Sanji poked something that didn't need to be touched a little too hard. "Shut up. You're no fun."
"I don't mean to be," Zoro said, leaning backwards until his forehead touched Sanji's bare chest. He opened his mouth just enough in the slight way that lets one know the intentions of a teenager who had been through too much. "So why don't you make me shut up again?"
Sanji took the challenge and closed the space between swollen lips. "Like the time you were screaming in pain, you little woman?"

This was much better than finding out about a bunch of girly earrings, anyways.

And now, time for the ALTERNATE ENDING SPARKLE ET CETERA!

"…Marimo," said Sanji, "I get a question."
"What?" Zoro thought for a moment and remembered. "You didn't answer yours."
"I told you."
"Shit," said Zoro, "I dropped my R. One second." He ducked under the water and came back up with no luck. "Damnit. Um, I mean...doorknob. Now I'm going to have to make do with the L Nami lent me." He paused. "Aw, shorts." Zoro shook his head. "Why am I angsting about Kuina? She's not even dead."
"Dat's right," said Sanji, in a sort of out-of-character way. "Anyways, Zoloh, I was sayin'…it's da sugah in my suckah that makes me so skinneh."

/kanthia