I'm sorry to those who think this isn't as funny, but it isn't supposed to be, so stop depressing me! (sniff)

Chapter Six: Therapy!

The tall blonde Elf straightened her dress as she sat down in her office. Numerous parchments and pens littered the surface of her desk. The room was bright and sunny yet with the new arrival, it seemed almost to have darkened considerably. The young Elf dismissed this as impossible and faced the person who had just entered. She found herself staring at the Elf prince Legolas, and was quite taken aback to see the look of pain on his face.

"Mae govannen." He mumbled in a slightly broken voice. "I've got a problem."

She blinked. "Yes, that is clear. But that is also what I'm here for." She tapped the sign on the desk that read 'therapist.'

"I have to get back soon before…SHE…realizes I'm gone…"

"Who is she?" the elleth questioned.

"I don't know where she came from…" Legolas began. "All I know is, I find myself head over heels in love with her, this girl. She is so unnatural. She was a human, then she became an Elf. Her hair changes color, for Varda's sake! So do her eyes."

"Mmhm," murmured the therapist, taking notes with a disturbed look on her face.

"I find myself in fog, and then blacking out for long moments at a time, and waking up to find I've done something. One time I woke up, I was MARRIED to her! Before I knew it, I had twelve kids! They aren't right, I tell you, something is wrong with them. Except one of them—there's one relatively normal one. I don't remember what happened to her…But King Elessar is under the spell of another, who isn't as bad…she is the queen, yet I have a feeling someone else was meant to be so…"

"Arwen Undomiel?" offered the therapist.

"Is that it?" Legolas puzzled. "I can't really think too well anymore. She's messing up my thoughts. I'm starting to call myself Legolas 'Greenleaf'. What is that!"

"A travesty." The therapist agreed, nodding.

"This girl…she says she's the long lost sister of Aragorn, and she followed the Fellowship. I…can't remember much that happened…just some…mindless, platonic shagging…and I now have a phobia of the color pink…What is HAPPENING to me!" Legolas exclaimed.

"You've got Sueneosis." The elleth stated simply. "It's a good thing Lord Elrond had the foresight to see that having a therapist in Minas Tirith would be a good idea. I received word from him that your daughter is on a quest to fix this, so hold on as long as you can."

Legolas smiled weakly, but then stiffened, and his eyes took on a glazed look. "What am I doing here? Where's Starr? Melamin?" he wandered out of the room, and the elleth shook her head sadly.

There was another knock on the door and she looked up to see Gimli standing there. "Gimli, son of Gloin, I did not realize you were here."

"No one does." Gimli mumbled. "It's as if I'm invisible! I don't think anyone even realizes I was part of the Fellowship! No, not with the other eyecandy that was part of it."

She explained the cause of his problem, and stopped him from sharpening his axe and going after Starr himself. "She cannot be killed, only cut off at the source."

The dwarf stalked out angrily, and in walked a little hobbit.

"Frodo Baggins!"

"I…need help."

"Yes, well that is obvious. Sit down."

"I carried the Ring to Mordor. I dealt with orc armies, a giant spider, a huge volcano, and the burden of the Ring. And yet this simple wench can put me under a spell and make me feel the weakest I've ever felt. I haven't been this close to giving up even whilst on the quest! And poor Merry has an inferiority complex (if there's even such a thing) and believes himself to be destined to be the token 'other hobbit' to Pippin."

The therapist sighed. This was going to be a LONG day.