Abandoned But Not
Disclaimer: I OWN ER/NBC. Not.
Carby short :)
A/N: I have not been watching ER for a long time. I am and forever ama Carby. I'm here to bring you the ending I want.
SPOILERS...maybe...I haven't been watching for a long time so it may not be a spoiler..
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She could not believe it happened. In a second, she lost the miracle that was growing inside her.
Abby gazed longingly out the hospital window. A young couple strolled down the sidewalk, swinging a young, auburn colored hair girl, giggling and begging for more. That's supposed to be me. The window fogged up from Abby's depressed sigh and the happy family disappeared behind it. She slowly placed a cold hand on her stomach. She was empty. A failure.
They painted the nursery a faint yellow and pink. Luka had just added the ballerina teddy bear wallpaper. Adding the furniture would have been next week's plans. She thought of the pastel colored alphabet blocks spelling out the name they chose: Abigail. It was his idea: he wanted the baby to be just like her mother, even the name. Abby couldn't stand the idea; she wanted the baby to be almost nothing like the mother. She thought of the blanket with "'Our Baby Girl" monogrammed on the corner. It was to be little Abby's first gift. Abby wiped a tear at the thought. There would be no little Abby, no 'Our baby girl.'
The door creaked behind her, letting in a strip of light shine on the murky green wall.
"Abby?"
God, not now. Don't talk to me now.
"Abby, do you want to talk?" The silence she gave in return was her answer. "Abby, I know how you're feeling right now." She couldn't face him. She was still angry with him. He abandoned her for some tramp, getting her pregnant and leaving Abby alone in her misery. A guilty feeling filled her stomach. It was she who abandoned him. What if things were different? What if it was his baby?
"Carter, please go." The foggy window was clear again. The happy family was no longer there. The usual bustling street of Chicago stared back at her. Knowing her better, Carter only crept closer. He knew exactly the feeling that was rushing through her veins, the guilt, the hurt, the confusion. He had only experienced all those before. He had to say goodbye to his baby boy the night he was chosing the paint color for the nursery.
"Abby," he said soothingly, gently placing his hand on her shoulder. "It's not your fault," he said. Unfortunetly, that was the wrong thing to say. Abby angrily spun around, eyes red with tears, her face scrunched up in hurt.
"Not my fault? Not my fault?" She screamed. Carter stepped back. "John, how could you say it's not my fault? I killed my child!"
"You didn't kill it. It's not your fault." He was afraid to get closer, but he knew that the thing she needed most was love. Abby apparently was not in the mood to argue. A new stream of tears rushed down her patchy cheeks. Carter instinctively wrapped his arms around her and kissed her on the forehead. He swayed with her and prayed for her peace.
"Carter?" Luka peered through the door. The two looked up and let go of the embrace. Carter nodded and left the room silently, glancing quickly behind at Abby who looked like a pitiful mess.
"Luka, I can't talk about this right now. Please," she begged, making her way slowly back to the bed.
"Abby, I'm leaving." The words peirced through her like a thousand swords.
"What?" She replied breathlessly. Leave?
"I'm going home. I need to go home." His insensitive tone confused her. He made no effort to comfort her. His demeanor was stolid and impassive. Without an explanation, he left the room. Carter returned to an expressionless Abby. His entrance failed to catch a glance from her. She was resting against the bed, staring at an insignificant point in space, pain in her eyes. Carter didn't bother to say anything. She accepted his guidance out of the room and through the hall to the elevator. She didn't ask where he was taking her. She trusted him that he'd take care of her. She knew he already knew about Luka.
The ride to his apartment was cold and silent. Carter helped her into his bed after lending her a big t-shirt to change into. And there they slept. Together where they knew they were meant to be in the first place.