A ONESHOT ABOUT MOMIJI
THE MISUNDERSTOOD BOOK
Disclaimer: I do not own Fruits Basket in any way.
WARNING- - -SPOILERS (up to vol. 14)
I was walking to Shigure's house to go see Tohru. She was one of my few friends, and she made me happy, and I loved her. Not in that way, not the "I want to spend the rest of my life" with her way. I knew Kyo liked her like that though, so I used this against him. Silly kitty.
Everyone looks at me and classifies me as childish, immature, something that means that I don't think like a grown-up, that I haven't grown properly mentally for my own age. People always judge a book by its cover nowadays… If you look a certain way, than you are exactly the same inside. Every time someone says that to me, it hurts. Everyone simply chooses to push me away and to ignore me, because I look like a child. They have no idea what I have been through. When they do, they push me away again, because they know our family secret and it scares them, or I scare them, because I forced my own mother into forgetting me. Either way, I'm all alone. And it's all because I was born, because of my existence. It's not a question of whether I'm being someone else or I'm being myself, it's just because… Because I am.
Everyday, I play my violin, because he's the only one that completely understands me. If I make him play a sorrowful tune, he will have understood without any words. He will know that today I am having a difficult time, and will weep with me. If a play something joyous, then he will laugh with me, but without making a sound so that no one hears him. It is the Wordless Language, as I call it. A lot of humans use it, but I have no person to use it with. That's something Tohru wouldn't understand, anyway.
I might have used that language with Mutti once. Before Hatori-san erased Mutti's memory, I saw her. I really saw her, and she knew it. I saw the scared, shaky woman who was absolutely terrified of me (another example of how every one accts with me…) She looked at me, and forced herself not to see me. If she had looked, she would have seen the little, suffering boy she had birthed, but she refused to see anything of the sort. She probably would not have been able to handle it anyway. She slapped me on the head, and left me to wail on the pavement. I heard the distant clickclockclickclock of her high heels hitting the concrete and when I had finished my crying, I looked up, and saw no one there. I had been deceived, and I was so young. I then understood that I was to be deceived all my life, that's what being a Sohma was, and I let out satisfactory cries because no one would stop me. No one wanted to.
They made her think I was someone else's child, and she believed it. No child wants to think that their own mother doesn't love them anymore, but I was under the obligation to believe it. It makes me think of a conversation I had with Hatori-san…
"Toriii-san… Mutti won't 'member me no more?" I asked.
"No Momiji-chan, she won't." he replied, expressionless.
"But, maybe…" I asked, with a bit of hope left…
"No Momiji. Because I've erased her memory, she won't remember you. I'm sorry Momiji, that's the way it is." Hatori said, kindness in his voice. It was difficult to perceive, but I could hear it clearly. I leaned onto his broad shoulder and wept like the child I was. Tori-san understood me more than most of the Juunishi, although they helped me get through a lot later on too.
That's the thing. When you're a Sohma, you aren't aloud to have hope outside of the Sohma family. Then, quite a few years later, Momo was born. I was delighted. Finally, I would get to taste of a slice of my mother and I got a very cute sibling! So when I asked my father if I could go see her, he refused. I asked him, morosely, why not, and I knew why already. He didn't want to ruin his perfect family, the one that excluded me. I collapsed to the floor. Father crouched down beside me and told me he didn't want me to see Momo because she was sort of like Mutti, and he didn't want her to become sick like Mutti too, did he? He hugged me and rocked me from side to side. I knew that wasn't true, and yetI accepted it all. No one wanted me and I would just have to finally accept that. I was useless. I told Father it was okay with a fake smileandran to my violin, not knowing what else to do. He cried with me. Violin taught me an important lesson through it's soothing music; I had to be strong, form now on. I had a tough life, and it was important for me to fight it every time it tried to break me down. Otherwise, I wouldn't be able to live correctly, socially…
One day, I met Tohru. I thought, 'if she can calm Kyo and Yuki down, then certainly, she can understand me!' For this, I respected her so. I remember before I met her properly, I kissed her cheek and she was very surprised. She ran away, and then I doubted her. But as soon as she welcomed me as a great friend, I finally felt something I hadn't felt since… That I had never felt. Hope. I told her all about myself, one day, when she saw Mutti (just a strange coincidence.) and she understood me perfectly. She cried for me, in fact. I tried to be strong, really I did, but I gave in to my pain and cried with her. Later on in our relationship, she was the one who told me that Momo wanted to see me badly, and pop! More hope came. Tohru delighted me in such unknown ways that never ceased to surprise me…
I realized that whilst in my thoughts, I had wandered onto the middle of the street and earlier on, I had dropped a book I wanted to show Tohru. I went back to find it right in the middle of the road. I kneeled to pick it up.
Father... He was so kind towards me too. But as most know, parents can't be genuinefriends to their children. He told me, before Mutti forgot about me, that he could provide enough love for a Mutti and a father to me. 'But Father... Is not Mutti...' Is what I had thought. He tried very hard for me, and I love him so much for that. He knew that all odds would be against me in life, yet he still stuck with me most of the time. When I say most of the time, I mean apart from the times that Momo and Mutti came first. I remember when Momo had gotten her first haircut, Father and Mutti went to the hairdresser's with her. I had told Father I had a violin recital that day... He never showed up. After the recital, my teacher told me my tune seemed moremelancholic than it usually did. That made me even more sad.
I remember telling Tohru that one day, I would become a famous violinist and Momo would come to see me play. Honestly though, I don't think Father would allow that... He really doesn't want me to interfere with his life with Mutti and Momo, and I can understand it. Mutti was so hurt by me, I really don't want her to get hurt again. I think though, that one day, because me and Momo both would like to see each other so badly, it will happen. Because when you really want something, the whole universe tries to let you fulfill your dream, however impossible it may seem. That is what I believe.
...Even when you are cursed because of the Juunishi, even when your Mutti doesn't know you, even when you were born to be controled like a toy, even when you are tossed to the sideby all the others, even when almost nobody understands you...
I began sobbing as I crouched in the middle of the road, and I let everything go, I pretended it would all flow away with the tears. I knew it wasn't very smart to do this in such a public place, but I didn't really care.The harder I cried, the worse I felt. All my problems became more real and more hurtful.All of a sudden, a loud roaring noise was getting closer by the minute. I wiped my eyes,looked up, and I saw a truck coming in my direction, it was only feet away. I gasped and my jaw hung low for what seemed like an eternity.
… And then it hit me. I was paralyzed. I could not move.
My life flashed before me and a few thoughts swirled around in my head.
Who had been good to me? All the Juunishi, Tohru and Violin… I love you all.
What have I done?
… I have finally freed every one of their problems. I won't be around to trouble you anymoreFather. I know you loved me, but I know I was a huge extra load for you. Thank you. I won't be thereto mean nothing to you Mutti,and to meet you, Momo. Momo, know that I loved you before you were even born and I hope to meet you someday... Up in heaven. I think I was good enough to go there, and I trust you to be good too so you can meet me, Momo-chan.
You saw my cover… And you assumed. You saw the pages… And you threw me away.
If only you had red between the lines… You would have seen the real book...
"Momiji".
sob sob… this is what Momiji is to me… Have sympathy for the misunderstood book!
Hope you liked it, please review…
UPDATE: Recently, I redid it because Haschen (a very kind reviewer of mine.), your comment about the Father thing bothered me. I had to fix it, soI did... Please review!