A/N : Well, it seems you all like William, but can';t help preferring Spike. That's strange cos Buffy is starting to develop that same opinion...
(For disclaimer, etc. - see chapter 1)

Chapter 10

"Buffy, is something wrong?" William asked her as they sat opposite each other at the restaurant. He'd watched her push her food around the plate several times and yet barely any had entered her mouth so far. Still, she smiled when she looked up at him and shook her head.

"No, nothing wrong" Buffy lied, hating that she had to but determined to make it all be true. She wanted to want to be here, if she didn't she'd end up back in the hospital, living a lie in a world she'd made up in her head.

"It's just you don't seem yourself, luv" William sighed, "You... you keep going all distant on me"

"I'm sorry" Buffy frowned, hating to think she was worrying him, "It's not your fault, and I'm not... going back" she assured him, putting down her fork and reaching across the table to put her hand in his, "My parents aren't getting along so well" she admitted, eyes down on the table-cloth.

"Oh Buffy, I am sorry, pet" William told her with a sympathetic look, "They always seemed so very much together whenever I saw them at the hospital and even now when I'm ever at your house.

"They seem all big with the together sometimes" Buffy agreed, "Any time they think somebody is watching them, but when they're alone..." she swallowed hard before she continued, "I hear them fighting, yelling and saying awful things to each other, and I think... I think it's my fault" she said tearfully as she looked over at William.

He so wanted to tell her it wasn't her fault at all, but there was no way to know her parents opinion of her or each other or anything. All he knew for certain was how much he loved Buffy himself.

"You want to get out of here?" he offered and she nodded that she did. William paid the bill and got them out of the restaurant quickly, Buffy was clearly embarrassed and trying not to bawl like a baby in front of so many strangers, though outside she still refused to let her tears flow freely. They walked slowly towards her house in silence, Buffy swallowing hard to try to keep her crying at bay. William saw the pain she was in and put his arm around her shoulders, pulling her closer.

"Tell me what's wrong, luv" he urged her, "I can't stand to see you hurting like this"

"I can't..." she choked out, "If I talk about it I... I just can't"

William stopped walking and turned her to face him with real concern in his eyes for her.

"Buffy, sweetheart, you can tell me anything" he assured her, "Believe me there's nothing you could say that'd shock me, at least it's certainly unlikely given my occupation"

"That's kind of the problem" Buffy sniffed, wiping tears from her cheeks and turning away to continue walking, William went with her and they were soon at her house where they sat down on the swing on the front porch.

"You know what I am, Will" she said quietly, "You work in that place, you know what's wrong with me, how crazy I was"

"Not crazy, Buffy, no" he told her firmly, "Just confused"

"Maybe" the blonde sighed, "but it doesn't change the fact there was something wrong with me and... William, what if there still is?" she asked, looking really afraid, and his heart went out to her.

"You're here now, pet" he reminded her, taking her hand in his and squeezing it, "You're here with me, and your parents, in the real world"

"Not always" she admitted, shaking her head slowly and causing fresh tears to roll down her cheeks.

William stared at her, not really sure what to say and she couldn't meet his eyes as she explained.

"It started about a week ago, I dreamt about Sunnydale" Buffy told him, "It was just for a minute, but I saw my friends..."

"They are not your friends, Buffy" William snapped a little more harshly than he meant to, but he did so hate to hear her talk about her delusions like this, he still feared losing her to the other side, and just when they were getting along so well.

"William, if I talk about them as my friends you think I'm crazy" she said sounding somewhat annoyed, "but if I don't talk about them I feel like I'm gonna go crazy anyway!" she complained, looking over at him and begging him with her eyes to understand what she was going through. Of course he never truly could, but he had to try for her, she was everything to him.

"If you think it will help you, luv, of course I'll listen but... I'm only concerned that I might lose you" he admitted and she shook her head.

"You won't lose me" she assured him, moving closer and putting her head on his shoulder, glad when he wrapped his arms around her and held her tight, "I just need to talk about it, Will, all of it" Buffy explained as they rocked back and forth on the swing, "You're the only person who I can really talk to about anything"

"Then tell me" he said softly, kissing the top of her head, truly concerned by what he was allowing her to do and what things she might tell him, but hoping she was right and that letting out all her worries about that other place might aid her recovery.

"When I was there" Buffy began, "I was like this hero, and it was hard, always being the one who had to fight, but I feel like it's still a fight here. Just to live everyday, working almost the same job that I had back there, with my parents fighting like they did. It's like all the bad stuff from my delusions is coming true here, but this is supposed to be real"

"It is real, pet" William promised her, holding her tighter, so afraid she might slip away from his again.

"I know" Buffy nodded against his shoulder, "At least I think I know, but everything there is so real lately, when I dream about it" she paused for a moment to see if William would say anything, when he didn't she continued, "I see Willow and Dawn and Xander, and sometimes Spike" she said too quietly, concerned when William stopped the swing from moving suddenly. Buffy glanced up at him and he wasn't angry or worried, just upset by what she'd said.

"I'm not trying to hurt you, Will" she assured him, looking worried that she might've done just that, "I just, I needed to tell someone"

"I know" he more or less whispered, "I know I'm probably an idiot for thinking it but... Buffy, I love you, you know that, and I feel like it doesn't even matter" he said shaking his head sadly, "Do you feel anything for me, Buffy?" he asked and she felt sick to her stomach, knowing he was so uncertain and hurting so much because he thought she didn't really care at all.

"I do feel something" she told him, "and I think it's love, but I'm so confused, William" she cried, feeling so weak and overwhelmed by all that was happening and all that had happened since she'd got here. It was supposed to be home, reality, the place where she belonged but after so long away from it, it was strange and almost scary to be here again. Only William really made it easier.

"Please don't cry, luv" he urged her, his fingers gently wiping her tears away, "The very last thing I want is for you to be upset"

"Then make it stop" she begged, "Hold me, William, love me, don't let it take me" she looked truly scared as she went into his arms and he held her tight. She cried for a while, her eyes falling shut as she did so and her mind whirring, pictures of Sunnydale flashing behind her lids. She panicked, eyes shooting open as she shifted back and looked up at William. Before he had a chance to ask why the sudden panic she crushed her lips to his and kissed him with a passion. She was fighting, trying to stay here, trying to find something that would anchor her to this plane of existence, but William was confused and startled by her actions.

"Buffy" he gasped in air as he pulled away from her.

"Don't talk" she shook her head, "Please, just love me" she beseeched him, glad that after just a moments hesitation he went right back to kissing her. To an extent she could lose herself in a moment like this, there was so much to feel that thinking was kept to a minimum, but nothing could completely block out the images that flooded her mind.

As William's hand moved in her hair and he whispered words of love to her between kisses, Buffy saw Spike. In her mind she was lying on her bed in Sunnydale and there was the bleached blond vampire right beside her. He was holding her hand, tears apparent in his eyes, as he told her he loved her, with the same words that William was using. One of them wasn't real, one was a hallucination, and as much as she tried to tell herself that Spike was the fake, a small part of her so wished he was the real deal. She pulled away from William, gasping in air and staggered to her feet feeling terrible. It was bad enough to think of another person when kissing the one you supposedly love, but Buffy had taken it to whole other extreme level. She wanted Spike to be kissing her, because somehow even William couldn't make her feel what he could, despite the fact they were mostly the same person.

"Buffy?" he was frowning when he looked up at her, so concerned he'd done wrong, when of course he'd done nothing but love her as she'd asked him too.

"I'm sorry" she said shakily, stepping towards the door and opening it as fast as she could, "I'm sorry, I can't" she cried as she stumbled into the house, quickly shutting the door behind her and leaning back against it. She closed her eyes to block out William's voice as he apologised and begged to be let in. Buffy's mind raced with panicked thoughts. She wondered why she stayed here when everything seemed so bad. The same awful job as Sunnydale, her parents fighting, no friends or Dawn, a boyfriend that she could never love enough, and the constant fight to stay when she wasn't even sure why she was trying. Her half hearted attempts to keep her so-called delusions at bay collapsed in an instant and she completely zoned out as she fell to her knees in the hallway.

"...we help her with the homework best we can, me and Red mostly, she covers anything science and maths related, I'm not too bad on the history and English side of things, so we muddle through" Spike was saying, presumably talking about Dawn, Buffy realised as she tuned into his words. It was strange but even though he and William shared looks and voice, there was something that was different, something she couldn't name that she could pick up even with her eyes closed and just him laying beside her, talking softly in her ear.

Something stopped her from opening her eyes yet or speaking at all, she guessed she'd just missed being this close to Spike, which in one way was insane. He was a hallucination, the psycho equivalent of a small childs imaginary friend, she assumed, but he was everything William was and more, and the phrase 'absence makes the heart grow fonder' seemed entirely relevant. She missed him, more so when she was with William lately. Before his face had brought her comfort, a sweet reminder of what she'd lost, but the more she saw him the more she wanted what she'd left behind, and as much as she craved all or at least most of the parts of her delusion, Spike was one thing that Buffy was beginning to realise she missed the most, him, her sister, and her friends.

"Sun'll be going down in an hour or two" Spike was saying when she next paid attention, "Promised your Scooby Club I'd get through this book by then but I'll just have to tell them you kept me talking now won't I?" he smirked to himself, wishing it was more real, that the jokes he made were actually funny. Nothing had humour, colour, meaning, anything with her like this. His precious Slayer trapped in a world that there seemed no way to free her from, not without another demon being caught and even then there was no way to know if the andidote would still be strong enough, given that Buffy had been under the influence of the poison for several weeks now.

"Reckon I should get on with this reading then..." Spike said softly and he shifted to get off the bed. He stopped abruptly when he tried to pull his hand from Buffy's and found he couldn't.

"Buffy, luv?" he said, pulling on his hand again, a second time her fingers gripped his too tightly for it to be his imagination, "Sweetheart if you can hear me, squeeze my hand again, tight as you like, pet, I don't care"

He was stunned but happily so when her grip tightened further and felt like it might snap his fingers! The pain was nothing though, all that mattered to Spike was the fact she could hear him and was responding to him. Her eyes shifted and looked at him, tears welling up in her hazel orbs that he hated to see.

"Oh baby, don't, please" he urged her as his fingers tenderly brushed over her cheek, "Tell me how to help you, somehow please" he said desperately, "I'm going crazy sittin' here watching you slip away"

Buffy turned her head away, unable to look at him. She couldn't stay here, it was wrong, and yet she felt so much more comfortable in these moments of apparent hallucination than she ever did in what they called reality.

"Buffy, luv, please listen to me" she heard Spike say, "Wherever you are when you're not here, it's not real, pet" he explained, "Red reckons you might still be thinkin' you're in that institution place, but you're not, sweetheart. This is home, this is where you belong. Come on Slayer! Fight, please" he urged her as her grip lessened on his hand.

In a moment she was gone, her eyes looked dead and her body was limp once again. Spike felt like crying from joy that he'd got through to her just for a little while, and pain because again he had lost her to the other side.

To Be Continued...