A/N : Well, now Buffy has made her decision to be with Spike and leave her so called real world behind, this story is almost over! Yes, just one more chapter after this one and it'll be 'The End'! In the meantime, here's the new chapter...
(For disclaimer, etc. - see chapter 1)

Chapter 13

Buffy wasn't really surprised to find her house was empty when she arrived home the next morning. The smashed vase just behind the front door told her that her father probably wasn't here and that her mother had been less than pleased with him on his exit. Walking through to the kitchen, Buffy found a note on the refridgerator saying her Mom had gone to the gallery early to organise a new shipment, but she'd be back after lunch to spend some time with her daughter before her evening shift at the fast food restaurant.

Buffy sighed as she realised she wouldn't be going to her job today, she had much more important things to do. She needed to spend a little time with her parents, either together or apart it didn't matter, then she needed to find William to tell him she was leaving, not just the town or the country but this world. Though her body would remain here in some form, her conscious self was headed back to Sunnydale where she knew now she belonged. A smile spread over Buffy's lips as she thought about it, knowing she was doing the right thing.

It'd be easy enough just to go now, let herself fall from what she figured must be a delusion into her world of Hellmouths and vampires that was suddenly so appealing. It was home, pure and simple, no matter how tough it sometimes seemed. It wouldn't be easy, telling her friends what she'd been doing with Spike, and the feelings she had come to realise she had for him now. Perhaps the worst thing would be trying to explain where she'd been all this time, how she'd been living in another world with a look-alike of the vampire who adored her and her parents, who in the real world were one dead and one far away.

Still, before all that she had goodbyes to think about, she owed her parents a final farewell and poor sweet understanding William a real explanation as well as a goodbye. She didn't relish hurting him, but it was the only way.

"It's the only way" Willow told Dawnie, as she asked if her sister really had to be awake for the antidote to work, "All the books say the same thing, sweetie, I'm sorry"

"Does this stuff last?" the youngest Summers checked, "I mean, does it go bad like milk, or lose it's powers or something if she doesn't drink it soon?"

"I don't think so" Willow shook her head, as she stirred the inky black liquid around a little more, "but obviously sooner is better"

"Gotta agree with you there, Red" Spike said as he emerged from the basement.

Last night Dawnie had been upset and refused to sleep without him there, by the time she dropped off the sun was rising on Saturday morning and so Spike had crashed in the basement for a few hours, planning on sitting with Buffy in the afternoon whilst the girls went grocery shopping and Xander had to do overtime at the site.

"Well, this is done" Willow said as she poured the antidote from a beaker to a jar with a secure lid, "Now Buffy just needs to be lucid long enough to drink it"

"Twice she's woken up when Spike was talking to her" Dawnie said hopefully, "Maybe it'll be today"

"Let's hope so, Sweet Bit" the vampire nodded as he put an arm around the young girls shoulder and kissed the top of her head.

Buffy smiled as she hugged her mother for what she knew would be the final time. She'd gone to her Dad's office, spent a half hour talking with him on the pretense of checking he was okay after last night's argument with Joyce, before saying goodbye and meaning it much more than he could ever imagine.

Buffy had gotten home just in time to meet her mother at the front door and they spent hours chatting about anything and everything. The young blonde tried to cram in every thought, every question, every single thing she wanted to say to her mother, knowing that once she left this world she wouldn't get another chance. Joyce really was the only thing she felt she was losing when she let this world go, but she couldn't stay, it was impossible.

"I love you, Mom" she said firmly as she hugged her tight, "I love you more than anything"

"I know, sweetie" Joyce smiled, "and I love you too, you know that"

Buffy nodded her head as she picked up her purse and turned towards the front door. Her mother had no idea she wasn't going to work at all but instead going to meet William as she'd arranged earlier. Buffy was not looking forward to leaving him and hurting him so badly in the process but she walked with more bounce in her step than she would usually, knowing she was going home today.

Images flashed behind her lids everytime she blinked, Willow, Dawn and Xander earlier, but now Spike. He wasn't usually there til the evening but she saw him now and hoped he would be the one at her side when she awoke. The sun wasn't due to set for another hour at least so he must've spent all day in the house, probably because Willow was working on the antidote to save her.

Buffy stopped smiling when she reached the pier and spotted William leaning on the railings, looking out across the water. In the fading daylight, he was beautiful, and the blonde realised that was the one thing she'd miss, not seeing this man in the sunlight. Spike being a vampire could only share the dark with her, but it was enough, she loved him enough for it not to matter anymore.

"Pretty view" she said as she leant on the railing beside William.

"Prettier now" he smiled as he turned and looked at her, greeting her with a quick kiss on the lips.

"Will, we really need to talk" she told him, unable to keep her eyes on his and instead choosing the beach and water beyond.

"Sounds very serious, pet" said William as he stared at her face in profile, "but whatever it is you know you can just say it"

"I know" Buffy smiled in spite of herself as she remembered sitting on the back porch of her house, talking to Spike. He was always willing to listen, even when she was mean to him, even when the day before she'd beaten him to a pulp or slammed him against the walls as they let loose their wild passion for hours. No matter what happened between them she could always talk to him, and he would always listen, never judging, only understanding.

"You think we could walk while we talk?" she asked, standing up straight and offering her hand to him. William smiled as he slid his fingers around her own and they walked along the pier and down onto the beach in silence, a strange thing for two people who had met up with the specific agenda of talking.

"Buffy, luv" William sighed, "If there's something you need to say, I'd rather you just say it" he told her, "Good or bad, I can take it, but please don't draw it out so long, you're making me nervous" he admitted, looking really worried now as he stopped walking and pulled Buffy to a halt along with him.

"I've been thinking a lot" she told the slowly setting sun more than him, "About my life here, and my life in Sunnydale"

"Buffy..." he began to protest, and she knew she was about to get the 'that other place is a delusion speech' so she interrupted.

"Please, let me finish" she begged of him, "William, this isn't easy for me" she assured him as she stepped in close and looked up into his eyes, "You mean so much to me, really you do, but this isn't where I belong" she admitted, tears welling up in her eyes as his arms slid round her and held her tight, "I have to go back to Sunnydale, William, I'm sorry but I have to"

She tried to pull out of his arms then and walk away, unable to bear the pain she saw on his face, but he pulled her back to him with strength she couldn't fight with the oridnary womans body she possessed in this world.

"You're crazy if you go back there" he told her, making Buffy laugh in spite of herself.

"I'm crazy anyway!" she exclaimed, glad the beach was mostly deserted as she raved, "I never would have been in a mental asylum if I was sane!" she pointed out.

"No" William wouldn't hear it, "You were just confused"

Buffy sighed in defeat, no longer struggling in his embrace.

"You're right" she admitted, "I was confused, but William, I still am" she told him honestly, "I can't get a hold on reality because I don't know what that is anymore" she tried to make him understand and it was all either of them could do not to scream with frustration.

"This is reality" he told her forcefully.

"You say that" she smiled sadly "but so does he"

"Who?" William asked with a frown, "This Spike person you think is real?" he guessed, appalled at the very idea, "He's not, Buffy, he's a delusion"

"And he says that's what you are" she tried to make him see her problem, "but I honestly don't know anymore, and for all the similarities there are between him and you" she explained, "there are major differences too. I thought I could leave him behind, stay here and love you instead, but it's not fair, on anyone" she finished much more quietly than she'd begun, staring down at her feet as the last words escape her lips.

He blinked back tears as he lifted her chin with his fingers and looked into her eyes.

"But... I love you" he said, his voice no more than a whisper.

"And I love you" she promised him, tears glistening in her eyes too as she realised more than ever the pain she was causing this wonderful man, "I do, but not in the same way" she tried to explain, "If going back means I'm crazy then that's what I'll be" she shook her head, "I can't fight it anymore, when I was there it was hard to fight and it hasn't gotten any easier now I'm here"

William's arms slipped from her body as he turned away, not wanting her to see him cry, to see him be weak when he should be strong for her, like she needed.

"I love him" she said and each word stabbed through William's heart, sharper and more fatal than any blade, "I'm in love with Spike" she said, loving the feeling of relief that came with saying it but at the same time hating herself for breaking William's heart, "I guess that's why I thought I could love you" she said to his back "but I'm not in love with you, William, and I'm sorry if that hurts you but it's true"

She turned to walk away just as he turned too and he called behind her.

"You can't leave me" he said, sounding desperate and Buffy really wished she could do this without causing pain to anyone, but it wasn't possible.

"I'm sorry" she sobbed, really crying now as she turned back, her tears matching his as they fell like waterfalls by now, "I have to go"

"When?" he choked out, almost afraid to ask, but knowing he must.

"I don't know..." she replied, shaking her head slightly, her voice wavering like a candle in the breeze, "Next time I get a vision I'll just repress this place" she said, looking at the scene around her and then back at the man she'd tried so hard to be in love with, "I'll take the antidote that Willow made, then I'll be back there for good"

"You could go at anytime" William realised, "I won't even get a goodbye"

"It's okay" Buffy told him, feeling every ounce of his pain and possibly more as she stepped back into his waiting arms "You're a wonderful person, William" she told him, "and I know you'll have a good life, with someone who can love you like you deserve" she swallowed hard before continuing "and I know I'll always be here" she whispered, placing her hand on his chest, right over his heart, he closed his eyes at her touch as more tears fell down his face, "I know I'll always be in your heart" she breathed.

"You will, luv" he promised, placing his hand over hers on his chest and squeezing her fingers.

"And you'll always be in mine" Buffy swore, closing the gap between them and kissing him one last time. As she did, she closed her eyes and she saw Sunnydale, her room, her bed, and Spike sitting beside her, a flash for just a second.

"It's coming" she breathed as she pulled away a little, feeling the strangest mixture of pain and relief.

"No" William cried, holding her tighter, as if his embrace and sheer will alone could keep her from leaving him.

"Yes, it's over" Buffy spoke with surprising calmness "I'm sorry, William" were the last words she spoke as her eyes glazed over and she fell limply against him - gone.

To Be Continued...