Author's Notes: Yes this is a continuation from the last chapter because I don't want to leave you people asking questions and junk. Because it isn't nice to leave pieces of the puzzle missing when you really want to know what the puzzle looks like. So anyway, this one will again be really long probably. I'm sorry for those of you who just read real quickies, but I'm not that kind of person to just through the information at you and say 'Now fill in the gaps!'. What would be the point of reading it? There would be none and I would be a horrible person. Now before I get too spazzy, I'll begin to write. POVs will switch often during this chapter because Ponyboy, wasn't always there to see it. This particular chapter is rated M because of one word, the F word. It's only said like once, but yeah. You never know.
P.S. A Streetcar named Desire is an old movie from 1951, I saw it and thought it was very good... you may think different, but I don't care.
P.S.S. When they are at the movies, the movies suggested are real movies, that's why they are underlined, for those who don't know.
Chapter 2: Nothin' left for me to do but cry
Pony's POV:
Well, just as Sweetheart said, we were going to the movies. As Rocco was picking us up, Sweetheart 'demanded' that he drove us to the show. "Hell, I wanted to go today anyway! I'm feeling good, actually got hired over at the DX where Soda works, he's the one who got me the job. Also, since he got me the job, as a favor for him you gotta go out on a night with him. He says dinner and a movie, or anything you want, but he best watch himself. If he does anything sneaky, a drainpipe will be shoved in his ass. But of course Pony, don't tell so brutally," I already knew not to. After all, Rocco was half joking if that was ever possible. All I was going to say was everything but the drainpipe part, though it was a little funny. Sweetheart merely rolled her eyes and sighed. "Hop on in. One of you boys are gonna have to ride in the trunk. This car only sits five people, but four now since I'm drivin'. No need to worry, it's plenty comfy back there, tons of room. Plus, whoever does it doesn't have to pay for their own food," Rocco added. Instantly Two-Bit and Wolfy were fighting for the trunk. It was pretty funny, because when one would get close to opening it, they would pull each other away from it or pound them into the ground. Eventually Two-Bit won and hopped in the trunk, he stepped on Wolfy's wrists as he opened the trunk for himself. Wolfy wasn't that pleased, but he let the rest of us pile in the back. Sweetheart sat between Johnny and I.
"So boys, what do you want to see? How's about 'A Streetcar named Desire'?" She asked. I'd never seen that movie and it did sound pretty interesting, but I heard the movie was from the 50's. The year didn't bother me, but it was how much I could relate to it that did. I preferred to try to relate myself to the main characters in the movies, that way I get real into it better. Sounds weird I know, but there's just something about it when you do it that way…
"Naw, let's see a good old War movie. I love them things to death! Though I must admit, the war scenes aren't as intense as they should be like in real life," Rocco said as he pulled up to the ticket booth. "For five," He said as he gave his money and collected his change.
"Oh, you would know. Okay, 'Mr. Tough Guy' what movie is it we're watching then?" Sweetheart replied sharply. She didn't like it much that we were going to see a war film, but then again it didn't matter much, she and I were going to have a talk, and maybe Rocco or Wolfy would talk to me about this too. Whatever they knew, or thought they knew they wanted to discuss. God I hope they don't jump me, but if they were going to, why buying me a ticket and still be so nice to me? I don't know, nothing was making sense anymore.
"We are going to see 'The Counterfeit Traitor' or 'Captain Newman, M.D.,' if you want funny, then we're watching The Captain. That one just came out today I think," Rocco said as he parked the car and popped the trunk, letting Two-Bit out. He gave him three dollars and then said, "Go to town; buy whatever. But if you get change, bring it back here or else," He said and the handed him the money. Not many people liked to stick around for the 'or else'. And I was one of them. Wolfy let us out of the car, Sweetheart grabbed my wrist and took me to the chairs not far from Rocco's car. "Where are they going? And why isn't she taking Johnny?" Rocco asked curiously as he lit a cigarette. He puffed the smoke into the air above him. That was all I could see and hear from the distance.
Rocco's POV:
"Oh, umm…they are talking about something. Umm, so yeah. Hey Johnny, let's go get some popcorn and a soda. I'll buy," Wolfy would have done anything to get away from me at that moment.
I thought about it, and how he wouldn't really say what the something was. So at that point I knew, and I had to ask, "But…About who?" Okay, now I was just being stupid, but I didn't look at Ponyboy too much. And thank God it was Friday, that meant I could relax. But Sunday was the real relaxing, when I went out late until Monday morning and drinking. That usually settles my worries and brings me down to earth. Hell, usually? It does always! I grabbed Johnny and Wolfy by the wrists and took them a few rows in front of where Sweetheart was talking to Ponyboy. I head her softly, but she wasn't talking very loud. I made Johnny sit next to me, making Wolfy my slave for popcorn and soda. "Get us some popcorn, would ya? With butter? Get us some sodas too, Wolfy you know what I like. Hey Johnny what kind of soda do you like?" I asked him. He looked at me with those big brown eyes, he looked in a bit of disbelief that I would ask him what he wanted instead of just ordering it.
"Oh, just Coke. T-That'll be fine," He said, he stuttered a bit. I could see Johnny was uneasy, sitting so close to me, and especially since I was talking to him. "I-I've never talked to a--" I didn't mean to cut him off, but the stuttering was going to kill me. Plus I already knew what he was going to say.
"A man who actually killed someone? It's no big deal when you're fighting for your life. God, some poor soul got his shins blown off. But he kept fighting until even the medic couldn't save him. A lot of the time I was on the frontline, and it was just me and a few other troops. The rest of my men had been shot down, and the enemy was closing in. I was thinking that I could climb in a nearby foxhole and fake my death to surprise the crap out of them and shoot them with all I had. But my ammunition was low, so I attempted another plan and that one actually worked. I was able to save myself and one other troop, Officer Johnson. But no worries Johnny, just because I killed people, doesn't mean that I'm an abusive or brutal person. I did what I had to, and so would you if you were fighting for your life. But you're just lucky that you haven't experienced war first hand," I said as I pushed my fingers through his hair, it was real soft. He hadn't put any grease in it, funny how I didn't notice, last time I saw him he did. His eyes were bigger than before; I could tell he was really interested in the short version of that story. The other ones were much longer, even if you were to cut them down to size.
"Wow Rocco, I had no idea. You must be proud to have survived, I'm sure you got hundreds of metals," Johnny said real excited to hear about those. I did get metals during the war, but I didn't get hundreds like Johnny would have liked to hear. But that was okay, veteran's day was coming next week, so I thought that I'd wear the uniform and my medals, proudly placed on my chest and neck. Wolfy returned with the popcorn and sodas, and handed them to us. He sat on the other side of Johnny, Johnny's attention still focused on me. "Rocco? Why are your eyes so cold like that? As if they've never seen love?" It broke my heart in two to hear him ask that. "Don't your parents love you? I'm sure they do, but…" It was like taking a stab to the chest, I could feel my heart sink to the bottom of my stomach. I looked over at Wolfy, he looked at Johnny, and then he looked at his feet with shame that we even knew our parents. God those questions made us remember those horrible people who the law called 'parents'.
"Well, Johnny. My eyes are that way they are because I have stared death in the face and seen him do his work around me. Watching friends fall dead, from silly mistakes or from snipers. Bombs, guns; they killed each and every one of them. But as for my so-called 'parents', well now…they never loved me, Wolfy or Sweetheart. Our mom and dad would hits us with ropes, belts, anything they could find. My father would find reasons to abuse me, my brother and sister. Usually he was drunk or on drugs, my mom was almost always using cocaine or heroine. One day I couldn't take it anyway more, so I joined the war at the age of fourteen because they though I was sixteen, I just needed to get away, as far away as possible from my parents. Never did I seek love or acceptance from them, it was like looking for water in a dry well. From letters that Wolfy wrote me, I heard that Sweetheart had ran away and lived with a good friend of hers. Wolfy also tried to run, but for some reasons the cops had their eyes on him. Sweetheart stayed with her friend until last month and Wolfy stayed with those monsters until about the same time when I came to pick them up. As soon as I got my check, I bought a car, and left my parents to rot," I looked at him, a glare was in my eye and I knew it. I didn't mean it of course, but I couldn't help it.
"You know, our families aren't so different," Johnny started, I looked at him with shock. His big brown eyes looked deep into mine, almost as if he regretting letting me know that sentence. "My father… He comes home every day drunk, and he beats me for things I did or didn't do. Whatever it is, he finds a reason. And my mother just sits there, not even acknowledging me. Her eyes are as empty as a person's can get. But I know that--" I cut Johnny off again, I was so pissed off that I had to hear it. Not that I was mad at Johnny (that would be stupid), but I was pissed at his old man and old woman. God I wanted to beat the crap out of them!
"Johnny, what the fuck? You're their son, the only one they have! Johnny if I had known… Look Johnny, I…" It was hard for me to find the words to tell him. And usually I always had the right things to say, but not this time. "When does your dad come home? When does that smelly bastard some home!" I said very demanding like, jumping to my feet, standing over him. I think I was scaring him because he slid down in his chair. "Johnny I don't mean to be rude, but your looking for love under a rock. They won't ever love you Johnny, take it from someone who knows, who has lived it fully. Abuse will never turn to love, Johnny, never," I said as I sat myself down, he sat in his chair normal. He looked disappointed that I told him the truth, but someone had to say it.
"Seven o' clock. Sometimes he comes earlier," Johnny replied as he looked with worried eyes. I knew that if I ever saw the man I would kill him for doing this. It was disgusting how a man could beat up his own son without a thought in his mind about it. Johnny's face was so worried, as if he knew what I was about to plan. I could never do anything to a face like that, it made me become sad, almost making me feel horrible for having my thoughts become to violent. I ran my fingers through my greasy hair, and I looked at him with sympathy.
"I won't do nothin' Johnny, only if that bastard father of yours makes me. If anything happens you tell me, even if it's not with your family and I'll get them for you, okay?" I asked to reassure him. He smiled slightly, Two-Bit barley returned, and handed me two quarters. He got more food than a three-course meal could serve; I was amazed to have change! He sat next to Wolfy, smiling at him with a wide grin. I knew what he was thinking; he got everything from the stand so he and Wolfy could share. Oh God, they better not do anything 'questionable' in public, or I'll just pretend I don't know them. But I know I will, I know I'll have to step in to help get some jerk away from them so not to start nothing. If that made any sense at all.
Pony's POV:
"Okay, now Sweetheart you wanted to talk to me about…what exactly?" I was being ignorant. I knew exactly what she wanted to talk to me about, but I tried to make it seem as though I wasn't thinking these things about Johnny. I don't know why I denied it, for some reason I felt I could trust her, just like Wolfy. I saw Rocco make Wolfy leave for something; Rocco was now alone with Johnny. I was a bit jealous and envious though I'm usually alone with Johnny most of the time.
"Well Ponyboy, I wanted to talk to you about girls, but mostly boys. Well actually just the boys' part, if you know what I mean. Pony I've been noticing things about you, they are very similar to the boys in San Francisco and West Hollywood. If I hadn't known better, well, I mean to come to this conclusion--" I was beginning to sweat, I was very afraid. I wasn't exactly sure why, but I was. I mean Wolfy knew, and that should of relieved me, but it didn't. "-That you're very interested in Johnny-boy. I mean, I'm fine with that and I got nothin' against it. I mean I'm very glad that you're the way you are and I know that if it was meant to be any different, it would be. I just don't wanna see anything publicized if you know what I'm saying. Meaning please no making out in public," She said as she pointed to two guys a few rows behind us, they were necking, and just going at it, tongues flying and all. She made a sickly face, and looked at me with a ill smile, "I don't want to see that. Why? Because I don't want to know what that will lead to," She said as she gave a sweet smile. I couldn't believe that she understood and actually accepted me. Not only as some guy who likes guys, but also as a person. I looked behind me again, I heard someone coming, it was Two-Bit, he had an armload of food. I knew for a fact that he couldn't have eaten it all, but it answered the question on my face once he sat next to Wolfy. "You're like a brother to me Pony, and maybe that's why I accept you. Or maybe it's because I can't stand discrimination. Which ever it is, I still accept it and I'm sure Rocco and Wolfy do too, if they knew," She spoke to me as though I was the only thing she had left in her life. The only thing she didn't want to lose, because she already had nothing.
I heard more footsteps; they were much heavier than Two-Bit's. I turned slightly to look; it was Dally! "It's Dally, quick duck down! He just might start somethin' if he comes over this way!" I said in a loud whisper. She ducked and so did I, I didn't want to look funny sitting alone by myself while everyone else was two rows in front of us. He passed us and I peeked to see he stopped at the row where Johnny, Rocco, Wolfy and Two-Bit sat.
Rocco's POV:
He didn't seem too pleased since Two-Bit had his arm around Wolfy as though he was a girl, and he was feeding him to top it off. Johnny tried not to stare at that one, so he was watching the movie and so was I. I just happened to be at the end of the row, so I looked up at this 'Dally' person with very stern eyes. I knew that he wanted to start some trouble, Wolfy slid down in his seat remembering the very 'exciting' (as Sweetheart called it) event. A blush went across Wolfy's face, and Two-Bit laughed to him self as he remembered Dally's face from that mistaken kiss. "Two-Bit, what the hell? You ain't queer now are you? Because, if you are, you know what I'm gonna do?" God, the smell of alcohol in his breath burned my nose and sizzled my senses. I looked back at Two-Bit, he quickly scooted far away from Wolfy and looked at Dally, try to pretend he was drunk. But since Dally was, I guess it didn't matter since he seemed to believe anything.
I snickered, and gave him a mean look. I did not need this crap, I was having a good day until I knew who this 'Dally' person was. I wanted to beat him with a stick for even trying that shit on Sweetheart. "What can I do for a dorky, dimwitted boob like you? Now listen hear ya stooge, I heard what you said to my sister and did to my brother. And I ain't gonna let that get away from a turkey like you. Now, I'm gonna do something that Sweetheart should of taken care of," I said as I removed my leather jacket, handing it to Johnny.
He put a small hand on my shoulder, in a way ordering me to sit down. "Please Rocco, don't. Don't hurt him, I know he's plenty sorry for what he said and did," Johnny pleaded. I didn't care, for once I didn't want to listen as I had for eight years of military discipline. To hell with it all, I was gonna beat the shit out of him.
"Let's step outta the way, huh?" I said as I pointed to a clearing in the parking lot, it was real dark and no one could see a thing. He smiled oddly, as though he loved how I was talkin' to him. How I was treating him like trash.
"If that's where you want to make love for the night, then that's just fine with me. But of course, I expect nothin' less than you to be a wild one," I had no idea what he was talkin' about. He looked at me seductively, and thank God it didn't work. I grabbed him by the sleeve as dragged him to the clearing. I stopped and let go of him once we were completely covered in darkness. I began to crack my knuckles, they made the loudest pop a joint could. I didn't care, all I knew was that Dally was going to be limping home, but what happened next, wow that was a shocker. He got real close to me and pulled back his arm, as if he was getting ready to punch me in the neck, I was much too tall for him to swing at, maybe he would be able to hit my chin if he swung high enough. But instead of throwing a punch, he kissed me! Dally kissed me! Oh God, rape, RAPE! I knew it wasn't but GOD! I pushed him away, and walked back a few steps. I ran into a chain link fence, just my luck. As much as I like the taste of alcohol, I didn't like that cheap stuff he guzzled down. Actually I didn't like Dally at all, and I didn't even need to know him. As weird as it sounds for a twenty-two year old to be taken advantage of by a teenage kid. Especially since I was bigger than him, I felt like a complete loser. I was about to turn to get him at an angle, but his arms slammed on each sides on my face. I didn't have time for this! I didn't want to be an idiot who gets raped by some teenaged boy; that was for little girls! I punched him in the stomach and then in the jaw, and angrily I walked away. Dally fell onto his knees, holding his stomach, he seemed winded but I didn't care.
I returned to my seat, Wolfy looked at me a bit concerned but I reassured him by give his a smirk. "Johnny, my jacket if you please," I said. He looked at me a bit worried as I slipped on my black cow jacket. "No need to worry, that monkey will be just fine, but he should think twice about a few things before he goes off with a stunt like that," Johnny looked absolutely relieved for Dally. He was glad that I hadn't beaten him senseless.
Pony's POV:
We came up from ducking, we only saw Rocco come back to his seat, with no Dally. Either way, I'm sure Dally was fine, when was he not okay? The movie was over a few minutes after. Rocco turned to the screen and cursed brilliantly at it. He was obviously upset that he missed the movie that he really wanted to see. Form the parts I saw, it was pretty good, and maybe I would come back to see the whole thing. Rocco got everyone out the their seats, and as he passed us he said bitterly, "Get up, we're leaving! The damn movie ended!" Everyone got into the car, Rocco was angry, not pissed(luckily). He drove us to my house, and parked the car. "Everyone out, I'm too mad to drive us 1/6 of a block up," He said. Wolfy let us out and got Two-Bit out of the trunk.
I watched both Wolfy and Two-Bit as they gazed into each other's eyes, something was there that I had never noticed a few hours ago. They hadn't even known each other for that long, and already it was looking like love. But what would I know? Love had never hit me, and the hardest was a crush on my best friend, which was right now. In case Johnny felt the same, I observed the two of them, they did look like real lovers. Rocco held his forehead and spilled himself to Darry telling all except the parts I didn't see. Sweetheart was next to Soda watching a cartoon, and Soda scooted closer to her between commercials. She didn't notice or just didn't want to notice, most likely she didn't want to. Everyone seemed to have someone to talk to about things right now, and I had no one. Except Johnny. I needed to say something, I just needed to. "Johnny, can I see you in my room for a second, it's real important," I said, he agreed. Those big brown eyes were so gorgeous, they were hard to resist.
"What's the matter Pon?" He asked, a little concerned. I need to tell him in a way so that if he didn't feel the same, he wouldn't know whom I was talking about. "Okay, let's say there's a guy who likes his best friend, but he's not sure if his best friend likes him back so he's afraid to tell him. But when he tries to, he's afraid of what his friend's gonna say, so what should this guy do?" Johnny seemed a little confused, but he had a general idea. I could see he had it now.
"Well 'this guy' should know his best friend pretty well, so when he asked he would know or expect to know that his best friend is just fine with it or even feels the same way. Especially if this guy's name is Ponyboy Curtis and his friend is Johnny Cade," My heart had skipped a beat, I swore it had. After hearing that come out of his mouth, all I wanted to do was kiss his tender lips. For once I was sure about this, I wanted to kiss him, and it didn't feel weird or awkward. I leaned forward, closed my eyes slightly and hurriedly felt his lips touch mine for a quick second. Even though it was short, it felt so right, it felt so nice, and so normal. I looked at Johnny's face, it was a bright shade of red. "Johnny are you sure that you…like me?" I asked, I felt as though I forced him to say and do that in a way.
His brown eyes looked into mine, and smiled a bit, "Pony, I've never been more sure of anything in my life," I was so happy to hear that, I think I got a bit gitty and kissed Johnny on the cheek and took him by the hand as we left my room. As we walked out, everyone looked at us, Darry looked awed and Soda a bit sickened. I looked at them as though they were crazy. I looked at Johnny, he was a brighter red than before. I had forgotten that we were still holding hands.
Rocco looked away from the floor that he had be starring at to look at us. He stood to his feet, and smiled a sly grin. "Well look who found himself a boyfriend. I always thought you two were meant for each other, and there's no shame in that," Rocco said as he crossed his arms, the grin had turned into a smirk. Sweetheart now turned away from the television to see me and Johnny holding hands. She smiled and was happy for us, I could tell by the look she was giving me. Wolfy and Two-Bit smiled as well, Wolfy looked amazed that I would tell him, and Two-Bit looked proud.
"I need to have a talk with Ponyboy, everybody, will you please leave. It's late as it is," Darry said. My hand was taken away from Johnny's, because Darry had pulled me away from him. Rocco helped get everyone out of the house, I heard him say that he was going to drive Johnny home, and Two-Bit could stay at their place. He wasn't exactly sure it that was a good decision, but he didn't change his mind. After the house was empty except for Darry, Soda and I, and I could tell that Darry was happy for me or anything. He sat me down at the table, next to Soda, across from himself. "Now Ponyboy, what were you thinking? You know that being that way is wrong! You can't like Johnny like that!" He said upset, I could tell just by his tone he didn't want me to see Johnny anymore. "I really don't want to see that thing to be going on with you and Johnny. It's not right for two boys to…kiss and things. I'm not saying that I'm disowning you--" I couldn't take anymore of it. I knew it was wrong, it was horribly horribly wrong, but I didn't care. For knowing Johnny as long as I did, I think I felt stronger feelings that just liking him…Perhaps, I love him. But I couldn't stand being without him, and he had only left a minute or two ago.
I just couldn't stand it, "I know you're not, but you might as well! You can't stop me from loving Johnny, and you can't stop me from doing loving things with him! Even if you were to say that I can't see him anymore, it would be impossible. Darry, I've had these feelings for a long while now, and just today, I realized that they weren't just strange little thoughts. That it was my heart telling me these things," I said, I was thinking about being separated from Johnny, never to see him again. What a horrible thing to do or even think about. I just know that I felt so passionate with Johnny, he made my world spin, made my day a little better. Tears slowly began to fall down my cheeks, several were hitting the tabletop. "I just want you to understand, to accept me for who I am…I can't change, not even if I wanted to. I don't have any power towards my attractions, though sometimes I wish I did," I said, my voice was shaky from the tears. Soda gave me a look of sympathy. Darry gave a guilty look, he hated to make me cry.
"I'm sorry Ponyboy, no need to worry. We accept you Pony, it's just that you don't want to be advertising that stuff. Some people aren't so accepting and they'll beat you up or even kill you for it. That's all we're concerned about," Soda reassured. I was glad to hear that from him, I walked to my room and shut the door behind me. I knew they were only telling me what I wanted to hear, they wouldn't accept me anymore than Sodapop would accept a bomb from a mysterious stranger. I sat on my bed, I buried my face in my hands, and I felt horrible. All I wanted was acceptance, and Rocco, Wolfy, Sweetheart and Two-Bit already accepted me, so what made Darry and Soda any different? I know they only wanted what was best, but anger overthrew me with pride. I was not ashamed of what I had just done, in fact I was happy I did it. I needed to show them who I truly was. Out of spite, I was going to do something I know I shouldn't and right in front of Soda and Darry. Whether they liked it or not, they were going to have get used to me loving Johnny. The tears I shed would not stop falling, and there was nothing left for me to do but cry. Cry until those word left me and I would be okay, okay until it was Dally's turn.
Author's Notes: TO EVEYONE WHO READS THIS, I PROMISE (I don't break promises) THAT THE NEXT CHAPTER WILL BE MORE SLASHY AND NOT JUST FLUFF. Okay, how was that? Want to tell me, then please review. For some reason I had felt a need to write in the part about Dally. It was pretty odd for that to happen anyway, and I thought 'why doesn't Rocco realize this? What a dork!' Yes I realize that Rocco and Wolfy are freakishly tall for their ethnic and age range. But I have dug into that, and there are a few Mexican/Native Americans that are that tall which surprised the crap outta me because I didn't expect that (I knew that my grandpa was tall, but I didn't know he was Rocco's height, so that was a HUGE eye opener. He's mostly Native American, but he's also Mexican and Spanish.). I was seriously gonna change their heights, but whatever. Anyway, I just finished at 1:47am (PST), so I'm VERY tired. If it's like corny near the end or something then please let me know so I can fix it, I'm sorry about it though. Sorry. Pardon. Lo siento. Sfortunato. And in German: es tut mir außerordentlich leid. I don't know Japanese or anything else Asian, but I'm sure you understand by now.