Chapter Twelve: In the Cave…Oh Joy…

The rocks are FINALLY cleared away. Honestly, I though this back-breaking work would never end! Rock after rock after rock. Only someone crazy would enjoy it, which may explain why the others are all so happy. It really can't be possible to get that excited over a cave, so they must just like strenuous work. I could never see another rock as long as I live, and perfectly fine.

Except, you know, for the fact that we are about to enter a huge cave system made entirely of rocks. That my throw a damper on my mood.

Oh yeah, not just rocks. Orcs too. Heh. Forgot.

Life really sucks for me right now. If it weren't for the imminent downfall of the bane of my existence, I would probably quit right now and just drown myself in the lake.

I start to back away slowly, pebbles sliding into the water. "Okay, big scary dark place, there is no way in MORDOR I am going in there." Okay, maybe I'll quit anyway. The other four turned to reason with me, on how stupid it would be to do all that work and not even go inside. But I'm wise to their ways now, there'll be no persuading me to go in those Valar forsaken—

I hear a small slosh of water behind me, and I see all of the color drain out of their faces.

I know what it is before I even turn around.

"There's a giant water monster behind me, isn't there?"

They nodded, eyes wide and mouths open, looks of mingled horror and slight fascination on their faces.

"RUN!" I screeched, snapping to action and seizing Belgaer around the waist to drag her inside. Browne had a look of shock on her face. I suppose after you get used to giant spiders, a giant squid would come as a surprise…Arwen and Eowyn brought up the rear, making sure we weren't going to be decapitated by any tentacles. Occasionally they would slash backwards and we'd hear the squeal of a giant squid who just had one of it's tentacles slashed with a sword.

And if you thought that I had a talent for stating the obvious, Eowyn chose that moment of slight panic to yell, "Into the mines!" as an addition to my previous scream.

No really, I thought we were going into the LAKE.

She glared at me as she realized how stupid that sounded and that I was probably thinking along those lines. And she didn't want me to voice those ever-present sarcastic thoughts.

We finally got into the caves, except unlike the Fellowship, there were no doors to stop the Watcher. We ran up stairs, and down stairs, and ran some more just to be safe. We knew it still wasn't following us, but we were all in such a state that running just felt like the right thing to do at the time.

Finally my legs give way and I toppled down, landing on top of a cursing Belgaer. She has some colorful language, I'll tell you what!

Once she finished her rant of disparaging things about my mother (which I didn't exactly disagree with and may use some time in the near future…) I stood shakily and looked around. Once you got past the wheezing Arwen, Browne, and Eowyn clutching their chests and breathing hard like they were going to have heart attacks, it was actually a pretty interesting place. And yes, we did run fast enough to tire out an Elf. Who'da thought? But yeah, Moria. Not bad. Really big and impressive. Makes me want to fall down on my knees and cry that I'm not worthy.

Well, okay, maybe not that extreme, but you get the point.

"Need…air…" Eowyn gasped. She took a hardy breath and immediately dissolved into a coughing fit, holding her nose. I made a disgusted face—now that she reminded me, it did smell rather…rancid…in here.

Did it have anything to do with the piles of decaying Orc and Dwarf corpses? Gee, I don't know. Draw your own conclusions.

Honestly. And I thought my room was bad.

Once all of us had caught our breath/ managed to avoid massive strokes, we set off. "We'd better get some damn hospitality in Lorien." Arwen grumbled.

See, the only way I'd ever speak ill of Lorien WOULD be if my grandmother was in charge. Because I'd be afraid she'd read my mind from where she is, then do freaky mind things to me or just have me shot on the spot when I got there.

But that's just me and my overactive imagination fueled by utter lack of sleep and fresh air.

I desperately need some good food, safety, and about three weeks of sleep. I can't remember ever being this tired. And we haven't put up with HALF what the Fellowship did. I really think the next time I see Frodo, I'm going to hug him. I won't be able to help it. But I'll try.

Because I'd hate to scare him.

And I don't really know how I would explain my sudden extreme affection. May be a tad difficult…

In Minas Tirith…

"Lyke faerie were are u!" Starr cried out, crashing around the palace in her searching. Celeste followed mutely behind her with a dazed, slightly cross-eyed expression on her face. "U need to lyke fix us!"

Celeste picked up a throw pillow that Starr had haphazardly tossed in her direction and began to gnaw on it, drooling.

"I cant even sing 2 make it betta!" Starr wailed. "Everything is sooo awfull rite now!"

Legolas burst into the room at the sound of Starr's distress. "Melamin, what is wrong?" he said, glowing a little. Creepy.

"Oh…umm…nuthing. I just thought I saww the persun who attacked us. I wuz gonna get mah revenge."

"Oh Starr!" Legolas said, cheesy music inexplicably starting up. "I will avenge you!" He pranced, yes PRANCED out of the room after striking about fifty heroic poses.

Starr sighed, instantly forgetting what she was looking for. "I am soooo in luv."

In a random broom closet somewhere in the castle…

"Mmfff!" the faerie's scream of indignation was muffled against the tiny gag wrapped around her mouth. She was tied up and her wand lay nearby, snapped in two. Gimli leaned back in his chair and propped his boot-clad feet up on the small table and puffed contentedly on his pipe.

TBC…..