Chapter Fourteen: Pinkness

"Ah…Lothlorien! My home away from home!" Arwen sighed happily as we entered the woods.

It must be good to be home. Me, I'm good away from home, but that's completely understandable. But Arwen's spent a lot of time here, and it must be exciting to see her grandparents again…So I'm happy for her, it's just…I never expected Lorien to be so…

Pink.

"It's not always!" Arwen huffed, and I realize that I've got to stop voicing my thoughts out loud. It's really becoming a problem…

"Ahhhh! My eyesssss!" Belgaer hissed as we passed a particularly fluorescent tree. Honestly, I really think that a tree can be a tree WITHOUT pink lights and streamers and hearts and sparkles and stickers and 'I love Starr' posters.

I did a double take. I didn't think we would have to deal with those after we left the Shire. It seemed a little too preteen for ELVES. Not that the Hobbits act like twelve-year-olds, but you know what I mean…

We were about twenty minutes into the woods when a flash of pink caught my eye. I turned my head quickly to catch what it was, but—

There was too much pink. Now that's what I call camouflage. You stick a Sue in this woods, there would be no finding her. Maybe we can lure them all in here, and set loose the Mirkwood spiders (painted pink of course).

I'd say that our little problem would be solved.

But that would be taking a chance. Abruptly killing the Sues could either break the spell over Legolas and Aragorn, or shock them into severe depression that could end in suicide. That wouldn't be good. I know, I'm so smart, right? I've been taught well.

We continued walking, and soon Caras Galadhon was before us. At least that place has minimal pinkness. It would be pretty hard to turn that huge thing pink. Upon nearing it though, the pink glare from the lanterns momentarily blinded us. That could be why the Elves inside are walking around in a daze. Oh, and there's another reason…but we all already know WHO that is.

Up the staircase. Fun fun. Allow me a moment to contain my excitement. It really didn't make matters any better that every once in while, a stair was marked on how many calories you had burned so far climbing.

We reached the top and found a very disturbing sight. Elves in pink…everywhere…braiding each other's hair…having pillow fights. Losing random pieces of clothing…

It really made me wonder if Starr has some way of viewing this from Gondor, because it seemed like the kind of thing she'd enjoy. Immensely.

I spotted Celeborn. And no, not because I've seen him before. He was the one in the cheesy crown with the words 'king' sprawled across the front in rhinestones. Arwen looked mortified. Of course, that could be because she was watching her shirtless grandfather playing (and losing) a game of strip poker.

And that was when I realized it. There were no female there before we arrived! It's not like I could tell right when getting there, because, to be perfectly honest, I know a great deal of Elven men that could be mistaken for females. It's the sad truth. But that's just me.

We headed up another small set of stairs and found a sight that was even more disturbing. In the corner of the small area we had entered, there was a bundle of white. It was such a welcome color after all the pink. So we didn't notice right away that the bundle also had golden hair.

"GRANDMOTHER!" Arwen shrieked.

A very hollow-eyed Galadriel glanced up at us and I stifled a scream. What was with the deadened look in her eyes?

And then a particularly girlish outcry from the Elves in the previous room answers my question.

Arwen is on her knees by her grandmother in a second. "Are you alright? Can you hear me? What happened to you?" As she questions, her voice is getting higher and higher, and I can tell she is panicked.

I can't help but file this mental moment away. 'The First Time I've Seen Arwen Lose It.'

There's a story for the grandkids. Arwen's, I mean. I'm not even going to think about kids for myself. Yikes. Scary thought.

"I'm okay," she croaked. "Just…get me…out of here…"

I really don't even want to imagine what she had been through up to this point. If I thought I had it bad, that was NOTHING compared to this. This sentiment was reinforced when a…(ahem) non-clothed Celeborn burst into the room crowing about his latest loss (of the game).

There were five ear-piercing shrieks and one divorce/death threat, and five minutes later, we were escorting a homicidal Galadriel out of Caras Galadhon.

We reached the bottom of the steps, and just when I thought the day couldn't get any weirder…

"HALDIR!" Eowyn shrieked. I nearly dropped Galadriel in surprise. Browne, who was helping me support her, made a disgruntled noise.

"YOU'RE DEAD!" Arwen screeched, pointing an accusatory finger.

"AAAAA! A GHOST!" Belgaer and Browne yelled in unison. Galadriel said nothing, but looked slightly pale. I mean, more so than usual.

"I thought so too!" Haldir said, putting his hands up in defense. "But then I…came back."

"Clearly," Browne mused. "It wasn't something that was supposed to happen. The work of the Sues."

"So they would blatantly mess with the fate of a world like that?" Belgaer asked, astonished.

"Well YEAH!" Eowyn smiled. "Why do you think we're trying to get rid of them?"

"Because they're annoying?"

"…Well, that too."

"And they stole your man?"

"…Yeah…"

"And threw you in jail?"

"…Ummm…yes…"

"And publicly humiliated you?"

"They are going down!" Arwen said, clenching her fists determinedly.

"Haldir…" Galadriel voiced. "I need your help. You aren't affected by this madness as the others are, so I need your help to keep me sane and fix this place."

"We're here to help!" I piped up. "So far we've fixed the Shire and Mirkwood!"

Galadriel beamed. "Valar bless you…but I do not know your name…forgive me, my telepathy has been horrible at best. Who are you?"

"Disgruntled rebel child." Arwen stated.

"WHAT! Don't tell her that!"

We set off, Arwen and myself bickering, to plot the downfall of Starr in Lothlorien.