Chapter 16: So Not My Day

We settled down for some long planning. How perfect. I really do need a nap.

I was getting ready to close my eyes for some good dreaming, when Belgaer sat up straight with a triumphant look on her face. "I've got it!"

I nearly fell off my seat in surprise. "But we've been in here all of three minutes!" I protested indignantly.

"Sorry if we're interrupting your beauty sleep." Browne smirked.

I shrugged, giving in. "Whatever. I don't want beauty sleep. I'd end up like my mother."

"So, what's your plan?" Arwen questioned.

Belgaer looked far too excited. I was getting worried.

"I propose we use an imposter."

That was all I needed to hear. I definitely knew what was coming. That nassssty hobbit. We hatesss them.

Eowyn had caught on like I did. But did she shoot it down? Valar no, she HELPED! "And since Seiryu is Starr's daughter, she is the most likely candidate."

I refrained from several choice curses. "You wenches! I'm not doing this alone!"

All eyes turned to Browne. She scooted back with a deer-in-headlights look on her face. "W-why me?"

"You're blonde." Arwen stated matter-of-factly.

"So is Galadriel!"

"But they would recognize her too easily." Belgaer rationalized. "They may appear completely brain dead, but I'd be SERIOUSLY worried if they wouldn't have some realization as to who she was."

"Eowyn's blonde too!"

The look on Eowyn's face not only conveyed her absolute disagreement but also could have probably melted steel and made grown men cry.

"Right-o, I'm Celeste!" Browne smiled nervously. I didn't even bother sticking up for her, because a. I'm not doing this alone, b. she made that earlier beauty sleep crack, and c. I'm not doing this alone.

Two hours later, I'm made up in full Starr costume. Arwen had gleefully made me up with excessive amounts of makeup and hair products. To get the right effect, they had to stuff two pillows down the front of my size -3 dress. While she was finishing and Browne was getting made up, we had to practice being dumb.

And the sad thing is, I'm not even exaggerating. We practiced adding 'like' after every other word and saying dumb things. As we wobbled out of the room, already sick of the heels, I seriously regretted being so cooperative about this. There was a great chance that we were about to make humongous fools of ourselves.

We entered the room were the elves were. They were in the middle of a massive pillow fight. I really didn't want to erupt.

Actually, I wanted to run away screaming and then gouge my eyes out with a sharp stick.

I gave Browne a look, and then cleared my throat.

The feathers fluttered to the floor as all the elves stared at us, open-mouthed. "LADY STARR!" came the unanimous scream as they surged towards us. "LADY CELESTE!"

I began to back away slowly. I would have checked to see if Browne was alright, but at this point I had several dozen half-naked, crazed, male elves creeping towards me. It was pretty much any girl for herself.

I probably would have high-tailed it out of there at that instant, but I found myself the victim of endless affectionate hugs from random elves. I would have enjoyed it under different circumstances.

After fighting off the recently-girly elves, I pulled a violated Browne out of the mass huddle. "I have something to say!" I yelled over the catcalls and requests for us to sign their chests.

There was instant silence as they looked on, with total interest.

I hesitated. There was pretty much no nice way to put this. "Well…"

All three dozen of them leaned forward with rapt attention.

"I hate you all. You need to leave me alone. I have no interest in having anything to do with you. I think elves are stupid. And not naturally-blonde."

There was dead silence.

One by one, the faces of the surrounding elves went from befuddled and crestfallen to angry. I think I got the message across.

"WE HATE STARR! DOWN WITH THE WENCH!"

"Oh my Valar, they are going to kill us!" Browne screeched, seizing my arm and dragging me away. We got into a side hall and took off our top layers, revealing our normal clothes underneath. We wiped off the makeup just before the horde of angry elves came upon us, with Celeborn in the lead.

"Did you see two wenches come through here?" he demanded.

"Uh…they went that way?" Browne pointed.

"LET'S GET EM!" Celeborn yelled, and they stormed off. I had to wonder about the flaming torches and what they intended to do, but I understood soon enough when we saw the flaming pink bonfire.

It was quite a sight, I'm not gonna lie. Very satisfying. We caught a glimpse of Celeborn trying to get back in Galadriel's good graces. I hate to see a grown elf beg. Not so dignified. Haldir was looking much too gleeful, though. How sadistic of him.

We left the woods, slightly sad to miss the festivities. We did, however, add a new member to our team. Naurin decided to come along to help. There were now six of us—me, Arwen, Eowyn, Belgaer, Browne, and Naurin. And our next stop? Rohan.

I could only imagine what was in store for us there. And I was hoping it was just my imagination being overly-active again, but I had a sneaking suspicion that it wasn't.

TBC…