The principal:
Have you noticed that in the last book the principal and the rest of the teaching staff practically have super powers when they played against the high school team? I found this quite ridiculous, but I'm writing an explanation for all this… The only thing is I don't know the names of the characters and I'm too lazy to look for the names, so here are their new names:
-principal (as demonstrated in the manga, he could spin in circles so fast he lost control and was like a tornado)
-nerdy man (I think he can go really, really fast)
- woman (turns out she used to be a very attractive woman, but age… or something else got to her and now she looks like a man… we've learned that she is also super strong)
-Captain (he becomes the old skinny man on the wheel chair without hair; I think he's kind of aggressive and tough.)
When the teaching staff was still in high school.
Principal walked into the gym, he glanced at his fellow team mates. Nerdy was waving his hand excitedly up and down, trying to get Principals attention. Principal walked towards Nerdy.
"Oh! He's so handsome."
"But of course, why state the obvious?"
"I bet he'll never end up bald."
"Or short." Authors note: the principal is bald and extremely short.
Principal listened as the girls swooned over his handsome looks. Ironically his parents were extremely short, hardly bigger than a basketball. He had been mocked all his life, until he grew to be six and a half feet tall. All kinds of girls started noticing and admiring him, and he took full advantage of the attention. "Yes. I'm perfect. Any hot girls are welcomed to my dorm room for the night. My dorm room number is 576. 576! You hear me? 576!"
In unison, all the groupies sighted in admiration.
"Break it up people. It's time for the team to practice," the captain (he's the coach for now) entered the gym. He was wearing his usual uniform. He wore the outfit that a general from the navy would normally wear, his posture was perfectly straight. The basketball team lined up quickly in a perfect line, saluting the coach.
After a long and difficult practice of suicides, laps, drills, and shooting, the team was about to leave. The captain yelled, "Principal! Nerdy! Please come with me!"
"Why? I've got to get to my French-speaking Calculus Fan Club. Or FSCFC, or let me see if I can pronounce it, fscfc. Wow! That's hard!"
"Shut up!" the coach yelled, he covered his face with his hands, shaking his head.
"Captain, no offence, but Nerdy is right, I have to go to a room filled with chicks, and have some fun…" he nudged the coach, "eh? eh? You know what I mean bud," when he saw the coach looking sternly at him, he lied, "er…. Of course you know what I mean, you know, I'm going to teach them how to play basketball" Principal's eyes shifted nervously, "… in my room… so don't mind the thumping noise that you might hear… maybe all night. Okay? Okay?"
Captain rolled his eyes, and said, "Come with me, I have some extra training for you two."
Of course the two players were puzzled, this never happened. Especially Principal was an extremely good player, and Nerdy was the worst player. So what was the extra practice for? Was it to improve the weakest or review come stuff with the strongest? They were in complete different levels. They noticed the coach walking down the hallway, out of the gym and were even more confused.
"Follow me, please," demanded Captain.
They knew better than to ask too many questions, and simply obeyed.
They walked for an hour straight, weaving through different hallways. Captain didn't utter a single word, but Principal and Nerdy were constantly whispering among themselves the whole way, exchanging questions, but never being able to find an answer.
Finally, the captain stopped in front of a door. Principal didn't recognize the hallway; this was a part of the school ground that was said to be restricted.
Captain extended his hand and knocked on the door in a very strange way like it was a drum. Nerdy, being nerdy and all, started dancing in circles, a Native American dance, howling in an ancient language, "hoom ba gi doo. Hoom ba de."
The captain's face turned red, he tilted his head towards Nerdy, still knocking so as not to stop the rhythm. "Shut up!"
Nerdy obeyed immediately.
5 minutes later, Captain was done knocking, and the locked door clicked open and swung open itself.
"NO! GHOSTS!" yelled Principal.
"Be quiet. There are no ghosts in here. I go here almost every day." The Captain walked through the open door to an elevator. Pushed the up and down button like this: down, up, up, up, down, up, down, down, and then he punched both buttons at the same time. The elevator door opened smoothly, and they went to floor 100.
Once the captain, Principal, and Nerdy reached the floor, Principal and Nerdy were in awe. The room in front of them was amazing, the wall, ceiling, and floor were made out of what Nerdy recognized as steel.
There were several tube shaped tanks with a green liquid in it. Scientists in white lab coats were running around from tank to tank, examining the developing creature floating in the liquid, taking notes and discussing among themselves. Some scientists where sitting at tables testing on different mice. Nerdy noticed how some mice were mutated so that they turned fat, three head, or sounded like a retarded moose.
"Captain, where are we?" Nerdy asked.
"Shut up!"
They walked to the other side of the room. There was a long table extended in front of them. Behind the desk, there were mysterious shadows of men and woman, they kept there faces in the dark. Facing the table were five chairs neatly placed in a line. Nerdy, Principal, and Captain sat down.
Captain was the first one to speak, "Boys, I lied to you, this isn't for extra practice."
"Duh! We figured that out a long time ago, it couldn't be more obvious," Principal said.
"Really was it that obvious? When did you figure it out?"
"We figured it out as soon as you left the gym, which is exactly 1 hour 42 minutes and 38 seconds ago," said Nerdy as he glanced at his watch.
"You were supposed to be mysterious, make it suspenseful!" yelled one of the shadows behind the desk.
"But I tried my best," Captain said excusing himself.
"Next time do better!"
The Captain started sniffling and crying, "Well, you know what? I don't like you no more. You are a poopy pants! Poopy pants!"
Ignoring the very mature captain, the shadow of a woman asked, "Where is she? We need her to be present!"
"I'm right here." Just then the coach of the women's basketball team entered, and trailing behind her was a sexy, gorgeous woman with long black hair and almond shaped eyes. Principal recognized her immediately. She was the only girl in the school who didn't want to go out with him, but he wouldn't mind making love to her.
Once the female coach and Woman were seated, the woman's basketball team coach said, "Woman I lied, this is not extra practice."
"Duh! You couldn't make it more obvious, I figured that out a long time ago," said Woman.
"Really? Was it that obvious? When did you find out?"
"I don't know I don't keep track of time like Nerdy does."
The shadow of a woman said, "Does anyone know how to be mysterious and secretive these days?"
"I tried my best," said the woman's basketball team coach.
"Well, do better!"
"YO' MAMA!"
The shadow of the woman was now shaking with anger, "YO' DADDY!"
"YO' GRANDMA!"
"YO' GRANDADDY!"
"ALL YO' ANCESTORS!" the woman's basketball team coach concluded, "u-huh. Don't mess with me, biatch!"
When the discussion was finally over, a shadow of a big bulky man spoke, "Nerdy, Principal, Woman would you like to become the best basketball players ever?"
"Yes!" they said in unison.
"For years, we have been researching ways to enhance basketball players. We want Japan to have awesome legendary team players. So we've been studying Michael Jordan and what not, to see what kinds of muscles are needed to be more developed. We have found a way to transform certain people, so they can be star players."
"Where did you get the money?" asked Woman.
"The government."
"Why would the government waist money on basketball. What about the poor, the economy, wars, charitable donation?" asked Nerdy.
"Yeah! I even know that junk is more important than basketball! And I'm a jock, I think sports and girls are all that matter." Principal said he moved his chair towards woman, "hey baby… I have my own dorm room; want to go there for the night.
"Ummm… Well can we be all physical and no emotions?" asked woman.
"Just my style."
"Then okay!" woman said.
"Cool!" Principal said eagerly.
"Returning to the subjects," said another shadow, "We can mutate you into all powerful basketball players. This opportunity is wonderful, even if we've never tested on humans before and their might be a health danger. Oops did I say that out loud?"
"Do we have a choice to get mutated or not?" asked Nerdy.
"Well of course you do," said the shadow, "but if you refuse, this story won't be very interesting, would it?"
"We definitely don't want to make this story boring," Woman said, "we have to say yes. We're the characters of this story, and we can't sabotage it!"
Nerdy scratched his head, "Fine, but why were we picked?"
The bulky man shadow explained, "Nerdy, you have the perfect diet and you drink a lot of soy milk. This allows you to be able to mutate easily.
"Principal, you're muscular capacity is already very enhanced, when we transform you, you will probably be the most impressive.
"Last but not least, Woman, you being so hot and sexy, we figured you would make a great addition. If the mutation works effectively, you will be a famous basketball player, and admired by many men and woman. You can be in Playboy. You'll be extremely rich!"
"I'm in," said Principal.
"Sure whatever," said Woman.
"Well, I'm so insecure that I feel forced to get mutated with these popular people," said Nerdy.
"It's settled than. We just need you to sign this contract," said the shadow of the woman.
When the three of them did, a shadow of a man pointed a finger towards a humongous door, "please walk over there then."
The three of them walked up to the door, it slid open and they entered.
"Good luck, hope you'll be safe," said the woman's basketball team coach.
"Crap, I don't think we should have done this," said woman. They were about to walk out of the room, but they soon discovered that the floor was designed so it was too sticky to escape.
Principal ducked down and licked the sticky stuff on the floor.
"Ew! What are you doing? That can be poison."
"Taste like honey, yum."
Woman ducked down and ate the sticky stuff. "Yummy!"
Nerdy being insecure, followed suite.
The doors slid, closing slowly, Nerdy, Woman, and Principal struggle to get out.
Captain jumped into the room that they were trapped in.
"Yay! Are you here to save us?" said Nerdy.
"No way! I want to be mutated into an awesome player too."
The bulky shadow of a man said "wait, Captain isn't supposed to be in there, he wasn't selected, and he's not created for this!"
It was too late, the door was now firmly shut, and a purple and gold gas was injected into the chamber.
All four of them choked and fainted.
1 hour later they were all awake. A scientist was examining them, taking notes.
"The mutation didn't seem to take any visible affect on Woman and Principal," said the nurse to the scientist, "strangely it made Nerdy slightly more handsome, he can fill in his shirt now, and he has extremely good hair."
The scientist nodded, "I know, I'm not blind, you bimbo."
Principal sat up and noticed that he was stripped down naked. He looked around the room; he was still in the laboratory. It wasn't a dream, and thank goodness, now he could sleep with Woman.
"Stay there," said the nurse sternly, when she noticed principal moving around. The nurse blushed when she accidentally looked between his legs.
She shifted her gaze and walked to examine Woman. She was still as beautiful and attractive as before, but she seemed slightly taller now.
And the nurse was right, Nerdy did look a little better, he was no longer scrawny, and his hair was magnificent.
"Where's Captain?" asked Principal.
The scientist looked at him, a trace of concern and sadness on his face, "Are you sure you want to see him?"
"Of course, I'm dying with curiosity," answered principal.
The nurse shrugged, "Curiosity kills the cat. Come with me please."
"Shouldn't I cover up? I mean, I'm buck naked."
The nurse blushed again, "Oh, that's not necessary."
"Okay, whatever."
The nurse lead him to his coach, he hardly recognized him. He looked as if 20 years had been added to his body, he had many wrinkles, was shorter, and he was balding.
Principal gasped, "Whoa! What the hell happened?"
"This is the result of not having the proper body, the mutation affect is negative," explained the nurse, again she glanced between Principal's legs.
"Bummer, man."
"We need to test the physical effect the mutation had on you. There's a 100 percent chance it had a great affect, but we need evidence," said a scientist.
Principal, Woman, Nerdy, and even Captain were in a basketball court, it seemed normal except the baskets were much higher, the court was much longer, it was designed for giants.
"Just think of this as an everyday basketball practice," the scientist said, he passed each of them a basketball, "let's start small. Just dribble the ball."
They all followed the instructions, Woman dribbled once, and the ball smashed the wooden floor breaking through it slightly, "Oh my God! I guess I don't know my own strength." She stared at her hands with wonder.
Nerdy dribbled and did it with much more ease than usual. "Hehehe" he laughed snorting, "Coolio. I'm so much better.
Principal dribbled and nothing new happened.
Captain was able to do this without any trouble despite the fact that he was on a wheelchair.
The scientist quickly wrote in his notebook, "Okay very well, let's see you do some laps."
All of them were extremely fast, they ran or rolled lap after lap after lap rapidly, covering the distance without any problem.
After running 5 miles, the scientist told them to play two on two. Nerdy and Principal vs. Woman and Captain.
The scientist blew the whistle, and they started the game. Woman managed to jump and take the ball easily against Principal. Captain rolled in front of Nerdy blocking him wherever he went. Woman ran past Principal and despite his effort she shot a basket.
Principal stood under his basket, he passed it to Nerdy. To all of their surprise, Nerdy actually managed to catch the ball, he gracefully ran towards the opposite basket.
Captain leaped and clinged onto Woman's back.
Woman yelled, "Ewww! You pervert, get off me."
"Trust me. Just go after Nerdy!" he demanded.
She ran towards Nerdy and as soon as she was close enough to him, Captain leaped off Woman's back and hit the ball out of Nerdy's hands. Captain landed on his butt.
Woman grabbed the ball and started running towards the opponent side of the court.
Suddenly Principal had the urge to spin in circles. Why? He had no clue. Am I on drugs? he asked himself.
But as Woman approached the basket, his impulsive reaction became more and more tempting. Finally he spun in circle, he started going faster, faster, and faster, until he couldn't see anything at all, he felt wind surround him as he spun faster. He jumped and spun in the air towards Woman.
Woman screamed as the tornado man hit her, and he managed to take the ball from her.
The game lasted an hour, Principal was the strongest, but the match was still impressive.
AuthorNote:
Now we know how they were so good. I'm too lazy to write the whole thing in the story.
Basically Woman slowly becomes more masculine; this is why she was suddenly taller. And she becomes Looks-like-Man-But-Woman.
The Captain is the guy on the wheelchair, if you haven't noticed. He gets more shriveled and old as time goes by, but still is an amazing player.
Principal, when the years pass, starts looking like his parents and shrink amazingly, and get bald.
Nerdy, becomes a French speaking Calculus teacher, his dream come true.
And the answer to the most important question of all is: yes, Principal and Woman sleep together that night, or as Principal likes to put it, "practices basketball in his dorm room, so the thumping noise is just dribbling."