Ubazakura
By: Kaki-kun

Kaki-kun: WAITWAITWAIT! Before you kill me... I must admit that I have really good news!
Everyone: ...-holds their arms back with tomatoes in hand-
Kaki-kun: -.- That does not involve car insurance.
Everyone: -suddenly starts cheering-
Kaki-kun: O.o; Wow that worked. I am SOSOSOSOSOSOSOSOSOSOOOO sorry I haven't updated in a whole year. I probably lost a bunch of readers and reviewers and now I'm all sad but this school year has been HECK, I DID write the chapter and before I could upload it, a critical error occurred and my comp smashed basically, and I discovered that I have absolutely NO inspiration for Naruto fics after summer ends. Therefore, my writing is probably limited to the few weeks I get off school and suddenly start obsessing over Kakashi again. But my dad just went through surgery and my 16th birthday has been overwhelming and yatta yatta yatta no one is here for my life story. -sweatdrops-
I will make sure I update at least two chapters of this and I pray even more for Space Case, which is bound to get better.
Everyone: ...Where's the really good news?
Kaki-kun: I have made it through my journalism class and, I believe, am a better writer now. -puffs out chest proudly- And it's been reposted.
Everyone: T.T You better be
Kaki-kin: o.o eep! Okay, on with the fourth chapter! x.x But wait, HOLY SWISS CHEESE LOOKATTHEREVIEWS! O.O Wow... I feel loved. -huggles all reviewers- x.x Thaaank you so very much!

Note regarding a review: I'm sorry about the Japanese. Dolphins are naturally friendly creatures that tend to stick close to their loved ones and are very intelligent at that, which is exactly why I believe Kishimoto's choice in picking Iruka's name went perfectly. Kakashi's name is a bit more in-depth between the lines, but that's how his character likes to come off to people, someone who isn't just a face, a figurehead, which is the other meaning of his name in relation of scarecrow. He represents kinship to each of his students, namely Sasuke, and a scarecrow overall, guards the farmer's corn from crows. Like how Kakashi guards his friends under the Hokage's rule. How I like to interpret the scarecrow, which I can't really say it's enforced as well as my other notes, is a lone, empty vigil, filled with cold straw and left to be torn apart by sharp frightened yet angry beaks. :)

I will try to avoid using the pet names but if I must, I will leave a side note awareing the rest of the populous likerainstreaked had suggested.

Yet I'm still stuck with using sweatdrop. The classic portrayal of that emotion in anime has caught on with me, and, unfortunately, I will continue to use it when needed unless I find a better simplistic description.

----NOTE: I've changed the plot around a little bit so there's a much better chance of myself staying interested in updating. Very very sorry reviewers for taking so long to update!

Disclaimer: don't sue, 'coz my money isn't worth your time. of course for the rich bastards out there, I suppose any form of money is good for you leeches.
I dun own Naruto, k? Or else I would keep Kakashi to myself and sell Sasuke, Sakura, and the others on ebay. Except Gai, Itachi, and Naruto, 'coz they're not so bad either. : p

Key:
'...' Thoughts
"..." Speaking
... Stuffness

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Mizuki never showed up.

Somehow Iruka wasn't surprised in the least. His friend was a two face anyway, which he had even admitted to Iruka before, but his responsibility as a friend and co-worker just made it seem that he couldn't help but become entangled with Mizuki's messes. Always having to peacfully settle arguments Mizuki got into with a few of the meaner jounin shinobi or lending him money or backing him up in situations he created, it was just never ending 'Hey Iruka, you think you could (fill in the blank)?'
And, as horrible as this could have turned out to be, Iruka still was piecing together a just lecture to throw at the other teacher for always dragging him tooth and nail into instances he didn't want to be in.

Including helping a certain stumbling jounin back to wherever he came from.
"Is this where you live?"
"No."
"That apartment across the street from the post office?"
"No."
"Here?"
"No."
"…Is this where you live?"
"…I don't think so." Iruka felt his bottom eyelid twitch, yes felt and realized that he never knew he could actually feel the weak muscles in that area throbbing , as he turned his head to the silver haired jounin.
"You're not sure," He restated aloud in hopes he could grasp the situation without loosing his mind.

'No, I'm a calm, rational teacher. If I can handle unruly children bouncing off walls then I can certainly manage leading a tipsy jounin back---'

"Yeah, they all kinda look the same," Kakashi mentioned while shifting his arm that had been wrapped around Iruka's neck so that it made him teeter slightly off to the side and into a street lamp. Iruka sighed heavily while moving over to him and helping the intoxicated copy ninja back up on his two feet.
"Look, Kakashi-san, we've been wandering around out here for at least an hour. It's 11' at night, and I know you're trying, but could you at least---" Before the Chuunin could finish his plea, Kakashi's hand bolted out in front of him, pointing in the direction of an apartment squished between two more buildings like a sandwich that had gone through a waffle iron and then some.
"I think that's it," He chirped with a grin.

Iruka stared at the building incredulously before grinding his teeth in frustration.

"That's MY apartment!"

Maybe they should take calm off of his resume.

(sorry, a drunken Kakashi automatically means humor in my book X3 and there's more to come, bwahaha!)

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By the time midnight came around, Iruka was about to throw in the towel and just come to terms with shoving Kakashi in an ally and hoping some drug dealer or prostitute won't stumble across him. But Konoha wasn't like that; there weren't drug dealers or prostitutes around here… were there? Even though he had no parents growing up to reprimand his pranks and keep him on the right road, what friends, more like caring teachers, he did have were there to keep his path of a shinobi a clean one.
Not that Iruka was seriously going to leave the intoxicated jounin to make do on his own. It was only a desperate thought that came to mind.

Minutes growing into hours, strides turning into shuffles, Iruka trudged onward, occasionally pulling Kakashi away from a book to make sure he'd actually look for his abode. He lifted his hand up to his forehead and pushed his headband up so he could rub his right temple with two fingers poised lightly.

"Kakashi-san, I need to be at the academy in six hours, not to mention grade some homework, is there even anyone awake that I could ask for directions to your place?" He glanced sideways just in time to catch Kakashi red handed in pulling out that same book from his kunai pouch. Iruka couldn't help but stutter and snatch the said precious item away. "You can't even tell how many fingers I'm holding up, how do you expect to read and find your house at the same—"

It was unfortunate that the Chuunin had turned over the orange chubby worn book and glanced down at the cover.
And it read as follows in deep black bolded kanji:

Itcha Itcha Paradise
Volume 1

It was unfortunate for many reasons. For Kakashi being in a possessive mood, for Iruka who had caught other teachers and children marveling over the novel, for Jiraiya who, somewhere in the mountains, sneezed violently and returned to the task of picking out bling bling as reference.

And for the poor book which was hit with a drop of blood that proceeded to run down from livid Iruka's nose as he swore under his breath about the rotten content and the damned man who made it.

"Hey, that's mine," Kakashi cried and reached out to save the paper back copy but, instead, collided heads with the teacher. The book flew out of his hands as they stumbled backwards from the impact.

And the book? It landed…

In a puddle.

A long second passed as the two shinobi stared at it as if it hadn't really landed in a puddle but instead was thrown into the ocean or a bonfire or some other massive catastrophe.
No, it was still in one piece. Just soaking from page one to page two hundred and seventeen.

It would live on.

It was safe.

But before they could release the breaths they had no idea they were holding, Fate turned the other cheek.
A bushy possum scurried out from the woods, snatched the 'morsel', and fled back to the safety of the tunnels before you could yell "nature strikes again!"

The two stood in silence, staring absently at the fading image of a rat-like tail making haste in the darkening forest.

It was also unfortunate that shock caused them to loose precious time in chasing after it.

"GAH! My book!" Kakashi jumped to life, his body only starting to sober up and tumbling face first into the ground.
"I-I'm sorry, Kakashi-san," Iruka apologized frantically while bowing then leaping into one of the trees, wasting no more time to catch the rascal. After all, it was his fault, in a sense, that it was captured.

But in the end, it all started with Mizuki.

Not that he had time to curse anymore under his breath.

The jounin scrambled to his feet the best he could and followed while crashing into the occasional bush.

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It was well into the morning by the time they had located the animal, seeing as Iruka was too busy keeping Kakashi away from rivers and gorges while the jounin only continued to fumble the hand seals for Kuchiyose no jutsu.

(A/N: Ahahahaha, Kakashi's a drunken ninja klutz! X3 Wow, what an oxymoron.

Iruka pinned the possum under his foot, making sure the head was immobile so he wouldn't have to get immunization shots from the nasty little teeth lined up in the mouth, and gently tried to tear the novel away. The other shinobi, after crashing for probably the hundredth time into a tree, pushed himself away from it and squatted down in front, glaring venomously at the snarling creature.
"Give… it… back," He growled deeply and proceeded to smack it over the head with two fingers.

Bing! Out came the book and there left the possum, scurrying up a tree in a panic.

Iruka could only gaze and wonder which one of them was them was the understanding yet strict vigil of students and which one was the sword-wielding assassin.
Since apparently, he was being more rough on the animal than the assassin.
Of course Kakashi didn't take this time to think about that, he was only concerned about thumbing over the teeth marks and ripped pages of the book. Iruka would have sighed, but he cut off with a stifled yawn.
"Kakashi-san, if it'll make you feel better, I'll buy you a new copy."
"This was the last gift the Yondaime gave me," He murmured absent mindedly as if he were simply reciting it to himself while trying to dry some pages off.
Like Iruka couldn't feel any worse about everything that was happening.
"No, don't do that," He ordered wearily while prying the book away from the jounin again, only to have him start freaking out.
"Don't, please-"
"I won't, Kakashi-san." Iruka stretched out a hand and pulled Kakashi up on his feet while tapping the book against his head. "I'll tell you how to fix your book so it won't have any wrinkled pages only if you show me back to your home." Kakashi stared at him for a moment, pondering, searching, before sighing and trying to move forward without running into or tripping over anything.
Iruka continued to stand back and watch his uneasy steps, thinking over everything that had happened that night. Kakashi being at a bar when he said he didn't drink, his temporary loss of direction even though he knows perfectly where he's going now, wasting all of this time…

Iruka finally felt he understood something about the mysterious jounin.

'He doesn't want to go home…'

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Iruka more than understood what it was like to feel lost in his own home. He felt that way everyday for years after his parents had died.

Home is where the heart is. Home is a state of mind.

But death broke that sense of home in his life. It just didn't exist anymore. He had to come back daily to nothing but silent empty halls that he once remembered to be filled with joy and life. Everything became grey and, before he knew it, all he could do was flee the place. Iruka finally moved into the apartment when he turned sixteen.
But… the jounin? More than likely a man who had served in the ANBU at one point? Had to dispatch and eliminate former friends who had turned into nukenins without batting an eye or uttering a single word of remorse? A man who had served in the third World War before the Kyuubi attacked?

Was it really possible for someone so hard and renown as Sharingan Copy Ninja Kakashi, who mastered over a thousand techniques, to feel the same as Iruka when he had to return to a void once called home?

No, it didn't matter what his title was. Everyone here is human. That was the real connection to every shinobi in Konoha.
They are all humans. With real, human, flaws.

'Everyone except the Kyuubi. Does that mean the Fourth's own flesh and blood does not belong to the very village he lives in?'

Iruka's deep auburn eyes rose to the building Kakashi had finally stopped in front of.

It was safe to say that the house was relatively large for Konoha's standards, since everything was crammed together and even piled high in to the sky, but instead the house laid flat on the ground, the square pyramid roof being the upper point of touching the night. No second floor, but whether there was a basement or not, Iruka couldn't tell. It was all made of wood, probably oak, down the shutters on the windows, yet still it all seemed to have the same translucent color.

The distinctive shade of grey.
It could have just been the night sky and lighting or maybe even his weary eyes but he certain that this place is now referred to as "once Copy Ninja Kakashi's home" and nothing much else.

Kakashi remained silent.

"So you're sure this is where you live?" Iruka quipped for insurance that this was the place and shoving his hands into his pockets. Kakashi nodded and turned back to Iruka.
"And I don't breed possums either." The teacher offered a humored smile.
"I couldn't help but wonder, I can't hardly get my kids to give in that easily-" Before Iruka could finish his sentence or gather his bearings, something so fast he couldn't even see the shape of the figure until it had already passed sprinted between the two shinobi and skid abruptly to a halt, leaving a trail of dust in it's wake. He quickly covered his face with a hand to block dirt and possibly any form of attack as the cloud settled and the figure startled Iruka even more.
"Kakashi, my eternal rival, lovely morning isn't it," The powerful voice boomed as Iruka moved his hands over his poor ears. Despite this gesture, he still was able to make out a muffled chide from Kakashi's part.
"Speaking of creatures that lurk in the night…" Kakashi sighed and also stuffed his gloved hands into his pockets. "Hello Gai." Teeth gleaming, the other jounin walked back over to the two.
"So, what are you doing here?" Gai asked while glancing over at Iruka for a split second.
"You know I live here," Kakashi replied nonchalantly, with a mild twist of boredom in his voice. "What about you?"
"Going for my daily morning run! I don't want to become a slacker like you, but I'm surprised to see you out here!" His eyelash-rimmed eyes narrowed. "Think you can sneak out and spar without me, huh?" He snickered eerily, only causing Iruka to shiver from confusion and the strange man's eyebrows.
"Eh?" Kakashi blinked as Gai twitched, silently fuming about his rival's lackadaisical yet cool reply. Then, he turned to Iruka again, causing the unsuspecting Chuunin to nearly jump out of his skin.
"What was he doing," He asked, exasperated and not willing for once to quarrel with Kakashi. Iruka scratched the back of his head.
"Hunting… possum?" Iruka grinned while chuckling. Gai raised an large eyebrow.
"…You hunt possum?" Kakashi sighed but smiled slightly under the mask. It was good to get back into routine.
"Well, you see, they found this rare species of possum that likes pornography and can turn invisible so Sarutobi-sama asked Iruka and I to catch the vermin so they can breed, skin, and mass produce them for a new line of shinobi wear in which nobody can find anybody since everyone is invisible. So Iruka and I went about to capture it since it accidentally ran threw a puddle and had wet feet but Iruka was bitten and infected with deadly disease which turns him into an orange werewolf for three days but when I rushed his unconscious furry body over to hospital, where they soaked him in a bath of wood alcohol until the fur went away. Now we just got back here after a long night of planning to rest until we continue our search tomorrow."
Iruka stared at Kakashi incredulously.

'Did he just make that all up right now?'

Gai blinked and glanced between the two, Iruka then Kakashi. Iruka, Kakashi. Kakashi. Iruka. Kakashi-- Iruka.
He decided to keep his gaze on Iruka.
"Are you alright-- that sounded horrible!" He exclaimed while latching his hands on the teacher's shoulders. Iruka couldn't help but blush at the lie and nodded feebly.
"Y-Yeah," he murmured while off to the side Kakashi mentioned something about selling Gai wonderful some swamp land.
"So, would you like me to escort you to your home now," Kakashi asked while peering at Iruka.

'More distractions?' Iruka sighed exasperated.

"I'd be more than happy to take him home, since you two have had a long night," Gai smiled, the moonlight suddenly refracting toward his teeth ad momentarily blinding Iruka. Kakashi obviously frowned under the mask, suddenly looking pissed at Gai.
"Ah... alright then, I'll see you later then," Kakashi's eye arched cheerfully in reply despite this and unlocked the front door of his house, opening it and reluctantly stepping inside.
"Goodnight?" Iruka rubbed the back of his neck as the door closed, Gai turning to Iruka, far too energetic for this time of the morning.
"So, where do you live?"
"Um, near the post office," Iruka muttered while keeping his gaze set on the house before turning back to Gai. "Ah, right, I never introduced myself, my name is Umino Iruka."
"Ah, where are my manners! I'm Maito Gai, Kakashi's eternal rival!" Iruka blinked in slight awe.

'The famous copy ninja Kakashi has a rival?'

"So..." He drawled. "Would that mean... you know why he's so uptight about going back here?" The teacher frowned while looking back up at the house again, the grey still fixed to it in a permanent gloom. Gai's features suddenly became serious as he wrapped an arm around Iruka and started walking down the street, slightly pulling the teacher along.
"I'll explain on the way."

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Kakashi's eyes narrowed from inside the house as the curtain moved back over the window soundlessly. He sighed while setting his headband on a table carefully, making note of it's location, and slowly, painfully, made his way back to his room.

"Great," Kakashi growled, ignoring the sharp pain returning to his lungs, choking off his air. "Just fucking great..."

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"You know the Uchiha massacre that happened just a few days ago?" Iruka stared at Gai, still searching for some relevance to the incidence.
'This happened recently?'
Iruka's frown deepened as he feebly nodded his head and turning his chocolate eyes to the ground. Gai glanced over at the teacher, watching his reaction.
"His friend," Iruka asked quietly while looking back up at Gai, seeing him flinch visably, then look up at the sky in thought.
"Well," Gai drawled, thrown off guard because he seriously didn't expect Iruka to know this much of it already. "Yes. I mean, they were very close, lived together in an apartment for a while before that. Kakashi had to move out back to that old home of his."

Iruka continued to watch Gai curiously. Something about Gai's posture, his searching for the right words, his caution towards the teacher, it made him feel there was something to hide.

Something he knew about the mysterious shinobi that he wouldn't--he couldn't tell Iruka.

"--And he has bad memories regarding his family there," Gai continued while scanning over the buildings nearby for the post office. The less he had to talk to Iruka, obviously, the better.
And that irked Iruka.

"Gai-san, no offense, but what--"

"Ah, there's the post office," Gai mentioned while letting out a breath of relief he didn't realize he was holding and took his arm back from around the teacher. "I'll let you go from here then."

"Yeah, thanks," Iruka muttered in a slightly sarcastic tone while moving toward the squished building and opening the door. Only, he didn't make it there for he was grabbed by the wrist.

"One last thing." He turned back to Gai, waiting for the answer expectantly.
Iruka should've know because, instead, he only receieved another question in his mind.

"Don't go near Kakashi," the jounin stated with the authority and seriousness of, well, a teacher like Iruka. "He needs his space for a while before he can really settle down in society with friends." Gai smiled, for once without his teeth shining in exuberence. "Alright?"

'Like hell,' Iruka thought bitterly but smiled back and nodded at the other jounin, stepping inside the now darkened building.

Iruka knew he had to go back. Not just for the answers, but because Kakashi needed a friend right now.

And his reason to go was presented in the last gift the Yondaime gave Kakashi still in his hand.