Chapter 20: Idiotic Orcs and Scary Arwen

"Are we there yet? Are we there yet?"

I gritted my teeth and held myself back from seriously injuring those two. And no, it wasn't Belgaer and Browne or even Naurin.

It was Arwen and Eowyn.

I think the lack of sleep was getting to all of us.

We had very stupidly attempted to walk without stopping for sleep the first night. Now it was the second morning and we were paying for it. Plus, we couldn't just lay down here on the open plains for a little shut eye…

It was rather amusing to see how the exhaustion affected each of us. Arwen and Eowyn, as previously mentioned, were completely loopy. Naurin and Belgaer were totally out of it and walking as if in trances. Browne was attempting to sleep on her feet, and so the only time Naurin and Belgaer showed any emotion was when Browne ran into a random rock. Me? I was beyond grumpy. As for Deorwine, he didn't seem too badly off—he just didn't want to be associated with us. His nose was even farther in a book than usual.

He must have been used to reading like that, however, because he never failed to step neatly over any obstacles in his path.

The minute the sun was nearing the horizon, we all plopped onto the ground simultaneously. We were right near the edge of a forest. We didn't even bother to set a watch, which, looking back, was a really foolish thing to do.

I woke during the night, very uncomfortable. That could have been because I was no longer by the campfire, but rather TIED TO A TREE. I glanced around to see the others in similar predicaments: bound and gagged. Naurin stirred and began looking wildly around…well, at least as wildly as her bindings would allow.

We sure as Mordor needed Arwen and Eowyn to wake up! I let out a muffled scream to attract their attention, but that only succeeded in waking Browne and Belgaer up. Deorwine slept like the dead, so I had to flick little pebbles at him. He began cussing through his gag, and that woke up the other two.

We all stopped shifting to hear the conversation of the nearby assailants. Judging by the rough voices, they were orcs.

"Lady Starr will be very 'appy we've caught these fug'tives."

The way he said "Lady Starr" made me gag through my…gag…

Then an alarming thought hit me. I looked up to see the same panic in Arwen's eyes. If Starr was still intelligent enough to think of sending out orcs after us, maybe our plan wasn't working!

The voices continued.

"Well, we 'ave been out 'ere for weeks now…"

Ah. Well, that's some good news. She sent them out before we really got to work. I relaxed slightly. Deorwine was staring at me like I'm crazy, so I couldn't imagine the emotions that had passed over my face.

Now, how to get out of here…

We were relatively lucky the campfire was around a bend in the trees. There wasn't anyone guarding us, and the ruckus from the orcs was enough to cover up any noise we made. Obviously they weren't the world's smartest orcs…They never were, really.

While I was thinking this, Naurin had apparently managed to get out her knife and saw herself free. She softly freed the remainder of us. We pulled on our packs and were about to sneak off, when Eowyn held up a hand to stop us.

"Shouldn't we get rid of these orcs?"

We all fell into thought. It would mean three less orcs in the world, but also a delay in our travel and a lot more work.

"Nah."

But Eowyn was still looking worried, so Arwen sighed. She walked stealthily around the trees. There was a sharp cry that was quickly silenced, and several seconds later, Arwen came walking back to us. "Done."

We all eyed her with respect. "You're pretty darn scary, you do know this?" I voiced.

"Yeah. Someone has to keep my brothers in line."

We continued on our trip for days. I would tell you how many, but, quite frankly, I haven't the foggiest idea. It was the best feeling in the world, let me tell you, to see the gleam of that city.

"Home at last!" I exclaimed. I never thought I would be happy to be back in Minas Tirith.

The others, except Arwen, Eowyn, and me, were looking awe struck. It was a gorgeous morning, and the city truly was a sight. Even Starr couldn't ruin that.

We reached the gates several minutes later and were let in with questioning glances. I guess the wilderness changes you and we must not have looked familiar. Of course, those under the spell of Starr tend to have a three second attention span, at best. We made our way up to the top level. With each level we ascended, my excitement grew. This was going to be so good.

The guards were pretty much completely ineffective. They let ANYONE by. Once we got to the guards just before the top, however, we were stopped.

"What's your business?"

I grinned. This would be too easy.

I stepped forward with a hand pressed over my heart. "We are but travelers, weary with our long journey, come all this way to bask in the beauty that is Starr." I replied in a very dramatic, breathy tone. We were immediately let in.

Walking into the throne room, we saw the effect of Starr. Pink everywhere. And I mean EVERYWHERE. The strange thing was, it had a slightly unattended look to it. Several banners were sagging, and no one had rushed to fix them. We looked in front of us to see Aragorn sitting on the throne.

Arwen winced to see him in pink as well. But his pink cape had been flung on the ground and left in a careless manner. Upon getting closer, we realized his normal clothes could be seen underneath the atrocious ones. There was hope for him yet. Before we had a chance to address him, nonetheless, a very distraught-looking Legolas rushed into the room. He too was decked in pink, and even more so than Aragorn. It was going to be hard to break him.

"Aragorn, my friend! I do not know what's going on with me! I am having doubts about my relationship! What is wrong with me!"

Maybe not as hard as I thought.

We noticed Aragorn was also looking deeply troubled. "I know, my friend. I too am having uncertainties."

Arwen whispered something under her breath. It sounded suspiciously like a "Yess!"

"Both of our fair ladies have locked themselves in the room for the past two weeks!"

We must have looked funny standing there, all with evil grins on our faces.

When we were finally noticed, the grins all vanished so as not to seem suspicious. As if the two would have noticed. I think it just barely registered that the majority of our group was female.

Belgaer had a plan. Didn't she always? Amazing, that hobbit was.

"We are healers here from a different land. We received word of the troubles of fair Ladies Starr and Celeste and wish to aid them. We do believe we know what the trouble is." She curtsied.

In the back of our little group, Browne muttered to Deorwine. "Yes, narcissism."

He fought off laughter.

"Well, go to it!" said Aragorn anxiously. As we walked out, we heard him say to Legolas, "Perhaps our worries are merely from not being able to see them in so long."

I highly doubted that. I figured once they saw Starr and Celeste, de-Sueified, they would throw them off the highest level of the city.

We found the door easily enough—it was the one that said 'Starr and Celeste's room'. How original.

Eowyn tried the doorknob softly and it was indeed locked. We could hear the two Sues inside. Deorwine approached the door and plucked a hair pin out of Browne's hair. He straightened it and went to work, picking the lock. We heard a barely audible click and knew that he succeeded.

We inched the door open. The talking grew louder and we were able to hear the mangled speech.

"I honestlie dun know whut 2 do bout Leggie." Starr sighed despondently. There was no reply from Celeste, and we realized she had gone mute. There weren't only a few grins at that realization.

Browne took a small rock out of her shoe and chucked it into the room. It shattered the glass mirror on the other side. Both Sues jumped and whirled to see what happened. While their backs were turned, we snuck in and barricaded the door shut. The others ducked behind the bed while I remained at the door.

Starr shrugged and was about to return to her conversation that was basically with herself, when she spotted me. At first, her very few brain cells meant she wasn't able to recognize me. Nevertheless, after about ten minutes of staring at me and me smiling at her, somewhat strained, she ventured a guess.

"Saeriel?"

I nodded, still smiling.

She held a pillow over her face. "Dun look at ur poor mother! She iz a wreck!"

"That WAS the plan." I muttered. Apparently her hearing was still good.

"YOU did this!1 How! WHY!"

"I…I don't know…Ask them." I said smugly.

Arwen and Eowyn revealed themselves. It didn't take Starr quite so long to recognize them. She let out a little shriek. Celeste, who was looking pretty passive throughout this whole thing, suddenly looked terrified.

"I sent mah guards after u!" Starr raged, pointing at them with a shaking finger.

"If you thought three orcs would capture us, you're madder than I thought." Arwen replied icily. She failed to mention that they technically DID capture us, but then we escaped.

"No one locks us in a dungeon and steals our men." Eowyn added in, with a glare that would have made me wet myself. Starr was looking about reading to. I got a good look at her. Her normally perfect complexion was…well, not anymore. Her hair was limp and mousy and her figure was stick thin. Her chest no longer looked as if someone had inflated it. And her eyes were dirt brown colored. Celeste was in a similar state, except her hair was devoid of its usual shine and her eyes somewhat resembled the color 'puke green'. They were crossed and I swore she was drooling slightly.

Starr had a look in her eyes that maybe she thought she could take all of us, so Belgaer, Browne, Naurin, and Deorwine all stood up, looking particularly menacing.

We managed to circle around so that the door was free. We made it look like a simple mistake, when actually it was on purpose. Seeing the opportunity (after quite a while), Starr and Celeste made a break for it. They dumbly ran right into the throne room.

That's were it all fell apart.

For them, I mean, not for us. We ran in just after them, waiting for the chaos. Everyone froze and we waited with baited breath. Aragorn and Legolas just stared at Starr and Celeste, who were looked like they were mentally kicking themselves.

My darling brothers and sisters were standing frozen in a cluster near the throne.

It was quite breathtaking to watch the change that came over the two men. We hadn't realized how pale they had become under the spell. All the color came back to their cheeks and the glaze left their eyes. The pink clothes seemed to melt off their bodies, leaving them in their normal attire. That is, it could have melted off because of the burning rage that was their mood at this current time. Clearly they were remembering past escapades, and they were not looking too happy.

Starr ran out of the room, with her spawn and Celeste following, as various objects were forcibly chucked at them. Aragorn ordered several guards to catch them and put them in the dungeons until he decided what to do with them. It wasn't going to be pretty, whatever it was.

We let out a simultaneous cheer and hugged each other. We were finally noticed by the newly-recovered Aragorn and Legolas. Arwen and Aragorn's eyes met and she was in his arms in a second. He was apologizing so profusely it was quite hilarious, but she was silencing his apologies in a reassuring and loving tone.

Naurin let out an 'aww.'

Legolas watched the overly-decorative wedding band around melt away. "I knew the face of Starr, even as changed as it was, as well as Celeste, but who were those young ones."

With a knowing look, Eowyn nudged me forward. "You should be the one to break it to him." She murmured.

I stood next to him. "They were…" I began, wondering what his face was going to look like when he heard this. "They were…your children."

I know Elves are supposed to be light creatures, but he fell like ton of bricks. It was hilarious! Aragorn looked up, all the color gone from his face. "I don't have any, do I?"

Arwen laughed and shook her head.

"WAKE UP." I called into the unconscious Elf's ear. He jumped up with a start.

"Forgive me," he murmured, attempting to smooth his tunic. "I was just quite taken aback."

"Your father reacted quite differently when he found out." I added. This was too good!

He turned slightly green. "My father knows?"

I nodded. "Peace, he is not upset at you. But if I were Starr, I'd be watching my back…forever!"

He laughed, and then looked closely at me. "I knew inquired as to who you were…"

"I'm Seiryu."

"A friend of Arwen and Eowyn's?"

"You could say that…but I'm also…" I hesitated. My heart was thumping painfully hard then. I think I was afraid he would…disown me, or something. "Apparently, I'm also…your daughter…"

His eyes widened significantly.

"But we're not really sure, I mean, you know what a tramp Starr is, my father could have been ANYONE! And I'm old enough to take care of myself, so you don't have to worry about supporting me. I don't want you to be burdened, I mean honestly you don't even have to acknowledge me as your daughter—"

He put a hand over my mouth to cease my ramblings. "I have no intention of doing any of those things. Do not trouble yourself. You are my daughter—"

"Most likely," I mumbled through his hand.

"And I will support you and take care of you."

I sighed with relief. I was just glad he didn't faint again.

Applause suddenly filled the room. The group of us looked over to see quite a sight. There in the doorway stood Frodo, Merry, Pippin, Sam, Galadriel, Haldir, Celeborn, Thranduil, and Eomer. There were various people, elves, and hobbits from all the places we had been. Gimli was there, leaning on his axe and holding a jar that contained the Fairy Sue, completely devoid of her magic. It seemed even Gandalf had appeared to see this joyous occasion. And I'm not talking the father-daughter reunion, I'm talking the downfall of the Sues!

What a historic day. I do not think any shall soon forget it.

TBC...