Chapter 14
Catherine was about two blocks from her house when her phone rang. Checking the caller id, she was surprised to find Gil on the other end. She answered and after a brief conversation she made a u-turn and headed back the way she had come. About fifteen minutes later she pulled up in front of his house. He was waiting in the driveway and was opening the passenger's door as soon as she stopped.
"Hey, Gil," Catherine said. "I'm glad you called."
"I didn't have a choice." That simple sentence said more than any flowery statement could have.
Catherine put the car in reverse and backed out. The two rode in silence with Gil staring out the passenger's window and Catherine watching him out of the corner of her eye. When they reached their destination Catherine asked, "Doesn't look like she's here. How are you going to get in?"
"I have a key," Grissom said and gave a rueful smile at the look on her face. "You don't know everything about me, Cath."
"Okay, well, how will you get home – if you need to?" Catherine asked.
"I'll call a cab. I just didn't want my car here. Thanks for the ride." He climbed out of the car and hurried into the building where he let himself into Sara's apartment.
"How did you get here and why did you come?" Sara asked.
"I had Catherine bring me. And I'm here because I have to be," he said. His blue eyes searched her brown ones, taking in the hurt, the utter exhaustion. He reached out and ran his hand over her hair. "I need you."
"You didn't need me twenty-four hours ago. What's different?" Sara asked, her voice thick with emotion.
"I'm sorry. I just had to have some time to think. I was angry – at myself, at Ecklie, at you. Mostly at myself." Grissom's voice was soft. He paused a moment and then continued, "Please forgive me. I was wrong."
Sara leaned her cheek into the hand that had come to rest there. She closed her eyes and tears leaked from underneath her lashes. Turning her head she placed a lingering kiss on the palm of his hand. She pulled away and walked around him, settling on the couch. She leaned her head back against the cushions and closed her eyes. "You know, Gris, this isn't fun for me either. I just spent some time with the sheriff. I had to listen to him say that I am sleeping with you so that you won't fire me. Not only that, but I did this with Brass in the room. Do you have any idea how that made me feel?"
He had turned to watch her and now said, "Oh, Sara, I never considered what this would mean for you."
"Not just me, Grissom, the whole team. He's interviewing all of us. Any time your life touches others they become a part of your universe. You can't hold yourself apart no matter how hard you try. I'm sure there's a quote about that somewhere but it escapes me right now." Sara opened her eyes and stared at the ceiling knowing she couldn't look at him without more tears. "Why are you angry at yourself?"
Grissom sat for a moment trying to gather his thoughts. He still found it difficult to share his feelings. Eventually he said, "I was angry because I put myself in that position. For some reason I thought I could have it all. I could have you and my career and keep them separated. I was ashamed of being caught and that made me mad too. I should never be ashamed of you. You are a wonderful person and I am grateful for every crumb you throw my way. I just thought I could take that from you and never tell anyone about it."
Sara lifted her head and locked eyes with him. "I thought we were past all this, you now. I thought I was what you wanted and we would figure out how to make this work. How could I have been so stupid?" She jumped up and began to pace.
"Sara," Grissom started. He sat on the couch with his mouth moving and no words coming out. Finally, he started again, "Sara, I don't know if I can do this. I can't imagine life without you but my work is all I have ever been able to count on. I always knew that this would happen. That's why…" with a shrug he closed his mouth.
"I think you need to go." Sara had stopped pacing and stood with her back to Grissom. She had wrapped her arms around her waist in a protective gesture. "I don't want to talk about this anymore. I'll take you home since you were afraid to drive here." Sara walked over and picked up her keys where she had dropped them on the counter. When she turned around she bumped into Grissom.
He reached out and held her arms to keep her from falling. "Sara, please let's work this out."
"Work it out to whose benefit? You want me to love you with nothing in return. Well, hell, I've been doing that for years and you didn't even have to get suspended for it." Sara's voice was bitter. She shrugged off Grissom's hands and headed for the door. "Let's go." She snatched open the door and left him standing there.
After dropping Grissom at his house Sara returned home. She took a shower and climbed into bed. She lay there refusing to think about Grissom until sleep finally overtook her.
The next few days passed pretty much as usual. Sara worked, went home and cried herself to sleep. The team had fallen into an uneasy routine. None of them knew how to deal with Sara. Suspecting that the two were having a relationship was one thing. Having Grissom and Sara's deceit thrown in their faces was another. On the sixth day of Grissom's forced vacation Ecklie and the sheriff were waiting on the night shift crew when they arrived.
When everyone had gathered in the break room Ecklie stood stiffly in front of them, his eyes hard with anger, and cleared his throat. When he had their attention he said, "I just want to let you all know that Dr. Grissom will be returning to work the day after tomorrow. However, Ms. Willows will remain in charge of this shift." With that he turned and left the room.
The four CSI's sat in stunned silence. The sheriff pushed off the edge of the counter where he had been leaning and looked over at Sara. "Ms. Sidle may I speak with you for a moment? Privately?"
"Um, yeah sure," Sara replied. Standing she avoided the curious glances from her colleagues and followed him to Grissom's office.
The sheriff closed the door and gestured for her to take a seat. He then sat down behind the desk and smiled. "I just wanted to apologize to you for the other day. I hope you know that I had to ask those things in order to refute the accusations."
"I understand," Sara said, "that doesn't mean I had to enjoy it."
"Well, of course, that's true. I probably wouldn't have liked it if the situation were reversed." He continued to hold Sara's gaze and then said, "I have decided to keep Catherine in charge of the shift for a reason. Would you like to know what that is?"
"I guess. You obviously want me to know," Sara said with a tight smile.
"Well, since you asked so nicely, I'll tell you. I did as you suggested and reviewed your service record. I went over the stats for the shift and for you personally. I must say, I was impressed. It is because of your impressive solve rate that I have a special project for you. I want to leave Catherine in charge of the shift because I want to keep Gil available to help you as needed." He paused as if he were waiting for Sara to ask a question. She decided to wait him out. Finally he said, "I have suspicions that someone has been leaking information about drug raids. We are getting good information and doing the leg work and coming up empty handed too often for it to be coincidence. I know it is coming from inside the department. I just don't have any proof. I need you to find out who it is."
"I'm not IAD," Sara's tone was indignant.
"That's why you will be perfect for this. Anytime Internal Affairs is called in everyone becomes model cops. No one will realize what you're doing until it's done." The sheriff watched Sara carefully. "Will you help me?"
"Is this a condition of Grissom being allowed to come back to work?" she asked with a bite in her voice.
"You know, Ms. Sidle, that's what I like about you. People always know where you stand on something. To answer your question, no," he said with a smile. "Dr. Grissom will be at work in a couple of days anyway."
"Can I let you know? I really need some time to think about this." Sara met his direct gaze with one of her own.
"I need an answer tomorrow," he said. Pulling a card out of his pocket and scribbled his cell phone number on it and held it out. "Call me at this number and let me know. I really hope you decide to help me on this." With that he stood and held out a hand to Sara. "Thank you for your time."
Sara shook his hand and turned and left the room. She went in search of Catherine to get her assignment.